The One That Got Away

This past weekend a strange thing happened… a blast from the past came back with a vengeance. A guy I use to dated called me and maybe I shouldn’t have answered the phone but being that I deleted him from my life and my contact list I had no idea it was him. What he asked me after the awkward exchanging of pleasantries… was what I had been dreading for him to ask from the moment I said hello. After I decided I know longer wanted to date him, I just ended all communication between us. Why I decided I didn’t want to date him anymore and I just vanished like Danny Green did in the last two games of the NBA finals? This was the question he wanted an answer to.  I knew the real answer it was very simple, it became perfectly clear to me that he wasn’t the person I needed him to be for me, and rather than sit around waiting for him to make the decision to be that person, I made to choice and to quote Fantansia…. Yeah I know but I “freed myself”. But how do you tell a person “hey I saw what you had to offer and although there were flashes of greatness overall you really ain’t shit, so I kept it moving”. The convo was definitely killing my vibe on a Friday night, so I copped out. I gave him some bs about me having a lot of things going on at the time and some things fell through the cracks and he was one of those things. It was a lie….. but it was just so much easier to tell him that than the truth. The truth was overall he’s a good person but he wasn’t the right person for me. I hate this phase but there’s no other way to say it….. he wasn’t “the one”, hell he wasn’t even two or three.

Sometimes honesty is the hardest thing to do and being honest with yourself, well it the hardest job of all. So in the spirit of being honest he may not have been "the one"  for me, I wasn’t "the one” for him either and that is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. To be honest enough with yourself to realize that the person you’re dating and really like doesn’t view you as the game changer/ the one. This particular guy he may not even know that I’m not his “one”, well he doesn’t know.  Due to the fact he told me he knows I’m the one that got away. That statement pretty much proves my point I’m not “the one”, if I was “the one” I would have never gotten away in the first place. If I was  "the one"  he wouldn’t have got more sentimental than Deborah Cox and decided to call me on a Friday night and try to attempt putting me back in the emotional rollercoaster that was our relationship, by saying all the right things 6 months too late. All those things would’ve been said and  been manifested in his actions and maybe who knows we would still be together, instead of him calling on a random night saying all the things that needed to have been said months ago. Just fighting a battle he already lost.

It’s funny because he was saying all of things I wanted him to say so badly months ago, but hearing them now they the words felt uninspired and uninvited, although I do believe he was sincere. His sincerity was just expressed a little too late, his Expiration Date had passed.  I’ll never know what prompted his recent actions because I’m not asking, I honestly don’t care maybe he needed closure and just wanted to get it off his chest. Then again me knowing him he was hoping that whatever spark we had was still aflame and he was ready to throw all the lighter fluid in ten Super Wal-Marts on it. However, him knowing me he should’ve known that whatever spark we had was gone like a candle in the wind.  After that phone call I sat in my car for a little bit and thought about what was said in our conversation…. I wasn’t angry, sad, or annoyed but I did feel drained emotional… all that from a 15 minute phone call. I just kept coming back to him saying “I don’t want you to be the one that got away” and all I could do was wish I would’ve told him I was never the one because I would have never gotten away if I was.    

I'm Bossy

"Sometimes you have to talk bossy to them". This quote was said to me by my best friend at the time in 3rd grade and it still rings true to this day. What she was referring to was this boy in our class, his name I forget and it's really not that important now. All I remember was that we wanted this boy to sharpen our pencils for us while in Art class because well we were lazy and didn't want to walk to the front of the class and do it ourselves. I initially asked him all politely and shit. Guess what he was like yeah no do it yourself. My friend demands he sharpens the pencils, she says something  like " Oh you're going to sharpens these pencils if it's the last thing you do boy". Well we got our pencils sharpen and that's when she turned to me and said the above statement. At the time I thought she was crazy as hell, you can't go around talking to boys all kinds of crazy, they'll be mean to you and steal your fruit roll ups from you. She proceeded to tell me to keep that Pollyanna shit in check and talk to these boys all kinds of reckless because they don't response to nice. That there was a fine line between the two and that you had to know which one to use when the time was right. Yes..... I swear on my dearly departed dog Smokey. That this was the conversation I was having with my friend in our 3rd 4th period art class.

I honestly wish I would've thought about this particular convo a lot more often than have and currently do because my natural Pollyanna approach to certain things hasn't been the most effective approach. Sometimes you actually have to go ham or talk bossy to people for them to actually pay attention and take heed to what your trying to say. Honestly the only person I talk "bossy" to on a regular basis is my brother. Why?? Maybe because I'm older I feel like I have some superiority over him but he's use to my bossy talk now, so its like whatever the fuck to him. However over all that easy breeze cover girl shit only gets you so far. I have definitely noticed that when I straight up cuss someone the fuck out whether its a friend, foe or boyfriend this gets there attention. Its not like I'm sitting around taking people's shit like toilets put I'm generally a non-confrontational person. Like I'll just stop talking to you but I tell what my problem with you and why I'm not talking to you anymore. That's just too much damn energy and I rather pay you dust, than deal with you anymore.

Well this method is ideal for me, there are some people you just gonna have to confront no matter how much you try to.  I just like things to be cool and clam, I don't want any problems. So I'll make excuses, overlook, brush shit off, swallow pride, and bite my tongue a lot of the time to keep the peace. I guess that's why at times I come off as a Pollyanna and like a true southern belle. Just a nice and peachy girl but if ask my brother or folks that really know me they'll tell you I'm not that innocence and sweet. I just don't want leave my little world of Care-A-Lot (to you youngins that's the place the Carebears lived), I just don't no problems. So when someone makes me put dem paws on em... shit it's not pretty. I do have a smart ass mouth but I just don't cuss people out like for real, for real. So when it happens its effective.

I remember one college when I moved off campus me and my roommates/friends became friends with  the guys that lived next to us. They came over to our place like everyday, we never went to there house well.. because it was disgusting. Like I went over there like once and I swear I thought I caught SARS or something. Why do boys live like that?? Okay back to the story... it was the end of the year and my other friend was subletting my room because I was going back to Atlanta for the summer. So I asked your neighbors if they would help us move her in, they were like yeah. Okay cool. Long story short me and her (just me and her) move all her shit into the apartment in my jeep. I mean were riding down the street with her mattress on the roof of my car, with no damn rope securing it to my car. All we had was Ethernet cords, so we're riding down the street with her mattress and box spring loosely attached to my car with Ethernet cords, going like 20 mph, and both of us holding on to this shit with our bare hands. We get to my apartment and these fools are sitting on their and some of them were on my porch drinking steel reserves and smoking. I lost it!!! I mean I went the fuck off... saw red!! I have no idea what I said but all I know is that stuff in my jeep got moved into the house without me touching it and they were scared to talk to me for like a week. To this day one of them still says he's never been cussed out like that before nor since that night. Sometimes you have to talk bossy to them.

Sweet Talk

I've never been good at schmoozing or kissing people's ass .... It's just not in me. I finding it exhausting and quite frankly annoying. I have always been the type to tell people, well let me rephrase that not people in general. It's more like the people I know... how I really feel about things. Back home it's called real talk no flex. I'm not that great at sugar coating things to people over the age of 12. I realized that the same loose lip way I talk with my friends is the same way I talk with people that aren't my friends... well at least to a certain degree. At work I'm definitely not in my real talk no flex mode... I am professional. What I'm trying to get at is I can't talk to certain people in the same manner I talk to my friends. What certain people am I talking about? Well boys, dudes I'm dating. This fact became very apparent over this past weekend.

See the way me and my friends talk amongst ourselves is like the uncut version of Sex & the City or something. It's very raw, real and unfiltered (real talk no flex). Actually I don't talk like this with all my friends, just a certain number of them. Because the other ones... well they just ain't about that life and that's cool.  Everything ain't for everybody. Anyway back to the ones that we talk to each other like we don't like each other... it's just the nature of our relationship. We curse like sailors and drink like fish. We objectify men, it's wild and reckless talk. That's cute for us but I have learnt its not so cute for others especially some the men in our my life. Let me be clear that I'm not going around talking crazy to the guys I'm dating.... I'm not going around telling them they ain't shit but a piece of dick or anything like that. No absolutely not. None of that is  going on. What I'm talking about is not exactly giving them that sweet talk... not putting a filter on my thoughts. Saying things I probably shouldn't be saying to them or I should say but in a nicer way. 

This occurred to me when the guy I'm somewhat dating said I was mean. After I gave him this face 😱 he cleaned up what he said by saying I just say things at times with no thought on how the other person may feel. I just talk with zero fucks given. I never thought about it that way... I'm not saying he was exactly right but he had a point. I can't talk to certain people the same way I talk to my friends... some people can't handle that type of shit. After talking to one of my friends she pointed out with people/men you have stroke their ego and give them that sweet talk. There has to be a balance, you can't always be all brass and sassy. That when I say certain things they (my friends) know I mean no harm and I'm talking shit but others don't always see it that way. Well I certainly see that now after a comment I made got blown way out of proportion by the guy I'm kinda dating. I meant no harm but boy did he take it as a fowl. So know I'm trying to embrace some of that sweet talk and leaving the real talk no flex for my friends.

Friends With Benefits

Let’s talk about SEX baby….. okay well let’s talk about friends with benefits (FWB). I was actually watching the movie FWB the other day, it’s not a horrible movie but it’s no Dirty Dancing either. I just wish Justin Timberlake would just drop another album and stop making this mediocre romantic comedies, dude you ain’t the second coming of Richard Gere. Just stick with music, tell me FutureSex/LoveSounds doesn’t blow any R&B album that dropped this year out of the water? Anyway if you haven’t seen the movie spoiler alert: Justin Timberlake’s character (Dylan) meets Mila Kunis’s character (Jamie) they become friends, then one night after both being fed up with dating and horny as fuck. They decided to have sex and become FWBs, this goes on for a couple of weeks then Jamie catches feelings. Dylan doesn’t return these feelings in the appropriate manner, they break-up well they stop being friends. Dylan doesn’t understand why Jamie is so mad at him after all they were just FWBs, and then Dylan realizes that he has feelings for Jamie too. He does his version of the boom box in the rain/ grand gesture, they make up and go on a first date and live happily ever, the end.

People don’t try this shit at home because this has a 0.5% chance of it working in real life. I’m not for or against FWBs but I will say if this is the route you decide to go please proceed with caution. Just always keep in mind that it’s a sex thing not a love thing and those are two very different things. You don’t go into a FWB situation looking to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend out of it, or some type of earth-shattering relationship. The only thing you should be looking to get is a damn nut and maybe some good conversation and that’s at folks. You can’t go into FWB thing or just a sex thing, thinking I’m gonna pop this p***y so good for him and give him porn star level head. That he’s gonna be begging me to be his girl. Or I’m long stroke that p***y so  good and make her flood the bed like breached levees in New Orleans, that she’s need me to be her man. This is fool’s logic going on right here and it’s probably gonna give you an extended stay pass at Heart-Break Hotel. You can’t fuck your way into someone’s heart!!!! Mind yeah sure but heart, absolutely not!!  I don’t care if you think you have that Kim K or Amber Rose p***y and it’s made of glitter and gold or you think you have that Lil’Wayne ( he does have like 12 kids and he looks like a Gremlin, it must be something) or Chris Brown dick (You’ve seen the pics, right?) If that person wants to be with you, they’ll be with you point blank period. It doesn’t matter if that p***y is clean or your dick is mean. So if you go into a FWB situation thinking you’re going to come up looking like Kate Middleton and Prince William, you’re living in a fool’s paradise. You better sit back and just enjoy the ride, literally.

Now there are a few cases where the two people in the FWB situation do luck up and end up like the characters in the FWB movie but chances of that happening are minuscule. Like honestly there’s a better chance of Dr. Dre releasing Detox this year before that happens and his ass has been trying to drop Detox since College Dropout came out…. So wait on that if you want to. The chances are very low but hey never say never. So when FWB situations turn into real relationships, I believe they happen organically. One or both parties didn’t go into the situation looking for more than good back blowing sessions but somehow along the way they actually realized they liked one another outside of the bedroom. They didn’t use their bedroom skills to lure the other person into bf/gf status, the shit just happened that way. These cases do happened but are very rare.

To be very frank most of the time the person you’re in sex thing situation doesn’t even think you’re worthy of bf/gf privileges, hence why you aren’t they’re bf/gf. They’re not blind, emotional detached, or so caught up in their own shit that they can’t see a good thing in front of them…..they see what’s in front of them and all they’re there for is your sex. They may very well not like your ass like that. Did you ever think about that possibility, they just like having sex with you. You just maybe a jumpoff to them or just a friend they happen to like having sex with, end of story. You may be a very good friend to them but they just don’t see it for you as a bf/gf. Sometimes sex is just sex nothing more nothing less, so if you’re a person that can’t handle that well your ass isn’t equipped to be in a FWB situation. So you should just keep your Love Jones ass away from all types of FWB possibilities, you’re not built for that type of life and that’s okay. You know what they say everything ain’t for everybody. 

The Comeback Season

Every so often some dude tries to pull a Jill Scott on me, what do I mean by that? Well listen to the first

couple of listen of this song.

“Yo, I'm tripping right,

I heard you got married.

You got married?

No I mean, make any

It don't really make any sense

I mean, it's not like I, I didn't think you were seeing other people or whatever,

I mean I was seeing other people but

You know what this is,

You know what it was,”

So scratch out the married part, this is the song that must pops into some guy’s head that I use to talk to.

They get all into their feelings and go into Marvin’s room and lock the door. Listen…. This shit has got to stop. I know that sometimes people get their Deborah Cox’s on and get sentimental, it’s happened to me a couple of times. You hear a song and it reminds you of that person or you see someone that reminds you of that person, you start feeling nostalgia and shit about that person. Then you get drunk and decide to fuck everything and call that person, this is what I don't do (Well at least not anymore). My friend this is where shit can and usually does go sideways. Drunk dialing or dialing under the influence is a dangerous thing people and has to stop or at least be tamed down to a bearable amount.

What makes you think that person you’re calling wants to hear from your ass? Especially if you’re calling them with this “I’m just saying you can do better” bullshit, what makes you think they’re aren’t doing better? Is it because they ain’t with you? Newsflash dude you’re not Idris Elba (insert whoever is that guy to you her) nor are you the beginning and end of all things. Maybe that person isn’t updating their Facebook status every five minutes talking about how much they love their new boo? Or they aren’t instagraming pics of them eating ribs together at JJ’s Rib Shack? Just because the new person isn’t you and they’re not doing the shit y’all use to do together doesn’t make y’all situation better than the current one. Hell a new person doesn’t even have to be in the picture, just because you’re not in their life anymore doesn’t mean their life is Rolling in the Deep or something. Ain’t nobody going around singing Adele’s Someone like you because the relationship is over, for all you know O Happy Day is on repeat status since the demise of the relationship

Don’t come over here trying wreck shit because your situation is fuck up. All this I’m saying you can

do better must cease and desist. What makes you the authority on passing bogus ass judgment on what

I’m doing with my life, since the sun has been set on our time together? I could be smoking meth with

this new dude outside of Walgreens….. but that doesn’t mean I’m having a shitty ass time with him or that my life would be so much grander with you doing the same bullshit we once did. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I like smoking meth?? Disclaimer: I don’t smoke meth, okay people. The point is sir don’t come around out of the blue judging my life and who’s in it, since me and you aren’t an item anymore. You have been relieved of your duties and your service is no longer needed….. kinda like Marques Houstonand his contributions to the world of R&B. Your time here is done good sir. Therefore the next time you feel the need to get your Drunk Drake Dialing on please stop and think about it because I’m not here for it and I will read your ass like an Ikea instruction manual, carefully and precisely. If you have to drunk dial someone, call your mama. Hell that’s what I do.

You Can Blame It On Me

I wasn’t expecting him to get down on bended knee a la Boyz II Men or anything but I was expecting him to acknowledge he was being a totally asshole. Just saying something like “my bad” would’ve been enough but no even that was too much for him. Instead of he tried to sweep it under the rug by saying giving me some flimsy excuse and I’m quoting “ I don't like that whole acting like someone you’re not, people should just be easy.” WHAT THE FUCK?? First let’s address the be easy aspect of this statement. What does that even mean? When T.I. said Be Easy off his classic Trap Muzik album, I took Be Easy to mean you better chill the fuck out before someone tries to knock your head off. So what is this dude talking about people should be easy?? I’m confused….. what people should Be Easy? Me? I was being easy because I seriously could have pulled a Beyonce and ringed the alarm or gone terror threat level red on his ass. Instead I was easy like a Sunday morning. The only person that should have been easy that night was his ass.

The part of the above statement that really took me for a loop was the acting like someone you’re not apart. So, by him being a totally dick and a sloppy ass drunk that was the real him, right? If that’s the case honyechile he can keep the real him to his damn self. There’s no way you can take last Friday’s night’s events and he doesn’t come off as being a totally ass. So by him saying people shouldn’t act like something they aren’t, he’s saying his behavior wasn’t a one time thing or totally out of character for him. He’s a jackass and he makes no apologies for it.  Which is fine for him I guess but on that particular night I didn’t go to that bar for all that. I wasn’t expecting him to have the manners of Prince William but I didn’t think untrained dogs would be better behaved than him. For this grown ass man to sit up there and act like a buffoon and then turn around and say “hey, I was just being the real me”. Well, sir I see no problem with me tossing your ass like a banana peel into the trash because honestly at this point that’s how I view him like trash, the day after Christmas trash at that.

So what happens to trash? Well shit it gets trashed and thrown away to a place far away. That’s exactly where I have banished him to a place far away. This guy thinks because he brought me a drink and told me he likes me he gets a steady place on my roaster of men. Well, sir I’m here to tell you that is absolutely not the case. Please get the fuck out of here with that. Especially since you showed your ass first and now that I’m not returning calls and text messages, I’m the asshole. To that I say GOOD DAY and GOOD NIGHT. In my *Cher from Clueless voice* AS IF, I just want him to snatch his life back from wherever the fuck he left it. The dude told me, people should be who they really are from the beginning right? Well damnit I didn’t like that person so decided to abort mission but I’m the asshole. Okay well you can blame it on me if that makes you feel better. At the end of the day he’s still an asshole and I’m over dating assholes. So I guess that’s that folks.

Last Friday Night

So you meet a guy a few weeks ago but you haven't seen him since the day you guys met because of scheduling conflicts and shit. Y'all have tried like twice to hang out together but something always comes up. But he calls you on Friday night and asks you what you're up to, and you tell him you're leaving dinner and about to go home. He tells you he's at some bar with his friends and you should come by for a drink. You ask where the bar is and as it turns out the bar is down the street from where you are, so you decide well it's now or never and head over the bar.

You get there and its packed full of people, so you call him to see where he is, he tells you to meet him at the bathrooms. You meet him there and he walks up and...... he's clearly drunk as fuck. It's gonna be a long night. He asks you if you want a drink (And my God a drink isn't gonna be enough to get you through the next two hours). Y'all try to get more drinks but its crowded, so he takes your hand and guides to the other side of the bar. While walking to the other side, this guy is speaking to everyone he passes but not in the "Hey, what's up" manner but in the "I'm think I'm the shit and I'll letting you know this" manner. You find a seat at the bar and order drinks. But this guy has managed to talk to shit everyone around you, he introduces you to his friend blah, blah. he goes on to say this is the girl I've been telling y'all about, you should feel flattered but instead you feel disconnected and annoyed. He continues to make an ass out himself.... by flirting with the bartender and telling her you're his future baby-mama. A man walks up to the other side of you to get a drink, in doing so he touches your arm. Your date asks you if you know him, you reply no. He asks if you don't know him then why did he touch you? You tell him you have no fucking idea. He continues with his obnoxious behavior by damn near harassing the women sitting next to you at the bar. The same man from earlier walks back to the bar, your date insists that he came to try to holla at you, so much that says he's gonna walk away to see if the guy talks to you.

He walks away before you can even blink your eyes... he's gone like a fart in the wind. His friend is still standing to the other side of you. The guy he insists is trying to holla, politely put he's empty glass on the bar and walks away. By this time you're think WTF... you could've had a V8 instead of dealing with this bullshit. The woman who is sitting to the right of you, looks at you and shakes her head. You inquire as to why, she simply says "girl get your life, you can do better than this jackass".  Then you looked around and realized she's right... this guy is being a total jackass. You wonder if everyone else thinking the same thing she's thinking, why is this girl in here with this douchebag? You feel embarrassed . What do you do now? You decide to hold your head high and do what any other person in this situation would do.... you pony up and see if you can salvage this night.

You look around see two cute guys within your three foot radius. Bachelor number one is behind your date's friend and access can't be reached, cock-blockers are the worst you know. Oh well... on too bachelor number two he's standing right behind you. He's looking at you and you're looking at him but he's not approaching. After five minutes of making the eyes with each, you decide to say say hi and he says hi. A flirty bar convo ensues and contact info is exchanged. The lights come on at the bar bachelor two leaves out the front door. You turn around and see your date's friend is gone and you're ready to go. Your date is nowhere to be found, he's been gone for at least 20 minutes (eye-roll). You see him at he other side of the bar talking to some people. You walk over to say goodnight, he pulls you to the side and proceeds to give you this bs speech. He says something about how when people first meet one another they're not always themselves, they send out representatives of themselves. He thinks that's bs, people should be who they are on a regular basis from 21 Jump Street. He makes a comment about how you're looking at him like he's a complete and totally jackass (which you are) and that he REALLY LIKES you. You don't really say anything because you're over it and ready to go home. As he's in this impassioned speech, some folks walk over and with he's adult (ADHD), he starts talking shit to them too . You walk towards the door and his friend stops you and says he'll walk you to your car. You guys walk and talk about regular stuff... where are you from, what do you do, blah blah. As you approach your car and say goodnight, you tell him to tell your date bye. He says he will and says this, "             is a jackass, there's no way he would've treated you like that." You give him the Kanye shrug, and get into your car and drive off into the night. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my Friday Night.

I Beez In The Trap

The date. Well, if you can even call it that, idk what the hell it was a meet and greet, and outing with flares of a date. I’m not sure but it was an adventure if it wasn’t anything else. So here’s a little back story about the guy. I met him a week prior and a local watering hole. I was plastered when we met and I believed we made out a little the night. Patron will ruin your life or at least the next 24 hours of it if not used wisely. Anyway we talked on the phone a few times on the phone over the course of the week. Then on Friday he asked if I wanted to go out that night, I was busy. So he asked about Saturday night…. I was somewhat free so I told him to call me tomorrow and we’ll figure something out. Saturday comes and he calls, which I’m somewhat surprised by because I completely forgot I had a loosely planned date with him. Well he asked me what time I would be free, I said around 8. He says okay cool, we try to figure out places to go but nothing seems to mesh. So he says hey just meet me at this place, and he’ll text me the address. I say okay fine.

Well, I should’ve known that this damn date was gonna be a beautiful disaster from jump. Why? Well I mentioned I was pretty wasted when we met right? I couldn’t remember his name like at all…. Not even the first letter of his name. I know that’s just God awful and rude but I do know his name now. Also I can’t stand people without a plan, like dude you asked me out and now you’re asking me to basically plan the date. Ummmm no sir, you asked therefore you should plan the date, especially if it’s the first date. I’m not saying he needed to arrange a hot air balloon to take us around Chicago but I’m gonna need for you to do better than just show the fuck up and expect me to do all the work. Now, I mentioned how he text me the address of the where to meet him, well he didn’t do this immediately. The date was suppose to happen at 8pm, his ass didn’t text me the address until well after 9pm. So I’m already over it!!! But I tell myself well you already told him you’ll go out with him so commit to that shit and go. So I put the address into my GPS and followed the directions. Well me being the dumb-ass or the little Pollyanna a friend once told me I was, I didn’t even checked to see where the hell this place was. Everyone, I told about this date told me to Google this address but I didn’t. I just jump my ass in the car and just drove over there like I was going to the mall.

The mall is definitely not where I ended up. As I was driving the scenery began to change. The streets got bumpier, broken glass could be seen, vacant houses, and vandalized cars were on the streets. People were standing outside in front of the corner store…. Yes people I was in the hood. Now I’m that bougie that I don’t know or have been to the hood because I most definitely have. I was practically raised hood adjacent.  But I was pissed!! Like no this boy didn’t have me meet him in the hood at damn 10pm….WTF? Now, I’m getting closer to my destination and the scenery changes even further. Stray cats can be seen, more people standing on the corner but not in front of a store just the corner. I man with no teeth is rolling a tire up the street. There’s a house that people are coming in and out of but there seems to be no lights on in the house. Ladies and gentlemen I’m not in the hood anymore but I have now enter another place and it’s called THE TRAP. Clearly this is THE TRAP as I have stopped my car in front of a crack house. For those that don’t know what The Trap is, it’s a place in urban culture where drugs are sold, made, and distributed.  I stopped my car (noticed I didn’t say park, as my foot was on the brake and the car was still in drive). I call this boy and tell him I’m outside, he says he’ll be right down. It took him 15 minutes to bring his ass…. All the while I’m on the phone telling my friend this absurd situation I’m in. Now she’s telling me to get the hell out of dodge, finally I agree with her and this was bat shit crazy. I just wanted to stay so I could tell him off face to face. He comes to my car.

I unlock the door and he gets in, I’m so fucking confused like so many questions are going through my head. Why I’m in the trap? Why didn’t you tell me you lived in the trap? Why did you think I would be okay with coming to the trap and 10pm? Are you riding with me? And if so why don’t you have a car? When I met you, you had a car what happened to it? He starts talking about how nice I look blah, blah, I’m just ready to get my little Pollyanna ass out of the trap before some shit pops off. I’m not even looking at him….. I just say “where are we going’? He says to this lounge up the street… I’m ready to tell him naw dude I’m cool on that and you. But I chill and just drive, plus I have my mase and box cutter if something does happen. Shit, I have seen too many episodes of Law and Order: SVU to be that damn chill. So we get to the spot and it’s a fucking hole in the wall. The same place where that ratchet ass woman questioned my taste in fashion (link).  It was definitely no damn Cheers. But everyone seems to know his name in the place. We find a seat and order drinks. So after a couple of sips I decide not to be “that bougie ass bitch”, that everyone in there probably thought I was and just talked to the guy. Hell I was already there and my Saturday night was in the toilet anyway, I just decided not to let it go to complete waste.

So after talking to him for about an hour, he’s was actually nice and kinda funny. He has a regular ass job (at least that’s what he told me), he just lives in the trap but overall he really didn’t act the rest of those bamas in there. I ended up having a decent time with him; I didn’t even cuss him out. Although, I did tell him no sir…. I will not be making about more trips to the trap and he should’ve given me a heads-up about the neighborhood. Will I go out with him again? Maybe but if we do it definitely won’t be on that side of town. He’s nice, cute, and funny and that’s cute for causal dating but not so much for serious dating. We’ll see I guess this is what dating is all about.   

From Boys To Men

Are you dating boys or are you dating men?

This question right here makes all the difference in the world, and some people don’t know the difference between the two. I don’t really want to get into the difference between a boy and a man but I will say age really doesn’t have much to with the difference. I could find a 37 year old man that still acts like a 17 year boy, and then you may find a 17 year old boy that has more sense than a 37 year old man. The thing is that boys are running around rampage claiming to be men but are very rarely are. Men these days aren’t over-flowing like in the land of milk and honey.

See the thing with men is that they kind of scare me. Why? Well maybe because I’ve always dealt with and dated boys. Boys I know, boys I know how to handle, boys I’m use too. Men on the other hand not soooo much, I don’t really know them, or how to handle them, men I’m not use too. What scares most people is the unknown and men well they are somewhat unknown to me. I of course I know how men operate for the most part I do have a Dad and a Step-Dad but my interactions with them is different from interactions with men in the romantic sense. Men seem to usually have their shit together. They have houses/condos not apartments or living in their mama’s basement. They have careers not jobs, they have 401Ks they’re not stuffing money under their mattresses. They go of vacation not weekend trips to Miami. In general they do grown men shit and well that’s a little overwhelming to me. I think it’s overwhelming because I don’t have or do all of those things. I’m working on them but I don’t have all them. Even though I know I don’t need to have my shit completely together to date someone that does, I just like to be on the same playing field with people. I don’t wanna be dating a guy that is on level 10 while I’m chillin’ on level 6….. That ain’t cute (well at least not to me). Then again maybe dating someone that has their shit together will help me get my shit together because dating boys just won’t do anymore. In the words of Danny Glover "I’m too old for that shit".

Footprints In The Sand

So you meet a guy at some random party. You two hit it off numbers are exchanged, calls are made and text messages are exchanged. This goes on for about a week or so. You two go out on a date, it was cool and you had fun. The calls and the text messages increase in frequency from the previous week and y’all go out on a 2^nd date. It’s equally as enjoyable as the first date, plans are somewhat made to see each other again but something goes awry the following week. The calls and text messages have decreased, the 3^rd date doesn’t happened. You start to wonder what happened. Things seemed to be progressing in a positive direction and then all of the sudden things come to a shrieking halt and you have no real idea as to why this has taken place.

So you decide to call or text ol’ boy, there’s no response. No return call or text or if he does respond its hours later. So what to do you do? Well, you take your cue and fall the fuck off. You no longer contact said boy, hell you may even deleted his number. You’ve seen the movie  He’s just not that into you, so you take his behavior or lack of behavior to mean just that. He’s just not into you and you keep it moving. Yeah you may wonder what exactly you did or didn’t do or just what the fuck happened. But you brush it off and keep on trucking; you cast him to a land far, far away in your mind. Hell, two weeks later you don’t even remember him anymore. Then this happens:

(578) 222-2222 (or whatever number you don’t recognize): Hey!! What’s up with you?

You: Who is this?

Random #: It’s fill in the blank. Damn you don’t even have my # in your phone. That’s messed up. But anyway how have you been?

You: Good. But why would I have your # in my phone? We haven’t spoken in months; the real question is why do you still have mine?

Random#: Because you’re cool peoples…. So do you want to hang out sometime this weekend?

*you scratch your head in confusion, and ask yourself where dey do da at?*

Now some people’s reply to this guy’s question will vary. I know what my reply would be, to tell him to get the hell on somewhere. Some other girls would go out with him and that’s their choice but that’s not what I want to discuss. Whether you would go out with him or tell him to go fuck himself isn’t the topic at hand. What I want to talk about is; why do guys think they have such huge impacts on people’s lives? 

They go out with a girl a few times, pay her a few compliments, have random but sometimes thought provoking conversations with them. They then fall off the face of the planet for weeks, months, hell sometimes years. Then they pop up like a damn poptart out of the toaster, and expect said girl to 1) remember him 2) be happy to hear from him 3) want to see him 4) expect to pick things up from where they started or 5) all the above. What the fuck???? Where do these men get these ideas from? Save by the Bell or something. There’s a disconnect here and I want to connect it like spaghetti junction. 

Dude like the song says you can’t keep running in and out of people’s lives. People move on and even if that person hasn’t moved on to another person, they may have just moved on from you. Nobody is going to be sittin’ up in their room, back their thinkin’ about you and your ass. Nobody is Brandy in this situation and you’re definitely not Donald Faison, so please get your life!!! If for whatever reason you were talking to some girl and you choose to fall off and now you want to try to pop back up and talk to her again. N*gga just say that and as Kevin Hart would say, "you need to say it with your chest." I not really sure what that means but I'm assuming it means when you say something just mean what you say. I promise you’ll get a much better response, than acting like it’s a privilege that you’re even calling her phone. Oh yeah…. You’re going to have to give her a plausible explanation as to way you fell off too. Is either come correct or don’t come at all because despite what the media may say not all women are so desperate for a man. That they will take shit from any man that crosses her path. Contrary to your belief your impact on this girl’s life may not have been as significant as you thought. While you may think you may have had a deep impact on her life like the damn movie, you were more like a footprint in the sand easily forgotten.  

Death To The Wallflower

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Well at least according to Jennifer Hudson, I will tell you this though I’m tired of her weight watchers commercials. Especially her new one, with her (skinny Jen) singing along side with her old fat self….. it’s kind of creepy. But I’m not knocking her hustle or anything but these commercials have to go. So it’s a new year and I’m sure everyone as big plans, big dreams, and big goals. I won’t exactly go into what all I want to do and accomplish this year but I’ll tell you guys about one.

I’ve always been the type of girl that never approaches a guy, even if I think he’s cute or whatever I never say anything first. I never call a guy first; in short I’m never the one to initiate anything between me and the opposite sex. The only time I speak to guys first is if I’m two sheets to the wind drunk. I know that’s kind of pathetic a grown ass woman afraid to talk to boys . SMH at my damn self but I at least I know I have a problem. According to most 12-step programs admitting you have a problem is the first step so there you have it, I'm trying to work on my problem. So one of my goals/ resolutions or whatever the f*ck is to change or at least slightly modify this behavior. What got me to thinking about this in the first place was someone’s mini twitter rant about girls and our narrow-minded thinking when it comes to the initial stages of dating. What he basically said was men get tired of doing all the work, they like to be hollered at too (but not in an aggressive way, I’ll touch upon this subject one day), they like compliments but they rarely ever get them. Smiling and saying hello to a guy doesn’t make you desperate, calling a guy first just to say hello doesn’t make you a bug-a-boo. There’s a line between knowing what you want and being a stalker. A lot of women (myself included)  think that by making the first move the guy is going to think your pathetic or that you’re sweating he’s nutsack, so it’s just easier and low risk to be a wallflower. Well ladies if this set back and let’s see what happens method has/is working for you, than good for you and this message ain’t for you.

Now to the other 99% of us after reading this man’s twitter rant I realized not only did he have a point as mentioned above but by waiting for men to approach you all the time. You put a lot of power in his hands, and one man should not have all that power. He approached you, he called you, and he set up the date. What the hell have you done other than show up looking cute in your finest garments with your MAC lip glass on? If you two were to get it a relationship, he’s going to be already use to this power and if you try to pull a switcheroo, he may trip. Why? Because he’s been in control like Janet with this power all this time and now here you come trying to takeover….. this may become a serious problem in the relationship . Secondly, maybe the guys that do approach you aren’t the guys you actually want to be dating. Well if the guys you actually want to be dating don’t approach you, maybe you should approach them because obviously the wallflower approach isn’t working. So maybe smiling at a guy and saying hi will, who knows maybe you may end up dating a guy that’s actually your type. Instead of trying to turn the guy that approached you into your type. Just like the adage  says “Closed mouths don’t get feed”. This all about taking control of your life and that includes the guys you date. I know this is easier said than done, but I figure if the wallflower steez hasn’t worked for the last 10 years or so what the hell do I have to lose by trying it this way. Yeah my pride may or may not be lost but people also say love is stronger than pride, right?

Is He Serious?

Who's ever encountered a man and within 48 hours of knowing him, he's asking you to do or just about some dumb sh!t? For example after your 1st date. You text him to tell him you had a good time but instead of replicating that sentiment he hits with this bullsh!t, " Hey can you sent me a naked pic"? WTF??? So you re-read the text because you can't believe this fool asked you some sh!t like this but there it is in black and white. How do you go from hey I had a nice time with you; to send me a naked pic, did you miss the memo? Is this what's really up in the world now? Dudes using groupon on dates and then in turn asking for naked pics to add to their own personal soft porn collections. There are so many questions to be asked but the big one that comes to mind is, what the hell do I look like sending this guy a naked pic? A hoe and not just a hoe but a $2 hoe at. Why would he think its okay to ask some foolishness like that? What happened in your Katherine Heigl/normal ass date, that would prompt a man to ask you for a naked pic. SMDH..... well dudes who do things like this have some balls on them and what they are doing is letting those balls hang.

The younger me would've have went all the way off on some man if he asked me some sh!t like this. The older me wouldn't and doesn't do such things any more. All I would do now is simply say "NO or "Yes I do have naked pics but I'm don't sending them to you". Then again since he didn't precisely identify have kind of naked pic, I would send him a pic of a penis. It would all depend on my mood, but I what I won't do is cuss him out. First of all he's probably not worth me cussing out in the first place and secondly I know why he's asking me that question. It's not because he thinks you're a hoe, its because he's trying you. Just like the Grammys tried the entire f*ck out of Beyonce by not nominating her for any real awards this year. I'm still listening to her 4  album and the Grammys are nominating Kelly Price for R&B song of the year.....  WTF yeah, okay its whatever. Sorry I went on a little rant.

Well that's basically what this idiot is doing trying the f*ck out of you to see what kind of response he'll get. Also he's asking you this because believe it or not, its worked before. Yup, he or someone he knows asked some ratchet ass girl this same very question and she sent a pic of her damn near busting it wide open. Dudes who do this are either dumb as f*ck or wildly brilliant, I haven't decide which one yet. See asking question like this is an easy way for them to weed out women. Its a way for them to see who's DTF (down to f*ck) and those who aren't DTF. Its a way to tell the jumpoffs from the girls with potential to be girlfriends. So in a way its kind of brilliant on their part, since all men are trying to f*ck anyway, all this is doing is speeding up the process. If a girls sends a pic back she's DTF like right now and if she doesn't she isn't DTF, well at least not at that moment. Also when a girl tells him no, he can say some sh!t like, " I was just playing" or " It was just a joke". Yeah right... but that's his way of trying to save face. So now that you have that information maybe the guy isn't an asshole or a perv and you shouldn't be to rash in your decision to kick him to the curb. Maybe he's just a guy and that's what guys do, try to find DTF girls in the most efficient way possible. It might make him a little childish but not necessarily a douchbag. What do you guys think?

Are You Dating Just To Be Dating?

Have you ever been on a date with someone you really didn’t like, just so you’ll have something to do? Like you’re not at all feeling this person but they asked you out and you had nothing else to do, so you go out with them. I’ve done this and I’m sure we all have done this at some point in our lives. Well while I have made this mistake before, I have seen the errors of my ways in regards to this subject and plan on NEVER dating a guy I don’t like or I am not attracted too. Here’s why. You know you don’t like this dude, like none what so ever. There’s pretty much nothing he can do or say that would make you think about dating him seriously. Hell, you’re not even attracted to him in the slightest way. The thought of you having sex with him makes you drier than, those horrible ass jokes on Tyler Perry’s House of Payne.  So why in the hell would you even think about sharing a meal or air space with this man? Now I’m not here to knock anyone’s hustle. If you want to hang out with people you have lackluster feelings for, to get yourself a Jack Daniels burger at TGFI, than May the power be with you. I at this point in my life cannot participate in such things. There’s no way on God’s green Earth that I’m going out with some negro just because he asked if I’m not attracted to him or see myself potentially liking him. We’re not going out any damn where. Here are a few reasons why.

1) I have better things to do: This is pretty much self-explanatory.  The things I may have to do may consist of, washing my hair and watching Gilmore Girls on ABC Family channel or watering my plants. Whatever I may be doing; my time will be better spent doing those things, than sitting up in Starbucks talking to some mediocre dude about the last GOP debate. No thanks.

2) Energy: I think I talked about my energy level when it comes to dealing with men at this point in my life in a previous post I'm Just So Unmoved. Look my ass is like 5 miles to empty. I can’t use my precious energy on men I’m not feeling at all. Dating takes energy.  I’m about tapped out and I’m looking the nearest energy source. My friends that energy source isn’t going to be found dealing with men I don’t like, not feeling, or gross me the f*ck out.

3) The Headache: If you go out with someone you feel so-so about, they’re going to expect something from you. It maybe sex or just a second date, whatever the case maybe this guy is going to want something from you. Why?? Because would went out with him and therefore in his mind you must like him or like something about him. He obviously likes you, which is why he asked you out, so by you accepting his offer he figures the feelings are mutual. So now you have a problem on your hands. This dude you went out with for sh!ts and giggles, now thinks he has a real chance with you. So he will call, text, tweet, send you a fax, or use whatever form of communication needed to reach you. To harass your ass about when is he going to be able to see you again aka “get up in them guts”. Therefore you’ll either have to tell you’re not feeling him like that or dodge him for the next few weeks. Sometimes this doesn’t even work and this is where the headache happens. All this trouble for a 2 for 20 dinner at Applebee’s ain’t worth it, hell it’s not worth if y’all are going out to Morton’s steak house.

If your dating men you’re mildly attracted or you just never really considered dating before, by all means date these men, that’s how you find out what you really want in a relationship and that’s want dating is all about. What I’m talking about is dating men that in your mind are like Jerome off Martin, the never gonna get it n@ggas. Look at the clip, these are the type pf men I'm talking about. The men who don't even have a chance in hell of you wanting to even hold their hand, let alone letting them sniff your panties; these are the men I’m talking about. The men you’re going out with for a free meals and some attention, for the sole reason of its something to do. Girl….. you have failed and I would advise you to find a hobby or take a class at your local YMCA because my dear your wasting your time and his.

Never Too Busy

"I'm just saying I've been mad busy."

 With a show of hands who's heard this statement from someone they may have been interested or semi-interested in? Well, I know I have and you know what I think when someone says something like this to me, bullsh!t!!! Yup, it's total bs. That's what it is, my mother told me a long time ago that people make time for the things that is important to them. If a person loves running but works four jobs and has two kids, I'm sure they will still find the time to run. Now it may not be everyday or as much as they would like but they will still find the time to make it happen. That may mean doing somethings that they don't like doing, such as waking up at 4:30 am to go running. Instead of sleeping til 6:00 but they're going to get their ass up to run because that's what they love/want to. It's that simple.

When people give you bs about wanting to hang out or anything with you but they never do. It's not because they're too busy, it's because they simply don't want to. That's all and end of story. Nobody is that damn busy that they can't call you back, take you out or find time to spend with you. Who the hell are they? What the hell are they doing? Barack Obama is the leader of the free world, he's a busy man. But do you think for one minute he doesn't response to Michelle's text messages in a timely fashion. Yeah...  I bet he does, you know Michelle would go all the way off on him if he took six hours to response back to her text, and he's the President damnit. Now he has sh!t to do but he's not that damn busy to point where he's not responding to his wife's messages. So what the hell is wrong with that guy or gal you've been talking to for the past couple of weeks? Well, in my humble opinion they're not busy, they're disinterested. I'm sorry nobody is busy to the point that they can't return calls/text or make time to actually see you face to face. Just like the movie said, He's just not that into you. If a person was into you, there won't be phone tag going on they would call you right back. You wouldn't go days or weeks without seeing them, they would see you regardless of what's going on in their lives because they're into you and want to see you. All I'm saying is everybody has things going on in their lives but no one is so busy to the point where they're not spending time with people they're interested in or care about, they wouldn't spend time with someone they're into. So if you're going through this "I'm so busy" crap with someone right now, my advice would be to just move on and go find yourself busy with someone else because that other person isn't that interested. Let that ish go and move along, it happens to the the best of us including me. So the next time someone hits you with that I'm busy ish, just remember what's been said here and this song.  Kenny Lattimore's Never too Busy.

I'm Just So Unmoved

I think I have a problem when it comes to dating, this problem I speak of I'm  kind of just starting to realize its a problem or I've just admitted to myself that maybe a problem.  I realized this when I saw Rhianna's latest video, in the video she was totally into this guy. The highs (although some of the highs seemed to be chemically induced) and the incredible lows of love were all on display, they were in the moment and felt all of those moments.  She's ALL THE  WAY INVESTED in the relationship.

 Well that ain't me and has been me in a long time, my experience is more like this video. Daria....., sigh this is my dating life. Going through life and various experiences and just being generally unmoved by the whole thing. Look this b!tch is reading the newspaper at a basketball game, she refuses to get involved at all and that's how I feel 98% of the time when it comes to dating. I just don't emotionally invest in dating and dealing with dudes, I'm romantically tapped out. Do I get emotional (no Carl Thomas)? Yes, I get upset and pissed off all the damn time. I'm invested in the things I care about like my family, friends and my career. But when it comes to dating I'm chilling like Daria. I'm more likely to get upset that Glee didn't come on because of the World Series or they effed up my coffee order at Starbucks, than if some guy didn't call back like he said he would. Look at Rhianna in the video she's in the middle of nowhere in a mud-pit with her boyfriend. I rather not, well at least not with any man I've dated or I'm currently dating. I'm there if that's where my friends are, otherwise you're going to have to count me out. Anyhoo, even when I'm talking to a guy or on a date with one, I'm thinking about other things. Like I'm wondering if the new issue of Harper Bazaar came in the mail or why Jennifer Lopez thinks we believe she's driving around in the Bronx in a Fiat... girl bye. Okay, I'm digressing again. I shouldn't be thinking about those things, should be trying to get to know this person, right? But at last that doesn't happen. Lately I can't muster up the energy to actively participate in dating and it most definitely takes two people to date, I'm just out there half assing it. I'm doing things like meeting guys, grabbing their attention (which I actually enjoy) and then once they want my number or to go out I turn into Daria. Once they want more from me than what's number and my sign, I'm like no thanks. I'm out here catching and releasing dudes.  I feel like dating just takes too much energy and I'm so about the 20% energy iPhone life right now. I just can't seem to put forth that much effort right now. I rather have a smooth seat somewhere, watch Head of the Class and go drinking with my friends. Than to sit in some restaurant and listen to some man talking about why The Blueprint was Jay-z's best album or whatever the f*ck. I don't feel like telling some man about why I didn't go to a HBCU or the story of my life, in short I guess I don't feel like dating. Well, I at least don't feel like doing the initial stages of dating and you have to go through that part to get to the relationship part.


 I'm not exactly sure what my problem is or if this is even a problem (it probably is). I'm not sure when this happened or how to change this behavior. Maybe I've met one too many bamas and they've left me disenchanted and jaded. Then again maybe I've allowed myself to feel this way. I keep thinking that a Michael Ealy look-alike is going to show up and shake me to my core. I know that's pretty much never gonna happen because that's not real life, but a girl can dream, right? Maybe this is a phase or maybe it isn't. All I know is that I just can't participate in all the fuckery that goes on in dating right now. I'm a firm believer in showing up and showing out and putting your best foot forth, but nowadays I'm showing up unprepared and just not giving a f*ck. Oh, so and so didn't call back or his trippin'. It's cool I'm going to eat wings and drink bud lights with my friends and have fun. That's where my head is at and that just isn't my style when I'm in regular mode. The last couple of guys I've dealt with said they couldn't get a good read on me, that I was very nonchalant and unbothered about our situation. They were exactly right, I couldn't put it better than that. That's how I felt about them and about dating in general. So I think I'm just cool out on the sidelines and drink a Hi-C juice box and let y'all have at this game of dating for awhile because I'm being very much like Lebron in the 4th quarter....  just non-existent.

Appearances Are Everything

So to piggyback of the post from the other day, "He wasn't man enough for me". Let's talk about the real reason the men you want aren't approaching you with the velocity you would like. It isn't because he's intimidated by your beauty, brains, or success. Please got those thoughts all the way up out of here. Its not like you're Ray J and you're rolling with the money team with 5- 7 Rolls Royce's outside. No boo, that's not the case. As I have stated before if a man likes you or what he sees, he's going to step to you point blank period. The reason he's choosing that girl over you is because you have too much red tape ma'am.

What exactly does that mean? Well men are a lot more simple than you think they are. They see you the girl with the beauty, brains, and success but they also see the girl that's guarded, stuck on herself, and just too damn difficult. Now this may not really be the case. You actually maybe a real down to earth girl, that prefers chicken and beer over roasted lamb and merlot. Well his ass doesn't know that, all he knows is that you look like a lot work. Just too much energy that he just isn't willing to invest in. So what does he do? He goes with the easier opinion, the easy, breezy, cover girl at the other end of the bar.  Now she could be the girl that's gonna give him more headaches than a little bit, be more difficult than Brittany from Glee trying to get a passing grade in algebra. But he doesn't know that and he stepped to her over you, why? Because of appearances.

Sometimes, shit most of the time life is all about appearances, Ms. Covergirl looks like she's having a good time. Like she won the lottery and sleep with Idris Elba all in the same night. You on the other hand look like your tampon is stuck in a place it shouldn't be.  It's too crowded in the spot, your feet hurt, and the drinks suck. Ms. Covergirl knows this and feels the same why you do but differences is, she doesn't give a f#ck or she appears not to. You on the other hand are vocal about your unhappiness, what man is going to approach that? Not very many, so he moves on to the next girl. She may not be as hot or smart as you but she has one thing you're lacking, the appearance that she has all these things. Now I'm not saying go around smiling like a jackass all the damn, but if you want to be approach than look approachable. Its that simple. Yeah more throw a dudes are gonna talk to you but so are the dudes you may actually want to approach you. The choice is yours but if what you've been doing isn't working, trying something else couldn't hurt.

He Wasn't Man Enough For Me

I'm sure we've all heard this line, " He didn't approach/want to date me because he was intimidated by me". Let's just get this straight today once and for all. That statement is incorrect 95% of the time and I'm here to tell you why sister girl. The above statement only applies to about 5% of the male population and when it does apply these dudes are usually bitch ass dudes. Yes, that's right bitch asses that's what they are. Insecure men that would actually let the attributes of a woman stop them from dating the actual type of women they like or are attracted to. So to these men keep on being intimidated and stay in the corner sucking down your midori sours with your bitch ass. You need not apply to the job at hand.

So now to the other 90% of the male population. I don't care if you have your MBA from Yale, PhD in bio chem from Standford, drive a BMW, have a 3 bedroom house on the lake, just made partner in the law firm, or whatever the f*ck you do or have. The God's honest truth nine times out of ten men don't care about that stuff, what do they care about is what the p*ssy is hittin for when and how they can have sex with you. All that bs about most men can't handle a successful woman is just a pack of lies some woman use to make it easier to sleep at night. What a man can't handle is a woman throwing to shit up in his face every chance she gets. Example:


Man: Hey babe I think we should try that new Mexican place down the street.


Woman: Ummm, no I think we should go to the sushi restaurant.


Man: We just had sushi two days ago and it made you sick.


Woman: What the hell are talking about? I wasn't sick I just had diarrhea and that could have been the result of anything I ate that day.


Man: But you got sick an hour after you ate sushi at that spot.


Woman: Okay but who has the medical degree from Duke? Me that's who so please shut it. No Mexican, we're going to the sushi spot.


Man: *blank stare* Okay
(texts big booty Judy, "Hey, what that p*ssy hitting for tonight".)

Okay maybe the above example is extreme but you get my point. If a man wants to talk to you or date you he's going to do so whether or not these achievements exist or not. To him its a non- motherf*cking factor ( it kinda hurt my heart to quote Evelyn Lozada but it fit). Most men have no problem with your accomplishment, in fact its an asset in their minds. Its part of the reason they like you in the first place but its not the whole reason. Those things are what you do and what you've done, they aren't who you are. For that girl that's about to go on a tangent, talking about I'm proud of the things have done and the degrees I have I worked hard to get them. Yes, you should be proud of your accomplishment nobody is telling you shouldn't be but don't wear these things as a badge of honor, this isn't your Brownie Troop.

When Seasons Change

So summer is officially over today :( and some people are holding on to these last days of warmth like Keri Hilson is to her singing career (with all her strength and blonde hair dye at your local CVS). Everyday the temperature deeps below 70 your heart sinks a little deeper. Along with with these summer fading days, comes a new season and no I'm not talking about Autumn. I'm talking about cuffing season or boo hunting season. Now for those that don't what exactly that is, its when women and men (usually men) decide that they've had even fun in the sun and random hookups . So now that it's getting cold they want someone around on a regular basis and get coupled up. Here's the official definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary:  the season in which everyone is getting coupled up usually around when the weather is beginning to change and it is getting cold outside. Le sigh I find cuffing season to be mildly annoying and here's why.  You usually get the random text from that random guy that you haven't heard from since right before Memorial Day. The conversation goes a little like this.

	Random Guy: Hey, What's up? I haven't heard from you in awhile.

You: I'm sorry but who is this?


Random Guy: Damn!!! You don't even remember who I am. Its _____


You: Oh okay.... what's up?


Random Guy: Nothing much, I just want to catch up and maybe get dinner, lunch, coffee, and/or some ass.


You: (well depending who you are the conversation can go two ways yay or nay).


Look I'm not knocking cuffing season but me, myself, and I are not doing it this go around. I already got a few of these messages and I had to shut that shit down like a sweatshop on Canal Street. My reasons I'm focused on getting use to this Chicago life and getting a job, so eff you and your cuffing. Also its kind of like a back handed compliment, its like... I met you months ago but I didn't really want to go there with you until I saw what else is out there. Ummmm no thanks sir. Also when these dudes are reaching out to you they're reaching out to 2+ other girls to, which is the whole point of cuffing season. You throw some bait out there and see who bites first. Which is fine for some but for me I'm going to have to sit this round out. For those that are participating good luck and good cuffing.