Great Epectations In Dating

I need my man to be tall, have a  rock hard body, white teeth, just all the way fine, smart, has a good ass job, making 6 figures, good credit, funny, can cook, and loves Jesus. 


Oh okay girl.... But meanwhile you haven't been to the gym since Girlfriends was on air, in fact you think doing the Michael Jackson dance experience once a week is all the exercise you need. You work at Bath and Body Works (which isn't to say that's a bad thing) the only thing you can burn is the bottom of the pot while making top ramen noodles and the only time you go to church is on Easter Sunday. Madame please have a seat Indian style in a corner with a snack.

How do people have a laundry list of things they want in a mate but they don't have 1/2 of those things for themselves??? What's really going on??? I understand everyone wants that ideal mate that's attractive, smart, funny blah, blah, blah. That's fine everyone wants that but they problem is everyone wants that but are you that yourself? You want someone that's in shape, okay that's cool but your ass can't even run to the mailbox. You want someone that has a banging ass personality but meanwhile you have the personality of a broomstick. I could go on but you get the point. There's a few pieces missing from this puzzle and most of those pieces your ass lost them in the first place. Question: How do you look like demanding steak, when you only have ground chuck money??? 

How can one except all of these things from their partner but aren't these things themselves? If you do run across a person with all the qualities you want, what in hell makes you think they would want to be with you?  Don't you think they would want to be with someone that has their shit together or at least 1/2 together? Why do you deserve to be dating your ideal someone, if all you're bringing to the table is MAC Lip Glass, Now n Laters, and a lukewarm personality. To be clear when I say be with I'm not talking about sleep with. Hell people will sleep with anyone their nether region likes...sleeping with someone  and being/ dating with someone are really two different things most of the time. Just because someone is blowing your back out does mean they're going to take your ass to the company picnic. When I hear people talking about what their man or woman needs to have for them to date them..... I'm so baffled my their statements. When I look at them they're not any of the things they want their mates to be. Winners want to be with winners point blank period. So if you aren't what Charlie Sheen would say "winning" than what the hell are you? Losing right? Most of these people with their high maintenance demands are just losing in life and they don't even know it. 

The thing is a lot of people that demand these upper echelon qualities don 't even know they're lacking these qualities themselves. They are steady shopping at Rainbow and Dots thinking that they're at Barney's and Bergdorf and Goodman. They have a serious problem with delusions of gander. They're the baddest bitches and the prettiest niggas and you can't tell them nothing. Why?? Because they have 2,646 followers on twitter but their avi's are titties and ass shot. Okay.... Boo. All this is to say if you want Idris Elba or Halle Berry well than sir or madame you've gotta be a little better than T-pain and Whoopi Goldberg (no shade... Well that was shade, welp oh well).

Death To The Wallflower

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Well at least according to Jennifer Hudson, I will tell you this though I’m tired of her weight watchers commercials. Especially her new one, with her (skinny Jen) singing along side with her old fat self….. it’s kind of creepy. But I’m not knocking her hustle or anything but these commercials have to go. So it’s a new year and I’m sure everyone as big plans, big dreams, and big goals. I won’t exactly go into what all I want to do and accomplish this year but I’ll tell you guys about one.

I’ve always been the type of girl that never approaches a guy, even if I think he’s cute or whatever I never say anything first. I never call a guy first; in short I’m never the one to initiate anything between me and the opposite sex. The only time I speak to guys first is if I’m two sheets to the wind drunk. I know that’s kind of pathetic a grown ass woman afraid to talk to boys . SMH at my damn self but I at least I know I have a problem. According to most 12-step programs admitting you have a problem is the first step so there you have it, I'm trying to work on my problem. So one of my goals/ resolutions or whatever the f*ck is to change or at least slightly modify this behavior. What got me to thinking about this in the first place was someone’s mini twitter rant about girls and our narrow-minded thinking when it comes to the initial stages of dating. What he basically said was men get tired of doing all the work, they like to be hollered at too (but not in an aggressive way, I’ll touch upon this subject one day), they like compliments but they rarely ever get them. Smiling and saying hello to a guy doesn’t make you desperate, calling a guy first just to say hello doesn’t make you a bug-a-boo. There’s a line between knowing what you want and being a stalker. A lot of women (myself included)  think that by making the first move the guy is going to think your pathetic or that you’re sweating he’s nutsack, so it’s just easier and low risk to be a wallflower. Well ladies if this set back and let’s see what happens method has/is working for you, than good for you and this message ain’t for you.

Now to the other 99% of us after reading this man’s twitter rant I realized not only did he have a point as mentioned above but by waiting for men to approach you all the time. You put a lot of power in his hands, and one man should not have all that power. He approached you, he called you, and he set up the date. What the hell have you done other than show up looking cute in your finest garments with your MAC lip glass on? If you two were to get it a relationship, he’s going to be already use to this power and if you try to pull a switcheroo, he may trip. Why? Because he’s been in control like Janet with this power all this time and now here you come trying to takeover….. this may become a serious problem in the relationship . Secondly, maybe the guys that do approach you aren’t the guys you actually want to be dating. Well if the guys you actually want to be dating don’t approach you, maybe you should approach them because obviously the wallflower approach isn’t working. So maybe smiling at a guy and saying hi will, who knows maybe you may end up dating a guy that’s actually your type. Instead of trying to turn the guy that approached you into your type. Just like the adage  says “Closed mouths don’t get feed”. This all about taking control of your life and that includes the guys you date. I know this is easier said than done, but I figure if the wallflower steez hasn’t worked for the last 10 years or so what the hell do I have to lose by trying it this way. Yeah my pride may or may not be lost but people also say love is stronger than pride, right?

Makes You Feel So Damn Unpretty

I'm sure by now some of you have heard about Rush Limbaugh's comments about Michelle Obama's physical appearance, here's the link to those who haven't http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/21/rush-limbaugh-michelle-obama-food_n_826092.html. What he basically said was that the first lady is unfit to be the spokesperson for our youth because she doesn't not so good eating habits and she's not the slimmest slim jim in the box. WTF!!! Statements like this makes me want to throw my laptop against the wall. First of all Rush Limbaugh looks like he hasn't missed a meal sine 1987 and he has the nerve to call somebody unfit, chile please.  There are no words in the english language to describe how much I despise this man and that these recent comments has just exacerbates my dislike for him, I just wish he would go somewhere and stfu (shut the f@ck up).

See the first thing someone would say to defend him would be, oh but he didn't call her fat and yes those words didn't actually come out of his mouth but that's what the hell he meant. When he says this :  “I’m trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or of a woman Alex Rodriguez might date every six months or what have you.” This literally makes my want to slap the sh#t out of him, this man is nobody's Brad Pitt not even in his best days. What really makes me mad about this statement, is not the fact the man who said looks like porky the pig himself, its that this outrageous claim affects the way  some women view themselves. In my opinion Michelle Obama is not fat at all, she's a normal size just like most women in this country. You want to know what's not a normal size? The girls on the SI cover (and this isn't a diss to them) so when a man says some bs like what said Rush Limbaugh, what is the normal size woman suppose to think about this?


This way of thinking that Rush Limbaugh is demonstrating, is exactly why women have low self body images of themselves and why some are bent over toilet right now throwing up last night's dinner. This is why women are going to back alley plastic surgeons to get butt and boob implants or they're running on the treadmill damn near to the point where they're about to pass out. They're doing all these things and so much more to chase this impossible image of beauty/perfection that society or people like Rush Limbaugh are putting out there. Well, I'm here to say enough is enough. Women are literally killing themselves to look like these women on magazine covers, like the girl who died earlier this year while getting butt implants. Now I didn't know this young lady, but I'm pretty sure she wanted butt implants because that's what's hot in the streets, a phat azz. Her regular booty wasn't bring all the boys to the yard, so decided to super size that thing to get the attention from men that she wanted. This whole way of thinking right here my friends is a damn shame. What the magazines and the people pushing these images don't tell you is, half of these women don't look like that in real life and the other half that do they've gone through hell and high water to do so. They have a team of people to create this image, there's a trainer, a nutritionist, a cook, and a whole host of other folks. They're in the gym 4 hours a day. What normal woman, working a normal job with normal responsibility has the time or the means to create the same images on these magazines? I'm thinking not too many, the models on other hand can because that's their job. Their 9-5 is just that, to be thin and beautiful. 


I really wish people like Rush Limbaugh would stop going around spewing damn near unrealistic body images to women, when they are very much less than perfect themselves. This is a major problem in our community, how women view their own self body image compared to the ones they see on TV and magazines, and the links they go through to reproduce these images. So when people directly or indirectly call normal size woman fat, I just want to kick my chair and throw it out of the window. Just because someone isn't a size 2 doesn't mean they are fat  (now if you're a size 22, that's a different discussion) and when more people realize this the better off we'll all be.