Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.....

You know when I go out; I see some egregious things that bother me to my core. Things that make me think what is this person’s life about??? The answer I usually come up with is nonsense, rubbish, and absolute trash. Today I would like to share a few of those things

1) Bed attire in public- Have you ever been out at the grocery, on the train or just in public in general and have seen a woman with her Sponge Bob Square Pants pajama bottoms on, her hair is wrapped in a scarf or hair bonnet??? Even worst her hair is in rollers, she has on Chinese slippers, and Freaknik 1995 t-shirt (or what type of shirt). Like WTF!!!! What is your life about that you are going around looking like dreams deferred and wasted accomplishments? Listen this shit has got to stop. I have seen people like this at bus stops, in libraries, the DMV, etc…. I’m going to need these people to realize that this is real life and not a college campus. 

2) Dirty hair- Whether it’s the hair growing from your scalp or the hair you brought that has tracks attached, dirty hair is dirty ass hair!! There’s no excuse for either. I’m not talking about that I’ve gone a couple of days passed when I should've initially washed my hair. I’m talking about weeks and months people. For those without weaves, braids, clip-ins, or whatever extra type of hair you may have please just exit stage left and leave the building because there is no excuse for your hair to have bathroom grime in it. For the girls with the extra hair attached to their head, y’all ain’t off the hook. I’m like Sunshine Anderson…. I heard it all before as to why some girls don’t wash their weaves. I don’t want to loosen the tracks/braids; it’s too heavy when it’s wet, blah blah. Listen girls that shit isn’t going to fly anymore. I’ve had weaves and braids before and I washed my hair; I wasn’t going to go around with my hair smelling like dirt and King Tut's tomb. If you are afraid of loosening the extension don’t pull at it so hard, be gentle. Then make sure you dry your hair… because especially if you have a sew-in the tracks will be wet and start smelling like mildew. Also if you just don’t want to put water on your hair (idk why???) use dry shampoo!! Boom it will at else get the dirt and oil off your scalp…. No more excuses.   

3) Leggings-  Do I despise leggings? No, do I own and wear leggings? Hell yes but what I don’t do is wear leggings as pants. They are leggings not pants!!! So if you’re wearing leggings and your shirt, sweater or dress/shirt (sometimes people wear shirts and call them dresses but they're really suppose to be shirts but we don’t judge them tho) doesn’t over your ass….. stop right there re-think your whole situation. If your shirt is at your waist and your ass is all the way out in your leggings, you do know people can see your panties? Like I’m sorry I don’t need to know you’re wearing one of your $ 5 for $25 Pink by Victoria Secret panties today.  Get out of here with that shit. I believe people who this kind of stuff are lowkey attention whores and just want folks to look at their asses. If that’s the case more power to you but could you please to the public a favor. Save that shit for the house when you’re at home making Jodie or whom ever tacos. 

4) Makeup- I talked about hair now its time to talk about makeup. I’m going to make this as general as possible because I could write a whole blog about this, I really should tho because this shit is getting ridiculous. Ladies blending is the word of the day, month, and year. Blend your shit… foundation, concealer, bronzer, eye shadow. Blend it there’s no need for harsh lines on your face, blend it and make everything cohesive. Please buy the foundation for your skin tone… don’t go around looking like Mitt Romney when he was speaking at that interview for Univision (a Spanish speaking TV network) damn near looking like a orange traffic cone. On the flipside you don’t want your makeup to be too light either and go around looking like a corpse….. that casket sharp look ain’t the move either. Look at Tempestt Bledsoe out here destroying Vanessa Huxtable's legacy... smh. Now speaking of eye shadow please learn the proper way to attempt the smokey eye, and raccoon eyes ain’t what’s hot in these streets. Now this is a public service announcement for real. Please don’t shave your eyebrows off like Whoopi Goldberg and draw them shits back on!!!!! What in the hell is wrong with people??? Do you know how crazy you look?? Why not get them arched, waxed, or threaded. There’s no need to fucking shave off your eyebrows, just to draw them back on…. I don’t get it. The moral of the story is that stop going around looking like your five year niece did your makeup. There are too many books, magazines, and youtube tutorials for you to be out here looking like a drag queen on crystal meth. 

5) Underwear- Undergarments are exactly what the name says…. They are meant to be worn under your clothes. Camisoles are not tank tops, bras aren’t crop tops, and spanxx aren’t dresses. Yes I’ve seen women wearing these things as if they were meant to be worn that way. Guess what girl?? They aren’t!!! Now the real kicker is when I see these tricks wearing bras and panties, like a damn bikini. It’s just the ultimate most ratchet ass shit ever. How are you at the pool/beach swimming in your drawers????  That’s some real Honey Boo Boo, ratchet, hillbilly shit!!! But it never fails someone is at the pool in the water in their Victoria Secret best….. smh. On top is it being ratchet, it’s pretty fucking unsanitary. Go to Target and get a real swimming suit and stop wearing teddy’s and shit to the club.   

No Ordinary Love

So one of the news stories of last week was that Chris Brown and Kaleidoscopenighmare (whatever that girl name is) broke up. Wow well who didn’t see this coming? Well apparently she didn’t. For those that are wondering what happened…. Well long story short that Rihanna reign just won’t let up.  Chris brown released this following statement about the breakup.

"I have decided to be single to focus on my career.  I love Karrueche very much, but I don't want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I'd rather be single, allowing us to both be happy in our lives." 

I mean she/ Kreampuff should’ve seen the writings on the wall when Birthday Cake the remix was released that should have been clue number one and if that wasn’t enough proof in the pudding. That interview Rihanna did with Oprah should’ve done it. I know right then and there that she and Chris would be back together before the end of the year. Low and behold it’s October and their asses were going around NYC cuddled up like everything after February 9^th 2009 (the incident) never happened. I mean giving zero fucks about thoughts or feels of anyone but themselves.  This post isn’t about whether or not them should or shouldn’t be together because I mean it’s their lives. What I took away from that interview with Oprah was that the two of them are always going to have some type of dealing with one another and that whatever happened in the that car in February of 2009 isn’t going to change that these two people have a love/connection to one other that many people are never going to understand but it’s really only for them to get. They’re like new slightly ratchet version of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. They have what Prince and Shelia E. would say is a Love Bizarre. I’m not here to judge them like so many other will….. as much as I hate this expression they’re really about that YOLO life.

As that was clearly indicated my Chris Brown who pulled the stunt of the year by making this HBO Taxi-Cab confessional video, of him tipsy as hell and drunk on love. Talking about the situation he’s in. I saw this video and thought this nigga was sitting around drinking Hennessy and listening to Usher’s confessions and thought… he was Big Meech, Larry Hoover. This fool said fuck put this in a love song bs.  I’m gonna get my Michael Bay on and turn my 808’s and Heartbreaks into a movie.  All I could think about was, why he felt like this bogus ass trailer for what look like The Notebook: The Real and Ratchet Story was necessary? ???  If he thought it was needed well he’s clearly mistaken. Between him and Rihanna’s Bonnie and Clyde tweets, and Kalifornia Love’s best Mary J. Blige My Life tweets….. I here to say the people just want all of y’all to stop it and keep it cute. Brad Pitt wasn’t going around making crazy ass youtube videos of his thought process when he left Jen for Angie, so neither should you. If Chris and Rihanna want to want to recreate their own version The Wood meets Shakespeare In Love…. Well cute for them. But getting on twitter and Instagram throwing shade to the haters is so over the damn top.  By doing all that they’re just turning this love triangle into a square.

For all those feeling sorry for Kalamari…. Stop that girl will be fine. I mean she maybe having the worst week ever right now but that girl should’ve seen this coming months ago. Everyone else did. Sure nobody wants to be dumped and especially for the other girl and in public, but this is just my opinion but there was always three people in that relationship from Jump Street. Her, Chris, and Rihanna’s ghost, it’s now the ghost has risen from the dead and is taking no prisoners. If I was her the breakup isn’t what would piss me off, it would be that damn shady ass video. That video was all kinds of disrespectful to her…. That’s the kind of shit that gets people slapped. Anyway Karacpie my advice would be take a minute, figure out what the hell you’re going to cover up that matching tattoo you and Chris have, and be easy. If you really want to come back like Revenge of the Nerds….. date Drake. Now that would be the ultimate stunt show move of the year. Take care.  

The Facts Of Life

I usually don’t think my Dad makes any sense when he gives me advice…… honestly between the accent (he’s Nigerian) and the parables he speaks in, I just don’t get it most of the time. Also maybe I don’t try hard enough  to get it either but there’s one thing he said to me when I was a teenage that has always stuck with me. “You don’t have to tell people how great, rich, smart, funny or whatever superior quality you think you have. They’ll know it when they see you, verbalizing it won’t be needed.” At the time he said this to me I was living with him and I was about 14 and I got these brand new Gucci shades and I has most teenage girls would wanted to go stunt in front of my friends. So when my dad realized what I was doing he pulled my highfalutin ass to the side and told me that above statement. He’s was basically saying humble your ass down because what you’re about to do is just plain tacky and I didn’t raise a tacky daughter. That day and what he said to me has never been forgotten, a lot of the other stuff he said to me when he was trying to get his Cliff Huxtable on has been forgotten but not that. What he said to me that day has stuck with through the years and if I ever have kids I will instill this in them too,why??? Because it’s the damn truth, like Paul Pierce. 

If you got it like that, than bragging and boasting is never needed, going around like Blair from The Facts of Life ain’t what's hot on the streets. That’s how you get your teeth kicked in on the streets. Someone I know that's WAY older than me is going around acting like a hybrid between Blair (Facts of Life)and Regine (Living Single)….. I want to tell her so bad to come back from that filet Mignon world she thinks she’s living and realize that she’s really in a cubed steak reality. Now sometimes the Blair’s and Regine’s in our lives aren’t really out here intentionally being shady and malicious. Sometimes they really don’t know any better…. They didn’t have that Nigerian dad there to remind them to humble themselves or maybe they did but they just didn’t give a fuck and didn't listen. They’re like Cher from Clueless….. they really have no sense of reality. They’re in their own zone where they have revolving closets and send chocolates to themselves because it Tuesday. They are fucking Clueless about their bougieness. These folks I can deal with, they just don’t know any better. 

Then you have the others (like the person I mentioned earlier) that like to give their resumes and credentials before they even give you their names. The people that perform stunts and shows, just shade folks. The pretentious folks that are here only to make themselves feel better about their lives by making you feel like a thrown away Pound Puppy. See now that’s that Shit I don’t like!! These people LIVE for any chance to make people feel like dust bunnies. Every chance they get they feel the need to throw shade. All they want to do is make sure you and everyone else knows that they are the shit. If that  means telling you how they were prom queen in 1999, scored 1600 on the SAT, went to Yale, they drive a Bentley, fucked 1/2 of Young Money before a show. Whatever it is that will make others take a second look at their lives and ask themselves what the fuck they're doing wrong in life? This is how they get their lives. All these people need to go kick rocks with no shoes on in rush hour traffic. Because in all honestly your life ain't about shit, if you have to throw shade every chance you get to validate that all is well in your life. All that showing off is really unnecessary..... only people like Rick Ross can get away with saying shit like "My bitch bad.. Looking like a bag of money". Otherwise you look like a bougie dumbass.... I'm just saying.

  

I just know I never wanted to be that girl that as soon as they walk through the door people are already rolling their eyes and thinking “look at this saddity bitch” before I even say one word. That just ain’t me, I’m only slightly bougie. Like Whitley Gilbert on a Different World, I’m more like her towards the later seasons. The first season when Denise was on there she was almost unbearable, her personality was polarizing. At the end of the show she was more human, yes she was still that bougie girl from Richmond , VA but she had gone through some shit, and humble herself. Life has a funny way of doing that from time to time. So if you're truly the shit there's no need to tell everyone, they'll just know it when they see it 

Lauryn Hill: A Timeout Is Needed

Lauryn Noelle Hill girl a discussion needs to happen, we need to have a seat, take a knee, a timeout, or something girl because this shit has gotten fucking ridiculous. First let's talk about your Uncle Sam/tax issues, here's a link to those that aren't familiar with the situation Lauryn Hill doesn't want to pay taxes. Our friend and former leader of revolution (what this revolution is all about, I'm not exactly sure) hasn't paid her taxes in like three years O_o..... why? Well according to her, she withdrew from society because of a variety of reasons. The injustices of the world, her children, the depleting ozone layer, the rent is too damn high, whatever the fuck homegirl decided to go underground. Since she was underground and not a "functioning" member of society she should be excused from paying taxes. She explained all this to the IRS but they weren't buying that shit she was selling. She has a court date at the end of the month and faces a $100,000 fine and one year in jail.....so there's that.  Let's get one thing straight this is the United States of America... everybody pays taxes that works in this country. Idk what they do in whatever world; this chicks mind is a resident in but in this country if you collect a check taxes must be paid. Girl you know this!!! Don't act like this is some new shit because its not, if the President pays taxes what the hell makes you think you don't have to? You can go underground, take the underground railroad to Kalamazoo, and then go under the sea like Ariel but if you collect any type of check you MUST pay taxes. You weren't too withdrawn from society to pop up at random concerts dressed like a hobo, and give people a few lines of Killing Me Softly and Ready or Not. You got checks for that.... did you not think taxes should be taken out? The IRS isn't here for your excuses of withdrawing from society, they are here for their money that's it. You don't pay you will go to jail, do not collect $200 or pass go. Think I'm wrong well ask Wesley Snipes, he knows all about it. Hey maybe y'all can be jail pen pals and y'all can work on writing Blade 24.87 or Murder at Cellblock 1700 because that's what happens to people that don't pay taxes for whatever reasons. This Marley penis must be a Killer.... because she has clearly lost it with this one.

Speaking of Marley penises..... Lauryn's baby daddy Rohan Marley recently got engaged to Isabeli Bergossi Fontana, notice I didn't say Lauryn Noelle Hill. The man she's been with since about 1996 and has five kids with (its not clear if the sixth kid is his child), they have called each other spiritual husband and wife for years but that means absolutely nothing at the end of the day. Just like her "I withdrew from society", so no taxes for me explanation means shit. Look I don't know the particulars of Lauryn and Marley's relationship but for you to be with someone for over 10 years and have 5-6 kids together and the other party ups and gets engaged to another person, it makes one wonder. WTH?? Now some people were outraged, saying how could Rohan do this to Lauryn she gave up here career for him and this is how he re-pays her? I do believe that these people are reaching for stars and stripes with such statements. The reality is no one knows what happened between them. Lauryn may have broken up with him, maybe that last kid is someone else's and Rohan didn't want to raise someone else's kid, who the fuck knows. I do know this though Rohn is probably not the reason why The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill 2 has never dropped. That burden is carried by Ms. Hill only..... why did she turn her back on the music industry? Her kids, the pressures of fame, the anxiety of creating another classic, her dreads wouldn't grew any longer. The real reasons will probably never really be known. I just don't think placing blame at Rohan's feet as to why one of the greatest female artist this generation has seen decided to become the phantom of Hip-Hop is fair. 


Just as I think getting all pissed off that this man decided to get married to someone else is a little hasty. I mean I get it Lauryn has with him for years and five kids with him, so I guess logically she should be marrying him... she put in all the work but didn't reap the reward. But has anyone thought about it this way, she did all that but still came up short, why? How come this man didn't want to marry this woman after all that? The only thing I can come up with is because he didn't want to. Maybe the saying is right why buy the cow when you get the milk free rings true in this case. Is that what happened between these two or may be not or may be not? All I know is that I hope Lauryn can get back to being L-Boggie and get her mind right. Come out with some new music and not that Unplugged shit she was trying it with a few years back, because that she can keep. So until then Lauryn pay you taxes, stay out of Jail... girl you have 6 kids get it together, I'm gonna go listen to Lost One's and hope for the best. 

Summer, Summer, Summertime

Well once again boys and girls it's almost that magical time of the year it's SUMMERTIME BITCHES!!! So again I think its imperative that we go over some rules for the summer, as I did last year Because Its Summertime. So here we go.......

1) Tanning- Listen people we may have to break this down by ethnic groups but here we go. People of Caucasian descent please skin burn is real and so is skin cancer, sunscreen is needed at all times. I understand that during the colder months that you may not get the sun you so desperately seek so that as soon as it hits 70 degrees you're outside sunbathing..... I get looking like Casper the Ghost is NOT what's up but looking like this trick isn't neither. Black people just because we're black and have melanin in our skin doesn't mean we shouldn't be using sunscreen skin cancer is real in the battlefield.

2) Bathing Suits- I'm not my ideal weight and I haven't gone to Weight watchers to get my Jennifer Hudson on, really the girl is small as hell now kudos to her. I'm going to wear the correct size swimming suit and not my dream size swimming suit because I'm not that dam delusional.  Some of y'all are out here being a smooth ass size 16 trying to get into a size a 4 bathing suit, ummmmm no madam that's not gonna work. If you didn't get to your special K diet back in January and started on May 1st your ass just may have missed the boat, and that's okay buy and wear your size or cover ups.... its okay. Try again for next summer, shit that's what I'm gonna do size 6 here I come.

3) Swimming Pools- So as I was talking about bathing suits in the previous point..... some of y'all please go buy one point blank period. I've gone to many swimming pools and beaches and have seen too many grown ass people going to these places in in their underwear. Yes, grown woman in bra and panties at the pool and grown men in boxer briefs like they're swimming attire (penises swinging like bats)  like that's what's hot.... well newsflash it isn't. No person that has gone through puberty should be at the pool/beach in undergarments... its just tacky!!! Take your ass to Wal-Mart and get a $20 swimming suit and call it a day. No country for people that swim in their Fruit of the Looms, get the fuck out of here with that. Also people please don't pee in the pool, chlorine or no chlorine that's just nasty!!!

4) Air Conditioner- People with your going to have people at your house or have your cut buddy come through for the late night creep, PLEASE have working AC. Ain't nothing worst than going over someone's house and they have no AC. It's literally the fucking worst thing in life. Please get that shit under control before you invite people over, I don't care how many fans you have  in your house, that shit could be like a windmill factory its not gonna make up for AC. 

5) Day Drinking- This includes day parties, brunches with endless mimosas, happy hours, just what ever the fuck else. I have fallen victim to a few (okay several) endless mimosas brunches myself and these shits will ruin your life. Like real talk no flex drinking during the day will have you drunk as a bitch at 2:00pm on a Sunday.... looking like Lady Gaga, where are my keys? I lost my phone. I've literally gone to endless mimosas brunch at 11:00am and woke up at the end of True Blood (8:55pm) and had no idea how I got home. Now maybe this is an admission that I'm somewhat of a slush, but hell y'all knew that already but I choose to believe and blame it on mimosas and french toast. Listen folks school/work isn't out for summer for us ( well maybe it is if your a teacher or something), drinking like its Friday night on Sunday/Saturday morning or afternoon will have your ass out for the count. I know of what I speak. Drink responsibility....... because it's summertime.

If It Makes You Happy

The clip above is from one of my all-time favorite TV shows Girlfriends…. I just wish the complete series wasn’t like $300 O_o @ Amazon. Anyway in this particular scene, it’s Toni Childs wedding day and her maid of honor (MOH) Joan Clayton is going around acting like a little bitch. See for those that haven’t seen this show or episode Hulu or YouTube is your friend. But here’s a little back story about what’s going on.

As I said Toni is getting married to a little (because he’s short) Jewish Doctor name Todd Garrett. See Toni in all her vain glory was thinking about getting some plastic surgery and he was her doctor. He basically told her to get the fuck out his office because there was nothing wrong with her being that she was beautiful already. So they don’t start dating immediately because Toni is shallow and Todd is short and those two things don’t mix very well. But one day he comes to her rescue (like they always do in real life, lol) and she start to look beyond his handicap of being short, to see he’s a really decent guy and they fall in love and shit. Well after dating for a few months Todd purposes to Toni and they’re getting married. This is where things start to fall apart for her bff Joan.

See Joan is the typical I want to get married and have babies type of girl, I do believe that on the show she had a wedding trunk. In this trunk there was all types of shit that a bridezilla would have, including a wedding dress. So now that her bff is getting married this has left Joan on the edge of glory and about to lose her damn mind. She’s in a relationship but the shit isn’t what one would say is solid like a rock. As her boyfriend just found out he’s former jump-off is pregnant, so as you can imagine Joan and her bf Ellis are going to some things. So now she’s faced with being the MOH to her bff, while her relationship is rolling in the deep. This is only compounds the fact that Joan is a wedding/marriage obsessed crazy bitch and now her friend is getting married, to a man she’s only been seeing for a few months….. this is where Joan becomes completely unhinged.   Well Joan begins to act crazy as hell, she’s tries to sabotage (by acting like a lunatic) her relationship with Ellis. She misses key parts of Toni’s wedding planning things. Such as coming late as hell to Toni’s rehearsal dinner and then leaving the wedding venue to go fix things between her and Ellis. Long story short Toni realizes Joan is being a real heffa hoe/bitch about her wedding. She politely tells Joan since she’s not happy about her wedding she doesn’t have to be there and rudely cuts her bridesmaids dress to shreds. In the end Toni and Joan make up and she and Ellis work things out. At least for that season because her and Ellis breakup for totally different reasons and she and Toni stop being friends for some other bullshit.

Well this post isn’t about a synopsis of Girlfriends season 3. This post is about Joan’s reaction to Toni’s exciting and happy news about her upcoming wedding. Joan’s reaction was classical haterism…. Shit she was at their engagement party asks Toni if she’s rushing into things. Not because she was really concerned about Toni’s decision to get married too quickly but because Toni was getting married and she wasn’t…. that my friends is hate.  Then at her cake tasting party (at Joan’s House) she’s telling Ellis to come get his shit (after they faux-broke-up) in the middle of the party. Why?? Because she was hating. She even admits this to Ellis, when he calls her out on her bs.  All the while damn near screaming “she’s happy for her friend”, as tears are rolling down her face because she realizes just how jealous of her friend she is. It’s a shame, a damn shame I say.  See we all have a Joan in our lives (whether we care to admit it or not ), she’s your friend, sister, coworker, cousin, hell it maybe your mama. I have a Joan or two and although these person aren’t completely a waste of a human being because they do have some really good qualities that make them good people and friends. They have this one fatal flaw and it’s their inner hater. See the inner hater may not raise its head all the time because the Joan in your life knows how to keep it in check for the most part. But then something happens in your life and that inner hater can’t be contained. It comes out with the fury of Nicki Minaj stans after she deleted her twitter account, it’s like a category 5 hurricane.

The inner hater in them won’t allow them to be truly happy for you because you’re getting married, having a baby, got a new job, got the last mint green sorbet nail polish at target, whatever the fuck it is. These people aren’t the everyday haters you deal with, like that bitchass coworker that tried to throw you under the bus in the weekly meetings. No ma’am/sir… this person is your friend, bff, homie, buddy. In my opinion these people are the worse than the typical haters because as your friend they’re supposed to wish you well but they don’t. they should be happy for you but they aren’t. They over there wishing it was them instead of you or wondering what makes you so damn special that things great things are happening to you.  They may say they’re happy for you but you know deep down inside that shit is eating them up…. They’re hating!! They don’t wish you well because they can’t, they may honestly really want to be happy for you. But something in their genetic makeup just won’t allow them….it’s a fatal flaw. They hate on people that are they’re friends and people they claim to love because something deep in their bones just can’t allow them to be happy about their friend’s happiness. Their eyes are green and it’s not because they eat a lot of vegetables… shot out to Erykah Badu. You have to able to identify these kind of people in your lives… there are no real tell-tell signs. This person could be your friend for 17 years and if your ass ups and gets married or something, they may just show their ass like Joan. You just have to keep you spidey sense updated and know when someone isn’t really there for your happiness. With that kind of haterism there’s no concealing that for too long, so you’ll know. I’m not saying you need to drop this person from your like Kanye wanted to drop Kris Humphries from the Nets because he is/was in love with Kim K. I’m just saying be aware of these types of people sometimes your biggest hater is right their kicking it with you. So be mindful and that’s their issue not yours and if you need to check their asses like Toni did with Joan, then so be.   

        

I Am Not My Hair: Part 3

Well about my hair….. welp there isn’t really a lot to report this month. I seems be growing, I’m hoping it will be long enough by June for me to get a sew-in or braids. Not cornrows this isn’t 2001 and hell I wasn’t too much of a fan of them back then either. I thinking box braids or something, but definitely not those Patra/Janet Jackson Poetic Justice that Solange keeps trying to bring back. Girl let that go ever. Anyway I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

As far as my hair routine it’s still pretty simple.  I spray my hair with my water bottle that has leave-in conditioner and water. Then I use my other water bottle with my concoction of olive, castor, almond, and coconut oils. Rub it all in and add more leave-in conditioner. I do this in the morning and at night. The one thing I have started to do is tie my hair up at night. I wasn’t doing that until about two weeks ago, when I spoke to my cousin (she’s natural too) and she told me to tie my hair up. That I wasn’t a Barbie doll and I just can’t be going to sleep without a silk scarf on my head. Hey… I thought I didn’t need it; ummm yeah no I need it probably even more so now. I need it according to my cousin to keep the moisture locked into my hair while I sleep. It’s all about moisture people, it is the key!! So as usually if anyone has any tips or advice please leave comments. As you can see I’m somewhat walking in the dark with this natural thing.

Horrible Co-Workers

What do you do when you can’t stand your co-worker? I’m sure everyone reading this at one point in time could not stand one of their co-workers! Maybe you’ve going through this now or maybe you’ve been through it in the past. I think it’s just one of those things that everyone goes through, like having a cold. Everyone at some point gets one no matter how much you try to avoid it. No matter how much vitamin C you take at some point in your life that cold is gonna happen, and that’s  what that co-worker is to you a nasty ass cold.

When I say you  can’t stand a co-worker I mean it’s to the point that you want to take boxing classes, so if the occasion ever arises you can Floyd Mayweather their ass in the parking lot. The thing is there are different kinds of annoying co-workers.

1)      The nosey ass co-worker- Cue Adele’s Rumor has it. This is the one co-worker that can’t keep their mouth shut. They’re also in some office drama, telling everyone’s business and trying to get in everyone’s business. When you choice not to tell this person any of your personal business, you’re stuck-up or a snob. Chile please this is work not a sleepover where we’re playing truth or dare. My theory is that these people have no lives outside of work. Work is their lives. Well I’m here to say I have a life outside of the workplace and that doesn’t include work people. I’m here to work and collect a check, not to make friends this is not the playground. I have friends outside of work and if I happen to make some a work cool if not that’s fine too; I’m not here for that.

2)      The micro-manger- This person looks over your shoulder every chance they get to see if you’re doing the job right. To this person please go kill yourself. The funny thing is most of the time this person isn’t even your boss but they are so steam pressed to see what the hell you’re up to that they seem like your boss. Always looking to see what you’re doing on your computer, always asking why you’re always on your phone, seeing what time you go and come back from lunch. It’s just ridiculous!!! This ain’t school and you’re not the principle and this ain’t jail (although it may feel like it) and you ain’t the warrant. Look if an employee has never given you or anyone else a problem and always does his/her work, then why the need to constantly check up on them??  It’s childish and just creates a stressful work environment.

3)      The Bitch- This person is never pleasant, something is always wrong, and just always in a shitty ass mood. They may yell at people in the office or they may walk around like they have an Icebox where their hearts use to be. They are as cold as the other side of the pillow. Nobody ever wants to work with them or even be around them for long periods of time. But you also have to watch out of the other kind of bitch. The Undercover bitch, they’re almost like a backstabber. You know smile in your face, then turn around and try to take your place. They’re never a blatant and out-right bitch. They just do little slick shit like ignore you emails about work stuff, say good morning to everyone in the building expect you, just little shit. These are the bitch I can’t stand the most. I rather know your angle then you try to conceal it. They are like snakes in tall grass. So if you work with people like this keep your lawn mowed because they will try it. Also I think these people need to get laid like on a regular dicking schedule or something. Look at Mary Poppins and Chi-Chi bang, bang because no one should be that miserable.

The best way I’ve learned to deal with horrible co-workers with horrible people in general is to ignore them. I mean I only talk to my shitty co-worker if its work related and that’s it. Although at first I was knocking back the $3 wine from Trader’s Joes like it was water, well I still do that but that’s not the point. Ignore their ass that’s the best advice I have. Don’t try to figure out why they’re that way or what their problem is. Don’t try to be their friend, its work not The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.  It’s not your problem to solve you just work with them. You’re not their spouse, child, or clergy man. So ignore them give them that fake smile you give the guy when he’s making your sandwich at Subway and keep that shit moving.

I Am Not My Hair: Part 2

So it's been a month (well a little over a month) since I shaved my head. It's grown out a little bit but more importantly my edges have grown too. I was really concerned about the follicles around my edges being permanently damaged by the dreadful relaxer I got; praise the Lord (or whom ever you may pray to) that is not the case I really thought my edges were gone like Phaedra from the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah get into that shit....... no edges at all!!! SMH.

 

Anyway, I had a slight problem with dryness and I might still have this problem. I saw that my hair was shedding a little, so after talking to a couple of friends and looking on youtube. I realized 1) needed to stop washing my hair everyday. Shampoo especially the ones with sulfates have a tendency to dry out your hair. So now I co-wash it with conditioner and wash it with shampoo once a week now. The second thing I learned was to moisturize my hair a lot and that all the products I used while my hair was relaxed are useless; I gave them all away. I now I have some new products that I'm using, I'll probably do a review about them but I've only been using them for about a week, therefore I can't give them a full review yet. So yeah I learned and I'm still learning that moisture is the key. So here's a pic of my progress, if anyone has any tips plese do share.

Give It Up Turn It Loose

See the thing is that some folks just don’t know their roles in people’s lives. What exactly do I mean by this?  Well a lot of the time people really think that they mean much more to you than they really do. This is not to say that they themselves are about as useful as a used tampon to your life, it just means that they aren’t exactly in your top 5. It’s like when they’re not around it’s not like you’re going around singing Tamia’s Officially missing you. When you see or talk to them it’s cool and when you don’t its cool too. They bring no tangible assets to your life and maybe they did at one point in time but they definitely do not now. The dynamics in the friendship or relationship has change. Hell there may not have ever been any real dynamics so to speak of in the first place.

But to them y’all are like a child and their My Little Buddy doll. Like y’all are Jay-z and Damon Dash circa 2001 in their mind but in reality you guys are like Jay-Z and Damon Dash present day and that My Little Buddy doll has transformed into Chucky. The relationship/friendship fails to exist anymore or has turned into complete and utter shit. Y’all don’t talk on regular basis, y'all pretty much have no idea what’s going on in each other lives, unless it scrolls across your news feed on Facebook. But yet this person ever so often tries to interject themselves into your life. It’s weird and confusing…. doesn’t this person realize y’all ain't that cool.  They’re the kind of person that hears you’re going on a trip with your besties and they tries to invite themselves or get pissed off  that you didn’t invite them. Chile….. we ain't friends that’s why you ain’t going with me to Vegas. Facts are facts and the facts for the most part y’all aren’t FRIENDS!!! You guys are more like strangers pasting each other in the night. For some people that’s a hard pill to swallow, especially if y’all were once tight at some point in life. But people change and things don’t always remain the same. If two people have grown apart that just the facts of life, folks are always so quick to kick a romantic relationship that has grown staler than last year’s bread to the curb. But can’t seem to do the same when it comes to friendships that have degenerated in the same pattern.     

Well I’m here to say it’s okay not to be bff’s with someone anymore because the friendship has changed or is damn near non-existence. There’s no need to be frying today’s fish in last year’s rancid ass fish grease. Let that shit go!!! You don’t have to feel obliged to this person because y’all were friends forever in High School. Well high school is over and idk about everyone else but I’m not the exactly the same person I was in 12^thgrade and that’s not a bad thing. Its growth that’s what is and some people grow with you and some people grow apart from you and that’s OK. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you don’t wanna hang out friends from your past. You can wish them the best in life but you don’t necessarily need to be a part of their life. Now to the friend from way back then that doesn’t get this and feels the need to try to bulldoze their way into people’s lives. Stop this behavior immediately!!! You can make some want to be your friend, even if that person was once your very good friend. Stop trying to guilt trip that person because you didn’t get an evite to their B-day dinner. Take the hints and the clues they’re giving you…. You guys aren’t no longer on the TOP 5 level. All the texting and phone call in the world isn’t gonna change that. That person no longer views you as a valid person in their lives, for whatever reason. The reason maybe be as dumb as you ate the last chicken wing at Applebee’s 7 years ago or it could be major like you slept with her boyfriend. Whatever the reason is all the harassing (yes, I said harassing because at some point if a person isn’t responding to your calls, texts, e-mails, etc. it becomes harassment) isn't gonna make them want to be friends again. Sometimes as Usher said you’ve gotta let shit burn and that includes friendships.  This ain't gonna ever be y'all.

They’re some people in your life that even though you may not talk or see to them every day or even every month but they’re still your friend and y’all catch up and its like nothing ever changed. You pick up where you left off; the friendship connection is still intact. Then you have the other people that I just talked above. The connection is dead and gone and you could talk to them every day to the day you die but that connection is just gone and never coming back like Jodeci. Life isn’t an express train downtown; it’s a long Greyhound bus ride across the country.  They are many stops; people get on and off the bus. Some people get on and only get stay to the next stop, some get on and stay for several stops, and some get on and stay for the whole bus ride. So you have to realize and recognize which people are getting on your bus and when to tell them the next stop is theirs because they may not know and you’ll wind up with an overcrowded bus and no place for important people to sit.  

Unsolicited Advice

So I have this thing about myself, I hate when people give me advice and I know they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. For example, if let's say.... Ray J gave you any advice about having a successful singing career, would you listen to him? F*ck no, why? Because he doesn't have a successful singing career, he may think he does but we the people clearly know he doesn't. What I've come to realize is that people in general love to give advice about any topic. You want to know where to go fly fishing? Dave will tell but what Dave won't tell you is that he's never gonna fly fishing a day in his life but he knows all the great spots. I think people just like to hear themselves talk and make themselves feel smart. Actually what I really think is that these people's lives suck so much, and the fact that you have a dilemma (or a perceived dilemma) makes them sing happy,happy, joy, joy in their demented minds. 

However, what brothers me more than folks giving advice and they have no idea what they're talking about and you know this for a fact. Is the unsolicited advice by these same people, see it would be my own fault for being annoyed by this advice and this person if I had asked for said advice. As I've said before these motherf*ckers just like to hear themselves talk and you could be talking to them about the new season of The Office and then all of a sudden they're telling you need to be putting more money in you 401K. Really b@tch??? You don't even have a 401K  but you want to tell me what to do with mine? Get all the way up out of here with that sh!t. 

Last week I was talking to someone and of course they inquired about my dating life... which I have no problem talking about, why? Because ain't sh!t to talk about, I'm chilling and I'm fine with that (I have a lot of other sh!t going on, like finding a job). But this person thought I wasn't fine with it and thought they would give me some unsolicited advice, by telling be where I need to go to pick up men and what to do when I pick up these men. Now while they're talking I'm side-eyeing the f*ck out of this person, she's going on and on like they're Dr. Drew or somebody. All I can think about is that this person is dating a married man and has been dating this married man for 3 years!!! My dear please have a window seat on that fantasy ride you're on. This b!tch is about as delusional as Ciara thinking she's got a hit album left in her career. For three years this woman has been with this married man, but she thinks she's better than all of the other Jezebels because she respects this man's wife. How does she do this? Well she makes sure he always answers his wife's calls while they are fornicating, she doesn't allow him to bad mouth his wife in front of her, and she tries to have minimal contact with him when he's with his wife. She does all this while they both are committing adultery. So just because she's set up this parameters with her married boyfriend, she thinks she's better than the other side-chicks that's spreading their legs to married. Chile... just because you think you're "respecting" his wife with these rules, you're still disrespecting her by sleeping with her husband. So okay bye to you're advice about my dating life or anyone else's. O_o

Look I'm not here to judge this woman about her dealings with married men, so if she wants to continue to live this Fantasia Barrino life is not a fairy tale life she's living.... that's fine. I'm not even here to tell her to close her legs to married men (although I think she should because that's how people get shot). Do you boo. What I have a problem with is this woman and people like her who are in way more f*cked situation than me, want to give me unsolicited advice about what I'm doing and what I need to do. Don't give me advice about dating just because your dating a married man. That does not make you an authority on the subject, if anything it makes you less than one.  Think about it you couldn't go out and find a man that could give you all of his free time i.e. he's single, instead you're settling for a man that's giving you borrowed time.... smh.  So please keep your advice to yourself until someone asks you for it.

Steve Harvey The Relationship Expert, I'm Going to Need More People

The other day I was watching TV and came across The Steve Harvey Show, and a thought entered my head. How and when did Steve Harvey become a relationship expert? When did we take a vote on this and say yes I want Steve Harvey to publish a book talking about how to act like a lady, and think like a man. If you would've told me ten years ago when his show was on TV, that this man would be dishing out relationship advice like meds in a psych ward. I would have laughed, who've thought that this guy with his loud suits and his hair plugs. Would be the go-to guy for relationship advice. I demand we recount this vote.

See my problem with Steve Harvey and his advice is that he has a sketchy relationship background, he has been married three times! So my question is what makes him qualified to be an expert on relationships when he's fail at them on at least two occasions. Some may say since he's been through all the ups and downs then he knows of what he speaks.  Well I'm not buying it, I'm not renting it, I don't want to put it on layaway, and I don't want a damn raincheck. I'm sorry Steve Harvey I just can't rock with you on this. The thing that really kills me about his expertise is that women are really buying into his advice. I've  had so many women ask me if I've read his book, in which I reply I've skimmed through it at the bookstore. I can say I found that he did have some good points. But so does the my hairdresser, and the dude in the mailroom but does that make them experts? A better question is why is that when a woman attempts to be a relationship expert she has to have a Ph.D, been married for at least 5 years, and a whole list of other qualifications before anybody will listen to her?

The point of it all people is that relationship advice doesn't have to come from books, movies, or your mama. Nobody is an expert  because what works for one person may not work for the next. I'm just not sure people should go around quoting relationship advice from books written by comedians or any pseudo celebrity like its the new gospel. I'm not knocking Steve Harvey or anybody like him, cause lord knows these days everybody needs a side-hustle. All I'm saying is advice can come from anywhere or anybody, you just have to know where to apply it.  The best advice I got about relationships so goes a little something like this. "When I guy likes you'll know it and when he doesn't he'll confuse the shit out of you"~ Grandma