Happy New Year!!! And Some Things That Can Stay In The Old One

Well Happy New Year good people!!!! I am so glad that its 2013 (even though a few things have already gone left for me.... but things have also gone right for some people I know). I for one was ready for 2012 to just exit stage left immediately, the last few months of 2012 have been straight trash for me, so therefore I was ready for it to get the hell this past Monday at 11:59pm. I am looking forward to new beginnings and to doing things differently to get different results.  However there are a few things and people I wish would stay their ass in 2012.

1) Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Karrueche- I mean them as a group, not individually. As individuals I like them but them together in this three-way from something out of Eyes Wide Shut, that shit has got to go. Between Chris Brown's taxi cab confessions of him being in love with both of them. Karrueche and Rihanna throwing shade at one another on twitter and Instagram..... at first it was funny, but this shit has gotten out of hand and its annoying now. One is on Instagram taking pics with Chris's shirt on and then 4 hours later he's at the Lakers game with the other, its just trashy. Making duets like they're Rick James and Teena Marie talking about its Nobody's Business but mine and my baby. That's true technically but how about you keep it cute and off Twitter and Instagram with this Bermuda love triangle from hell.

2) Nicki Minaj- I have never really been a fan of hers... she's just not my type of artist and I'll leave it at that. I do like a few her songs however and she's out here collecting big checks and I can't hate her for that. I think by problem with her is that she can actually rap but she does all this extra shit. I'm just not here for her Lady Gaga dreams and Katy Perry aspirations and this bubble gum rap. But hey if dressing up like a Lisa Frank folder is going to help her sell rosy toilet water she calls perfume and keep the checks rolling in... do you boo. However, why she has to officially get the hell on is because of the whole American Idol feud between her and Mariah Carey, here's the link Nicki Minaj gets ratchet with Mariah. Y'all probably don't know this but I love Mariah, I have been a fan since Vision of Love. So for this real life ratchet ass Gem Doll to cuss Mariah out about the same thing most people thought when it was announced that she was going to be a judge on American Idol. Which was girl how are you going to be judge on a singing contest and your ass can't sing??.... it's just *deep sigh*. I don't give a damn if Mariah Carey doesn't sell another damn record in her life.... checked her resume heffa? She doesn't have to because she's a legend. Girl just fall into the abyss and take Lil' Wayne and half of Young Money with you, expect for Drake I still like him. 

Tell me they don't give you the same visuals.

   

3) Personal rants on social media- Listen I go on rants on twitter but its about shit like why is the line so long at Starbucks, or why is girl dressed like Carmen Miranda at Ikea? I'm not on facebook quoting lyrics to How Could An Angel Break My Heart. Some of y'all just go too far I saw a picture on Instagram of a dude who took a picture of his dad on a stretcher on his way to the hospital, the caption said "pray for my dad he just had a heart attack". WTF??? How damn crazy can you be?? Shit like that has to stop....get out of your feelings and get off social media. Get a damn journal or start a blog. Also for 3a) stop taking pics of struggle plates of food. Nobody wants to see your instant mashed potatoes, easy mac, and dried up chicken all over the Internet.

4) Kanye West and Kim Kardashian- I'm sure y'all know she's pregnant by now, I had a whole little section written for them but after hearing this news I no longer have the energy. So here's a few thoughts about this baby news. I'm sure Kris Jenner hit her damn dougie when she heard Kim was pregnant, it just means she can use her spells and potions and turn this pregnancy into another cash cow for her. I think this woman is a wizard or at the very least a villain from a Disney movie. Listen E!.... I don't want to see any specials about baby showers or see Kim's birth canal on your network. I hope this baby looks more like her than Kanye. He's been looking more and more like Chip or Dale (pick one) from The Rescue Rangers these days. So with that Mama may have, Papa may have but God bless this child so that it will have its own.

Broken Bottles and Broken Hearts

By now I think we’ve all heard about the bottle scattered across the world, so if you haven’t been living under a rock for the past few days. I am sure you’ve heard that Lite Ike/Chris Brown and Drake got into a brawl at a New York nightclub The Broken Bottle Heard Around The World.. This fight is presumably over Rihanna….. smh. Now this love triangle between these three has definitely taken a turn for the worst and shit since Meek Mill was there the triangle has turned into a damn square as he’s been linked to Rihanna too. From the reports and blogs I’ve read it seems like Drake was the aggressor in this incident, although he has totally denied any involvement in the brawl…. Yeah okay O_o. Talking about he was walking out when the fight broke out, yeah fucking right. Look I like Drake and all but I have to call bitchassness when I see bitchassness.

From the reports Chris Brown and his crew were in the club partying and bullshit ion VIP, Juelz Santana was doing the same thing with his people in a different section with his people and I believe Meek Mill was already there. Drake comes to the Juelz’s section and immediately gets his panties in a bunch seeing that Chris Brown was there. Chris apparently was acting like a wild banshee and throwing the middle finger in the air and whatnot. Drake was getting more and more into his feelings and keeps saying “I don’t like that n*gga”. Chris may or may not have sent over a bottle to Drake. Drake may or may not have sent the bottle back saying  something to the effect of “I fucked the love of your life, so get over it”, referring to Rihanna. Then Drake gets super pissed when his song comes on and Chris Brown and friends stop dancing. Yeah this shit turns into a ghetto version of Step Up 2: The Streets, just ratchet smh. He then gets his crew amped all the way up. So in solidarity for their Crew Love began to get their Basketball Wives on and throw everything in sight. Bottles, chairs, tables, ice, weave, ashes, their integrity, and just every damn thing. That’s the tea but here’s the shade, so just as shit got real Drake exits stage left but not before Juelz Santana cusses him out from head to toe. There you have it ladies and gentlemen grown ass men throwing everything but punches in the club…. Fucking ridiculous! Apparently Chris Brown has been co-operating with the police and has evidence that Drake/ Wheel chair Jimmy did indeed start the fight. That left him, his girlfriend Karaoke (whatever that girl name is), bodyguard, and several other party goers bloody and bruise. This fight was indeed over Rihanna…… and I have so many thoughts about the situation, so let me try to gather them.

1) The bitchcassness- A friend once said to me these “n*ggas are the new bitches”. I couldn’t agree more!!! How are two of the “softest” dudes in the game fighting? I’m not gonna put this on Chris Brown this time…. This is clearly  Drake’s doing, but I’m sure the media well somehow make this Chris’s fault because we all know him Kanye and Michael Vick are the most hated people in America. Like forever real, dudes are throwing bottles ?? Acting like girls mentioned in the above song.  So this is what we’re doing in 2012? Throwing bottles like a mob or basketball wife, okay cool. Drake has really been into his mutha fucking feelings lately. That Pusha T diss about Drake and Lil’ Wayne has really set him the fuck off ( Exodus 23:1.) This dude who is about as hard as a Pillow Person, is now instigating bar brawls….. I just don’t understand? This is the same person who perhaps put out one of the most emotional songs Marvin’s Room, since Lenny Williams Cause I Love You. Is now in the club wildin’ the fuck out because he doesn’t like someone? I guess he’s really trying to be about that YOLO life. Drake sweetie pie some advice, Take a long bath and have some Jasmine tea and reflect about some things  going on in your life, because dude you’re about five seconds from going to jail and you sir are definitely not about that prison life. You would get dragged around the cell block like Linus from Charlie Brown blanket, you better not listen to these Young Money fools. Seriously, you better stick to what you know singing Sade songs at concerts and getting Aaliyah tattoos. Jesus I miss Poppin’ Chris Brown and The Best I Ever Had Drake because these new version of themselves, just won't do.  

2) Light- skin dudes will never prosper- If you aren’t aware in the black community light-skin men haven’t been the men of choice since the late 80s/early 90s. The death of light-skin dudes  pretty much came in New Jack City, when Wesley Snipes stabbed Christopher Williams in the hand and said “I never liked you anyway you pretty muthafucker”. So since then light-skin men haven’t been that popular. In all black cinema since dark-skin actors have had shit on lock, Taye Diggs, Morris Chestnut, Idris Elba, Lance Gross, and the list goes on.  So for the past 20 or so years light-skin men have been trying to re-claim their spotlight…. Because in the 80s they were all the rage(ask Al B. Sure all about it); they’ve taken some small steps to get back to their glory days with people like Michael Ealy, Barack Obama, Chris Brown (in he’s Run It phase),and some may say Drake. But now these two yellowcakes are in the club throwing bottles and shit, the Great White Hope comeback has been delayed for at least another 10 years. By the stunts and shows these two light-skin queens put on the other night.

3) Rihanna- Girl it’s not even your Birthday!! This girl might just be the Helen of Troy of this generation. This girl p*ssy must be laid with gold and tell you how to get to Sesame Street. Like for real these fools have been going back and forth more than Aaliyah about her.They've talked about her in songs….. I believe half those songs on Drake's Take Care about her, on twitter… subtweeting shit about her. Chris Brown in taking n*ggas off of songs because they may or may not have slept with his EX-GIRLFRIEND, cc: Meek Mill. These dudes are literally driving their selves crazy!! These guys are out here on some medieval times dueling for the hand of the fair princess shit. Think about it. They’re out right writing songs or poetry about her as if this was the 1700s, starting wars and jousting on horses/ throwing bottles for her. What another girl has dudes out here moving mountains for them? I sure don’t!! She needs to teach a class, write a book, or something because she’s like the Great and Powerful OZ and I need to be put up on some game. She has these dudes bleeding love, glitter, and pixie dust… smh. Meanwhile she’s simply unbothered by these men antics….. like I’m pretty sure when she heard about this shit. She was in an expensive ass hotel room rolling blunts on her security’s head and giving zero fucks about the situation. The only one that won this fight was her. While they were leaving blood on the dance floor. This chick was somewhere patting her p*ssy/goldenbox, feeling like Marie Antoinette and letting them eat cake.

Last Friday Night

So you meet a guy a few weeks ago but you haven't seen him since the day you guys met because of scheduling conflicts and shit. Y'all have tried like twice to hang out together but something always comes up. But he calls you on Friday night and asks you what you're up to, and you tell him you're leaving dinner and about to go home. He tells you he's at some bar with his friends and you should come by for a drink. You ask where the bar is and as it turns out the bar is down the street from where you are, so you decide well it's now or never and head over the bar.

You get there and its packed full of people, so you call him to see where he is, he tells you to meet him at the bathrooms. You meet him there and he walks up and...... he's clearly drunk as fuck. It's gonna be a long night. He asks you if you want a drink (And my God a drink isn't gonna be enough to get you through the next two hours). Y'all try to get more drinks but its crowded, so he takes your hand and guides to the other side of the bar. While walking to the other side, this guy is speaking to everyone he passes but not in the "Hey, what's up" manner but in the "I'm think I'm the shit and I'll letting you know this" manner. You find a seat at the bar and order drinks. But this guy has managed to talk to shit everyone around you, he introduces you to his friend blah, blah. he goes on to say this is the girl I've been telling y'all about, you should feel flattered but instead you feel disconnected and annoyed. He continues to make an ass out himself.... by flirting with the bartender and telling her you're his future baby-mama. A man walks up to the other side of you to get a drink, in doing so he touches your arm. Your date asks you if you know him, you reply no. He asks if you don't know him then why did he touch you? You tell him you have no fucking idea. He continues with his obnoxious behavior by damn near harassing the women sitting next to you at the bar. The same man from earlier walks back to the bar, your date insists that he came to try to holla at you, so much that says he's gonna walk away to see if the guy talks to you.

He walks away before you can even blink your eyes... he's gone like a fart in the wind. His friend is still standing to the other side of you. The guy he insists is trying to holla, politely put he's empty glass on the bar and walks away. By this time you're think WTF... you could've had a V8 instead of dealing with this bullshit. The woman who is sitting to the right of you, looks at you and shakes her head. You inquire as to why, she simply says "girl get your life, you can do better than this jackass".  Then you looked around and realized she's right... this guy is being a total jackass. You wonder if everyone else thinking the same thing she's thinking, why is this girl in here with this douchebag? You feel embarrassed . What do you do now? You decide to hold your head high and do what any other person in this situation would do.... you pony up and see if you can salvage this night.

You look around see two cute guys within your three foot radius. Bachelor number one is behind your date's friend and access can't be reached, cock-blockers are the worst you know. Oh well... on too bachelor number two he's standing right behind you. He's looking at you and you're looking at him but he's not approaching. After five minutes of making the eyes with each, you decide to say say hi and he says hi. A flirty bar convo ensues and contact info is exchanged. The lights come on at the bar bachelor two leaves out the front door. You turn around and see your date's friend is gone and you're ready to go. Your date is nowhere to be found, he's been gone for at least 20 minutes (eye-roll). You see him at he other side of the bar talking to some people. You walk over to say goodnight, he pulls you to the side and proceeds to give you this bs speech. He says something about how when people first meet one another they're not always themselves, they send out representatives of themselves. He thinks that's bs, people should be who they are on a regular basis from 21 Jump Street. He makes a comment about how you're looking at him like he's a complete and totally jackass (which you are) and that he REALLY LIKES you. You don't really say anything because you're over it and ready to go home. As he's in this impassioned speech, some folks walk over and with he's adult (ADHD), he starts talking shit to them too . You walk towards the door and his friend stops you and says he'll walk you to your car. You guys walk and talk about regular stuff... where are you from, what do you do, blah blah. As you approach your car and say goodnight, you tell him to tell your date bye. He says he will and says this, "             is a jackass, there's no way he would've treated you like that." You give him the Kanye shrug, and get into your car and drive off into the night. Ladies and gentlemen welcome to my Friday Night.

If It Makes You Happy

The clip above is from one of my all-time favorite TV shows Girlfriends…. I just wish the complete series wasn’t like $300 O_o @ Amazon. Anyway in this particular scene, it’s Toni Childs wedding day and her maid of honor (MOH) Joan Clayton is going around acting like a little bitch. See for those that haven’t seen this show or episode Hulu or YouTube is your friend. But here’s a little back story about what’s going on.

As I said Toni is getting married to a little (because he’s short) Jewish Doctor name Todd Garrett. See Toni in all her vain glory was thinking about getting some plastic surgery and he was her doctor. He basically told her to get the fuck out his office because there was nothing wrong with her being that she was beautiful already. So they don’t start dating immediately because Toni is shallow and Todd is short and those two things don’t mix very well. But one day he comes to her rescue (like they always do in real life, lol) and she start to look beyond his handicap of being short, to see he’s a really decent guy and they fall in love and shit. Well after dating for a few months Todd purposes to Toni and they’re getting married. This is where things start to fall apart for her bff Joan.

See Joan is the typical I want to get married and have babies type of girl, I do believe that on the show she had a wedding trunk. In this trunk there was all types of shit that a bridezilla would have, including a wedding dress. So now that her bff is getting married this has left Joan on the edge of glory and about to lose her damn mind. She’s in a relationship but the shit isn’t what one would say is solid like a rock. As her boyfriend just found out he’s former jump-off is pregnant, so as you can imagine Joan and her bf Ellis are going to some things. So now she’s faced with being the MOH to her bff, while her relationship is rolling in the deep. This is only compounds the fact that Joan is a wedding/marriage obsessed crazy bitch and now her friend is getting married, to a man she’s only been seeing for a few months….. this is where Joan becomes completely unhinged.   Well Joan begins to act crazy as hell, she’s tries to sabotage (by acting like a lunatic) her relationship with Ellis. She misses key parts of Toni’s wedding planning things. Such as coming late as hell to Toni’s rehearsal dinner and then leaving the wedding venue to go fix things between her and Ellis. Long story short Toni realizes Joan is being a real heffa hoe/bitch about her wedding. She politely tells Joan since she’s not happy about her wedding she doesn’t have to be there and rudely cuts her bridesmaids dress to shreds. In the end Toni and Joan make up and she and Ellis work things out. At least for that season because her and Ellis breakup for totally different reasons and she and Toni stop being friends for some other bullshit.

Well this post isn’t about a synopsis of Girlfriends season 3. This post is about Joan’s reaction to Toni’s exciting and happy news about her upcoming wedding. Joan’s reaction was classical haterism…. Shit she was at their engagement party asks Toni if she’s rushing into things. Not because she was really concerned about Toni’s decision to get married too quickly but because Toni was getting married and she wasn’t…. that my friends is hate.  Then at her cake tasting party (at Joan’s House) she’s telling Ellis to come get his shit (after they faux-broke-up) in the middle of the party. Why?? Because she was hating. She even admits this to Ellis, when he calls her out on her bs.  All the while damn near screaming “she’s happy for her friend”, as tears are rolling down her face because she realizes just how jealous of her friend she is. It’s a shame, a damn shame I say.  See we all have a Joan in our lives (whether we care to admit it or not ), she’s your friend, sister, coworker, cousin, hell it maybe your mama. I have a Joan or two and although these person aren’t completely a waste of a human being because they do have some really good qualities that make them good people and friends. They have this one fatal flaw and it’s their inner hater. See the inner hater may not raise its head all the time because the Joan in your life knows how to keep it in check for the most part. But then something happens in your life and that inner hater can’t be contained. It comes out with the fury of Nicki Minaj stans after she deleted her twitter account, it’s like a category 5 hurricane.

The inner hater in them won’t allow them to be truly happy for you because you’re getting married, having a baby, got a new job, got the last mint green sorbet nail polish at target, whatever the fuck it is. These people aren’t the everyday haters you deal with, like that bitchass coworker that tried to throw you under the bus in the weekly meetings. No ma’am/sir… this person is your friend, bff, homie, buddy. In my opinion these people are the worse than the typical haters because as your friend they’re supposed to wish you well but they don’t. they should be happy for you but they aren’t. They over there wishing it was them instead of you or wondering what makes you so damn special that things great things are happening to you.  They may say they’re happy for you but you know deep down inside that shit is eating them up…. They’re hating!! They don’t wish you well because they can’t, they may honestly really want to be happy for you. But something in their genetic makeup just won’t allow them….it’s a fatal flaw. They hate on people that are they’re friends and people they claim to love because something deep in their bones just can’t allow them to be happy about their friend’s happiness. Their eyes are green and it’s not because they eat a lot of vegetables… shot out to Erykah Badu. You have to able to identify these kind of people in your lives… there are no real tell-tell signs. This person could be your friend for 17 years and if your ass ups and gets married or something, they may just show their ass like Joan. You just have to keep you spidey sense updated and know when someone isn’t really there for your happiness. With that kind of haterism there’s no concealing that for too long, so you’ll know. I’m not saying you need to drop this person from your like Kanye wanted to drop Kris Humphries from the Nets because he is/was in love with Kim K. I’m just saying be aware of these types of people sometimes your biggest hater is right their kicking it with you. So be mindful and that’s their issue not yours and if you need to check their asses like Toni did with Joan, then so be.   

        

Career Moves

So for the 8.23 people that have been reading this blog for the past couple if months. You may have noticed that 1) I moved to Chicago this summer and 2) I have been unemployed since moving to Chicago.  Well I'm pleased to announce I'm no longer unemployed, yes that's right good people I started my new job this week. So I've been shouting to heavens like Tyler the Creator's mama did when he want that VMA (it was just a VMA lady not a Grammy, so chillax). This job isn't necessarily my dream job but its definitely closer to what I would like to be doing than my last job was. Plus the job is at what I consider to be my dream company, so who knows maybe I'll get to my dream job one of these days. One of the reasons I moved to Chicago was do something more related to my major and what I really want to be doing with my life. Basically I came up here to try to have a career and not just have a job, there's a big ass difference between the two.


While I was driving back from my new job today a few things came to my mind. First, I have been out of work too long, my ass was tried as hell when I got home. This ish is gonna take some getting use to again. Secondly, starting a new job is like being the new kid in school but slightly better because you get paid to be there. Really, think about... you have to deal with coworkers and bosses. What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? Will I fit in? All these damn questions run through your head. I usually just stick to the motto of doing my work and shutting the f*ck up. That way you stay out of mess and there's always mess at any workplace. I'm friendly but I'm not there to make friends, I have friends and plenty of them at home. If I happen to make friends at work, cool but I'm not seeking them out. This ain't homeroom or the lunchroom and I ain't here for that. We don't have to shoot the sh!t together. Thirdly, the work looks like its going to be a lot and difficult at times and what if I won't be able to handle it? What if all the sh!t I learned in college was for nothing? What if I forgot about all that stuff, like Ciara forgets she had a music career. My head is hurting just thinking about it. The last think that crossed my mind was, what if I don't like this job? The job that will eventually lead to the career I've always wanted, the career I spent four years in college trying to build up to. What if I hate that sh!t? Then what? Go back school and focus on something else? Chile... the thought of this not working out just makes me want to slap somebody. Well, I hopefully that won't be the case and I really enjoy what I'm doing and if not there's always grad school. I can be like Lynn from Girlfriends and have 4 masters degrees and 2 PhDs and no damn job. But that may not work either because as the great queen mother Kanye West said, those degrees won't keep you warm at night. He's ass is definitely right about that, so this better work out.

The Fallacy of Sex and The City

First of all let it be said that I am SATC stan. I have a tank top that says I heart SATC, that I wore to the 12am showing of SATC the movie, that i saw twice in theaters. That kept rising up because of my boobs to the point that the tank said I heart sex. Yeah that was kinda embarrassing walking around Atlantic station with an "I heart sex" tank top on. I've seen  every episode ,I have some seasons on dvd, I seen the movies and have them both on dvd. I use to and sometimes I still do quote lines from SATC.  You know three years ago you couldn't have told me I wasn't a black Carrie Bradshaw, with a twist of Charlotte .

But as I was watching SATC the movie. Just kept thinking to myself this just couldn't be me, I'm talking about Carrie and her relationship with Big. The whole nature of their relationship was that everything was done on his time. Think about it folks…… like the second time they broke up because he had to go to Paris for work, but he failed to mention this to Carrie until he was packing his damn bags. I'm throwing a flag on this play, there are so many things wrong with this picture. Why did Big wait so late to tell Carrie about Paris? Well my friends the answer is because he could, she just wasn't his top priority. Everything that happened in their whole relationship happened when he was ready for things to happen. Then he comes back from Paris engaged, chile please!!! Even the affair Big and Carrie had was done under his own design. Well I'm calling bs on the whole dynamic of their relationship!! Carrie and Big danced around this thing called a committed relationship for 6 years. Six long years, she basically waited for this man to get his shit together so they could be together. I especially love the part him of chasing her half way across the world because he finally decided she was "the one". When I first saw the last episode of the series I was like omg they finally got together, that was so romantic . Well five years later and a little wiser tot he dating game. That was some bullshit Carrie went through, nobody male or female should have to go through those types of antics or that much heartbreak. While the other party is figuring out if they want or can be with you. Carrie should've let her and Mr. Big die at the end of season two, if this was real life. I just don't describe to that notion that love has to be that gut-wrecnhing.

If we really examine their relationship, he was always playing her to left  and being mad disrespectful. But he did those things because she allowed him too. I mean she called him out a couple of times like when she broke up with him the first time, because he introduced her as his friend to his mom. She was in a one-sided relationship with Big and she got tired of it, after six years. But where she failed at was that  she keep letting his ass worm his way back into her life. Even when she had some solid situations going on, like with Aiden. I like Aiden because I felt like he truly loved Carrie and he really wanted to be with her. I just didn't get that same feeling with Big, I felt like Big wanted Carrie when it was convenient for him or when he felt threatened that other men was going steal her away. Men like that just shouldn't be allowed to date until they're at least 30. We all know a person like Carrie in a situation with a guy, that keeps her hanging on and they hang on because at the end of the day Big married Carrie. Yes, this is true they got married but look at all the10 years worth of bullshit she through to get to that point. So if you or anyone you know is going through this Big/Carrie mess, ask yourself or them  is it worth it? I think Kanye West said it best; "No one man should have all that power"!