The One That Got Away

This past weekend a strange thing happened… a blast from the past came back with a vengeance. A guy I use to dated called me and maybe I shouldn’t have answered the phone but being that I deleted him from my life and my contact list I had no idea it was him. What he asked me after the awkward exchanging of pleasantries… was what I had been dreading for him to ask from the moment I said hello. After I decided I know longer wanted to date him, I just ended all communication between us. Why I decided I didn’t want to date him anymore and I just vanished like Danny Green did in the last two games of the NBA finals? This was the question he wanted an answer to.  I knew the real answer it was very simple, it became perfectly clear to me that he wasn’t the person I needed him to be for me, and rather than sit around waiting for him to make the decision to be that person, I made to choice and to quote Fantansia…. Yeah I know but I “freed myself”. But how do you tell a person “hey I saw what you had to offer and although there were flashes of greatness overall you really ain’t shit, so I kept it moving”. The convo was definitely killing my vibe on a Friday night, so I copped out. I gave him some bs about me having a lot of things going on at the time and some things fell through the cracks and he was one of those things. It was a lie….. but it was just so much easier to tell him that than the truth. The truth was overall he’s a good person but he wasn’t the right person for me. I hate this phase but there’s no other way to say it….. he wasn’t “the one”, hell he wasn’t even two or three.

Sometimes honesty is the hardest thing to do and being honest with yourself, well it the hardest job of all. So in the spirit of being honest he may not have been "the one"  for me, I wasn’t "the one” for him either and that is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. To be honest enough with yourself to realize that the person you’re dating and really like doesn’t view you as the game changer/ the one. This particular guy he may not even know that I’m not his “one”, well he doesn’t know.  Due to the fact he told me he knows I’m the one that got away. That statement pretty much proves my point I’m not “the one”, if I was “the one” I would have never gotten away in the first place. If I was  "the one"  he wouldn’t have got more sentimental than Deborah Cox and decided to call me on a Friday night and try to attempt putting me back in the emotional rollercoaster that was our relationship, by saying all the right things 6 months too late. All those things would’ve been said and  been manifested in his actions and maybe who knows we would still be together, instead of him calling on a random night saying all the things that needed to have been said months ago. Just fighting a battle he already lost.

It’s funny because he was saying all of things I wanted him to say so badly months ago, but hearing them now they the words felt uninspired and uninvited, although I do believe he was sincere. His sincerity was just expressed a little too late, his Expiration Date had passed.  I’ll never know what prompted his recent actions because I’m not asking, I honestly don’t care maybe he needed closure and just wanted to get it off his chest. Then again me knowing him he was hoping that whatever spark we had was still aflame and he was ready to throw all the lighter fluid in ten Super Wal-Marts on it. However, him knowing me he should’ve known that whatever spark we had was gone like a candle in the wind.  After that phone call I sat in my car for a little bit and thought about what was said in our conversation…. I wasn’t angry, sad, or annoyed but I did feel drained emotional… all that from a 15 minute phone call. I just kept coming back to him saying “I don’t want you to be the one that got away” and all I could do was wish I would’ve told him I was never the one because I would have never gotten away if I was.    

Springing Forward

Well the weather has broken in most cities across the country, except for apparently Chicago as it lightly snowed this past weekend. With the beginning of a new season comes the end of another and no I’m not talking about this God-awful winter that refuses to exit the premises. I’m talking about cuffing season…. It's gone and won’t return again until the leaves start to fall and the air becomes crisp again. So as new boos becomes old news, or stay around for seasons to come. The way people handle the changing of seasons, cuffing season is very interesting, for some they’re holding on to their love. For others, well it’s out with the old and in with the new and hopefully improved. Now those that are in it to win… well this post ain’t really for you. For those of us that crapped out during cuffing season, for whatever reason… this one is for me and you, your mama and your cousin and me too.

As you may have been able to detect my cuffing season did end up somewhere over the rainbow, however I do think that maybe these April Showers will bring May Flowers. For some the season ended abruptly and without warning. For others you were just hanging on until St. Patrick’s Day or the first warm day of the year so you could get a glimpse of what other fish were in the sea. To see if you want to keep what you had or throw it back to the sea and try to catch something different. Whatever the case may have been you are now single and ready to mingle. It doesn't matter if things ended like a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare, there’s probably no better time to be single than right now springtime. It’s a time for new beginnings, new loves, and new adventures. Now I’m not saying you need to push up on the first half way decent man that has a fresh haircut or completely forget about wintertime boo and the lesson/s you learnt from that situation. Nope, all I'm saying is embrace the warm weather and make it do what it do, because that's what I plan to do. As my mother told me over the phone the other day" get your life, or else at least find someone else's to get". Yes, my mother the school teacher and now grandmother (by her other child... let's make that very clear. No baby for me.) told me that last week.... she's really gotta stop watching the Braxton Family Values, thanks Tamar for incorporating this into my mother's vernacular. So with that said don't let the wintertime blues make for a cruel summer. 

School Blues

If I only knew what I know now back then…. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. Everyone has regrets of some kind and they all vary in degree. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent your rent money buying tickets to the Beyoncé Mrs. Carter tour, doing that tequila shot with all the Jack Daniels you drank was the wrong move, being 16 and pregnant…. These are just some of the regrets a person can have. We all have them, mine lately has been “bitch you should’ve gone to Grad School immediately after Undergrad”. These past few months have been nothing but a damn struggle…  I mean Like D’jango’s wife trying to find the Underground Railroad and getting her Freedom Papers struggle, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but my struggle is real. A struggle that I can only think that would’ve been less of a struggle if I attempted to go to Grad school at 22 rather than in my late 20’s. I still would've been laser focused on school but after being out of school for so long I’m about as focused as DMX is about trying to stay out of jail.

The crazy thing is that I’m not even taking a full course load but with this class I’m taking and a full time job. I feel crazy, not sexy or cool… just plain crazy.  School was so much easier when I was in undergrad, it was my main focus. That and getting to the bar before midnight and the $1 tequila sunrises went back to regular price.  Now it’s not just school anymore, its meetings, deadlines, paying bills, and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s having a damn job… pulling all nighters and getting up to go to work at 6am is not what’s up.  When I pulled all nighters in undergrad I just had to get up and go to class, and if I had breaks in between I would go back the dorms and take a nap or sleep in the library. That’s a non-option at work, sleep where?? In the bathroom… yeah okay.  I’m not going to lie its been a little rough going back to school and having a full time job. I got off to a kinda rough start, which wasn’t exactly my fault. That’s another story for another day, however what happened really doesn’t matter because at the end of the day its my name on those grades and nobody else’s…. so there’s that.  I’ve gotten a little better with getting the hang of things lately, but I still feel overwhelmed with school at times. It’s definitely put a damper on my somewhat interesting social life but hey I know it’s for my own good but still I really hate school at times.

I have no idea how people with families (spouses and children) go back to school and work full-time. I’m more stressed out than Roseanne after they announced there wasn’t going to me any more Twinkies produced.  I just have a constant list of things that I need to do and sometimes shit gets done other times it doesn’t. So how a person balances all of this with kids, I'm not sure but I'm sure some type of narcotic is involved. God Bless them and can they pass out some Cliffnotes on how this happens.  

I will say this though the course I’m taking has definitely given me a better understanding of the field I’m in. This aint no fluff course, I feel more knowledgeable about problems that arise at work, so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m not working my ass off and pulling out my hair at times for some useless bs that I’m never going to use in my career. So here’s to looking forward for school being out for summer.

No Apologies

You know some people can never say they’re sorry… it doesn’t matter if the transgression they did was small or bigger than the state of Texas. It’s like they are physically incapable of say “I’m Sorry” or any form of those words. Hell some people won’t even admit that they were wrong about something let alone apologize about it, this behavior is truly baffling and disgusting. I know a few people like that in my life and I truly think that they need to be studied… like a psychological case study, someone needs to come in observe these people, write a research thesis about them, and get it published in a medical journal or something. My gosh some of these fool I know are ridiculous.

Or maybe they just need to go listen to this song whatever the case may be, an intervention is needed. I’m not sure how y’all deal with people like this but I found that the best way is just not to engage. I don’t argue with them like at all….. and if they try to argue with me I don’t argue back I just say “you got it”. Why?? Well after years of arguing, disagreeing, slap-boxing, and whatever else with them and getting nowhere with them. I realized that they’re NEVER going to open their minds or eyes and try to see things differently, so what’s really the point of trying. They’re so concerned with being right, they never realize when they are wrong. So after years of butting heads with said people I learnt the best way to deal with them is to pay them dust, I give them nothing to argue with me about.  This quote is so accurate when it comes to dealing with the No Apologies crew "Never argue with a fool, people might not be able to tell the difference." Bam!! I’m not arguing with you because there’s no point, with the No Apologies crew they are always right, even when proven wrong like with scientific data… an apology is never going to happen. They stand strong in their convictions, they stick by that wrongness with all the colors of the wind. I personally don’t have time for that fuckery…. So I let them be.

Arguing is already exhausting in the first place but auguring with a person from the No Apologies Crew will put your ass in a coma. I’ve tried it and have never succeeded. The closest I ever got was a change of subject. What is this phenomenon? Well it’s when you’re arguing with a person and you’ve made your point correctly, you’re basically winning the argument and the No Apologies member knows this and instead of succeeding or apologizing they don't because they’re just can never admit when they’re wrong. They instead starting talking/arguing about other shit unrelated to the initial argument. They try to flip the script….. They’ll start talking about past things you’ve done wrong. Shit that happened weeks, months, and even years ago that’s unrelated to the topic at hand. Example:

Me: “But you said you were going to take the trash out and here it sits still in the can and now the garbage truck is gone.”

Member of the No Apologies crew: “Ummmm, okay but you over cooked the salmon last week, so what?”

Me: “Excuse me asshole we ain’t talking about over or under cooked salmon, we’re talking about this trash still sitting in the can.”

Member of NAC: “Well in never rains in Southern California.”

Me: “I ain’t got time for this.”

This is the blueprint of an argument with someone in the NAC, no acceptance of responsibility, no signs of contriteness, and definitely no apology.  Just stubbornness, denial, misplacement of blame, and general bitchassness. Can these type of people change? Well I would like to think so but I’m not betting on it. So if you’re dealing with this type of person by choice or by force just know there really isn’t any changing them and arguing with them is fruitless. Just pay them dust and give them about as much energy as a new Tierra Marie single would generate which is no energy at all.   

Hi Hater

"I'm just going to make these haters my motivators".
"These haters won't hold me back".

We've all heard some type of shit like this, people talking about the hate they receive on a daily basis. Someone is just always hating on them. My questions is who are these haters you speak of??? Because I don't see them. To quote The Temptations movie , "ain't nobody coming to see you Otis". When I say people I'm talking about grown ass folks 25+, how are you 33 and have people hating on you? What is your life about that you think people are plotting against like you're Malcolm X and the US Government and the Nation of Islam are against you? I can understand someone in high school talking about haters and whatnot, because well its high school and high school can be a real life version on Mean Girls for some. High school is where haters breeds for the most part. So if a person has haters in high school...that's believable. College??? that's a stretch but I guess its possible because college is just a big ass high school. So if you have haters in college okay maybe you do if you say so.

As far as the 25+ crowd... we don't believe you, you need more people. If you're in the entrainment or some high intensity industry (think Marty Khan House of Lies) shit is different and you may probably do have haters, so never mind what I'm saying. But others all this talk about people hating on you, girl and boy I need receipts. You're a loan application manager at Chase, who is hating on you at this level of hate?  I'm having a hard time understanding this concept of your grown ass having other grown ass people hating on you and blocking your shine. With all the things most rational adults have to do on a daily basis, such taking care of kids, bills, going to work, cooking dinner, going shopping, going to school, watching Scandal, drinking wine, and trying to stay above water..... who really has time to hate on you? Now I'm not talking about people giving you side-eyes and making little shady ass remarks about you. No, I'm talking about the people who think that or claim that folks are out here plotting your downfall like a character off of Dallas or something. The people that claim that others just constantly won't let them be great.

I would just like to know, who these hating ass people and how they have time for all this hate they have?  Who are these people that are plotting to take you out like you're JFK or somebody because hating on someone takes time and energy.  Personally I have no time to sit around on hate on someone. Especially to the point where some of these folks are claiming that others are Jolly Green Giant green with envy of them and that all they do is just hate. There's too much to do and so much more going on for me and I believe most grown folks, to hate on that level. Like the amount of shit going on with the average person or me... work, paying bills, facebook, remember to buy milk, mopping the floors, having sex or not having sex. I just won't even have the time to hate on that extreme level and I'm willing to bet most folks don't either, but hey I could be wrong. Maybe you have more hate come at you than Keri Hilson every time she opens her mouth to sing.

Back to School

So as a part of me Getting Focused….. I decided to go back to school!! In fact my class starts today. Well let me expound on this because it’s not like going away to Stanford or anything. I applied to this online program to get my Master’s in Food Science and I got wait listed (I don’t even want to get into drama behind that), therefore I’m taking a classes that will count towards my Master’s as I try to get off the wait list. I will say applying and the process of signing up for the class has been more annoying than watching an episode of the Wendy Williams Show. First the application process was just so extra for me, I forgot what it was like applying to college and forgot how much of a nuisance it was. Then when I got waitlisted…. I got super emotional and was about to say fuck it to the whole process but then I calmed my ass down and decided to take this graduate course anyway.

Then came the joy of figuring out how to pay for the class and I just want to say tuition and fees are no fucking joke!! Let's not even talk about the scam of college textbook.... its like a damn ponzi scheme. Since I’m paying for this class out of pocket…. The shit is real depressing. When I realized how much it was going to cost and I almost said fuck this shit once again because paying for school is going to cut into my moving out fund. Then I really sat and thought about it and realized that this class is going to help me in the long run and if I want different results I was going to have to do things differently. Basically you have to sometimes sacrifice things to accomplish your goals, and this paying out of pocket was my sacrifice. I also had to answer questions to my Father about going back to school…. If you knew my father you would know this wasn’t an easy task. My Father somehow thinks to my life resembles that of Nicole Richie circa 2003, with a twist of Hannah from Girls. He basically thinks I’m wasting my life away, doing whatever the hell I'm doing. In his opinion I need to apply to a more prestigious program i.e. Harvard, Yale, Duke and go to school full time and get my PhD. He doesn’t think this program through the school (which is a public University in the state I live) is good enough, he doesn’t understand the concept of online classes, he thinks I’m going to Everest College or something, no shade to whom ever goes to Everest College. I told him the problem with his plan was the schools he’s talking about don’t even have the program I’m getting my Master's in. Who the hell is going to pay for me to go to Yale, Harvard, or Duke, assuming they even let my ass in? I’m not 23 I can’t stop working and be a full time student I have bills.Finally, that's he's plan for me not mine.... If a wanted to go to medical school or law school okay yeah, you kinda have to be a full time student but that ain’t what I want to do. So therefore I had to get off the phone with him before I told him to get the hell on with that BS on Christmas morning.

My point is that sometimes you just have to push forward with the things you want out of life even when things seem bleak and people are as supportive as a training bra on Pamela Anderson. I wanted to just say fuck this school shit like 3 times before I was like okay I’ll try this and like Usher I'm going to do this My Way and not my dad's way. Actually other than my Dad everyone else in my life was been very supportive about this decision and honestly my Dad’s opinion hasn’t been that important since Jennifer Aniston was still playing Rachel Green on Friends. I’m nervous about going back to school… because well I’ve out of school for awhile and I’m not as discipline as I was when I was in college but hopefully it will be like riding a bike. So friends if you’re trying to accomplish a goal this year or whenever just push forward with it, and don’t let things, other people or most importantly yourself get in the way. Most of the time we are our own biggest enemies, we have to stop being our own roadblocks and even if do come across ones on our journeys. There’s always a detour it may be harder to find and take you way out of the damn way but it still gets you to your destination.  

Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

So Live Your Life

A while ago someone asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I said Mitt Romey becoming President of the United States of America. Which it actually was at the the time but the typically answers people give never came to my mind. Such as death, heights, stretch marks, wired hangers, waking up and the Walking Dead is real life…. Etc. My actually biggest fear is living an unfulfilled life. What I mean by this; is me looking back at my life when I’m damn near about to retire and see I haven’t done shit with my life expect go to work for the past 25 years. That’s what the hell I’m talking about. I know people like this and I'm sure you do too, and the shit is borderline depressing. I just want to ask these people WTF did you do with your life in the 80’s-90’s other than work and go home and watch Cheers and Oprah every day and eat Cheez-Its?

There are no stories to tell… no trips, no kids to be proud of or to ashamed of, no crazy stories of what they did in their 20’s, 30's or 40's, no spouses to cherish or to be ready to get rid of like yesterday’s trash. It’s like their lives were; I went to college got a degree, got a job (the same one since 1988), got a home and I’m waiting on The Good Wife to come on to give me some type of entertainment. Some of these people don't even have hobbies. No gardening, collecting stamps, crossword puzzles, stalking a person's Facebook page. Its zip nada zilch going on with them. It's sleep, work, eat, and TV. It’s like what happened to you that you choose to or want to live this shell of a life. I’m not saying to your life needs to mimic that of a Diddy video from 1996. If you’re not about that party like its 1999 and its 2013 life, than don’t be about it. However I don’t see how some people choose to live their lives that of Mister Rogers walking around in that boring ass neighborhood.

There are a small percentage of these people that are actually content in the lives they have leaded and are leading… and to those I say do you boo. On the flip side a vast majority of these folks didn’t want to go down the paths their lives have taken them and are frontin’ like this is the life they want.  To the people I say GOOD DAY!! You aren’t happy with the way you choose to live your lives, you wanted something more but maybe you were too chicken shit to go after it. Maybe you wanted to have an Eat.Pray.Love moment but couldn’t because you had bills, or the person you loved once upon a time rejected you and you swore off love, or you just lived your life for your parents and didn’t want to take chances for fear of disappointing them. Whatever the case was, at the end of the day those are your choices and no one else’s. The thing that kills me about people like this is that when they see someone living life or attempting to live life to their fullest potential, these Bitter Betties and Bobs paws come out. The hate from these down and out folks goes to level red terror alert; these folks are wild, fast in the ass, hoes, amoral…..etc. Why because they rather go to the game than watch that shit on TV or because they rather go to the bar than sit at home and knit with you?  Just because a person is out in the streets doesn’t make them a street rat and just because they’re in the club doesn’t mean they’re poppin’ a Molly and sweatin. It just means they don’t want a boring ass life like yours; maybe they just want something more.

This can't be life as we know it.

The Break-Up

As you can tell from the title of this post, it's about a break-up.... its about my break-up. This is probably going to be one of the most personal post I have ever written. While not actually going into the details of the demise of this relationship, pointing fingers and trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. Who was wrong or who was right or whom broke up with whom. Just know there was miscommunication, hurt feelings, and misplaced anger. What I want to touch on is actually how I've be dealing with this break-up. Long story short..... not well. I've been so emotional I'm giving Whitney Houston and Carl Thomas a run for their money. There's been sleepless nights, which is how I know this shit is bad because nothing effects my damn sleep pattern. I go to bed around 11 or 12  and wake up at 6am, I never have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. But here I am like Corrine Bailey Rae and I'm having trouble sleeping. I actually up writing this a 3:35 am..... this isn't me.

I haven't been me in like a week, I feel like I have taken on the life of someone else. Someone who has been listen to Mary J Blige's My Life CD on repeat for days on end. This past weekend I barely left my house. I spent hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sade, Carole King, and Melanie Fiona just looking at the ceiling and crying at times. Btw there's a lot of depressing ass music out there. Especially Solange's True EP, I think I have been come a fan of hers because track Somethings seem to never fucking work stayed on repeat..... who knew. I somehow seemed to find everyone of these songs. Especially Solange's True EP and add them to a playlist on Spotify  and titled it another sad love song. My diet consisted of potato chips, cake, and several bottles of red wine. Yes, I decided to become the definition of 808's and Heartbreaks and become a part-time resident of Heartbreak hotel. I do believe that this past weekend was one of the most depressing ones of my life. On Sunday night I tried my best to get my Brain McKnight on and give this thing One Last Cry. That was a fail because on Monday morning I still felt the same way. Did I have this or am I still having this mental collapse on purpose? I really have know fucking clue. 

What I do know is that, part of the reason I'm on Adele/Drake level of being into my feelings. Is that I have really shared this break-up or feelings of lost with anyone not my friends here in Chicago or back home. I'm basically doing what Mariah Carey said in Breakdown. 

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry.

Yup that's exactly what I'm doing..... I'm suffering in silence because we all know real G's move in silence. Well I guess I won't be when people read this but why am I choosing to go through this alone?... idk. Maybe because I'm stubborn, prideful, or I just don't want folks to know how far gone I got of over a boy. How caught up in the rapture I got with him or just explaining what did or didn't happen between us. This is basically being prideful. Think I said this before on this blog but I don't get serious with guys a lot. I'll date a guy and before it gets too serious I'll let shit fall apart. I never allow myself to really get to into a guy. Yeah I may like a guy but I'll like him like I like pizza. Meaning that I like pizza but I don't need pizza in my life everyday, it's not a necessity like red wine. It's my defense mechanism, its my way of keeping men from getting to close and from me getting hurt. 

Welp I kind liked this guy like red wine and not pizza this time around and now I'm feeling like Carrie did when Big left her at the alter in Sex and The City. You remember how crazy she looked after that.... yeah that's been me for the past few days. 

So now I feel like an idiot and I'm just not ready to show anyone that side of me right now.... not even my Mama. I just want to sit around and watch Law and Order marathons and drink myself into 2013. Not that I think anyone of my friends would judge me or not be supportive..... I'm just going through the motions and right I don't want to drag anyone else into. I know that break-ups are apart of life, they happen to everyone at some point and feeling the way I have been for the past couple days is okay. It happens to even the best of us but I'm not okay feeling this way. So dear friends if I'm even more sporadic on this blog, this is why I'm way too deep into my feelings right now. I know I'll be okay eventually but it just won't be today.

Who Raised You?

As I was trolling the internet last week, I came across a blog post that I'm too lazy to find and link but I believe it was at  http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/. The post was about Jada Pinkett and her snap back session she gave on facebook about the criticism she and Will Smith have been receiving about their daughter Willow's Hair and image. If you aren't familiar about this situation, the gist is basically the Blacks as I call them have going in and letting have on Jada and Will about Willow and her behavior. This criticism went to level 10 when Willow shaved her head last year or earlier this year, I can't remember when she did it. People were going in on them because Willow shaved her head and her parents allowed this to happen. Jada's defense was basically that its just hair and her daughter's beauty isn't determined by the length of her hair and that people have to stop holding onto this European idea of what is beauty. The post basically cosigned what Jada said and I do to about what people's image of beauty is or isn't.

I mean when Willow shaved her head, the blacks went on attack. The outrage was pretty damn bad, the comments ranged from why, to she looked like an alien, to she was on her way to getting a starring role on The L-word ten years from now, Will and Jada were horrible parents and everything else in between. Now really didn't see what the big deal was when she shaved her head and how her doing that made Will and Jada worst parents than Casey Anthony and Joe Jackson. I shaved my head when I was her age, not by choice. I fought tooth and nail about shaving my hair but I was in boarding school in Nigeria and we had to shave our hair. In fact that's a common thing for young girls over there, why? It's easier to maintain and it is/was. I would put some Pink Oil Moisturizer (this was before I found out that shit was like putting WD-40 in your head) and brush it and go about my day. I learned at an early age hair is just hair, when I was crying in that chair as my hair fell to the floor; my dad told me it was just hair and it would grow back and I was still beautiful with or without it. But at the time I wasn't trying to hear that shit, all I could think about was the hair falling to the ground from my head. I get it now..... it's just hair and it did grow back. So I totally understand where Jada is coming from, she's practicing what India Arie was preaching in I am not my hair, as she should and we all should.

However, I think some of the critics of Will and Jada's parenting skills isn't coming from what this post or I just said about hair determining what's beautiful. Now I'm playing devil's advocate here, I think some of the criticism Will and Jada get is coming from Willow at times just being the most or what some deem not age appropriate. We are talking about a 12 year old girl here and some are saying the things she's doing aren't what 6th graders should be doing. I'm inclined to agree with this to a certain point. Now I'm nobody's parent but if my 12 y/o child told me she wanted to shaved her head, I would let her. Where I would give her that bitch please face is if she wanted to dye her hair every color under the rainbow, why? Because she's 12 not 18. I while back Willow took a picture with what I believe was a fake tongue ring. Real or fake if I did that at 12 I won't have tongue  to put a ring in because my mama would've promptly snatched my tongue with the ring in out of my mouth. I would probably do the same thing if my 12 y/o did some shit like that. When I was that age my mom didn't let me do certain things, like get piercings, wear a face full of makeup, clothing that a 12y/o shouldn't wear eg. booty shorts. Now I wanted to some of those things because that's what others were doing  and I thought my mama was being a hater. I see now she's wasn't a hater, she was a parent. A 12 y/o can't do the same shit a 18 y/o can do and this is what I think some people have a beef with Will and Jada is about.

I'm not in their household and how they choose to raise their kids is nobody's business but their own. People shouldn't model how they choose to raise their kids based on others. Nevertheless, I don't think people's gripe with Will, Jada, and Willow is about whipping hair back and forth hair, tongue rings, being a free spirit or Willow giving us her best  Annie Hall impression . It's not so cut and dry. I see no problem with let your child express themselves in a way they feel comfortable but at the same time they're kids and they just can't do whatever they want because that's what they want to do. In looking back on my childhood my parents didn't let me do certain things because they weren't age appropriate. The way some people raise their kids are different from other. My parents logic in not letting me do the shit I wanted to do was that wearing makeup and certain clothing  made look too old for my age at that time. Those types of things bring along with it a certain type of attention...... Being 12 and dressing like you're 18-19 brings the attention a 18-19 girl gets and at 12 that type of attention isn't needed. At 12 I didn't need to concern myself with those types of things. So I guess my mom was trying to prevent me from ending up on 16 and pregnant. I see some of these kids today, and I'm not talking about just Willow or any celeb kids now. Some of these kids are just out of fucking control, they are some of the some disrespectful, mannish, and ill-mannered creatures on this Earth and I can't deal. If I ever had a child and she/he behaved like some of these kids I see in street.... well get a jail cell ready for me because I'm going to beat the living shit out of that kid. It just makes you think you the fucked raised you?? There's a fine line between being a parent and being your kid's friend, a lot of today's parents have friends they can claim on their taxes.

Vacation Takeaways

I'm back from my first real vacation in like two years, that's not to say that I haven't been anywhere other than Chicago for the past two years because I have. But I don't real look at visiting friends and family a real vacation, that's just going to visit someone. Anyway I had a great time and enjoyed my time away from cold ass Chicago. While I was gone I learned a few things about myself and just life in general and would like to share things with you.

1) Cruises- Until last week I had never been on a cruise, why? I don't like boats/ships or big open spaces of water. It just freaks me out..... so when we set sail and all I could see was water and no land around me, a strange feeling came over me. Its not that I don't know how to swim, I do but being a sea and there's no land in sight is just weird. Also as I found out motion sickness is real in the battle field. Although I did take some medicine Dramamine I still got sick one night. I would suggest taking it even if you think motion sickness won't be a problem for you. I have never felt that way before in my life.... I wish to never feel it again either. It was almost as bad as when I got food poisoning from the food court at the mall in college. The motion in the ocean was on ten that particular night. Oh yeah being hungover on a cruise is ten times worst than on dry land.

2) Packing- As Erykah Badu once said "Pack light". I have the tendency to over pack, I am exactly the person was talking about, I'm a bag lady. So for my week vacation, I had four bags. A big suitcase, a mid-size one, a carry on bag, and my purse which probably doubles as a overnight satchel. I had to get porters and all types of assistance carrying all those bags around. I have a serious problem but I believe I genuinely needed everything I packed because you never know what you may need. My motto is a rather be over than under because its always easier take something away to make it less than it is to add on and make something more. For example if you're over-dressed for an event. You can take of articles of clothing or accessories off to make your outfit less fancy but if you're under dressed, well you're just assed out. You don't have the tools to make your outfit more extravagant. However I do know now that I don't always have to take everything that's in my closet either.

3) Your crew- It's not always about where you go its about who you go with. Yes, I had an amazing time on my trip to the Bahamas. The place was beautiful but what make my time so great was I was with my awesome friend. We the best time on vacation and at the places we visited but more importantly we had an amazing time with each other. There were no Basketball wives fights or Real Housewives cuss outs. It was just fun hang out with my friends and that's what really matters the most.

Shade And A Vacay

Well good people as you may be able to tell from the title of this post, I'm going on vacation this week. Thank God!!!!! This has been a long time coming, I need this like Ciara and Omarion need a hit on the radio. Between work, life, trying to getting my life, and figuring out how I'm going get out of suburbs for good, this vacation a long time coming. Plus it's getting cold in Chicago, Fall has left the building and Winter is upon us. Quite frankly I ain't ready for it. I'm not ready to remember to warm my car up 5 minutes before I leave in the morning. I'm not ready for it to be 12:01am darkness at 5:01pm. I'm not ready to be wearing all these damn layers of clothes, trying to winterize my skin because walking around looking like a dry up piece of turkey 2 weeks after Thanksgiving is just immoral, and last but not least I'm not ready for the SNOW. That shit is cute and pretty until the next morning you're outside shoveling that shit like a grave digger.

So I'm going on a cruise with my friend for the week of Thanksgiving, at first I didn't want to go because it's a family holiday and whatnot. But then that thought quickly vanished from my head, shit..... I ain't got no kids or husband and I'm not going home to Atlanta for Thanksgiving so what am I really going miss? Cooking, watching the Thanksgiving parade with my Grandma and her asking who and what everything/ everyone is? My uncle getting drunk before dinner (although that is pretty hilarious tho), my aunt's dry ass stuffing (yes, stuffing not dressing. There's a difference), the ever so quite shade my aunts throw at each other...... yeah I'm good. I can do all that next year, so therefore I'm going to get my life or someone else's for a week in the Caribbean. So be safe good people, I'm sure I'll have some ratchet stories to tell or they'll be too ratchet and I'll need to keep it in the closet like Mike. So Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!!!!

                                    Yes!!! Ma'am the amount given will be zero... just like her!!

Stunts And Shows At The Ballot Box

Well by now you know that Barack Obama is still The President of the United States.... if you didn't know that, I am assuming that you have just woken up from a coma a few seconds ago or you live in Montana or somewhere with out internet access. This post isn't about who was the better candidate for the job.... (but the person I voted for is still in office) , nor it is about the election itself. But I damn sure glad its over, that shit was stressing me out. This post is about what the hell happened to me when I exercised my right to vote. Long story short they tried to pull it at my voting site.

Some of you reading this may not know that I moved to the Chicago area (btw I hate that Chicagoland bs) a little over a year ago from Georgia. Well as you should have learnt in Civics class you must vote in the state in which you live or do an absentee ballot. You can only vote absentee for certain reasons, none of which I qualified for. So I was going to have to re-register to vote in Illinois. Okay cool, I went to some voter registration drive and register to vote in IL, after weeks of waiting for my voter registration card in the mail, I check that shit and I was still registered to vote in GA... womp. Sidenote: when you go to voter registration drives make sure you check that shit before the deadline because clearly sometimes the ball is dropped in the process. So upon finding that out, I looked up where I needed to go to register to vote at, which was at the local library. I go there and bring all the documents I need, since I still have my GA driver's license I had to prove that I actually live in IL now. Okay that's understandable, so I brought my social security card, and two bills with my name and IL address on them. Boom, the guy swore me in as a resident of IL and I had to repeat some pledge of allegiance/oath ( I have no idea with I repeated back to that man) with my right hand up. He gave me a green piece of paper that severed as my voter registration card until the real one came in the mail. I asked him "so when I go vote all I need is my voter registration card and my driver's license, even though its still a GA id"? He's response was "yes, that's all you need."Okay, boom I leave and go about my business.

Well last week when I decided to vote early because I was going out of town for my homecoming last weekend and I didn't want no shit on election day. I go to the polling place and I wait in line for 30 minutes, which was fine... people were complaining like hell about waiting. Shit in 08 I waited in line for 3 hours in Atlanta, I really wanted to telling to their impatient asses to shut the hell up. I mean they were still gonna get home in time to watch Dancing with the Stars or whatever else. So I get to the front of the line and give them my Id and voter registration card and that's when shit went all the way I-95 South. The guy looks at me and the things I gave him and was like, "you can't vote out-state ID how do we know, if you really live in IL or not." At that point I got heated... I'm thinking bitch you're really out here trying to pull stunts and shows for the kids, okay this is how its gonna go. I came back down to about a level 2 and explained to him that when I registered to vote, I was told  by the official there that all I needed was my ID out-state or in-state, just an id with my name and picture on it and my voter registration card. Well that little troll wasn't having it, and keep out talking about how do we know you live at this address. I'm thinking my dude, how the fuck else would I get a voter registration card if I didn't live there!!??! Like did this troll really think I voted in GA and flew to IL try to vote here too. So I ask him what else do I need to prove I live at this address since that's the problem. He says I need my car registration or a bill, I look at the clock its 4:30pm. The place closed at 4:30.... I told him "ok I have something in my car, are you going to let back in? Because its after 4:30". He says, "yes". I go out to my car and look for my car registration and I realize that the State of Illinois never sent it to me... womp. Luckily I found my credit card bill in my bag and went back inside. He checked my papers all the awhile side-eyeing me and asking me if this was my statement or something. I give him my best Southern Belle smile because its was about to get real zone 6 in there and there's nothing polite and sweet about that shit. I told him, "actually its my new credit card", as the damn card was still attached to the paper. Well after filling out shit on his end, he gives me my ballot and I vote. Well after I voted these son of a bitches didn't even give me a sticker, voting receipt, sucker, dental floss, left over Halloween candy, none but a have a day nice. Being that I was the last person to vote I'm not sure if they were giving it out period or if it was just me. Listen at that point I needed to just to get out of there before I was on the News for turning it up at the voting site.

Let me give you some background info. I live in a prominently Anglo-Saxon area, so when I walked into the polling precinct I was the only person in there with a piece of color to their skin. Now maybe the the guy was doing his job but I'm inclined to believe that if I looked more like Mary Camden from 7th Heaven than Moesha Mitchell well from Moesha; that shit wouldn't have happened. Idk.... I'm just saying. However I do know this there are times to keep your cool and that was definetly one of them, voting is beyond important, and I must move away from this place I live ASAP and in that order!!!

Homecoming

So this past weekend I went back to my alma mater for homecoming and had one of the best weekend of the year. It was full of randomness, foolishness, ratchetness, and drunkenness, all the things that make weekends like this eventful and one that won’t be forgotten.  I hung out with people I had seen in years and did things I haven’t done in years either. Well while this fun was being had, something occurred to me. Some people are just plain delusional like Jackie Christie delusional.  Maybe delusional isn’t the right word, they have an inflated sense of self.

I think that in any type of reunion situation, you’re going to always come across that person that thinks that they’re the shit no matter what and maybe they were 5-10 years ago but in present day they’re more like shit on a stick. Most of the time they are quite opposite of the person they use to be, as 50 cent once said “Damn homie, in high school, you was the man homie, what the fuck happened to you?” They’re the ones kinda acting stuck up, they’re sociable but not too sociable, and they’re an ass but not a complete asshole.  They are the ones walking around the party like its 2002 and they’re still captain of the football team and people need to recognize that, and speak to them first. Oh no honey its 2012 and you haven’t thrown a football since 2002 and by the looks of it you haven’t done a sit-up since then either. Despite what Mitt Romey wants you to think gas ain’t $1.86/gal and will never be that again, meaning times have clearly change but your ass is stuck in past. Trying to get into the DeLorean to go Back to the Future, sir/madame it was a movie and there’s no such thing. It’s like these fools live in a world where Nelly songs are on the top 100 Billboard charts, Girlfriends is still on the air, and Girbaud jeans reign supreme.  

Well this is most definitely not the case, so please stop acting like it is. Just because you were hot shit back in the day, that may not be the fact of the matter today.  Even if you’re the shit now….. Guess what?  Most people aren’t going to be impressed. Unless you’re doing real pimp shit, like hosting fundraisers at your house for President Barack Obama; other than that people don’t give a damn. Why??? Because this ain’t Bayside High or the college years, this is real life and nobody has time for those types of shenanigans. People give zero fucks about you poppin bottles in vip…. You do know that same bottle of Grey Goose that you paid $300+ for cost $40 and the liquor store, right? Nobody cares that you’re driving a Range Rover…. Is that shit paid for?? Then maybe you can impress somebody. People aren’t concerned about you rocking the latest shit and bangin top notch bitches/dudes. People are concern about 401Ks, mortgage interest rates, day care, going to the gym, and getting to Trader Joe’s before the lines get too long. Because that’s real shit and not that Mariah Carey Fantasy bullshit you’re worried about.  So if you’re going come to these class reunions, homecomings, or whatever else acting like you’re Zack Morris and you run Bayside High, please have an everlasting seat. Don’t come to these functions acting like you’re Grace Kelly sequel, because you’re probably going to get read from the table of contents to the index, I saw it happen this past weekend and it wasn’t pretty. It was however hilarious though. Don’t have people looking at you and thinking this…… 

Roll Bounce

I’m pretty sure we’ve all had this happen to us. You’re out with your friends having a good time or hell maybe you’re not having a good time, but the point is that y’all are out there in dem streets. All of a sudden one person in the group and decides to break away from the sisterhood of the travelling pants goes to see about a boy.  Yup she ditched the group. This happened pretty recently to me and I’ve done it a couple of times myself . While I gave 0.09 fucks about my friend ditching the group to go be about a dick. The other parties involved were hotter than fish grease. I mean they were pissed and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t mad too.   Well back in the day when I was younger (let me stop quoting Toni Braxton songs, Secrets album track#9) I might have felt some type of way. I was taught to be on that that “we come together, we leave together” policy. These days tho you can go home with or go home to the Candyman for all I care if that’s what you wanna do. Why? Because you’re grown and so am I. How do I look life telling my 28 year old friend… “Girl I don’t think should be going home with him just because he brought you two Cosmos” or “Girl why are you leaving? We are all suppose to be hanging out together and now you’re going him to Brad, that’s wack?” How crazy would I sound?? This ain't the Babysitter Club; we aren’t waiting for Dawn’s mama to pick all of us up after the movies. This isn’t 7th grade anymore ladies and gentlemen, so stop acting like it. I probably wouldn’t have even been that mad back in the day, I would have been more like concerned about her safety. I mean if she just meet old boy and has been twerking it to Bands a Make Her dance all night with him. I would’ve asked her are you sure about this? Just to make sure she was good money. Just because I wouldn’t want her life to turn into an episode of Law and Order: SVU….. Shit that goes for any of my friends present day as well.

But I’m not going to be salty because you decide to leave the festivities and do the do with some guy. Be it a guy you just met, boyfriend, homeboy, or husband. But what I witness a few weeks ago was ridiculous, I mean folks were livid and I just didn't understand why. Listen the only reasons I think a person should be mad if their friend ditches them is 1) that friend is your ride and has left you without informing you or giving you no other option of transportation to leave that place. 2) They just fucking disappear and doesn’t inform anyone in the group and y’all spend ½ of the night looking for them 3) they are too drunk to be going home with random dudes and refuse to let you not allow them to possibly become a real life SVU victim. Now notice  that in number three I said random dude not boyfriend/husband or dude she’s on and off again with.  I get it some nights you just want do hoodrat shit with your hoodrat friends, so when one of them disrupts the plan.. It’s a little annoying.  But is it really worth ruining your night? If this doesn’t happen every time y’all go out, then there’s no need to remove her/him from your gchat list or ask for your friendship bracelet back.  So what your friend decides to call it a night at 12:45 because Tony called wants to come by for some adult twister action?? Does that mean you get mad and stay mad for the rest of the night?? Chile if it bothers you that much, go call or find your own Tony. I bet you won’t be so steamed pressed about what your friend is doing anymore. There’s just no need to get all bent out of shape about it but friends that are doing the ditching please take into consideration of the people you’re with. I know sometimes there’s a dick emergency that’s way more important drinking watered down Jack and cokes and having to dealing with musty ass men in the club with your friends (we’ve all been there). But just know that these people are your friends and be mindful of their feelings as well, so that your chicks and dicks can coexist.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.....

You know when I go out; I see some egregious things that bother me to my core. Things that make me think what is this person’s life about??? The answer I usually come up with is nonsense, rubbish, and absolute trash. Today I would like to share a few of those things

1) Bed attire in public- Have you ever been out at the grocery, on the train or just in public in general and have seen a woman with her Sponge Bob Square Pants pajama bottoms on, her hair is wrapped in a scarf or hair bonnet??? Even worst her hair is in rollers, she has on Chinese slippers, and Freaknik 1995 t-shirt (or what type of shirt). Like WTF!!!! What is your life about that you are going around looking like dreams deferred and wasted accomplishments? Listen this shit has got to stop. I have seen people like this at bus stops, in libraries, the DMV, etc…. I’m going to need these people to realize that this is real life and not a college campus. 

2) Dirty hair- Whether it’s the hair growing from your scalp or the hair you brought that has tracks attached, dirty hair is dirty ass hair!! There’s no excuse for either. I’m not talking about that I’ve gone a couple of days passed when I should've initially washed my hair. I’m talking about weeks and months people. For those without weaves, braids, clip-ins, or whatever extra type of hair you may have please just exit stage left and leave the building because there is no excuse for your hair to have bathroom grime in it. For the girls with the extra hair attached to their head, y’all ain’t off the hook. I’m like Sunshine Anderson…. I heard it all before as to why some girls don’t wash their weaves. I don’t want to loosen the tracks/braids; it’s too heavy when it’s wet, blah blah. Listen girls that shit isn’t going to fly anymore. I’ve had weaves and braids before and I washed my hair; I wasn’t going to go around with my hair smelling like dirt and King Tut's tomb. If you are afraid of loosening the extension don’t pull at it so hard, be gentle. Then make sure you dry your hair… because especially if you have a sew-in the tracks will be wet and start smelling like mildew. Also if you just don’t want to put water on your hair (idk why???) use dry shampoo!! Boom it will at else get the dirt and oil off your scalp…. No more excuses.   

3) Leggings-  Do I despise leggings? No, do I own and wear leggings? Hell yes but what I don’t do is wear leggings as pants. They are leggings not pants!!! So if you’re wearing leggings and your shirt, sweater or dress/shirt (sometimes people wear shirts and call them dresses but they're really suppose to be shirts but we don’t judge them tho) doesn’t over your ass….. stop right there re-think your whole situation. If your shirt is at your waist and your ass is all the way out in your leggings, you do know people can see your panties? Like I’m sorry I don’t need to know you’re wearing one of your $ 5 for $25 Pink by Victoria Secret panties today.  Get out of here with that shit. I believe people who this kind of stuff are lowkey attention whores and just want folks to look at their asses. If that’s the case more power to you but could you please to the public a favor. Save that shit for the house when you’re at home making Jodie or whom ever tacos. 

4) Makeup- I talked about hair now its time to talk about makeup. I’m going to make this as general as possible because I could write a whole blog about this, I really should tho because this shit is getting ridiculous. Ladies blending is the word of the day, month, and year. Blend your shit… foundation, concealer, bronzer, eye shadow. Blend it there’s no need for harsh lines on your face, blend it and make everything cohesive. Please buy the foundation for your skin tone… don’t go around looking like Mitt Romney when he was speaking at that interview for Univision (a Spanish speaking TV network) damn near looking like a orange traffic cone. On the flipside you don’t want your makeup to be too light either and go around looking like a corpse….. that casket sharp look ain’t the move either. Look at Tempestt Bledsoe out here destroying Vanessa Huxtable's legacy... smh. Now speaking of eye shadow please learn the proper way to attempt the smokey eye, and raccoon eyes ain’t what’s hot in these streets. Now this is a public service announcement for real. Please don’t shave your eyebrows off like Whoopi Goldberg and draw them shits back on!!!!! What in the hell is wrong with people??? Do you know how crazy you look?? Why not get them arched, waxed, or threaded. There’s no need to fucking shave off your eyebrows, just to draw them back on…. I don’t get it. The moral of the story is that stop going around looking like your five year niece did your makeup. There are too many books, magazines, and youtube tutorials for you to be out here looking like a drag queen on crystal meth. 

5) Underwear- Undergarments are exactly what the name says…. They are meant to be worn under your clothes. Camisoles are not tank tops, bras aren’t crop tops, and spanxx aren’t dresses. Yes I’ve seen women wearing these things as if they were meant to be worn that way. Guess what girl?? They aren’t!!! Now the real kicker is when I see these tricks wearing bras and panties, like a damn bikini. It’s just the ultimate most ratchet ass shit ever. How are you at the pool/beach swimming in your drawers????  That’s some real Honey Boo Boo, ratchet, hillbilly shit!!! But it never fails someone is at the pool in the water in their Victoria Secret best….. smh. On top is it being ratchet, it’s pretty fucking unsanitary. Go to Target and get a real swimming suit and stop wearing teddy’s and shit to the club.