Divorce is hard for everyone involved in them, they just all around blow a$$ chunks. But they can be especially hard on the children. I know of what I speak, since my mom and by step-dad are tossing they're marriage of 23 year down the toilet. You know it is what is it, and honestly its kind of been a long time coming. But I'm not trying to make this a tragic tale about my parent divorce, this is just something that has been on my mind for awhile. I was talking to one of my co-workers and his parents are going through a divorce too, and he made this comment, "this would've been a whole lot easier if they would've just done this when I was 7 and not now that I'm 28." I have to concur with his statement.
A lot of the time people don't get divorces when their children are young, instead they wait until their kids are grown up. Their reasoning for this is that it would be too hard on the kids at such a young age, so they stay together and try to work things out. In a way that's real noble of them putting their children best interest first, but I also think that staying in a marriage just for your children is also an epic fail. Because if you two have serious problems, those problems just start to manifest in other ways and you just wind up making your children miserable and just as unhappy as you maybe.
When the kids are young and a divorce happens, parents tend to handle the situation with finesse; the kiddy gloves are on. They try to make the experience as smooth and painless as possible, they at least try to be civil in front of their kids. I'm amusing that they're attempting to protect their kids because they're too young to understand what's really going on or they just want the kids to have the same love for each parent as they always did. Well I wish this same courtesy would be given even when the children are adults. See when the kids are grown, all caution is thrown to the wind, the gloves are coming off and there will be bloodshed. Parents at this point start telling you how they really feel about one another, I guess they figure you're grown and can take the truth. Well damnit I can't handle the truth, so lie to my a$$. I don't want to hear about how mom was Marvin Gaye's groupie when you met her, or that dad has been using Vigara for the last 4 years (I'm not saying my folks have been saying such things). Is this information needed? This is just a classic case of when keeping it real goes wrong , I can't handle such realness. The same coworker was telling me that he recently went over to his dad's new place, which calls "the ultimate bachelor pad." He said it was equipped with a bearskin rugs, red light bulbs, and martini bar (because that's what all the ladies want). Then his dad want the two of them to hit the club and "get up on some b*tches" to quote his dad, he said just can't handle this new version of his dad and that night at the club (yeah they went) it was one of the saddest things he's ever witness in his life.
Look parents we know your getting a divorce and that we maybe grown. Although we understand what's going on, we still don't need to know everything. The courtesy you would've given us at 7 can still be applied at 27 because we are still your children. We don't want to take sides, no matter who's fault it is that the marriage is ending. The gruesome details of the marriage are not needed, save that drama for your friends. So with that being said divorce is difficult on the kids regardless of what age it occurs, so sometimes the kiddy gloves are still needed.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
When I Break I Break
Can we still be friends? This question was asked of me when things didn't go as planned with a male suitor. To his question I said, "No, I don't think we can". See I'm one of those people that believes when its over its over. Its a like if you drop a mug on the floor, you can glue it back together but it'll never look the same, so what's the point of keeping it? I say throw that thing away and keep it moving. My logic is that we didn't make it as a couple for whatever reason, so we basically failed. So why would I want a constant reminder of that failure around?
But some folks will say if you started as friends, why can't you end as friends? Well to that I say, "To thine on self be true." If you can be friends, I mean real friends with you ex, than God bless you. But I know me, I'm not going to be calling this dude up to shoot the ish with him, we're not going to brunch to talk about "The Real Housewives"because you know why? That's what I do with my real FRIENDS, so I guess we were never friends to begin with were we? We were friendly but not really friends, there lies the huge difference. Hell I'm friendly with the cashier at Publix but that doesn't mean we're friends. So I see no reason to pretend like we can be friends, because these faux friendships are lined with false hopes, motives, and hidden agendas. That I refuse to be a party too.
Whether it was his or my fault for the demise of things is irrelevant. At this point all bets are off, I feel like I don't owe you anything and that includes friendship. So no I don't want to get coffee or tell you how my day was, I find this to be pointless babble and just a way for people to keep tabs on each other. If that's what you want, do it the old fashion way and stalk me on facebook. I'm deleting contact info and giving you back your ish, I'm just one of those people that finds it perfectly okay to part ways and not look back. Its not always because I can't stand this person anymore, that's usually not the case. This is just what I need to do to move on from that person, I basically need to act like that person never existed in the first place.
But some folks will say if you started as friends, why can't you end as friends? Well to that I say, "To thine on self be true." If you can be friends, I mean real friends with you ex, than God bless you. But I know me, I'm not going to be calling this dude up to shoot the ish with him, we're not going to brunch to talk about "The Real Housewives"because you know why? That's what I do with my real FRIENDS, so I guess we were never friends to begin with were we? We were friendly but not really friends, there lies the huge difference. Hell I'm friendly with the cashier at Publix but that doesn't mean we're friends. So I see no reason to pretend like we can be friends, because these faux friendships are lined with false hopes, motives, and hidden agendas. That I refuse to be a party too.
Whether it was his or my fault for the demise of things is irrelevant. At this point all bets are off, I feel like I don't owe you anything and that includes friendship. So no I don't want to get coffee or tell you how my day was, I find this to be pointless babble and just a way for people to keep tabs on each other. If that's what you want, do it the old fashion way and stalk me on facebook. I'm deleting contact info and giving you back your ish, I'm just one of those people that finds it perfectly okay to part ways and not look back. Its not always because I can't stand this person anymore, that's usually not the case. This is just what I need to do to move on from that person, I basically need to act like that person never existed in the first place.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Marriage, Different Strokes for Different Folks
I'll never forget witnessing an argument between one of my friends and her then boyfriend. I don't remember all the details of the fight, but I do recall him saying this, "We're not white, what I look like getting married at 23?" See, I agreed with what he said back when he said it, I still kinda of agree with it now. But that's not the point of this, the point is why is his statement accepted as the norm in the black community? Its almost a damn fact like the state capital of Georgia is Atlanta. Most black people don't get married at young ages. See when I graduated from college at the age of 21 I knew 4 white girls that were engaged, want to know how many blacks were in this same boat? I'll tell you... 0. In fact getting married was the last thing on us young black folks minds. Some may say, "Oh black men at that age aren't studding marriage." No it was black girls too. We were worried about grad school, student loans and finding a job. Marriage? What the hell! Who's trying to get married at 21? At that age I was trying not to have to eat ramen noodles again for dinner and more concerned about getting to the bar for 50cent beers. So why was it that my white friends were concerned with wedding cakes, caterers, and seating charts?
Another thing I came up with is that there's a vast difference in terms of encouragement and support of marriage itself between the races. I've found that in the white community marriage is talked about in positive terms, its just what people do. You meet a person, date them for a year or two then you marry them and have kids, its just the circle of life. You do all this for stability, you know two is better than one. Buying a house is easier to do if you're married, raising kids is easier to do with two people versus just one person. These things are seen and encouraged by white people from an early age, going through life with a partner is just deemed as the smarter choice. These things aren't always encouraged in the black community. What's encouraged goes more in this line of thinking. Get your career started first, buy your own house first, date as much as possible and sow your royal oats. Then settle down when you've done all the things you want to do, after you've partied your life away. The way of thinking between the two communities is just completely different.
See with black folks growing up, a lot kids (especially girls) would hear things from their mamas, grandmas and aunts. Like you don't need a man, men ain't ish, or don't you let no man control you. Well if you hear something long enough you'll start to believe it. A lot of the time black women take the hurt and the pain that men from their past have put them through and just transfer that same hurt and pain to their children. The cycle just continues because their children grow up with the same mistrust and bitterness towards men. Well I'm no genius but I'm pretty sure that believing in this ideology isn't the best way to build a marriage. Women are going around with artillery walls around their hearts and men got them same guns like T.I. trying to bring these walls down. It seems like people are fighting a losing and pointless battle with one another. Who has that kind of time or energy? I don't, I'm not sure about everybody else. I just think that both white and black people can learn something from one another when it comes to marriage. Marriage shouldn't be rushed but I don't think it requires one to go on a long soul-searching journey either. You may not need to be a totally independent person either, because after all I do believe there's a little codependency that must exist in marriage.
I've been thinking about it and I've come up with a few reasons, the first is MONEY. Weddings cost money and if you don't want to have your reception looking like Pookie's graduation cookout, its gonna cost a significant amount of it. Well a lot of my white friends parents paid for their weddings, they've been saving for that joint since Emily was born. Show of hands if your parents have been saving for your wedding? My hand is down and buried in the sand, I don't know many black folks that have saved for Keisha's wedding. A lot people can't be concerned about what's going to happen 20 years from now, they're worried about today's bills and tomorrow's creditors. You know going to the justice of the peace isn't as popular as you may think, ask the WE network it might as well be called the Wedding channel. Most people want weddings, at the least the first time around and weddings cost money and planning. Two things most 21 year old black folks don't have and aren't that willing to plan for.
Another thing I came up with is that there's a vast difference in terms of encouragement and support of marriage itself between the races. I've found that in the white community marriage is talked about in positive terms, its just what people do. You meet a person, date them for a year or two then you marry them and have kids, its just the circle of life. You do all this for stability, you know two is better than one. Buying a house is easier to do if you're married, raising kids is easier to do with two people versus just one person. These things are seen and encouraged by white people from an early age, going through life with a partner is just deemed as the smarter choice. These things aren't always encouraged in the black community. What's encouraged goes more in this line of thinking. Get your career started first, buy your own house first, date as much as possible and sow your royal oats. Then settle down when you've done all the things you want to do, after you've partied your life away. The way of thinking between the two communities is just completely different.
See with black folks growing up, a lot kids (especially girls) would hear things from their mamas, grandmas and aunts. Like you don't need a man, men ain't ish, or don't you let no man control you. Well if you hear something long enough you'll start to believe it. A lot of the time black women take the hurt and the pain that men from their past have put them through and just transfer that same hurt and pain to their children. The cycle just continues because their children grow up with the same mistrust and bitterness towards men. Well I'm no genius but I'm pretty sure that believing in this ideology isn't the best way to build a marriage. Women are going around with artillery walls around their hearts and men got them same guns like T.I. trying to bring these walls down. It seems like people are fighting a losing and pointless battle with one another. Who has that kind of time or energy? I don't, I'm not sure about everybody else. I just think that both white and black people can learn something from one another when it comes to marriage. Marriage shouldn't be rushed but I don't think it requires one to go on a long soul-searching journey either. You may not need to be a totally independent person either, because after all I do believe there's a little codependency that must exist in marriage.
Monday, January 24, 2011
What About Your Friends?
The other day I over heard my brother and his friend talking and his friend said that he's really feeling his new girl because she doesn't roll with too many girls. Men, if you ever meet a girl and she says she doesn't hangout with a lot of females or doesn't have any female friends, you better run for the hills because that girl is trouble. Now some of her reasons for saying such foolishness are that females are catty and keep up drama blah blah blah... I'm calling bs on that line of thinking because honestly men and women both do this these things.
The truth is when a women says things like that. Its not that she doesn't like hanging out with other women. Other women don't like hanging out with her. And its usually for these reasons: 1) she's a b*tch 2) she's a h*e or 3) she's both. All this talk about how she was always a tomboy and just feels more comfortable around guys is just to cover up the fact that other women don't like her. And I'm not even saying that these girls are sleeping with any of their male friends because that may not be the case. There's something deeper going on here. See we all need friends from the same and opposite sex, there are different thing you get out of each friendship. So if you meet someone who only hangs out with people of the opposite sex, they're missing out on a whole other part of friendship that males aren't able to give because males and females function differently with their friends.
Another thing that baffles me when I come across women like this is that most of the time these women are just as catty and full of drama as the women they claim they can't be friends with. I just don't get how a woman can live on this planet for 20+ years and not come across at least 1-2 other women she can call her friend (and your sisters or cousins don't count). This just leads me to believe that you my dear, have a serious character flaw in your personality that other women just can't deal with. I'm not saying that girls need the whole female cast of "For Colored Girls" as her friends because that's sometimes a recipe for disaster as well. To the men that thinks that a girl not having any female friends is a great thing, you're playing yourself because more often or not this woman doesn't get along with people in general. And eventually that's going to include you.
The truth is when a women says things like that. Its not that she doesn't like hanging out with other women. Other women don't like hanging out with her. And its usually for these reasons: 1) she's a b*tch 2) she's a h*e or 3) she's both. All this talk about how she was always a tomboy and just feels more comfortable around guys is just to cover up the fact that other women don't like her. And I'm not even saying that these girls are sleeping with any of their male friends because that may not be the case. There's something deeper going on here. See we all need friends from the same and opposite sex, there are different thing you get out of each friendship. So if you meet someone who only hangs out with people of the opposite sex, they're missing out on a whole other part of friendship that males aren't able to give because males and females function differently with their friends.
Another thing that baffles me when I come across women like this is that most of the time these women are just as catty and full of drama as the women they claim they can't be friends with. I just don't get how a woman can live on this planet for 20+ years and not come across at least 1-2 other women she can call her friend (and your sisters or cousins don't count). This just leads me to believe that you my dear, have a serious character flaw in your personality that other women just can't deal with. I'm not saying that girls need the whole female cast of "For Colored Girls" as her friends because that's sometimes a recipe for disaster as well. To the men that thinks that a girl not having any female friends is a great thing, you're playing yourself because more often or not this woman doesn't get along with people in general. And eventually that's going to include you.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Single People Unite
As you may know its tax season and many people are receiving their W-2 forms. While talking about, filing my taxes a married person made this comment. "It must really suck to be single around this time, well hell anytime". To that I gave them a serious side-eye, but the more I thought about it the more I realized singlehood is thought about as this sad, depressing and lonely state. Its looked down upon and even rebuked by some. Even the government treats this status like Harriet Tubman's stepchild. If your single (unmarried) and without children, you're paying taxes out the ass, we get no respect!
Now this post isn't about some singlehood anthem or empowerment theme song. No this is about how our counterparts look down at us single folks with a sense of disgust, like turkey a week after Thanksgiving. Well I say no more to this mistreatment! Is it just me, but did people become way more interested in your dating status after you turned 25? The questions about who you're seeing or when you're getting married became more rampant and annoying. It just seems like married people (well truthfully married women) have this elitist attitude towards us singles, "like oh you poor lonely soul one day you'll find the right person". Its like they're going around saying, I's married now all the time.
Boo bye! Look being single whether its by choice or circumstances doesn't warrant pity parties or gross disapproval of one's lifestyle. I don't need to explain or justify why I'm single to anyone. We're not about to have discussion about it, like that scene in Bridget Jones Diary, where she's invited to a dinner party and there's nothing but married people there. Everybody starts going in on her and rattling off statistics about single people over 30 and the likelihood of them getting married. It was just plain torture to watch that part of the movie, I've been in this position before and its awkward as hell. I just believe that singlehood shouldn't be looked at with such negative connotations and sad feelings. Being married doesn't put you on an elite level there's no caste system going on here, you're married you didn't win the damn lotto. I'm not saying that marriage shouldn't be celebrated, well technically it is celebrated, its called a wedding. But where's the wedding for us singles? We don't get presents for not marrying the wrong person, like so many people do just for the sake of saying they're married. And for that I think we should be congratulated! But married people seriously just remember once upon a time you were single at one point and the statistics also show that you're more than likely to end up that way again.
Now this post isn't about some singlehood anthem or empowerment theme song. No this is about how our counterparts look down at us single folks with a sense of disgust, like turkey a week after Thanksgiving. Well I say no more to this mistreatment! Is it just me, but did people become way more interested in your dating status after you turned 25? The questions about who you're seeing or when you're getting married became more rampant and annoying. It just seems like married people (well truthfully married women) have this elitist attitude towards us singles, "like oh you poor lonely soul one day you'll find the right person". Its like they're going around saying, I's married now all the time.
Boo bye! Look being single whether its by choice or circumstances doesn't warrant pity parties or gross disapproval of one's lifestyle. I don't need to explain or justify why I'm single to anyone. We're not about to have discussion about it, like that scene in Bridget Jones Diary, where she's invited to a dinner party and there's nothing but married people there. Everybody starts going in on her and rattling off statistics about single people over 30 and the likelihood of them getting married. It was just plain torture to watch that part of the movie, I've been in this position before and its awkward as hell. I just believe that singlehood shouldn't be looked at with such negative connotations and sad feelings. Being married doesn't put you on an elite level there's no caste system going on here, you're married you didn't win the damn lotto. I'm not saying that marriage shouldn't be celebrated, well technically it is celebrated, its called a wedding. But where's the wedding for us singles? We don't get presents for not marrying the wrong person, like so many people do just for the sake of saying they're married. And for that I think we should be congratulated! But married people seriously just remember once upon a time you were single at one point and the statistics also show that you're more than likely to end up that way again.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Where Did The Time Go?
Why do I have this pic of the CareBears up? Well I will why tell you, the other day as I was paying bills a thought came to mind, CareBears!! See CareBears and The Smurfs ( I will be at the theaters when this movie comes out in summer) were my favorite cartoons growing up. They represent a time when all I had to worry about was waking up, going to school and getting home before the street lights came on. Things were so simple back then, my biggest concern was probably deciding if I wanted a fruit roll up or gushers for a snack. The funny thing is that when I was seven, I was in such a rush to grow up and be grown. Well I am those things now and guess what its not exactly what I thought it would be. Sometimes being an adult sucks monkey balls.
Somedays I just want to be seven again even if its just for a day and not worry about half of the things I worry about. Its like I blinked and I was grown and now I'm left wondering when the hell did this happen? Where did the time go? When did I stop worrying about missing the school bus and start being concerned about if my boss noticed I was five minutes late for work? I don't know if its just me but I much rather be concerned with a report card than a credit report. I guess that's the way it's suppose to be, you grow up, you have to leave childish things behind and do your best to become a functional part of society. But somedays I think about the CareBears and remember days that are long gone. Its like my my own little Delorean taking me back to 1990, when I was seven. Sometimes you just wanna go back to simpler times, even if its just for awhile.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
What Does Oprah Owe Us?
As you know Oprah has her own network called "The Own Network", let's give this woman a hand clap for that. Now I'm not really a stan of Oprah, I don't religiously watch her show, nor do I read her magazines or am I apart of her book club. I have my issues with her. Like how she was all up in Chris Brown's grill after "the incident", y'all please can we let it go already and let this boy be great. I don't appreciate her love/hate relationship with hip hop, well let's be honest she only really likes Jay-z. But despite all that, Oprah has done things that very few people have been able to do and achieved things many people couldn't even imagine doing. For those things I applaud her and I'm proud of her as a black woman. But many people don't really feel the same way about her. As I found out after the premier week of her network and heard some people bitching about the fact that there weren't enough black people on her network in front and behind the camera.
Black people we have to stop this nonsense, this woman doesn't owe anybody anything! One of the main people I heard grumblings from was Shelia Johnson (Bob Johnson's wife). Chile you got some nerve talking about Oprah doesn't have enough black representation her on network and you and your husband sold BET back into slavery. I swear if it wasn't for "The Game "that TV station would be dead to me. You my friend need to have a seat and a Coke and a smile. I personally don't care if Oprah doesn't have a single black person working for her, and you know why? Because she's BLACK!! She's the face of the company, she's on the cover of her magazine every month. She doesn't need another black person co-signing for her, I just don't understand to why she isn't enough? Why is that whenever a black person obtains a certain amount of success, other black people have to question their blackness?
Call me crazy but that's bs to me, as I've said before this whole line of thinking is why black people can't get ahead. This whole crabs in a barrel mentality has got to stop. Let this woman run her company as she sees fit. You know people are are going to talk about you regardless of what you try to do. Like when she opened up the school in South Africa, people were disgruntle then, talking about we have poor black children in America, why did she have to go all the way to Africa ? Well I will tell you why because she could! The real question here is what have you done to improve your community? I don't know all the dealings of Oprah's charity work or what causes she supports. What I do know is that when I cut on channel 2 at 4pm, the Oprah Winfrey show is on and she's a black woman doing things on her own terms. And just by doing that, she's inspiring people and that's enough for me. Stop saying she doesn't do enough for her "people" because she doesn't owe "people" or black people anything.
Black people we have to stop this nonsense, this woman doesn't owe anybody anything! One of the main people I heard grumblings from was Shelia Johnson (Bob Johnson's wife). Chile you got some nerve talking about Oprah doesn't have enough black representation her on network and you and your husband sold BET back into slavery. I swear if it wasn't for "The Game "that TV station would be dead to me. You my friend need to have a seat and a Coke and a smile. I personally don't care if Oprah doesn't have a single black person working for her, and you know why? Because she's BLACK!! She's the face of the company, she's on the cover of her magazine every month. She doesn't need another black person co-signing for her, I just don't understand to why she isn't enough? Why is that whenever a black person obtains a certain amount of success, other black people have to question their blackness?
Call me crazy but that's bs to me, as I've said before this whole line of thinking is why black people can't get ahead. This whole crabs in a barrel mentality has got to stop. Let this woman run her company as she sees fit. You know people are are going to talk about you regardless of what you try to do. Like when she opened up the school in South Africa, people were disgruntle then, talking about we have poor black children in America, why did she have to go all the way to Africa ? Well I will tell you why because she could! The real question here is what have you done to improve your community? I don't know all the dealings of Oprah's charity work or what causes she supports. What I do know is that when I cut on channel 2 at 4pm, the Oprah Winfrey show is on and she's a black woman doing things on her own terms. And just by doing that, she's inspiring people and that's enough for me. Stop saying she doesn't do enough for her "people" because she doesn't owe "people" or black people anything.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Steve Harvey The Relationship Expert, I'm Going to Need More People
The other day I was watching TV and came across The Steve Harvey Show, and a thought entered my head. How and when did Steve Harvey become a relationship expert? When did we take a vote on this and say yes I want Steve Harvey to publish a book talking about how to act like a lady, and think like a man. If you would've told me ten years ago when his show was on TV, that this man would be dishing out relationship advice like meds in a psych ward. I would have laughed, who've thought that this guy with his loud suits and his hair plugs. Would be the go-to guy for relationship advice. I demand we recount this vote.
See my problem with Steve Harvey and his advice is that he has a sketchy relationship background, he has been married three times! So my question is what makes him qualified to be an expert on relationships when he's fail at them on at least two occasions. Some may say since he's been through all the ups and downs then he knows of what he speaks. Well I'm not buying it, I'm not renting it, I don't want to put it on layaway, and I don't want a damn raincheck. I'm sorry Steve Harvey I just can't rock with you on this. The thing that really kills me about his expertise is that women are really buying into his advice. I've had so many women ask me if I've read his book, in which I reply I've skimmed through it at the bookstore. I can say I found that he did have some good points. But so does the my hairdresser, and the dude in the mailroom but does that make them experts? A better question is why is that when a woman attempts to be a relationship expert she has to have a Ph.D, been married for at least 5 years, and a whole list of other qualifications before anybody will listen to her?
The point of it all people is that relationship advice doesn't have to come from books, movies, or your mama. Nobody is an expert because what works for one person may not work for the next. I'm just not sure people should go around quoting relationship advice from books written by comedians or any pseudo celebrity like its the new gospel. I'm not knocking Steve Harvey or anybody like him, cause lord knows these days everybody needs a side-hustle. All I'm saying is advice can come from anywhere or anybody, you just have to know where to apply it. The best advice I got about relationships so goes a little something like this. "When I guy likes you'll know it and when he doesn't he'll confuse the shit out of you"~ Grandma
See my problem with Steve Harvey and his advice is that he has a sketchy relationship background, he has been married three times! So my question is what makes him qualified to be an expert on relationships when he's fail at them on at least two occasions. Some may say since he's been through all the ups and downs then he knows of what he speaks. Well I'm not buying it, I'm not renting it, I don't want to put it on layaway, and I don't want a damn raincheck. I'm sorry Steve Harvey I just can't rock with you on this. The thing that really kills me about his expertise is that women are really buying into his advice. I've had so many women ask me if I've read his book, in which I reply I've skimmed through it at the bookstore. I can say I found that he did have some good points. But so does the my hairdresser, and the dude in the mailroom but does that make them experts? A better question is why is that when a woman attempts to be a relationship expert she has to have a Ph.D, been married for at least 5 years, and a whole list of other qualifications before anybody will listen to her?
The point of it all people is that relationship advice doesn't have to come from books, movies, or your mama. Nobody is an expert because what works for one person may not work for the next. I'm just not sure people should go around quoting relationship advice from books written by comedians or any pseudo celebrity like its the new gospel. I'm not knocking Steve Harvey or anybody like him, cause lord knows these days everybody needs a side-hustle. All I'm saying is advice can come from anywhere or anybody, you just have to know where to apply it. The best advice I got about relationships so goes a little something like this. "When I guy likes you'll know it and when he doesn't he'll confuse the shit out of you"~ Grandma
Friday, January 14, 2011
Light Skin Vs. Dark Skin, Stop it I Say
See this is why we as black people just can't win because of ish like this. I would like to say this light vs. dark skin thing must die and be buried 6 feet under the ground. I get so tired of this topic, hell its exhausting even thinking about it. I just don't get why this is still an issue in 2011, talking about this is like my soul giving up space to rent and I don't have that much space to give up. So I won't beat a dead horse here. When I was in boarding school in Africa (yeah we'll get to that one day) light/dark skin was never an issue there. Light skin people weren't the elite over there nor were dark skin folks. My younger cousin is as dark as the bottom of a pot with long hair, and she's beautiful! When I lived in Africa nobody told her, oh you would be prettier if you was lighter. She didn't hear that ish until she moved to America, the back handed compliments and the other negative comments about her skin color didn't apply until she got here. In Africa it didn't matter beauty was beauty and ugly was ugly. Whether you were light or dark didn't matter.
All this chatter about light vs. dark is just dumb and further carrying out Willie Lynch's dream. While we sit around here and let Martin Luther's die more each day. Let's please put a stop to this, if you're pretty you're pretty it doesn't matter if you're light or dark. To my dark skin girls stop getting bent out of shape because Lil' Wayne has no dark skin girls in his latest video. We don't need anyone to cosign on our beauty and the same thing goes for my light skin girls too. If you prefer light skin girls fine, if you prefer dark skin girls cool. Sit your ass down and take a seat and stop going around and talking about your preferences. Also the dark skin chick on this flyer ain't even dark skin, really what the hell is going on in Ohio? Happy Friday!!!!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Fallacy of Sex and The City
First of all let it be said that I am SATC stan. I have a tank top that says I heart SATC, that I wore to the 12am showing of SATC the movie, that i saw twice in theaters. That kept rising up because of my boobs to the point that the tank said I heart sex. Yeah that was kinda embarrassing walking around Atlantic station with an "I heart sex" tank top on. I've seen every episode ,I have some seasons on dvd, I seen the movies and have them both on dvd. I use to and sometimes I still do quote lines from SATC. You know three years ago you couldn't have told me I wasn't a black Carrie Bradshaw, with a twist of Charlotte .
But as I was watching SATC the movie. Just kept thinking to myself this just couldn't be me, I'm talking about Carrie and her relationship with Big. The whole nature of their relationship was that everything was done on his time. Think about it folks…… like the second time they broke up because he had to go to Paris for work, but he failed to mention this to Carrie until he was packing his damn bags. I'm throwing a flag on this play, there are so many things wrong with this picture. Why did Big wait so late to tell Carrie about Paris? Well my friends the answer is because he could, she just wasn't his top priority. Everything that happened in their whole relationship happened when he was ready for things to happen. Then he comes back from Paris engaged, chile please!!! Even the affair Big and Carrie had was done under his own design. Well I'm calling bs on the whole dynamic of their relationship!! Carrie and Big danced around this thing called a committed relationship for 6 years. Six long years, she basically waited for this man to get his shit together so they could be together. I especially love the part him of chasing her half way across the world because he finally decided she was "the one". When I first saw the last episode of the series I was like omg they finally got together, that was so romantic . Well five years later and a little wiser tot he dating game. That was some bullshit Carrie went through, nobody male or female should have to go through those types of antics or that much heartbreak. While the other party is figuring out if they want or can be with you. Carrie should've let her and Mr. Big die at the end of season two, if this was real life. I just don't describe to that notion that love has to be that gut-wrecnhing.
If we really examine their relationship, he was always playing her to left and being mad disrespectful. But he did those things because she allowed him too. I mean she called him out a couple of times like when she broke up with him the first time, because he introduced her as his friend to his mom. She was in a one-sided relationship with Big and she got tired of it, after six years. But where she failed at was that she keep letting his ass worm his way back into her life. Even when she had some solid situations going on, like with Aiden. I like Aiden because I felt like he truly loved Carrie and he really wanted to be with her. I just didn't get that same feeling with Big, I felt like Big wanted Carrie when it was convenient for him or when he felt threatened that other men was going steal her away. Men like that just shouldn't be allowed to date until they're at least 30. We all know a person like Carrie in a situation with a guy, that keeps her hanging on and they hang on because at the end of the day Big married Carrie. Yes, this is true they got married but look at all the10 years worth of bullshit she through to get to that point. So if you or anyone you know is going through this Big/Carrie mess, ask yourself or them is it worth it? I think Kanye West said it best; "No one man should have all that power"!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
When Something has Gotta Give
Sometimes you have to give up life as you know it to get a new one. That sometimes you need to let go of everything you're clinging to and start over, whether because you've outgrown it or because it's not working anymore or because it was wrong for you in the first place ~ Kelly Cutrone
I read this in Kelly Cutrone's book; If you have to cry, go outside: And other things your mother never told you, its a really good read. When I read this about 6 months ago, I wrote down this quote because it rang so true with me. I knew it was time for me to make moves out of this great city called Atlanta and take up residence somewhere else. For the past year or so something just has been clicking with me and this city. I have this love/hate relationship with Atlanta. You know its the place where I grew up, I pretty much know this city like the back of my hand. I know where go and not to go after dark, my friends and family are here, this is home.
Well sometimes home isn't always where you need to be and that's okay. When I read this quote I realized that I have done all that I do and accomplished everything I could while living here. I just outgrown the place I've called home for over 20 years. Its time for me to move on and see if I can flourish in another city. I can't worry about the fact that I may not know anybody when I move away or that me moving might absolutely be an epic fail. That's just the risk I'm gonna have to take, I feel like I'm in a bad marriage sometimes living here. I'm in this marriage and I'm staying in because I'm holding on to all the happy times we've had together, but as of late things have just been bad between us. So I've made the unbelievable difficult choice, that its better for us to part ways. While we still have love in our hearts and think fondly of each other. But I've gotta go, so I'll be sending you divorce papers in August but with love.
I read this in Kelly Cutrone's book; If you have to cry, go outside: And other things your mother never told you, its a really good read. When I read this about 6 months ago, I wrote down this quote because it rang so true with me. I knew it was time for me to make moves out of this great city called Atlanta and take up residence somewhere else. For the past year or so something just has been clicking with me and this city. I have this love/hate relationship with Atlanta. You know its the place where I grew up, I pretty much know this city like the back of my hand. I know where go and not to go after dark, my friends and family are here, this is home.
Well sometimes home isn't always where you need to be and that's okay. When I read this quote I realized that I have done all that I do and accomplished everything I could while living here. I just outgrown the place I've called home for over 20 years. Its time for me to move on and see if I can flourish in another city. I can't worry about the fact that I may not know anybody when I move away or that me moving might absolutely be an epic fail. That's just the risk I'm gonna have to take, I feel like I'm in a bad marriage sometimes living here. I'm in this marriage and I'm staying in because I'm holding on to all the happy times we've had together, but as of late things have just been bad between us. So I've made the unbelievable difficult choice, that its better for us to part ways. While we still have love in our hearts and think fondly of each other. But I've gotta go, so I'll be sending you divorce papers in August but with love.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
The Quarter Life Crisis
I think I'm at he tail-end of a quarter life crisis, even though I'm a few years over 25. This all started last year when I decided that I longer like my 9-5 and the city I live in. I started to feel for a lack of a better word restless. I just kept saying to myself there has to be more to life than what I'm doing. Going out to whatever hot or lukewarm spot in Atlanta and buying vodka tonics, just wasn't the business. I was tried of doing the same things and going to places, I realized that what I was doing was definitely not what I thought I would be doing after graduation. I thought I would have this bangin' ass job and living in a super fancy loft in a high-rise. My nights would be full clubs, drinks, and friends. I would be the black Carrie Bradshaw.
Well that isn't life as I know it to be. I have a job it definitely isn't one I would call bangin, but it pays the bills most of the time. No super fancy loft and my life resembles more an episode of Golden Girls than that of Sex and The City. Boy as much as I love that show, it really effed up my outlook of life for awhile but that's another post by itself. I started to question myself like what is your life about? Is this really what my life is about? Waking up at 6:00am working for 8 hours and then coming home to watch whatever reality show was on tv, drinking wine and doing it all over the next day. It was like that movie Groundhog day, like I said before this just couldn't be life.
I wouldn't say I was depressed in anyway I was just in a funk and a little disappointed in myself. I felt like I just wasn't living up to my potential. Something like the way Kelly Rowland must feel. You know she has all the right elements there to blow up but no damn match to light that fire. She could be great but something just ain't working for her, really why can't she be great? Then she has to look at Beyonce soaring out of the atmosphere, when they where initially kinda in the same spot and she has yet to take off. Who in their right mind wants that feeling? Not I said the cat.
So instead of focusing time and energy on what happened to my life, I have decided to be great, only I have the power to change my life for the better. I not going to wave my white flag and let this complacent life I created get the best of me. I will not be a Kelly Rowland (I like Kelly, I just want her star to shine a little brighter) I'm Beyoncing out this little life of mine. The real challenge is exactly how I'm going to do that? Do I go back to school, change careers and become the makeup artist I really want to be. Idk but sitting around and waiting for something epic to happen has never worked for anybody. So to anybody who wants come along on this ride, I'm saying all aboard. Its time to stop be ordinary and become extraordinary.
Well that isn't life as I know it to be. I have a job it definitely isn't one I would call bangin, but it pays the bills most of the time. No super fancy loft and my life resembles more an episode of Golden Girls than that of Sex and The City. Boy as much as I love that show, it really effed up my outlook of life for awhile but that's another post by itself. I started to question myself like what is your life about? Is this really what my life is about? Waking up at 6:00am working for 8 hours and then coming home to watch whatever reality show was on tv, drinking wine and doing it all over the next day. It was like that movie Groundhog day, like I said before this just couldn't be life.
I wouldn't say I was depressed in anyway I was just in a funk and a little disappointed in myself. I felt like I just wasn't living up to my potential. Something like the way Kelly Rowland must feel. You know she has all the right elements there to blow up but no damn match to light that fire. She could be great but something just ain't working for her, really why can't she be great? Then she has to look at Beyonce soaring out of the atmosphere, when they where initially kinda in the same spot and she has yet to take off. Who in their right mind wants that feeling? Not I said the cat.
So instead of focusing time and energy on what happened to my life, I have decided to be great, only I have the power to change my life for the better. I not going to wave my white flag and let this complacent life I created get the best of me. I will not be a Kelly Rowland (I like Kelly, I just want her star to shine a little brighter) I'm Beyoncing out this little life of mine. The real challenge is exactly how I'm going to do that? Do I go back to school, change careers and become the makeup artist I really want to be. Idk but sitting around and waiting for something epic to happen has never worked for anybody. So to anybody who wants come along on this ride, I'm saying all aboard. Its time to stop be ordinary and become extraordinary.
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