The Facts Of Life

I usually don’t think my Dad makes any sense when he gives me advice…… honestly between the accent (he’s Nigerian) and the parables he speaks in, I just don’t get it most of the time. Also maybe I don’t try hard enough  to get it either but there’s one thing he said to me when I was a teenage that has always stuck with me. “You don’t have to tell people how great, rich, smart, funny or whatever superior quality you think you have. They’ll know it when they see you, verbalizing it won’t be needed.” At the time he said this to me I was living with him and I was about 14 and I got these brand new Gucci shades and I has most teenage girls would wanted to go stunt in front of my friends. So when my dad realized what I was doing he pulled my highfalutin ass to the side and told me that above statement. He’s was basically saying humble your ass down because what you’re about to do is just plain tacky and I didn’t raise a tacky daughter. That day and what he said to me has never been forgotten, a lot of the other stuff he said to me when he was trying to get his Cliff Huxtable on has been forgotten but not that. What he said to me that day has stuck with through the years and if I ever have kids I will instill this in them too,why??? Because it’s the damn truth, like Paul Pierce. 

If you got it like that, than bragging and boasting is never needed, going around like Blair from The Facts of Life ain’t what's hot on the streets. That’s how you get your teeth kicked in on the streets. Someone I know that's WAY older than me is going around acting like a hybrid between Blair (Facts of Life)and Regine (Living Single)….. I want to tell her so bad to come back from that filet Mignon world she thinks she’s living and realize that she’s really in a cubed steak reality. Now sometimes the Blair’s and Regine’s in our lives aren’t really out here intentionally being shady and malicious. Sometimes they really don’t know any better…. They didn’t have that Nigerian dad there to remind them to humble themselves or maybe they did but they just didn’t give a fuck and didn't listen. They’re like Cher from Clueless….. they really have no sense of reality. They’re in their own zone where they have revolving closets and send chocolates to themselves because it Tuesday. They are fucking Clueless about their bougieness. These folks I can deal with, they just don’t know any better. 

Then you have the others (like the person I mentioned earlier) that like to give their resumes and credentials before they even give you their names. The people that perform stunts and shows, just shade folks. The pretentious folks that are here only to make themselves feel better about their lives by making you feel like a thrown away Pound Puppy. See now that’s that Shit I don’t like!! These people LIVE for any chance to make people feel like dust bunnies. Every chance they get they feel the need to throw shade. All they want to do is make sure you and everyone else knows that they are the shit. If that  means telling you how they were prom queen in 1999, scored 1600 on the SAT, went to Yale, they drive a Bentley, fucked 1/2 of Young Money before a show. Whatever it is that will make others take a second look at their lives and ask themselves what the fuck they're doing wrong in life? This is how they get their lives. All these people need to go kick rocks with no shoes on in rush hour traffic. Because in all honestly your life ain't about shit, if you have to throw shade every chance you get to validate that all is well in your life. All that showing off is really unnecessary..... only people like Rick Ross can get away with saying shit like "My bitch bad.. Looking like a bag of money". Otherwise you look like a bougie dumbass.... I'm just saying.

  

I just know I never wanted to be that girl that as soon as they walk through the door people are already rolling their eyes and thinking “look at this saddity bitch” before I even say one word. That just ain’t me, I’m only slightly bougie. Like Whitley Gilbert on a Different World, I’m more like her towards the later seasons. The first season when Denise was on there she was almost unbearable, her personality was polarizing. At the end of the show she was more human, yes she was still that bougie girl from Richmond , VA but she had gone through some shit, and humble herself. Life has a funny way of doing that from time to time. So if you're truly the shit there's no need to tell everyone, they'll just know it when they see it 

Shady Queens

Thinly veiled cattiness or shade gets on mind last nerves, I can't stand it!! If you have something to say, than say it point blank, plain, and simple. Don't sit around and pussyfoot around things, say what you mean and mean what you say. People who do things like this, usually do it under the guise of a joke. Such as "oh that's the outfit you brought it's a little too Wednesday Adams for me". Then when you side-eye that ass, her reply " I was just playing, lol". No the fuck you weren't but when somebody snaps back. The it was a joke card is always played. Chile you need to have an everlasting back seat.

Look I try to be the type of person that is a "tell it how it really is" with slice apple pie on the side (because otherwise you're just being mean). If your hair is looking crazy I'm gonna tell you. If I think your new boyfriend is gay, I will say so. I'm not going to let you walk out of the house with a wet bird's nest on your head because that makes not only you look crazy but me too because I'm out with you. Nor will I say nothing while you date a men who I think is gay. Only to have you looking like Terry McMillan on Oprah's couch, talking about I had no idea he was gay. five months later. That just makes me a bad friend (but I'm also not the person to keep harping on issues either). The thing is when people are catty in this way, they never think people are going to say anything back to them. Why?? Idk, may they think the people they're shading are cowards like they are. So when people do snap on their asses, they are soooo taken aback, they're really shocked someone would even come back at them because a lot of folks don't. Look I'm not that girl. I will read your ass like a high school student reading The Great Gatsby for a book report. 

For example at my old job, I had gotten my hair done over the weekend (like Kandi from the RHOA), well I guess my hair was not to one of my coworkers liking. She walks up to me in the break room at lunch and loud as ever says, "Someones's hair is looking wild today"and proceeds to give me the stank face. Now I normally wouldn't have done what I did at work but she really pissed me off, so I went in on her.  I'm looking at this old wrinkled up raisin of a woman, who's hair looks that of a matted, dirty ass dog. So I say to her " well I guess maybe today it does but yours looks wild everyday, what's your excuse".  She gives me a blank stare and says what? You guessed it, "It was just a joke". I told her well we ain't friends so don't joke with me, heffa. The moral of the story is don't throw shade and expect shade not to be thrown back at you and usually twice as hard as you threw it.