Could It Be Love At First Sight?

Love at first sight. What exactly is that? Boy sees girl coming out the bookstore and is immediately fixated on her. He honestly can't take his eyes off of her. Its like that scene in "She's All That", when Zack sees Laney walking down the stairs after her makeover, suddenly she's beautiful and that "Kiss me song" is playing in the background and all is right in the world. Well she looked the same to me, they just replaced her glasses with contacts. Anyhoo, so boy sees girl and is breathless. Finds said girl and asks her out, she says yes to the date and they live happily ever after. When people ask them about their love, they say it was love at first sight. 

*Puts wine glass down*

I do believe that some romances are a whirlwind affairs but let talk about the rest of the 99% dating population. That shit just doesn't happen in real life. In real life boy sees girl and thinks she's attractive, tries holla, she's either responsive or shatters he's dreams like The Heat's dream of a championship this year or the one after. They may go out or they may not because dudes these days seem not to know what the hell a date is. Either way dude tries to have sex with girl. Which again maybe she will or maybe she won't (but according to Lil' Wayne and Drake she will) and somewhere while all this is going on a relationship starts to take shape.  I think this is the blueprint most relationship are formed on these days. There's no fireworks, annoying pop love songs from the 90's being played in the background, or slaying of dragons. Two people meet and they seem to like each other, so they go out together, spend time together and see if they can continue to like each other. There's no ribbon written in the sky for their love, well at least not at first. You just met this person but you love them, chile its only been 2 months but y'all love is stronger than Martin and Gina's. Oh okay, do you know he chews his toenails in bed? Do you know she watches Steel Magnolias 20 times a day when she's on her period? But its all love? Ummmm that's lust and good sex sir and ma'am not love. Honestly I prefer the let's see where this goes method over the love at first sight way because love at first sight is usually cured by a second look. 

Appearances Are Everything

So to piggyback of the post from the other day, "He wasn't man enough for me". Let's talk about the real reason the men you want aren't approaching you with the velocity you would like. It isn't because he's intimidated by your beauty, brains, or success. Please got those thoughts all the way up out of here. Its not like you're Ray J and you're rolling with the money team with 5- 7 Rolls Royce's outside. No boo, that's not the case. As I have stated before if a man likes you or what he sees, he's going to step to you point blank period. The reason he's choosing that girl over you is because you have too much red tape ma'am.

What exactly does that mean? Well men are a lot more simple than you think they are. They see you the girl with the beauty, brains, and success but they also see the girl that's guarded, stuck on herself, and just too damn difficult. Now this may not really be the case. You actually maybe a real down to earth girl, that prefers chicken and beer over roasted lamb and merlot. Well his ass doesn't know that, all he knows is that you look like a lot work. Just too much energy that he just isn't willing to invest in. So what does he do? He goes with the easier opinion, the easy, breezy, cover girl at the other end of the bar.  Now she could be the girl that's gonna give him more headaches than a little bit, be more difficult than Brittany from Glee trying to get a passing grade in algebra. But he doesn't know that and he stepped to her over you, why? Because of appearances.

Sometimes, shit most of the time life is all about appearances, Ms. Covergirl looks like she's having a good time. Like she won the lottery and sleep with Idris Elba all in the same night. You on the other hand look like your tampon is stuck in a place it shouldn't be.  It's too crowded in the spot, your feet hurt, and the drinks suck. Ms. Covergirl knows this and feels the same why you do but differences is, she doesn't give a f#ck or she appears not to. You on the other hand are vocal about your unhappiness, what man is going to approach that? Not very many, so he moves on to the next girl. She may not be as hot or smart as you but she has one thing you're lacking, the appearance that she has all these things. Now I'm not saying go around smiling like a jackass all the damn, but if you want to be approach than look approachable. Its that simple. Yeah more throw a dudes are gonna talk to you but so are the dudes you may actually want to approach you. The choice is yours but if what you've been doing isn't working, trying something else couldn't hurt.

He Wasn't Man Enough For Me

I'm sure we've all heard this line, " He didn't approach/want to date me because he was intimidated by me". Let's just get this straight today once and for all. That statement is incorrect 95% of the time and I'm here to tell you why sister girl. The above statement only applies to about 5% of the male population and when it does apply these dudes are usually bitch ass dudes. Yes, that's right bitch asses that's what they are. Insecure men that would actually let the attributes of a woman stop them from dating the actual type of women they like or are attracted to. So to these men keep on being intimidated and stay in the corner sucking down your midori sours with your bitch ass. You need not apply to the job at hand.

So now to the other 90% of the male population. I don't care if you have your MBA from Yale, PhD in bio chem from Standford, drive a BMW, have a 3 bedroom house on the lake, just made partner in the law firm, or whatever the f*ck you do or have. The God's honest truth nine times out of ten men don't care about that stuff, what do they care about is what the p*ssy is hittin for when and how they can have sex with you. All that bs about most men can't handle a successful woman is just a pack of lies some woman use to make it easier to sleep at night. What a man can't handle is a woman throwing to shit up in his face every chance she gets. Example:


Man: Hey babe I think we should try that new Mexican place down the street.


Woman: Ummm, no I think we should go to the sushi restaurant.


Man: We just had sushi two days ago and it made you sick.


Woman: What the hell are talking about? I wasn't sick I just had diarrhea and that could have been the result of anything I ate that day.


Man: But you got sick an hour after you ate sushi at that spot.


Woman: Okay but who has the medical degree from Duke? Me that's who so please shut it. No Mexican, we're going to the sushi spot.


Man: *blank stare* Okay
(texts big booty Judy, "Hey, what that p*ssy hitting for tonight".)

Okay maybe the above example is extreme but you get my point. If a man wants to talk to you or date you he's going to do so whether or not these achievements exist or not. To him its a non- motherf*cking factor ( it kinda hurt my heart to quote Evelyn Lozada but it fit). Most men have no problem with your accomplishment, in fact its an asset in their minds. Its part of the reason they like you in the first place but its not the whole reason. Those things are what you do and what you've done, they aren't who you are. For that girl that's about to go on a tangent, talking about I'm proud of the things have done and the degrees I have I worked hard to get them. Yes, you should be proud of your accomplishment nobody is telling you shouldn't be but don't wear these things as a badge of honor, this isn't your Brownie Troop.

Shady Queens

Thinly veiled cattiness or shade gets on mind last nerves, I can't stand it!! If you have something to say, than say it point blank, plain, and simple. Don't sit around and pussyfoot around things, say what you mean and mean what you say. People who do things like this, usually do it under the guise of a joke. Such as "oh that's the outfit you brought it's a little too Wednesday Adams for me". Then when you side-eye that ass, her reply " I was just playing, lol". No the fuck you weren't but when somebody snaps back. The it was a joke card is always played. Chile you need to have an everlasting back seat.

Look I try to be the type of person that is a "tell it how it really is" with slice apple pie on the side (because otherwise you're just being mean). If your hair is looking crazy I'm gonna tell you. If I think your new boyfriend is gay, I will say so. I'm not going to let you walk out of the house with a wet bird's nest on your head because that makes not only you look crazy but me too because I'm out with you. Nor will I say nothing while you date a men who I think is gay. Only to have you looking like Terry McMillan on Oprah's couch, talking about I had no idea he was gay. five months later. That just makes me a bad friend (but I'm also not the person to keep harping on issues either). The thing is when people are catty in this way, they never think people are going to say anything back to them. Why?? Idk, may they think the people they're shading are cowards like they are. So when people do snap on their asses, they are soooo taken aback, they're really shocked someone would even come back at them because a lot of folks don't. Look I'm not that girl. I will read your ass like a high school student reading The Great Gatsby for a book report. 

For example at my old job, I had gotten my hair done over the weekend (like Kandi from the RHOA), well I guess my hair was not to one of my coworkers liking. She walks up to me in the break room at lunch and loud as ever says, "Someones's hair is looking wild today"and proceeds to give me the stank face. Now I normally wouldn't have done what I did at work but she really pissed me off, so I went in on her.  I'm looking at this old wrinkled up raisin of a woman, who's hair looks that of a matted, dirty ass dog. So I say to her " well I guess maybe today it does but yours looks wild everyday, what's your excuse".  She gives me a blank stare and says what? You guessed it, "It was just a joke". I told her well we ain't friends so don't joke with me, heffa. The moral of the story is don't throw shade and expect shade not to be thrown back at you and usually twice as hard as you threw it. 

When Seasons Change

So summer is officially over today :( and some people are holding on to these last days of warmth like Keri Hilson is to her singing career (with all her strength and blonde hair dye at your local CVS). Everyday the temperature deeps below 70 your heart sinks a little deeper. Along with with these summer fading days, comes a new season and no I'm not talking about Autumn. I'm talking about cuffing season or boo hunting season. Now for those that don't what exactly that is, its when women and men (usually men) decide that they've had even fun in the sun and random hookups . So now that it's getting cold they want someone around on a regular basis and get coupled up. Here's the official definition courtesy of Urban Dictionary:  the season in which everyone is getting coupled up usually around when the weather is beginning to change and it is getting cold outside. Le sigh I find cuffing season to be mildly annoying and here's why.  You usually get the random text from that random guy that you haven't heard from since right before Memorial Day. The conversation goes a little like this.

	Random Guy: Hey, What's up? I haven't heard from you in awhile.

You: I'm sorry but who is this?


Random Guy: Damn!!! You don't even remember who I am. Its _____


You: Oh okay.... what's up?


Random Guy: Nothing much, I just want to catch up and maybe get dinner, lunch, coffee, and/or some ass.


You: (well depending who you are the conversation can go two ways yay or nay).


Look I'm not knocking cuffing season but me, myself, and I are not doing it this go around. I already got a few of these messages and I had to shut that shit down like a sweatshop on Canal Street. My reasons I'm focused on getting use to this Chicago life and getting a job, so eff you and your cuffing. Also its kind of like a back handed compliment, its like... I met you months ago but I didn't really want to go there with you until I saw what else is out there. Ummmm no thanks sir. Also when these dudes are reaching out to you they're reaching out to 2+ other girls to, which is the whole point of cuffing season. You throw some bait out there and see who bites first. Which is fine for some but for me I'm going to have to sit this round out. For those that are participating good luck and good cuffing.

So Where Are You From?

So as you may or may not know I moved to another city recently its been a crazy couple of months. Well, I moved to Chicago!! Its a beautiful city and full of great food and great people I can't say I love it yet but I definitely don't hate it. Its just different and I'm doing my best to take it all in stride.  Between quitting my job and trying to find a new (this right here has been a struggle). Saying goodbye to old friends and making new ones, things have good, bad, ugly, and somewhere in between all of these things.

The one thing I will say is I didn't realize how southern I was until moving here. Between people asking me where I'm from every time I open my mouth and folks saying I must not be from around here. I'm starting to question things about me and people from the south in general. The first time someone asked me where I was from was when I went on a job interview and the security guard claimed I must not be from Chicago. I asked him why, he said " because you said good morning to everybody you saw in the building, people don't really speak to other people around here like that".  I told him, "where I'm from you speak to people, its just common courtesy".  He went on the say well something about being careful who I spoke to up here and that I just couldn't talk to any and everybody. That this wasn't the country, I'm in the big city now so I shouldn't be going around here acting like Pollyanna.

Y'all know I wanted to go in on his ass but that wouldn't be the "southern belle" thing to do, so I just smiled and thanked him for the heads up. I was pissed by his comments, even though I know he was trying to be helpful. First of all sir, I said I was from the south/Atlanta not from the damn country. That is highly offensive to me (no offensive to my country people) but I've been to the country many times, the damn back woods of Mississippi to be precise and please believe me I'm nowhere near country. The town I'm talking about is so small that there's only one grocery store (Piggly Wiggly) and that bitch ain't even open on Sundays. So southern yes I am but country f*ck no! I had another guy tell me I wasn't gonna make up here because I smile too much,  ummmm excuse me sir but what in sam hell is that suppose to mean?  I just can with these somewhat rude ass people up here. Its not even like I'm going around smiling like a jackass or something. I just believe in being polite, well most of the time anyway and not walking around like somebody stole my bike and killed my dog all on the same day. So if that makes me Pollyanna well that's just fine and dandy but I do somewhat turn into Blanche Deveraux with enough red wine. I rather be the perfect combination of these two people any day of the week, than half of these rude and savage people walking around here but I still love Chicago.

What's In Your Box?

Okay so I'm back.... well not completely back yet.  For those that read the last post. I told you that I moved and I did. Its been a lot of different things, real, eye-opening, difficult, and fun. There are some tales to come from this move but until then I got this for you.

The other day I was cleaning up my room and I stumbled across a box and the contents of this box made me literally laugh out loud. What was in this box? About 100-150 paper dolls. I probably hadn't seen this box and these paper dolls since I was 7 but here they were right in front of me. Now for those of you who may not have heard of paper dolls please control, alt, delete your ass off this page and google it baby. Now for those who know about them, didn't they go hard in the mutha f*cking paint. Me and my friends use to play with them in school all the time, see they were so much easier to sneak into your backpack than a real doll and a less likely chance of getting in trouble while at school.

Anyway I got to thinking while going through the box, why in the hell do I still have these dolls? The simplest answer would be to say, its because I'm a pack rat (I get that lovely gift from my mama). But not in a hoarder way, have you ever seen that show? My lord some of those folks have fossilized rodents up under their junk, they need Jesus and four hail Mary's. I'm just one of those people that keeps everything, from will you be my girlfriend letters to extra buttons that comes with your coats. I keep it because in my mind I may need it one day. So as I was about to throw away these paper dolls that gave me endless hours of fun and entertainment once upon a time. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't bring myself to throw them away, even though I know that I'm never going to use them again and they serve no purpose in my life now. Instead I just put them back in the box I found them in. I rationalized my actions by telling myself that they maybe worth some money one day. Yeah I know... I gave myself the death side-eye to that statement too. Honestly do they even still make paper dolls?? I'm thinking probably not.

The real reason I didn't throw them out, was because these dolls represent a happy time in my life. Plus I kept them this long so why not keep them even longer. Nowadays people and myself included are so focused on the future and how to make it as bright as it can possibly be. That we forget about our past and where we've been. Now I'm not saying we should sit around daydreaming about yesterday but every now and then you have to remember about where you've been to know and understand where you are going. Sometimes you just want and need to think about times back in the day. So on that note I'll leave you with this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-33P6EFgEc