Well the weather has broken in most cities across the country, except for apparently Chicago as it lightly snowed this past weekend. With the beginning of a new season comes the end of another and no I’m not talking about this God-awful winter that refuses to exit the premises. I’m talking about cuffing season…. It's gone and won’t return again until the leaves start to fall and the air becomes crisp again. So as new boos becomes old news, or stay around for seasons to come. The way people handle the changing of seasons, cuffing season is very interesting, for some they’re holding on to their love. For others, well it’s out with the old and in with the new and hopefully improved. Now those that are in it to win… well this post ain’t really for you. For those of us that crapped out during cuffing season, for whatever reason… this one is for me and you, your mama and your cousin and me too.
As you may have been able to detect my cuffing season did end up somewhere over the rainbow, however I do think that maybe these April Showers will bring May Flowers. For some the season ended abruptly and without warning. For others you were just hanging on until St. Patrick’s Day or the first warm day of the year so you could get a glimpse of what other fish were in the sea. To see if you want to keep what you had or throw it back to the sea and try to catch something different. Whatever the case may have been you are now single and ready to mingle. It doesn't matter if things ended like a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare, there’s probably no better time to be single than right now springtime. It’s a time for new beginnings, new loves, and new adventures. Now I’m not saying you need to push up on the first half way decent man that has a fresh haircut or completely forget about wintertime boo and the lesson/s you learnt from that situation. Nope, all I'm saying is embrace the warm weather and make it do what it do, because that's what I plan to do. As my mother told me over the phone the other day" get your life, or else at least find someone else's to get". Yes, my mother the school teacher and now grandmother (by her other child... let's make that very clear. No baby for me.) told me that last week.... she's really gotta stop watching the Braxton Family Values, thanks Tamar for incorporating this into my mother's vernacular. So with that said don't let the wintertime blues make for a cruel summer.
Sell by dates, expiration dates, best used by dates.... all these things are applied to food products to tell the consumer that the product they purchased is safe and of quality up to this particular date. So is this post about how these dates are determined, no this post is about how these dates can be applied to our every day regular lives.
The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.
The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.
Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.
It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??
I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing LL Cool J inHey Lover and that person is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav. Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?
That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread.
There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’tCount.Your taken boo thingisn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.
We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.
See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before that iceberg gets hit. People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14th??? Maybe yours is May 1st or November 26th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.
This is one of my favorite romantic comedies….. if you haven’t seen this movie oh well this is a spoiler alert. Long story short the movie is about a boy (Tom) that falls head over heels in love with a girl (Summer) that doesn’t really believe in love, well at least not true love and soul mates. So as you can imagine the boy’s heart gets A-Town stomped by said girl and he goes around looking like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh for a little bit and then he gets mad and tries to rage against the machine because the woman he believes is his soul-mate doesn’t exactly feel the same way about him. There’s this one line in the movie that when I first heard it I swear it was like a lighting bulb went off in my head.
“Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap as you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”
Let’s forget about the fact that is line was said by the Tom’s sister who was probably in the 5th grade or something. Sometimes kids tell nothing but the truth and damnit, that’s exactly what she did. That was nothing short of the gospel here. Sometimes when we meet a person that clicks with us on so many levels, we believe its fate, divine intervention, destiny or whatever else. That person must be your one and only. I mean how many people own every season of every show that was on ABC’s TGIF? Who else subscribes to the tumblr page sweet desserts, thinks Jodeci was the best male r&b group of all time, cuts out clips from magazines on home décor, or whatever weird thing you do/think that no else gets. Guess what a lot more people than you think, you're not that different or unique from most people. So if somebody is into all the same extreme shit you’re into….. doesn’t exactly make them your soul mate or you guys are meant to be together. It could just mean that y'all are very much alike and should probably start a club or meetup group to do the strange hobbies y'all enjoy together.
Same taste in things doesn’t equal soul mate, and that’s not to say I don’t believe in soul mates or anything. I’m actually undecided about that at the moment. All I’m saying is that just because a person likes the Winter’s Night wallflowers from Bath & Body Works just like you doesn’t mean that they should be your partner for life. It just means y’all like the same shit. There’s no need to go building this relationship into something grander than what it is, and maybe y’all are really meant to be together but let that develop naturally. Don’t go building this molehill of a relationship into a mountain. All I’m saying is that relationships aren’t like tights from Forever 21 one size doesn’t fit for all. Just because your friend and her boyfriend have so much in common doesn't mean you and your next bf should be just like them. Don’t go start singing Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown duets, talking about y’all have something in common, just because y’all both like French foreign films. You could just be passing your real soul mate up all because they’re not into Game of Thrones like that other person you like.
So there I was sitting in this bar sipping my vodka tonic next to the guy I've been somewhat dating for the past couple of months. Someone comes up and starts talking to him and he introduces me to them and says "Hey...this is my girl Brittany". Lord I wish someone had taken a picture of my face when he said that. I'm sure I had the WTF face going on, it was a face of shock and utter confusion and not one of excitement (and not because I don't like him). Notice how I said me and this guy have been somewhat dating. Not we're officially dating like we're headed to the chapel and we're going to get married. Yes we're dating but there's no titles to this situation we have going here, and that's really no shade it's the truth. I still date other people (although not as frequently) and I assume he does as well. Although I never ask him if that's the case. So when he said that I literally almost fell off the bar stool because I didn't know we were as I would've said in the 5th grade, we went together. After the person stepped away, he turned to me and said he said I was his girl because it was easier say than telling the truth. Which as I explained earlier we're dating with no definition. Although I did point out to him that he could've said I was his friend. His reply was that he sees more than a friend... ladies and gentlemen this is what I like to call the gray area. This is a particular point in dating that is oh so very ambiguous, confusing, and a little tiresome. What I mean by that is; you and this person are seeing each other and at some point its on a more frequent and regular basis but you can't flat out say this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. Y'all are just kickin' it and seeing where things go, like a damn plastic bag floating in the air.... there's no clear direction. The confusing and frustrating part comes into play because well like in my particular case and like many other people's, there no real conversation has taken place about what the fuck is going on. Nobody wants to rock the boat or work the middle, and start that whole "where are things going?" convo. This is where the gray area comes into play. You can't get mad if that person flirts or whatever the fuck else with other people because that's not your bf/gf. You can't cuss him/her out to the highest degree because they do something you perceive as shady or whatever. I mean you can but that person can throw that we ain't together card in your face and they would not be in the wrong to do so. While you can point out how certain things may or may not upset you; you can't get all the way into your feelings about certain things. Well you can but I suggest you do that shit at home and check certain feelings at the door. That poker face has to be stronger than Lady Gaga's but maybe that's just me and I'm stubborn person. The gray area isn't a place I like to be in for long extended periods of time... I'm a black and white kind of girl. Although I realize the gray area exist for a reason, it definitely has its benefits as well. The time spent in the gray area can be used to see how you really feel about the person you're dealing with. If this person is really worth your time and effort, if they're just a little crush, something to do to pass the time until cuffin' season is over or if this is the real deal. This is the time where you decide if this is a black or white situation, if you should let it go like Keyshia Cole or hold on to your love like En Vogue. I think the frustration with the gray area comes with the initiation of that dreaded conversation " where is this going"? Its such a loaded question. A question that can't be asked too soon because well you may come off as thirsty, needy, or clingy and who the hell wants to be that person? If the question is asked too late, there's the chance the other party has just mentally moved on from the situation and has just over it and you. The gray area..... a place where people's true colors don't always come shining through, what's a girl to do?
So I was online looking at this blog post about Kim Kardashian and her whole family being on Oprah's Next Chapter. Man some folks are just outraged that Queen Oprah would have Kim K on her show, due to the fact that they view her as trash. I mean Oprah has got to do sometime to help those horrible ass ratings on her struggling network, those ratings are about as low as Fantasia's SAT score before she got a tutor. Anyway this post isn't a drag race post about Kim K or her antics. Its about one the comments someone made on this particular blog. I'm paraphrasing here but they basically said something about the fact ever since Kim first got her claim to fame by mediocrity slobbing on Ray J's knob, she's always been dating somebody. There's always a man in her life and I guess until someone wrote in black and white, I hadn't really paid attention to this and now that I really think about its kinda true. Well at least what she portrays to the public. The commenter when on to say she never really takes time to herself after her relationships fail because she's to busy trying to find another black penis or mulatto one to takes their place. Listen I'm not going to sit here and go through the Ghost of Boyfriends Past of Kim K. But her recent boyfriend Kanye West of 2-3 months comes months after her filing for divorce from Kris Humphries (who she's still married to) someone would say she jumps from one relationship to the next too fast. Which is why most of her relationships crash and burn because she doesn't give herself anytime to heal or whatever the fuck from the last relationship. Ummmm that may or may not be true, I'm not Kim K so I don't know what goes in that vapid mind of hers.
However what I do know is that there are women and men out there who just don't know how to make it on their own and do things Mary Tyler Moore style. They just can't be without a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm not saying Kim K is one of these types of people but I do know people like this. There are some folks out here that rather have a piece of shit rather than a whole piece of nothing. They just have to have a man or woman, they breakup with someone on Monday and are in the club Friday night trying to get a replacement. They're not even out here trying to casual date/fuck someone for the sole purpose of just doing it. No these people are meeting people on Friday night and trying to take them to Big Mama's house on Sunday for dinner and telling folks this is my new boo. The fuck??? The idea of being by themselves shakes them to their core, coming home to an empty house makes them want to jump off a short bridge. These are usually the same people that stay in these shitty ass relationships, where their boo is one transgression away from making them be on a future episode of Snapped. Why? Because the thought of not having man or woman is WAY worst then their current fucked up relationship. They live by the motto something is better than nothing. It's the loneliness that they really fear. The not having a date to their cousin's wedding, the getting into an empty bed at night, not having home base dick/box scares the living shit out of them. I get it..... everyone wants that one "special person" in their lives but where I have to get off the train is what some people deem as that special person.
If your special person makes you cry more than laugh, they may not be that special person. If you rather watch a marathon of Mr. Belvedere or Full House than to deal with their ass on a regular basis, they may not be the special person for you. If you can remember the last time that person did anything nice for you since your annual pap smear of 2010, well they may not be that special person of which you speak. If your friends are coming at you like the first minute of What Have You done For Me Lately by Janet Jackson, maybe that person needs to become somebody that you use to know. I'm just saying holding on to someone, who you don't even like half of the time is just foolish and kinda unhealthily. Look at DMX's wife this woman has been through the gates of hell with this man. Drug addiction, like 3 outside babies, groupies, and the way he was talking to her on the Couple's Therapy show..... Sweet Jesus of Nazareth. All for what?? To be a ride or die chick??? I understand that for some divorce isn't an option (although she recently filed for divorce) but if its getting to the point where you looking like Angela Bassett in the first 30 minutes of Waiting To Exhale and playing Mary J. Blige's My Life album every night. I have nothing but peace and blessings for you because you clearly need it. Fear of being alone shouldn't be you motivation for keeping a shit show of a relationship together. Being alone doesn't equal lonely just remember that and as the late and great Whitney Houston said it best, it's just the lonely talking again.
These are things I hear and you’ve probably have heard by bitter, lonely, and single people all over the world. When I hear ish like this I’m left to wonder….. who in the hell hurt you??? Like for real is it even that damn serious that these statement even come out of your mouth? I guess for some folks it really is that serious. Look I haven’t had a really valentine since I was like in 9thgrade but do you see me rolling my eyes because my coworker got flowers delivered to her or wanting to jump in Lake Michigan on a cold ass February day. Ummmm NO. Why? Because I don’t hate Valentine’s Day even though I don’t have a valentine. To be fair I am kinda obsessed with holidays in general, kinda in a Joan Clayton from Girlfriends way. But that’s not the point; the point is that it’s a day that love is to be celebrated. So how in the world can you be mad at that, even if you don’t have a significant other in your life per say Valentine’s Day is still about Love.
I mean I know it’s more for a romantic type of love but still it’s about love. Love is love no matter where it comes from, so if the romantic love isn’t in your life at this point in time. Focus on the love from your family or from your friends. Don’t be like the Grinch that stole Valentine’s Day because it really isn’t that serious. Its flowers, candy, dinner, and sex for most couples; all things you can buy or do by yourself without the help of someone else. So don’t be a bitter Betty or Ben its one day I promise you will survive and if you don’t think you can handle all the happy couples that day. Then please stay your ass at home and get I flunked out of college freshman year drunk.
As y'all know Whitney Houston passed away yesterday. I really don't have much to say about her death, expect that I feel like one of my Aunts has passed on. I was really devastate by this news. She was/is an musical icon, her music transcended generations..... like I have no words to expressed my shock and sadness about this.As a 80's baby her music has a special place in my heart. I remember her record pictured above was one of the 1st albums I ever had. I would come home from school and play I wanna dance with somebody everyday. I think my parents hid the album from me a couple of times because they were tried of hearing it My heart goes out her family, especially Bobbi Kristina. Whitney we love you and you'll truly be missed. We'll always love you.
Love at first sight. What exactly is that? Boy sees girl coming out the bookstore and is immediately fixated on her. He honestly can't take his eyes off of her. Its like that scene in "She's All That", when Zack sees Laney walking down the stairs after her makeover, suddenly she's beautiful and that "Kiss me song" is playing in the background and all is right in the world. Well she looked the same to me, they just replaced her glasses with contacts. Anyhoo, so boy sees girl and is breathless. Finds said girl and asks her out, she says yes to the date and they live happily ever after. When people ask them about their love, they say it was love at first sight.
*Puts wine glass down*
I do believe that some romances are a whirlwind affairs but let talk about the rest of the 99% dating population. That shit just doesn't happen in real life. In real life boy sees girl and thinks she's attractive, tries holla, she's either responsive or shatters he's dreams like The Heat's dream of a championship this year or the one after. They may go out or they may not because dudes these days seem not to know what the hell a date is. Either way dude tries to have sex with girl. Which again maybe she will or maybe she won't (but according to Lil' Wayne and Drake she will) and somewhere while all this is going on a relationship starts to take shape. I think this is the blueprint most relationship are formed on these days. There's no fireworks, annoying pop love songs from the 90's being played in the background, or slaying of dragons. Two people meet and they seem to like each other, so they go out together, spend time together and see if they can continue to like each other. There's no ribbon written in the sky for their love, well at least not at first. You just met this person but you love them, chile its only been 2 months but y'all love is stronger than Martin and Gina's. Oh okay, do you know he chews his toenails in bed? Do you know she watches Steel Magnolias 20 times a day when she's on her period? But its all love? Ummmm that's lust and good sex sir and ma'am not love. Honestly I prefer the let's see where this goes method over the love at first sight way because love at first sight is usually cured by a second look.
When was the last time you really liked a person? If you're drawing a blank, like I did when I was asked that very question. Than I think we might have a slight problem. Think back to when you were in the 4th grade and you had a crush on that person in your class. That feeling was priceless trickery, games, fairy dust or copious amounts of alcohol weren't needed to obtain that feeling. All that was required was acknowledgement of your existence from said person, or them buying you one of those 15 cent dinosaurs erasers from the school store, it was as simple as that. You like them, and anytime you spent with them or anything they gave you was enough.
When we get older you're so focused on finding love, falling in love and falling out of love with someone. That we forget about actual liking this person, which in my opinion is just or if not more important than loving than person. You can love someone and not like them at the same time. For instance I love Jennifer Hudson, I think her voice is amazing and I think she looks great. For some reason I just don't really like her. This could be because her music material sucks, I hardly like any of her songs or it could be because I was always feel like she's in Effie White mode. Like in that Weight Watchers commercial, is it just me or is she yelling? It just always seems like she's yelling. I feel like she's being loud and sassy for no reason, just like Effie White. She needs to take it down a knot or two, Dreamgirls was 4 years ago, you can step out character now.
My point is loving someone and liking them isn't one and the same. You could love someone from a distance and once you two are in the same locality, it's a problem. Y'all are at each others throats and falling out of love, faster than Tiger Wood's fall from grace. This is where a lot of people miss the mark, they simply forgot about actually liking the person they're with. They forget about the simple things, like just wanting to be around that person while they're doing mundane things such as folding clothes, just actually enjoying spending time with them. I really believe that's what keeps people together over the years, liking someone little more than you love them. Love is a tricky puzzle that some never solve, you can love someone today and hate them tomorrow. People fall in and out of love everyday but what keeps them falling back in love with a person is that, they really like that person because that's what never really fades away.
Love, what does it mean to? Wait. Don't answer that, to some people love is just like a page out of the "The Notebook". I love this movie, I really do but I think it puts an unrealistic twist on love. This movie and ones like it, where two people meet, fall desperately in love and then their love is torn apart in the most outlandish fashion. Then someone makes a grand gesture such standing outside of their one and only's window with a boom box over their head, like in "Say Anything" ( btw "Say Anything" is one of the greatest romantic movies ever). First of all who does that in real life? I'll tell you who, nobody or 14 year old lovestruck boys. Then the movie ends with, boy and girl may or may not end up together. The common theme through a lot of these movies is the couple go through sooooo much agony and pain, just to get to the pleasure. All I'm saying is that sometimes pleasure isn't pain, its just plain and simple pain.
See theses movies, book, and TV has got people going around thinking love and has got to be this emotional roller coaster full of twist and turns for people to believe that they're really in love with the other person. Like some epic ish has got to happen for it to be real. Look that's the movies. You're not Allie and he's not Noah, nobody is going to build you a house just to get over the pain of losing you. Stop living your life like an episode of Friends, where you Rachel and he's Ross and y'all spend ten years tip-toing around the idea of really being together. Even though they got together in the end, look and all the bs they went through to get to that point. The breakups, the makeups, it was just too much.
I just don't think love has to be that hard and painful, even if the pain is exquisite. Relationships are hard and everyday isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies. It's like anything else in life, you get out of it what you put in it. But if you're breaking your backing and busting your balls trying to make that thing work, well maybe you aren't in love with the right person. That right there is what the movies never tell you.
