Thursday, January 26, 2012

Great Epectations In Dating


I need my man to be tall, have a  rock hard body, white teeth, just all the way fine, smart, has a good ass job, making 6 figures, good credit, funny, can cook, and loves Jesus. 



Oh okay girl.... But meanwhile you haven't been to the gym since Girlfriends was on air, in fact you think doing the Michael Jackson dance experience once a week is all the exercise you need. You work at Bath and Body Works (which isn't to say that's a bad thing) the only thing you can burn is the bottom of the pot while making top ramen noodles and the only time you go to church is on Easter Sunday. Madame please have a seat Indian style in a corner with a snack.

How do people have a laundry list of things they want in a mate but they don't have 1/2 of those things for themselves??? What's really going on??? I understand everyone wants that ideal mate that's attractive, smart, funny blah, blah, blah. That's fine everyone wants that but they problem is everyone wants that but are you that yourself? You want someone that's in shape, okay that's cool but your ass can't even run to the mailbox. You want someone that has a banging ass personality but meanwhile you have the personality of a broomstick. I could go on but you get the point. There's a few pieces missing from this puzzle and most of those pieces your ass lost them in the first place. Question: How do you look like demanding steak, when you only have ground chuck money??? 

How can one except all of these things from their partner but aren't these things themselves? If you do run across a person with all the qualities you want, what in hell makes you think they would want to be with you?  Don't you think they would want to be with someone that has their shit together or at least 1/2 together? Why do you deserve to be dating your ideal someone, if all you're bringing to the table is MAC Lip Glass, Now n Laters, and a lukewarm personality. To be clear when I say be with I'm not talking about sleep with. Hell people will sleep with anyone their nether region likes...sleeping with someone  and being/ dating with someone are really two different things most of the time. Just because someone is blowing your back out does mean they're going to take your ass to the company picnic. When I hear people talking about what their man or woman needs to have for them to date them..... I'm so baffled my their statements. When I look at them they're not any of the things they want their mates to be. Winners want to be with winners point blank period. So if you aren't what Charlie Sheen would say "winning" than what the hell are you? Losing right? Most of these people with their high maintenance demands are just losing in life and they don't even know it. 

The thing is a lot of people that demand these upper echelon qualities don 't even know they're lacking these qualities themselves. They are steady shopping at Rainbow and Dots thinking that they're at Barney's and Bergdorf and Goodman. They have a serious problem with delusions of gander. They're the baddest bitches and the prettiest niggas and you can't tell them nothing. Why?? Because they have 2,646 followers on twitter but their avi's are titties and ass shot. Okay.... Boo. All this is to say if you want Idris Elba or Halle Berry well than sir or madame you've gotta be a little better than T-pain and Whoopi Goldberg (no shade... Well that was shade, welp oh well).

Monday, January 23, 2012

From Boys To Men


Are you dating boys or are you dating men?

This question right here makes all the difference in the world, and some people don’t know the difference between the two. I don’t really want to get into the difference between a boy and a man but I will say age really doesn’t have much to with the difference. I could find a 37 year old man that still acts like a 17 year boy, and then you may find a 17 year old boy that has more sense than a 37 year old man. The thing is that boys are running around rampage claiming to be men but are very rarely are. Men these days aren’t over-flowing like in the land of milk and honey.

See the thing with men is that they kind of scare me. Why? Well maybe because I’ve always dealt with and dated boys. Boys I know, boys I know how to handle, boys I’m use too. Men on the other hand not soooo much, I don’t really know them, or how to handle them, men I’m not use too. What scares most people is the unknown and men well they are somewhat unknown to me. I of course I know how men operate for the most part I do have a Dad and a Step-Dad but my interactions with them is different from interactions with men in the romantic sense. Men seem to usually have their shit together. They have houses/condos not apartments or living in their mama’s basement. They have careers not jobs, they have 401Ks they’re not stuffing money under their mattresses. They go of vacation not weekend trips to Miami. In general they do grown men shit and well that’s a little overwhelming to me. I think it’s overwhelming because I don’t have or do all of those things. I’m working on them but I don’t have all them. Even though I know I don’t need to have my shit completely together to date someone that does, I just like to be on the same playing field with people. I don’t wanna be dating a guy that is on level 10 while I’m chillin’ on level 6….. That ain’t cute (well at least not to me). Then again maybe dating someone that has their shit together will help me get my shit together because dating boys just won’t do anymore. In the words of Danny Glover "I’m too old for that shit".

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I Am Not My Hair

So good people I shaved my head over this past weekend, well a better way to put it is that I had to shave my head.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen you read that first sentence correctly...... I shaved my head. I currently look like a black Sinead O'connor. So why did I shave my head? Well long story short I got a really bad perm from my hairstylist and my hair began to fall out at a horrifying rate. Like honestly is was at the point to where I would touch my hair and like 10-15 strands of hair would fall out. I mean is was real bad, Michael Jackson Bad.  When it was breaking off it was breaking to the roots of my hair. So after looking at my hair and I had all these bald spots in my head. I decided to carry myself to Target and buy some clippers and shave my head.

I just needed to start over and the hair that was left on my head was already severely damaged, therefore I didn't see the need to keeping it. By shaving my head the hair that would now be growing would be healthy and not damaged. So I took the clippers and began to shave away. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might have been, I just kept telling myself that its hair and it will grow back. Although I never contacted my hairstylist about the bad perm, some people said I should've told her. Maybe I should've said something but I didn't see much of a point the damaged was already done, all she would have told me to fix the problem was what did.... shave my head to the point to the breakage. Also no I'm not mad, pissed off, nor do I want to slash her tires for the damaged she did to my hair. It just the risk you take when you chemically relax your hair, there's always a chance of breakage. Actually I'm kind of glad this happened, just for the simple fact that I'm now going to grow my hair naturally (without any chemicals in my hair). It was never in my plans to be natural, I just never had the desire to be natural. Even though I know its better for my hair, well now here's my chance to grow my hair naturally the way God intended me to be.  I still plan on wearing wigs or weaves when my hair gets long enough but obviously my hair is trying to tell me something, its was saying "bitch we don't want and we don't do perms anymore". So I guess I better listen.



Friday, January 13, 2012

Is Your Destiny Your Doom?


                                                                             

“Your destiny can be your doom.”

This line is from one of my favorite movies Sleepless in Settle. If you haven’t seen it please direct your attention to TNT or the WE channel because they play this movie at least 3 times a week. So I’m not going to go into what the movie is all about but this particular scene where the above line is said with Meg Ryan and Rosie O’ Donald has always stood out to me. In the scene Meg Ryan’s character (Annie) is going on and on about Tom Hanks’s character (Sam) about how this man (whom she’s never actually met in person) is “the one” and her destiny blah,blah, blah. Rosie O’Donald’s character (Becky) has been bearing witness to Meg turn herself into a basket case the entire movie.  Ever so nonchalantly says, “Your destiny can be your doom . Look at me and Rick.” (Rick was her ex-husband and the marriage was a disaster).  She doesn’t explain what she meant by her statement, why? Because there’s no explanation needed, it’s simple, its plain, and one of the realest things I’ve ever heard in a movie.  Meanwhile, Annie just stands there, like a deer in headlights, as if she can’t understand what was just said to her or maybe she did get it and the truth hit her like a ton of bricks.

Sometimes we get so caught up in a person or an idea that we don’t really see the big picture or we don’t see that person or that idea/thing for what it really is. Sometimes the truth of the matter is that that person/thing we’re chasing is a hot a$$ mess. But we’re so in the moment or focus on making this thing happen we don’t see things for what they really are. We literally can’t see the forest for all the trees; we start to lose perspective on things that actually matter. It’s just like in the movies when the girl is so caught up in chasing her dream guy. She’s driving herself crazy trying to be with this person i.e. changing their whole personality, ditching their friends, etc. Eventually all the hard work pays off and they start dating their ideal mate and guess what? That person is their doom he/she is a total a$$hole and then they start to see the error in their ways. Oh…. I forgot to mention that there’s always that “friend” that pays the back and has been secretly in love with them since Jesus was a little boy. Then they see the “friend” for what they really are (the love of their life) and they fall in love and live happily ever after or something like that. Just like in Something Kind of Wonderful or any Katherine Heigl movie. The point I’m trying to make is sometimes you have to ask yourself are you chasing your destiny or are you chasing waterfalls thinking it’s your destiny? Because if you're not careful the destiny you think you're going after just may very well be your doom. 



Saturday, January 7, 2012

Footprints In The Sand


So you meet a guy at some random party. You two hit it off numbers are exchanged, calls are made and text messages are exchanged. This goes on for about a week or so. You two go out on a date, it was cool and you had fun. The calls and the text messages increase in frequency from the previous week and y’all go out on a 2nd date. It’s equally as enjoyable as the first date, plans are somewhat made to see each other again but something goes awry the following week. The calls and text messages have decreased, the 3rd date doesn’t happened. You start to wonder what happened. Things seemed to be progressing in a positive direction and then all of the sudden things come to a shrieking halt and you have no real idea as to why this has taken place.

So you decide to call or text ol’ boy, there’s no response. No return call or text or if he does respond its hours later. So what to do you do? Well, you take your cue and fall the fuck off. You no longer contact said boy, hell you may even deleted his number. You’ve seen the movie  He’s just not that into you, so you take his behavior or lack of behavior to mean just that. He’s just not into you and you keep it moving. Yeah you may wonder what exactly you did or didn’t do or just what the fuck happened. But you brush it off and keep on trucking; you cast him to a land far, far away in your mind. Hell, two weeks later you don’t even remember him anymore. Then this happens:

(578) 222-2222 (or whatever number you don’t recognize): Hey!! What’s up with you?
You: Who is this?
Random #: It’s fill in the blank. Damn you don’t even have my # in your phone. That’s messed up. But anyway how have you been?
You: Good. But why would I have your # in my phone? We haven’t spoken in months; the real question is why do you still have mine?
Random#: Because you’re cool peoples…. So do you want to hang out sometime this weekend?
*you scratch your head in confusion, and ask yourself where dey do da at?*

Now some people’s reply to this guy’s question will vary. I know what my reply would be, to tell him to get the hell on somewhere. Some other girls would go out with him and that’s their choice but that’s not what I want to discuss. Whether you would go out with him or tell him to go fuck himself isn’t the topic at hand. What I want to talk about is; why do guys think they have such huge impacts on people’s lives? 

They go out with a girl a few times, pay her a few compliments, have random but sometimes thought provoking conversations with them. They then fall off the face of the planet for weeks, months, hell sometimes years. Then they pop up like a damn poptart out of the toaster, and expect said girl to 1) remember him 2) be happy to hear from him 3) want to see him 4) expect to pick things up from where they started or 5) all the above. What the fuck???? Where do these men get these ideas from? Save by the Bell or something. There’s a disconnect here and I want to connect it like spaghetti junction. 

Dude like the song says you can’t keep running in and out of people’s lives. People move on and even if that person hasn’t moved on to another person, they may have just moved on from you. Nobody is going to be sittin’ up in their room, back their thinkin’ about you and your ass. Nobody is Brandy in this situation and you’re definitely not Donald Faison, so please get your life!!! If for whatever reason you were talking to some girl and you choose to fall off and now you want to try to pop back up and talk to her again. N*gga just say that and as Kevin Hart would say, "you need to say it with your chest." I not really sure what that means but I'm assuming it means when you say something just mean what you say. I promise you’ll get a much better response, than acting like it’s a privilege that you’re even calling her phone. Oh yeah…. You’re going to have to give her a plausible explanation as to way you fell off too. Is either come correct or don’t come at all because despite what the media may say not all women are so desperate for a man. That they will take shit from any man that crosses her path. Contrary to your belief your impact on this girl’s life may not have been as significant as you thought. While you may think you may have had a deep impact on her life like the damn movie, you were more like a footprint in the sand easily forgotten.  

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Death To The Wallflower


It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Well at least according to Jennifer Hudson, I will tell you this though I’m tired of her weight watchers commercials. Especially her new one, with her (skinny Jen) singing along side with her old fat self….. it’s kind of creepy. But I’m not knocking her hustle or anything but these commercials have to go. So it’s a new year and I’m sure everyone as big plans, big dreams, and big goals. I won’t exactly go into what all I want to do and accomplish this year but I’ll tell you guys about one.

I’ve always been the type of girl that never approaches a guy, even if I think he’s cute or whatever I never say anything first. I never call a guy first; in short I’m never the one to initiate anything between me and the opposite sex. The only time I speak to guys first is if I’m two sheets to the wind drunk. I know that’s kind of pathetic a grown ass woman afraid to talk to boys . SMH at my damn self but I at least I know I have a problem. According to most 12-step programs admitting you have a problem is the first step so there you have it, I'm trying to work on my problem. So one of my goals/ resolutions or whatever the f*ck is to change or at least slightly modify this behavior. What got me to thinking about this in the first place was someone’s mini twitter rant about girls and our narrow-minded thinking when it comes to the initial stages of dating. What he basically said was men get tired of doing all the work, they like to be hollered at too (but not in an aggressive way, I’ll touch upon this subject one day), they like compliments but they rarely ever get them. Smiling and saying hello to a guy doesn’t make you desperate, calling a guy first just to say hello doesn’t make you a bug-a-boo. There’s a line between knowing what you want and being a stalker. A lot of women (myself included)  think that by making the first move the guy is going to think your pathetic or that you’re sweating he’s nutsack, so it’s just easier and low risk to be a wallflower. Well ladies if this set back and let’s see what happens method has/is working for you, than good for you and this message ain’t for you.

Now to the other 99% of us after reading this man’s twitter rant I realized not only did he have a point as mentioned above but by waiting for men to approach you all the time. You put a lot of power in his hands, and one man should not have all that power. He approached you, he called you, and he set up the date. What the hell have you done other than show up looking cute in your finest garments with your MAC lip glass on? If you two were to get it a relationship, he’s going to be already use to this power and if you try to pull a switcheroo, he may trip. Why? Because he’s been in control like Janet with this power all this time and now here you come trying to takeover….. this may become a serious problem in the relationship . Secondly, maybe the guys that do approach you aren’t the guys you actually want to be dating. Well if the guys you actually want to be dating don’t approach you, maybe you should approach them because obviously the wallflower approach isn’t working. So maybe smiling at a guy and saying hi will, who knows maybe you may end up dating a guy that’s actually your type. Instead of trying to turn the guy that approached you into your type. Just like the adage  says “Closed mouths don’t get feed”. This all about taking control of your life and that includes the guys you date. I know this is easier said than done, but I figure if the wallflower steez hasn’t worked for the last 10 years or so what the hell do I have to lose by trying it this way. Yeah my pride may or may not be lost but people also say love is stronger than pride, right?