Are You Dating Just To Be Dating?

Have you ever been on a date with someone you really didn’t like, just so you’ll have something to do? Like you’re not at all feeling this person but they asked you out and you had nothing else to do, so you go out with them. I’ve done this and I’m sure we all have done this at some point in our lives. Well while I have made this mistake before, I have seen the errors of my ways in regards to this subject and plan on NEVER dating a guy I don’t like or I am not attracted too. Here’s why. You know you don’t like this dude, like none what so ever. There’s pretty much nothing he can do or say that would make you think about dating him seriously. Hell, you’re not even attracted to him in the slightest way. The thought of you having sex with him makes you drier than, those horrible ass jokes on Tyler Perry’s House of Payne.  So why in the hell would you even think about sharing a meal or air space with this man? Now I’m not here to knock anyone’s hustle. If you want to hang out with people you have lackluster feelings for, to get yourself a Jack Daniels burger at TGFI, than May the power be with you. I at this point in my life cannot participate in such things. There’s no way on God’s green Earth that I’m going out with some negro just because he asked if I’m not attracted to him or see myself potentially liking him. We’re not going out any damn where. Here are a few reasons why.

1) I have better things to do: This is pretty much self-explanatory.  The things I may have to do may consist of, washing my hair and watching Gilmore Girls on ABC Family channel or watering my plants. Whatever I may be doing; my time will be better spent doing those things, than sitting up in Starbucks talking to some mediocre dude about the last GOP debate. No thanks.

2) Energy: I think I talked about my energy level when it comes to dealing with men at this point in my life in a previous post I'm Just So Unmoved. Look my ass is like 5 miles to empty. I can’t use my precious energy on men I’m not feeling at all. Dating takes energy.  I’m about tapped out and I’m looking the nearest energy source. My friends that energy source isn’t going to be found dealing with men I don’t like, not feeling, or gross me the f*ck out.

3) The Headache: If you go out with someone you feel so-so about, they’re going to expect something from you. It maybe sex or just a second date, whatever the case maybe this guy is going to want something from you. Why?? Because would went out with him and therefore in his mind you must like him or like something about him. He obviously likes you, which is why he asked you out, so by you accepting his offer he figures the feelings are mutual. So now you have a problem on your hands. This dude you went out with for sh!ts and giggles, now thinks he has a real chance with you. So he will call, text, tweet, send you a fax, or use whatever form of communication needed to reach you. To harass your ass about when is he going to be able to see you again aka “get up in them guts”. Therefore you’ll either have to tell you’re not feeling him like that or dodge him for the next few weeks. Sometimes this doesn’t even work and this is where the headache happens. All this trouble for a 2 for 20 dinner at Applebee’s ain’t worth it, hell it’s not worth if y’all are going out to Morton’s steak house.

If your dating men you’re mildly attracted or you just never really considered dating before, by all means date these men, that’s how you find out what you really want in a relationship and that’s want dating is all about. What I’m talking about is dating men that in your mind are like Jerome off Martin, the never gonna get it n@ggas. Look at the clip, these are the type pf men I'm talking about. The men who don't even have a chance in hell of you wanting to even hold their hand, let alone letting them sniff your panties; these are the men I’m talking about. The men you’re going out with for a free meals and some attention, for the sole reason of its something to do. Girl….. you have failed and I would advise you to find a hobby or take a class at your local YMCA because my dear your wasting your time and his.

It's a House Party

                                                                       

I was watching one of the greatest movies ever this past weekend House Party. No, I really love this movie!!! Play was like my first crush, I’m not sure why people were so much Kid’s nut-sack? I think it had something to do with the fact that he was light-skin and that ish was very much in style back then, but moving along. The first House Partymovie was most definitely the best one, two was pretty good and three was….. well you can be the judge on that. House Party was a great movie because it showed us how a real house party should be done and what sometimes can go down having a house party at one’s house. So here’s a couple of things that need to take place for one’s house party to be poppin’.

1)      You need a DJ or a bangin’ ass playlist: In the movie Bilal (Martin Lawrence) was the DJ and he kept the music going all night long no Lionel Richie. He knew when to play a fast song and when to throw on a slow one. It’s about timing people. Sidenote:Remember the part in the movie when old boy keep on knocking the DJ table and Bilal was about to kick his ass, hilarious.  There was no dead air going on and that’s definitely how things should be. If you don’t want, can’t afford, or have no space for a DJ to setup. Please make sure you make a playlist in advance and of songs people actually want to hear. Look nothing is worse than Meek Mills I’m a boss playing and the next song that comes on is Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream (I love that song). The two don’t go together, there’s no way for those two songs to together, so please don’t try it. Also please use your iPod and not your damn phone as your musical device. There’s also nothing worse than having the music stop every time you get a phone call that is an epic fail on so many levels.

2)      Food and Beverage:  Look tell people if food and drinks are going to be provided or not. If it’s a BYOB tell somebody before the liquor store closes. If no food is going to be there tell people. So they can eat before they get there, don’t have a sh!t load of alcohol and have folks drinking on an empty stomach. That’s a recipe for a perfect storm in your bathroom. Also going to a dry ass party isn’t what’s hot on the streets, people will leave if the libations aren’t flowing, I’m just saying.

3)      Gender Roles: I hate when I show up at someone’s house party and it’s a damn egg salad party (the equivalent of a sausage party for females) that sh!t sucks. If I wanted to hang out with girls I would have called my girlfriends to come over to my place and we would have exhaled. If you have a party with nothing but people of the same sex there, the people of the opposite sex will leave. I didn’t leave my house to hang out with a bunch of girls I don’t know and 9 times out of 10 I’m not trying to get to know. This isn’t the first day of 7^th grade and I’m trying to make new friends at a new school. I came here to drink, dance, and flirt with boys and I’m sure dudes feel the same way too.

Now here’s a list of things that’s going to happen if you throw a house party:

1)      Something in your house is going to break or go missing: Just like in the movie and Play’s toilet got broken. It’s going to happen and that’s just the way it is. Somebody is going break a dish, clog up your sink, or maybe do a f*ck your couch n*gga a la Rick James. Also something is going to come up missing .Your china, broom, Martin DVDs, or money. Something isn’t going to be as it was before you threw a party. Be prepared. So… hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband  cuz’ they rapin e’rybody out here. 

2)      Drunkenness: If there’s liquor at your party somebody is going to get Gucci Mane wasted. There’s always that one person that doesn’t know there limit (hate this person, get your sh!t together). They will act a fool and do some dumb sh!t. Just like in the movie, that Mike Tyson looking dude got drunk and his big ass fell out on the floor, SMH. So yeah it’s going to happen hopefully they’ll get their drunk ass home before the alcohol takes them to a whole other level. Like passed out in a pool of vomit on your bathroom floor level. I have seen it happen and please don’t be that person people, will talk about you.

3)      Somebody is going to try to shut that sh!t down: The hate of having a bangin ass house party is unbelievable. In the movie Play not  only had one but two people try to shut that shit down, like the number 8 song on Drake’s Thank me later album. The hatin’ ass neighbors (John Witherspoon) called the police multiple times, but then again I think that party was like on a Wednesday night. So if you live in Wisteria Lane type of place throwing a party on a random weeknight isn’t going to work. Also those Jheri-curl husky ass boys (Full Force) didn’t get invited and wanted to shut the party down because they were hatin’. So beware of those that didn’t get the invite, they may try to burn your house down.

So there we have it people, what’s your thoughts about having or going to a house party?

The Rihanna Navy

I really like Rihanna, I may not be a 100% stan for her like I may with Beyonce or Mary J. Blige but I really f*cks with her. So let’s just get this out of the way. Is she the best vocalist? NO. Is she going to show you how to ride it like Ciara? Hell No!! But she still gives me life. First of all this girl’s work ethic is crazy. She’s about release her 3^rd album in three years, yeah that’s right three album in three years. Tell somebody else who’s done that? People are still waiting on Dr. Dre’s Detox to drop, which will probably be on the 32^nd of December. While recording these albums she’s been on tour too, and these albums have been successful to. She broke some kind of record in the UK this year for having however many number one singles in however many years, nobody’s done that since Madonna. So for her not to be able to sing or dance, the b!tch stays making hits. So yeah get into that, unlike some other artists (Keri Hilson and Ciara I’m talking to you).

So what is it about Rihanna that keeps her relevant and her making one hit after another? Well, I think people really started to pay attention to her when Umbrella came out and she cut her hair into that asymmetrical bob and stop trying to look like a Beyonce throw away. Okay then she cut her hair again and became a fashion symbol, I say symbol because I don’t think the word icon fits her yet. People use the words legend and icon too loosely. I love the way Rihanna dresses I’m always looking to see what she has on in magazines and blogs. I think she’s one of the best dressed people on the scene today but would I say she’s a fashion icon? No, those spaces are reserved for people like Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Bianca Jagger. Only time will tell if she reaches that status. Anyway she’s got her fashion game on point, people started to pay even more attention. Then the infamous car incident with her and Chris Brown happen, which I’m not going to talk about but then she got even more attention but she kept it moving and put out more music and she’s now the artist she is now and I love her.

I like her because I think how she’s portrayed out in public is who she really is for the most part in private. She just seems like she’s a girl that likes to have fun and doesn’t have a problem putting hoes in their place when it needs to happen. If I could hang out with any female celebrity for one night it would be her, because I’ll probably have the time of my life. As much as I love Beyonce I think it would be boring as hell if I were to hang out with her. We’ll probably just get most Popeye’s chicken and grade soda, watch old Destiny’s child videos, and I’ll listen to her talk about how Jay-z made her put her love on top. Girl bye, that doesn’t sound like a good time. Rihanna on the other hand, it would be like a scene from Katy’s Perry’s Last Friday video, with a mix of Beyonce’s Party Video. We would just party like it was 1999. Now that’s a girl I could roll with. I’ve also become a Rihanna stan because of the fact that she constantly shades people, especially on twitter. She just doesn’t seem to give a f*ck. Like if you come at her sideways she will come for you too. I’m sure we all heard about the Rhianna and Ciara twitter fiasco earlier this year, well here’s the link if you didn’t Rihanna and Ciara twitter beef .

 Rihanna came for Ciara’s ass and in my opinion Ciara deserved it…. How you gonna go on Fashion Police talking about Rihanna wasn’t nice to you at a Grammy party because she didn’t speak to you. First of all that wasn’t the question, they were asking about her dress, not if she spoke to you. Secondly, heffa who the hell are you that people have to get up and speak to you, the Queen of England? GTFOH… but when Rihanna said “Good Luck booking that stage you speak of”. I laughed for at least five minutes off that, because we all know Ciara has no recording contract as to date. Oh the shade. Then there’s the infamous “B!tch because I’m black “ tweet earlier this year too. Here’s the link to that 'Cuz I'm black b!tch. How many other celebrities would have said some ish like that other than Khia and Gangsta Boo? Not many and that’s way I love her now. She just wants to have fun, drink her Jameson and ginger ale, and keep it cute Caribbean mess. That’s why I like her; I have apparently been drafted into the Rihanna navy…. Lord help us all.  

Might Don't Make It

Have you ever been dating someone and it’s kind of in the early stages of dating, you like this person and like spending time with this person but then something happens. They do something knowingly or unknowingly and it completely makes you look at them different. Most of the time what they have done is a total and complete turn off. It’s like a light switch turns on in your brain and its shows you what’s really in front of you and there’s no way of turning it off as much as you may want to. That thing they have done has completely altered things in the relationships. The thing is that, what they’ve done can be simple as they snorted while laughing at an episode of Modern Family or it could be huge like not remembering your birthday. Whatever it is it’s enough to make you question if you want to continue seeing this person. See at this point who either make the decision to overlook this behavior and continue dating them or you pump the brakes on the whole thing and call it off. I’m a part of the second group for the most part. I just can’t overlook sh!t and just keep it moving like it never happened. Either I’m going to address the issue or not address it. By not addressing it I mean I’m not going to date that person anymore.

With the simple and little things (which maybe huge in your mind) it’s just a matter of personal taste usually lead to huge things such as. Something like him thinking Thai food is gross maybe simple. Okay he doesn’t like Thai food different strokes for different a folk, that’s fine. However you love Thai food in fact you crave that stuff almost everyday. Eventually this maybe a problem in the relationship. 

Picture it: you guys are out and about and y’all are getting hungry you want to go to the new Thai restaurant down the street. He on the other hand wants to go to Jimmy John’s (yeah I know…) so you ask him why about the Thai place he refuses, you ask what exactly about Thai food he doesn’t like. He gives you some bs about it being spicy, you say well you can get something that isn’t spicy. You ask him when was the last time he ate Thai food, he says some like eight years ago O_o. He still refuses to eat there and y’all end up eating sloppy ass roast beef sandwiches at Jimmy John’s. You’re sitting there mad as hell and he’s smashing the hell out of his sandwich and enjoying every moment of it. It’s at this point you realize how selfish he is and you want slap the sh!t out of him. This is the beginning of the end of the relationship, my dear. 

This is you guys might don’t make it point. I recently had a might don’t make it point myself. It was something very simple. Me and this person had basically been playing phone tag all day, so when I finally had a chance to call him back I did. This guy answers the phone with this fake ass British accent…. I almost hung up the phone right then in there. One, I thought it was someone else and two if it really was him why would he answer the phone like that? It complete turned me off. I really bothered me that he would do that and think it was funny. I’m thinking how lame can this boy be? Did he think this type of behavior was funny? I got off the phone with him so damn fast, why? Because I’ve officially thrown him into that lame ass category and I didn't want to talk to him anymore, just like that and just that fast. I could have been a little rash with my actions but I just don’t have time for those kinds of games. Everything else he said to me just began to annoy me and he said something else lame on the phone too. Look I know myself if I’m out with someone or on the phone with them and I’m think about man…… I’m missing the Braxton Family Values for this lame ass dude. Chile…. this is a might don’t make it indication for me. If I’m sitting here thinking about all the other sh!t I could be doing in the world but I here with your lame ass, dude we ain’t going to make, so why fake it?  So what are you guys NOT GOING TO MAKE IT SIGNS?

Never Too Busy

"I'm just saying I've been mad busy."

 With a show of hands who's heard this statement from someone they may have been interested or semi-interested in? Well, I know I have and you know what I think when someone says something like this to me, bullsh!t!!! Yup, it's total bs. That's what it is, my mother told me a long time ago that people make time for the things that is important to them. If a person loves running but works four jobs and has two kids, I'm sure they will still find the time to run. Now it may not be everyday or as much as they would like but they will still find the time to make it happen. That may mean doing somethings that they don't like doing, such as waking up at 4:30 am to go running. Instead of sleeping til 6:00 but they're going to get their ass up to run because that's what they love/want to. It's that simple.

When people give you bs about wanting to hang out or anything with you but they never do. It's not because they're too busy, it's because they simply don't want to. That's all and end of story. Nobody is that damn busy that they can't call you back, take you out or find time to spend with you. Who the hell are they? What the hell are they doing? Barack Obama is the leader of the free world, he's a busy man. But do you think for one minute he doesn't response to Michelle's text messages in a timely fashion. Yeah...  I bet he does, you know Michelle would go all the way off on him if he took six hours to response back to her text, and he's the President damnit. Now he has sh!t to do but he's not that damn busy to point where he's not responding to his wife's messages. So what the hell is wrong with that guy or gal you've been talking to for the past couple of weeks? Well, in my humble opinion they're not busy, they're disinterested. I'm sorry nobody is busy to the point that they can't return calls/text or make time to actually see you face to face. Just like the movie said, He's just not that into you. If a person was into you, there won't be phone tag going on they would call you right back. You wouldn't go days or weeks without seeing them, they would see you regardless of what's going on in their lives because they're into you and want to see you. All I'm saying is everybody has things going on in their lives but no one is so busy to the point where they're not spending time with people they're interested in or care about, they wouldn't spend time with someone they're into. So if you're going through this "I'm so busy" crap with someone right now, my advice would be to just move on and go find yourself busy with someone else because that other person isn't that interested. Let that ish go and move along, it happens to the the best of us including me. So the next time someone hits you with that I'm busy ish, just remember what's been said here and this song.  Kenny Lattimore's Never too Busy.

Reality Bites

I watch reality TV. Basketball Wives (BBW), The Real Housewives of every damn area code, and everything else in between. I'm not ashamed of this, I thoroughly enjoy this kind of television programming. The drama, the messiness, and the fights I f*cking love it. Now there are some people in this world that don't like or appreciate these kinds of shows and that's fine, its your life. Everything ain't for everybody, but when those same people start to get on their soapbox. Talking about how these shows are trash and the people that watch are are trash too, that should have been thrown out yesterday. Well, this is where sh!t gets real and someone must be slapped  put in their place.

Look are these shows messy as hell, ridiculous as f*ck, and fake as sh!t? Yes, they are. But does that mean the people who watch these shows are like the people they're watching on TV? Ummmm HELL NO! To all you folks that go around putting these shows on blast, talking about how shows like BBW have no value and depict women or men in a bad light, and blame reality TV for what's wrong with the youth in America today. Please have a smooth ass seat somewhere and catch the last train to Paris with Diddy. I'm pretty sure if I came over to your house C-Span would not be on and you wouldn't be sitting around reading How To Kill a Mockingbird. So please kill that noise. Just because a person likes to watch BBW or The Bad Girls Club doesn't make them less intelligent, gossipy, or full of drama. Just like if a person likes to watch The History channel all the time, doesn't exactly make them smart or deep in conscience thought. Half of the people that think this way are about as deep as a kiddie pool. So stop going giving people side-eyes and shading people on twitter because they're discussing what happened on the Real Housewives of Atlanta last night. You my friend are not Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) and about to make some huge scientific discovery, nor are you Dr. Meredith Gery (Grey's Anatomy) and about to save a life. So let us who want to watch Chrissy beat a b#tch ass on Love and Hip-Hop live and we'll let you guys who want to watch the GOP debate live too.

The Intern

I was at work the other day and a thought popped in my head, "Man..... I should've done an internship". In some majors internships are required , well in my it wasn't. We just had to do a huge research project. Anyway, I think if I would have done an internship my life would be hella different right now. An internship would have provided me the necessary tools to decide if what I'm currently doing is what I should be doing. I know I wouldn't have change my major but maybe I would have  changed my focus.


See I actually had the chance to do an internship while I was in school, but I turned it down because it was in Minneapolis, MN (to damn far and to damn cold) it would have put me a semester behind, and I was far more interested in getting drunk with my friends at parties. Hence, I wouldn't have graduated on time and I was all about getting the f*ck out of school on time. So I turned it down, and boy was that a mistake.  If I was the person I am now I would have taken that internship in a heartbeat. Why? Because I it was relevant work experience and maybe I wouldn't be in the position I'm in now, which is trying to figure sh!t out. I could have done that internship and saved myself a lot of time.  Unfortunately, I don't have a Delorean and I can't go back to the future. All I can do is push forward and do my best and hope/pray for the best. So if your ever offered a chance to internship somewhere and its in your career field, just do it like Nike. Where its paid or unpaid just do it. This is a chance to figure out if this job/career is what you really want to be doing with your life. I know a person that always wanted to be a lawyer, from the time we were in middle school they know they wanted to be a lawyer. They went to college got degree, took they're LSATs, went to law school, graduate, pass the bar, got a job at a firm and guess what now? They hate being a lawyer now, they absolutely hate going to work, now that's a damn shame. This person is talking about wanting to quit their job and go be an organic farmer O_o. Well that's what they're passionat about being the farmer and the dell and maybe if they had done an internship, they would've figured that out years ago and before they spent thousands of dollars on law school. But hey you live and you learn.

Career Moves

So for the 8.23 people that have been reading this blog for the past couple if months. You may have noticed that 1) I moved to Chicago this summer and 2) I have been unemployed since moving to Chicago.  Well I'm pleased to announce I'm no longer unemployed, yes that's right good people I started my new job this week. So I've been shouting to heavens like Tyler the Creator's mama did when he want that VMA (it was just a VMA lady not a Grammy, so chillax). This job isn't necessarily my dream job but its definitely closer to what I would like to be doing than my last job was. Plus the job is at what I consider to be my dream company, so who knows maybe I'll get to my dream job one of these days. One of the reasons I moved to Chicago was do something more related to my major and what I really want to be doing with my life. Basically I came up here to try to have a career and not just have a job, there's a big ass difference between the two.


While I was driving back from my new job today a few things came to my mind. First, I have been out of work too long, my ass was tried as hell when I got home. This ish is gonna take some getting use to again. Secondly, starting a new job is like being the new kid in school but slightly better because you get paid to be there. Really, think about... you have to deal with coworkers and bosses. What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? Will I fit in? All these damn questions run through your head. I usually just stick to the motto of doing my work and shutting the f*ck up. That way you stay out of mess and there's always mess at any workplace. I'm friendly but I'm not there to make friends, I have friends and plenty of them at home. If I happen to make friends at work, cool but I'm not seeking them out. This ain't homeroom or the lunchroom and I ain't here for that. We don't have to shoot the sh!t together. Thirdly, the work looks like its going to be a lot and difficult at times and what if I won't be able to handle it? What if all the sh!t I learned in college was for nothing? What if I forgot about all that stuff, like Ciara forgets she had a music career. My head is hurting just thinking about it. The last think that crossed my mind was, what if I don't like this job? The job that will eventually lead to the career I've always wanted, the career I spent four years in college trying to build up to. What if I hate that sh!t? Then what? Go back school and focus on something else? Chile... the thought of this not working out just makes me want to slap somebody. Well, I hopefully that won't be the case and I really enjoy what I'm doing and if not there's always grad school. I can be like Lynn from Girlfriends and have 4 masters degrees and 2 PhDs and no damn job. But that may not work either because as the great queen mother Kanye West said, those degrees won't keep you warm at night. He's ass is definitely right about that, so this better work out.

Disappearing Acts

So does anyone else have that one friend that once they're in a relationship, you don't hear or see their ass until the relationship is in trouble or its over? Well, I know a few people like this and I have one question for them. What the hell is your problem??? I have seen people scratch that, mostly women. Although I'm sure men do it to. That when they get a new boo thing, you don't hear from their asses anymore. There's no more hanging out, going to brunch, or anything they just fall off the face of the Earth. I just don't understand this type of behavior.

I understand that when you start dating someone new its exciting and you want to spend as much time a possible with that person, and that's okay. But some people take it to the extreme and just spend all their time with their significant other. They stop doing the things they like and start doing the things their bf/gf likes. They stop hanging out with their friends and just hang out with their bf/gf. This to me doesn't seem like healthy behavior... it seems a little needy and clingy. See I'm not talking about missing a few girls night out or book club meetings. I'm talking about going two- three months without speaking to your friends. I'm talking about not know what's going on in your friends lives, expect for what's on their Facebook status. I'm not just talking about being out of the loop a little, I'm talking about being completely out of the damn circle. People who do things like this kill me because they seem not to realize they're doing such things or maybe they do but they just don't care. The thing is that your MIA friend always comes back around when their relationship goes sour and they know that you being the friend you are, you're going to welcome them back with open arms. This is the part that really pisses me off because they're abusing the friendship and just taking advantage of the fact that you're a good friend. All I can do is SMH at these kind of folks.

I never been the person to just get so caught up in someone or something that I forget all other things going on in my life. I'm not going to stop hanging with my friends because I got a man. I may not be hanging as hard and going out every weekend with them but they will still be a major part of my life. I guess I value my friendships very highly as compared to others. Then again some people aren't good at balancing things. They can't have a significant other  and still keep their friendships intact, one is going to have to fall to the wayside. But you also have those others that just completely ignore the rules of friendship and let their bf/gf dominate their lives. When they're in a relationship its all about the person they're in a relationship with. Until their sugar turns to sh!t and then they're looking at you like Humpty Dumpty wanting you their friend to put but them together again. Sigh.... my advice to people that partake in this type of behavior. Learn how to balance the people in your life. There's no need to forgot about your friends because you're in a relationship.  Just keep in mind that these people were there before your new boo but if you keep putting them on the back burner they may not be around after the relationship.