Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

Vacation Takeaways

I'm back from my first real vacation in like two years, that's not to say that I haven't been anywhere other than Chicago for the past two years because I have. But I don't real look at visiting friends and family a real vacation, that's just going to visit someone. Anyway I had a great time and enjoyed my time away from cold ass Chicago. While I was gone I learned a few things about myself and just life in general and would like to share things with you.

1) Cruises- Until last week I had never been on a cruise, why? I don't like boats/ships or big open spaces of water. It just freaks me out..... so when we set sail and all I could see was water and no land around me, a strange feeling came over me. Its not that I don't know how to swim, I do but being a sea and there's no land in sight is just weird. Also as I found out motion sickness is real in the battle field. Although I did take some medicine Dramamine I still got sick one night. I would suggest taking it even if you think motion sickness won't be a problem for you. I have never felt that way before in my life.... I wish to never feel it again either. It was almost as bad as when I got food poisoning from the food court at the mall in college. The motion in the ocean was on ten that particular night. Oh yeah being hungover on a cruise is ten times worst than on dry land.

2) Packing- As Erykah Badu once said "Pack light". I have the tendency to over pack, I am exactly the person was talking about, I'm a bag lady. So for my week vacation, I had four bags. A big suitcase, a mid-size one, a carry on bag, and my purse which probably doubles as a overnight satchel. I had to get porters and all types of assistance carrying all those bags around. I have a serious problem but I believe I genuinely needed everything I packed because you never know what you may need. My motto is a rather be over than under because its always easier take something away to make it less than it is to add on and make something more. For example if you're over-dressed for an event. You can take of articles of clothing or accessories off to make your outfit less fancy but if you're under dressed, well you're just assed out. You don't have the tools to make your outfit more extravagant. However I do know now that I don't always have to take everything that's in my closet either.

3) Your crew- It's not always about where you go its about who you go with. Yes, I had an amazing time on my trip to the Bahamas. The place was beautiful but what make my time so great was I was with my awesome friend. We the best time on vacation and at the places we visited but more importantly we had an amazing time with each other. There were no Basketball wives fights or Real Housewives cuss outs. It was just fun hang out with my friends and that's what really matters the most.

Stunts And Shows At The Ballot Box

Well by now you know that Barack Obama is still The President of the United States.... if you didn't know that, I am assuming that you have just woken up from a coma a few seconds ago or you live in Montana or somewhere with out internet access. This post isn't about who was the better candidate for the job.... (but the person I voted for is still in office) , nor it is about the election itself. But I damn sure glad its over, that shit was stressing me out. This post is about what the hell happened to me when I exercised my right to vote. Long story short they tried to pull it at my voting site.

Some of you reading this may not know that I moved to the Chicago area (btw I hate that Chicagoland bs) a little over a year ago from Georgia. Well as you should have learnt in Civics class you must vote in the state in which you live or do an absentee ballot. You can only vote absentee for certain reasons, none of which I qualified for. So I was going to have to re-register to vote in Illinois. Okay cool, I went to some voter registration drive and register to vote in IL, after weeks of waiting for my voter registration card in the mail, I check that shit and I was still registered to vote in GA... womp. Sidenote: when you go to voter registration drives make sure you check that shit before the deadline because clearly sometimes the ball is dropped in the process. So upon finding that out, I looked up where I needed to go to register to vote at, which was at the local library. I go there and bring all the documents I need, since I still have my GA driver's license I had to prove that I actually live in IL now. Okay that's understandable, so I brought my social security card, and two bills with my name and IL address on them. Boom, the guy swore me in as a resident of IL and I had to repeat some pledge of allegiance/oath ( I have no idea with I repeated back to that man) with my right hand up. He gave me a green piece of paper that severed as my voter registration card until the real one came in the mail. I asked him "so when I go vote all I need is my voter registration card and my driver's license, even though its still a GA id"? He's response was "yes, that's all you need."Okay, boom I leave and go about my business.

Well last week when I decided to vote early because I was going out of town for my homecoming last weekend and I didn't want no shit on election day. I go to the polling place and I wait in line for 30 minutes, which was fine... people were complaining like hell about waiting. Shit in 08 I waited in line for 3 hours in Atlanta, I really wanted to telling to their impatient asses to shut the hell up. I mean they were still gonna get home in time to watch Dancing with the Stars or whatever else. So I get to the front of the line and give them my Id and voter registration card and that's when shit went all the way I-95 South. The guy looks at me and the things I gave him and was like, "you can't vote out-state ID how do we know, if you really live in IL or not." At that point I got heated... I'm thinking bitch you're really out here trying to pull stunts and shows for the kids, okay this is how its gonna go. I came back down to about a level 2 and explained to him that when I registered to vote, I was told  by the official there that all I needed was my ID out-state or in-state, just an id with my name and picture on it and my voter registration card. Well that little troll wasn't having it, and keep out talking about how do we know you live at this address. I'm thinking my dude, how the fuck else would I get a voter registration card if I didn't live there!!??! Like did this troll really think I voted in GA and flew to IL try to vote here too. So I ask him what else do I need to prove I live at this address since that's the problem. He says I need my car registration or a bill, I look at the clock its 4:30pm. The place closed at 4:30.... I told him "ok I have something in my car, are you going to let back in? Because its after 4:30". He says, "yes". I go out to my car and look for my car registration and I realize that the State of Illinois never sent it to me... womp. Luckily I found my credit card bill in my bag and went back inside. He checked my papers all the awhile side-eyeing me and asking me if this was my statement or something. I give him my best Southern Belle smile because its was about to get real zone 6 in there and there's nothing polite and sweet about that shit. I told him, "actually its my new credit card", as the damn card was still attached to the paper. Well after filling out shit on his end, he gives me my ballot and I vote. Well after I voted these son of a bitches didn't even give me a sticker, voting receipt, sucker, dental floss, left over Halloween candy, none but a have a day nice. Being that I was the last person to vote I'm not sure if they were giving it out period or if it was just me. Listen at that point I needed to just to get out of there before I was on the News for turning it up at the voting site.

Let me give you some background info. I live in a prominently Anglo-Saxon area, so when I walked into the polling precinct I was the only person in there with a piece of color to their skin. Now maybe the the guy was doing his job but I'm inclined to believe that if I looked more like Mary Camden from 7th Heaven than Moesha Mitchell well from Moesha; that shit wouldn't have happened. Idk.... I'm just saying. However I do know this there are times to keep your cool and that was definetly one of them, voting is beyond important, and I must move away from this place I live ASAP and in that order!!!

I've Got A City Love

Some of you may or may not know that within the last year I moved from Atlanta,GA to Chicago, IL. Well in my journey to the Mid-west I did at one point in time actually live in the City of Chicago.... then things fell apart (it's a long and shitty story) and I had to moved outside of the city limits to the suburbs. Next week marks a year of  living in this suburban town and I fucking hate it!!! Oh suburban life isn't for me at all. Some of you are now questioning well if you hate why don't you just move back to the city? Well the city is expensive and while I do have a job (which is 10 minutes from where I live). I've learned from the school of Hard Knocks, that living above your means is not the business and if I moved the city right now I'll be eating tuna out of a can every night for dinner. So in a way I'm trapped and not in a damn closet. I'm not sure if y'all have ever seen the show Suburgatory, its a cute little show. I honestly don't even know how or when I started to watch it but man can I relate to this girl's pain. The show is basically about a high school girl named Tessa, she and her father move to the suburbs from Manhattan and she fucking hates her life there. Well me and Tessa are one in the same. There are so many reasons why I'm not about this suburb life but I'll only touch on a few.

1) The distance- When I tell you I live far away from Chicago, I live far away. There's the boonies and then there's a place further than the boonies, called the back woods and that's where I live the back woods of Illinois. It's the worst.... when people ask me where I live and I tell them. Nobody knows where the hell I stay at. That's how you know you live out there, folks have never heard for your town. People at times name neighboring towns and I say well I live like 20 or 30 minutes pass there. I swear people look at me like I live in the middle of the wilderness. That drive from where I live to the city is no joke, and don't even get me started if there's traffic. Which there always is... tag on another hour to my time and as we all know gas prices are sky high.

2) Wildlife- When living in the backwoods you are bound to run into creatures of the forest. These creatures I'm referring to are deer. Listen if anybody who knows me in real life knows if there's one animal I'm scared shitless of its a deer. Why? Well for one they're wild animals and you never know what they're capable of. They also like to stand on the side of the road waiting to jump, like they're waiting to jump in like in double-dutch and if you've ever hit a deer with your car (which I have been in the car when someone else did) they well straight up tear your car up. Recently I went running in a park behind my sub-division at 6:30am and as I was jogging along there it was the biggest damn deer I've ever seen in my life in the bushes; literally 1.45 feet away from me. I saw it and it definitely saw me and what did I do? I turned around and ran like the damn wind, I hadn't ran so hard since field day and I was running the 100m sprint in 6th grade. So yeah I ran away from a deer, I know if the deer really wanted to out run me it could have but that was my first reaction, to run as fast as I could. Listen that wasn't Bambi I ran into in that park, it was wild dangerous animal. For a week I didn't have air in my house because a rabbit, chipmunk, or some kind of damn rodent ate through one of the wires outside for the ac unit... yeah these are suburban problems.

3) Nothing to do and nothing to see- Other than my family and my one coworker I like I know not a single soul out here in No Man's Land. There are only two kind of people here 1) families and 2) retirees and that's all folks. There are really no people my age here, just people going to PTA meetings and the other half going to AARP meetings (if they have them). Everything closes at like 10pm, even on the weekends. Shit half the time I'm still getting ready to go out at 10pm, I'm a night owl and now I'm being forced to be a day one and it fucking sucks.

Living in the suburbs has made be really realize that I'm a city girl. I like the noise, in fact I crave it.... I can't stand when things are too quite. It makes me feel like I'm in the beginning of a horror movie or something. To me if things are too quite, that eerie quite some shit is about to go down. I need the police sirens, trains going by, people on the street talking, loud music. Hell I even miss the city smells... you know that sweet smell of the sewer, piss, and come kind of street meat mixed together. I miss all the things the city has to offer that the suburbs don't. I'm not the three bedroom house, with a garage, and white picked  fence girl. I know the city has its downside the crime, how everything is more expensive, blah, blah... but for me that's part of city life. I'm in love with the city (not just the City of Chicago) and according my mom it's been a love affair on going since I was 3. She told me story  once about before my family move to Atlanta and was still living in Chicago, we were on our way downtown one night and she said my little eyes lit up, they were dazzled by the city lights. She said she knew right then she had to get my ass down south but that's neither here nor there. But point is that this love affair is still in a continuum and I don't see that changing anytime soon.  

Things On My Mind

So apparently men think that women spend all their free time thinking about them and all our thoughts are consumed by them like Ali Larter in Obsessed. Well, sir that maybe true for some women but definitely not all. There are plenty of other stuff women/I think about other than why you didn't call back, what this riddle of a text message you just sent means, and if you really like us. So here are some of those things.

1) Beyonce's pregnancy: Why won't people let Beyonce's fetus be great damnit??? Jesus of Nazareth, ever since she opened that sequined Dolce & Gabbana Jacket at the VMAs and rubbed her belly. People (Wendy Williams and Sandra Rose) have been saying she's rocking a fake baby bump. The f*ck, yes I'm not even gonna put what in this sentence. Look everybody needs to chillax about what's growing in Bey's uterus and let her and her unborn be great.

2) Finding a job: This shit right here is stressing me the f*ck out, to the point that I just don't even want to talk about (I'm just praying really hard about it). So....

3) Chicago's upcoming winter: I just read that this winter is going to be one of the worst ones in years, this news literally made my heart sink. I'm from Georgia, I can't handle snow up to my ass. I'm not about that digging my car out the snow life. What the f*ck did I get myself into? I'm accepting donations for a heavy winter coat.

4) TV sitcoms: Is it just me or has tv sitcoms just be sucking lately? I'm talking to you Glee, The Office, and Grey's Anatomy. I've been watching these shows and been thinking what's going on? Why does something seem to be missing? I'm damn near bored to tears but I tune in week after week hoping something will get better. When I'm watching these shows I'm usually thinking man... I should just go watch my Boy Meets World or Sex In The City dvds. Maybe its the writing or maybe its me. Either way it needs to get fixed real quick.

5) Drake: Look I love Drake I think he's cute (look don't judge me) and I would date him, plus I like his music. But lately this boy has been on some other shit, have you seen the album cover for his new cd Take Care? What is this boy going through?? He looks like he's sad that his date stood up him up at Medieval Times and somebody decided to take a picture. Look at this photo people! He looks like he needs a hug and some warm milk. Chile... I can't take this, Rhianna really did a number on this n!gga. Plus these Heathcliff Huxtable sweaters he's been wearing lately. Really, so this is what we're doing Aubrey Drake Graham? Whatever Rhianna is slanging in the bedroom, she needs to bottle it up and sell that shit, because she's leaving dudes out here bleeding love. I really think Drake maybe on his period or something. Look at this f*cking picture. There's no excuse for this, take care my ass... but I still love him. 

So Ladies and Gentlemen what's on your mind?

So Where Are You From?

So as you may or may not know I moved to another city recently its been a crazy couple of months. Well, I moved to Chicago!! Its a beautiful city and full of great food and great people I can't say I love it yet but I definitely don't hate it. Its just different and I'm doing my best to take it all in stride.  Between quitting my job and trying to find a new (this right here has been a struggle). Saying goodbye to old friends and making new ones, things have good, bad, ugly, and somewhere in between all of these things.

The one thing I will say is I didn't realize how southern I was until moving here. Between people asking me where I'm from every time I open my mouth and folks saying I must not be from around here. I'm starting to question things about me and people from the south in general. The first time someone asked me where I was from was when I went on a job interview and the security guard claimed I must not be from Chicago. I asked him why, he said " because you said good morning to everybody you saw in the building, people don't really speak to other people around here like that".  I told him, "where I'm from you speak to people, its just common courtesy".  He went on the say well something about being careful who I spoke to up here and that I just couldn't talk to any and everybody. That this wasn't the country, I'm in the big city now so I shouldn't be going around here acting like Pollyanna.

Y'all know I wanted to go in on his ass but that wouldn't be the "southern belle" thing to do, so I just smiled and thanked him for the heads up. I was pissed by his comments, even though I know he was trying to be helpful. First of all sir, I said I was from the south/Atlanta not from the damn country. That is highly offensive to me (no offensive to my country people) but I've been to the country many times, the damn back woods of Mississippi to be precise and please believe me I'm nowhere near country. The town I'm talking about is so small that there's only one grocery store (Piggly Wiggly) and that bitch ain't even open on Sundays. So southern yes I am but country f*ck no! I had another guy tell me I wasn't gonna make up here because I smile too much,  ummmm excuse me sir but what in sam hell is that suppose to mean?  I just can with these somewhat rude ass people up here. Its not even like I'm going around smiling like a jackass or something. I just believe in being polite, well most of the time anyway and not walking around like somebody stole my bike and killed my dog all on the same day. So if that makes me Pollyanna well that's just fine and dandy but I do somewhat turn into Blanche Deveraux with enough red wine. I rather be the perfect combination of these two people any day of the week, than half of these rude and savage people walking around here but I still love Chicago.