Chasing The Sun

A drunk person (you know how people have one too many beers and turn in the Oracle) once said to me "As you get older you will realize that some of the people that are currently in your life won’t fit into your current lifestyle". Basically that some people are only suppose to be in your life for a season and in life things change and circumstances don’t remain the same, and with that some people may be lost along the way and guess what??? That’s okay because in this journey of life I’ve learnt that just as you lose some people, you’ll gain some more along the way as well. This isn’t to say people or relationships are disposable and that people are like a revolving door, as one gets tossed out another one gets thrown in. Naw that’s not the case because honestly people can’t be replaced…. Everyone in your life brings something a little different to the table. Like potato salad, no person’s potato salad is exactly same even if the ingredients are the same. Somehow and someway it will taste different, idk what it is about potato salad but nobody makes it the same way. People are the same way no one in your life is exactly like someone else.

However replaceable or irreplaceable a person may be to you, how do you know when that season for them being in your life has changed? When season’s changes there are signs it gets warmer, leaves change colors, flowers bloom. You know that one season has come to an end and a new is upon you. These clear cut signs aren’t always around when a season has come to an end in relation to the people in your life. Things are usually a whole lot more muffled when it comes to people and. Sometimes one incident happens to show you that person has to exit stage left of your life. Its the end of everything you ever had with them. Things like they stole money from you, or you caught them in bed with your boyfriend. Egregious acts like this will probably show that the temperature has definitely dropped on yall's relationship. Shit like this is easy to pin point it’s obvious why the relationship went from a summer of standing on the sun to the coldest winter ever.  

What’s harder to figure out are times that go from it being hotter than July to a crisp Fall air with a mix of a Indian Summer. What drives this change is more subtle, it isn’t a blatant act of disrespect.  At times its several acts of disrespectful shit that just adds up to a whole bunch of shit you’re too longer willing to deal with. It could be one too many times of their bullshit and bogus behavior that leads to reevaluate the whole relationship, and I do believe that at this point you’ll start to see the season to begin to change.  A lot of people’s relationships/friendships or demise of their relationships/friendships end up this way….. Everything was seemingly cool until it got cold. They just did one too many bogus ass things and you just got tired of their shit in general, so you start thinking about your relationship with this person and more than likely that last bogus ass act wasn’t their only trifling offense. There are several acts of foolishness, fuckery, and rubbish on their record, maybe you chose to ignore them along the way, all that other shit didn't really bother you until it just did or you just weren’t really pay attention to all of them. Whatever the case you let a lot of things slide due to the fact that there’s been some good times along the way as well, but in totality you come the realization that they maybe just a bogus ass person and that’s when you…. Fall back and sometimes you fall back to the point where you fall off. This is where the subtler changing of seasons come to play, things began to change and all of the sudden there's snow on the ground where wasn't before. What you have to keep in mind is that if the season has changed for a certain relationship…. Its okay, its life seasons change for a reason. Yeah maybe Summer is your favorite season (isn’t it everybody's) and Fall came a little too early this time around.You didn't see it coming that you would have to remove this person completely from your life or adjust the role this person has been playing in your life.  Just know that Summer will come back around it always does and maybe without that Winter dead weight next Summer maybe the one of legends. So don't go chasing the sun or seasons because they always come back around.    

Expiration Dates Part II

When I posted the last post Expiration Dates.... something didn't seem right about, I felt like something was missing from it. Well I thought and thought about and I realized what that something was. It was not just about the fact that some relationships have expiration dates and figuring out if your relationship has one or if it doesn't. What was missing was the point about dealing with relationships or people in general after their expiration date has pasted. Dealing with people, relationships, or things after their expiration date is never a good idea because it usually ends up all bad. Real bad.... Michael Jackson Bad.

Like when you see a carton of milk in your refrigerator, the expiration date has past but for some reason you open up that carton and take a whiff of the milk.... smh. The smell damn near knocks you off your feet and not in a good way, we've all done it. We looked at the date and saw that the milk expired a week ago but for some reason we open that damn carton like we don't know that shit is almost cottage cheese at this point and we purposely smell that shit. Why do we double check to see if the milk is really bad? Like Mayfield and the other milk companies are putting expiration dates on shit because its cute, and makes the packaging look cool. No its a safety regulation.... there are laws in place stating that this information must be on products to warn people of the risk involved of consuming that product after a certain amount of time. But there we are in kitchen takes whiffs and saying YOLO to laws that are in place to protect us. Its just like telling a child that the stove is hot and they don't believe you and touch the stove anyway and then burn the shit out of their hands. Then you're looking at them, like I told you so. Well the USDA told you that milk when bad a week ago but there you are acting like you don't know this information that is clearly stated on the package. Hell some people are out here pouring bowls of Cheerios and using that same expired ass milk in their cereal.. to those people God Bless. Because you're a glutton for punishment and obviously have a stomach made of steel.

I have dealt with someone after the expiration date, I knew that the milk had gone bad weeks ago but there my ass was in the kitchen taking whiffs of cottage cheese milk. It got me no fucking where, no I take that back it got me taking Imodium A-D and listening to Adele's 19.... not even 21. That Chasing Pavements heart complications.... it wasn't a heartbreak because it was already broken before I went back and whiffed the milk after the expiration date. So everything after I realized that expiration date had pasted was just a complication, I was just rubbing salt in the wound and picking the scab. The wound was already there and I wasn't letting it heal and was just making shit worst. If you see the expiration date has pasted, I know its human nature at times but don't open that milk! All that awaits you is cottage cheese milk and stomach ache. Sure it won't kill you but if you want cottage cheese take your ass to the store and buy some, don't try to make it yourself.... you're not making it the correct way and it won't turn out the right way.

Expiration Dates

Sell by dates, expiration dates, best used by dates.... all these things are applied to food products to tell the consumer that the product they purchased is safe and of quality up to this particular date. So is this post about how these dates are determined, no this post is about how these dates can be applied to our every day regular lives.

The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.

The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.

Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.

The Break-Up

As you can tell from the title of this post, it's about a break-up.... its about my break-up. This is probably going to be one of the most personal post I have ever written. While not actually going into the details of the demise of this relationship, pointing fingers and trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. Who was wrong or who was right or whom broke up with whom. Just know there was miscommunication, hurt feelings, and misplaced anger. What I want to touch on is actually how I've be dealing with this break-up. Long story short..... not well. I've been so emotional I'm giving Whitney Houston and Carl Thomas a run for their money. There's been sleepless nights, which is how I know this shit is bad because nothing effects my damn sleep pattern. I go to bed around 11 or 12  and wake up at 6am, I never have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. But here I am like Corrine Bailey Rae and I'm having trouble sleeping. I actually up writing this a 3:35 am..... this isn't me.

I haven't been me in like a week, I feel like I have taken on the life of someone else. Someone who has been listen to Mary J Blige's My Life CD on repeat for days on end. This past weekend I barely left my house. I spent hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sade, Carole King, and Melanie Fiona just looking at the ceiling and crying at times. Btw there's a lot of depressing ass music out there. Especially Solange's True EP, I think I have been come a fan of hers because track Somethings seem to never fucking work stayed on repeat..... who knew. I somehow seemed to find everyone of these songs. Especially Solange's True EP and add them to a playlist on Spotify  and titled it another sad love song. My diet consisted of potato chips, cake, and several bottles of red wine. Yes, I decided to become the definition of 808's and Heartbreaks and become a part-time resident of Heartbreak hotel. I do believe that this past weekend was one of the most depressing ones of my life. On Sunday night I tried my best to get my Brain McKnight on and give this thing One Last Cry. That was a fail because on Monday morning I still felt the same way. Did I have this or am I still having this mental collapse on purpose? I really have know fucking clue. 

What I do know is that, part of the reason I'm on Adele/Drake level of being into my feelings. Is that I have really shared this break-up or feelings of lost with anyone not my friends here in Chicago or back home. I'm basically doing what Mariah Carey said in Breakdown. 

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry.

Yup that's exactly what I'm doing..... I'm suffering in silence because we all know real G's move in silence. Well I guess I won't be when people read this but why am I choosing to go through this alone?... idk. Maybe because I'm stubborn, prideful, or I just don't want folks to know how far gone I got of over a boy. How caught up in the rapture I got with him or just explaining what did or didn't happen between us. This is basically being prideful. Think I said this before on this blog but I don't get serious with guys a lot. I'll date a guy and before it gets too serious I'll let shit fall apart. I never allow myself to really get to into a guy. Yeah I may like a guy but I'll like him like I like pizza. Meaning that I like pizza but I don't need pizza in my life everyday, it's not a necessity like red wine. It's my defense mechanism, its my way of keeping men from getting to close and from me getting hurt. 

Welp I kind liked this guy like red wine and not pizza this time around and now I'm feeling like Carrie did when Big left her at the alter in Sex and The City. You remember how crazy she looked after that.... yeah that's been me for the past few days. 

So now I feel like an idiot and I'm just not ready to show anyone that side of me right now.... not even my Mama. I just want to sit around and watch Law and Order marathons and drink myself into 2013. Not that I think anyone of my friends would judge me or not be supportive..... I'm just going through the motions and right I don't want to drag anyone else into. I know that break-ups are apart of life, they happen to everyone at some point and feeling the way I have been for the past couple days is okay. It happens to even the best of us but I'm not okay feeling this way. So dear friends if I'm even more sporadic on this blog, this is why I'm way too deep into my feelings right now. I know I'll be okay eventually but it just won't be today.

500 Hundred Days Of Summer

This is one of my favorite romantic comedies….. if you haven’t seen this movie oh well this is a spoiler alert. Long story short the movie is about a boy (Tom) that falls head over heels in love with a girl  (Summer) that doesn’t really believe in love, well at least not true love and soul mates. So as you can imagine the boy’s heart gets A-Town stomped by said girl and he goes around looking like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh for a little bit and then he gets mad and tries to rage against the machine because the woman he believes is his soul-mate doesn’t exactly feel the same way about him. There’s this one line in the movie that when I first heard it I swear it was like a lighting bulb went off in my head. 

“Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap as you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”   

Let’s forget about the fact that is line was said by the Tom’s sister who was probably in the 5^th grade or something. Sometimes kids tell nothing but the truth and damnit, that’s exactly what she did. That was nothing short of the gospel here. Sometimes when we meet a person that clicks with us on so many levels, we believe its fate, divine intervention, destiny or whatever else. That person must be your one and only. I mean how many people own every season of every show that was on ABC’s TGIF? Who else subscribes to the tumblr page sweet desserts, thinks Jodeci was the best male r&b group of all time, cuts out clips from magazines on home décor, or whatever weird thing you do/think that no else gets. Guess what a lot more people than you think, you're not that different or unique from most people. So if somebody is into all the same extreme shit you’re into….. doesn’t exactly make them your soul mate or you guys are meant to be together. It could just mean that y'all are very much alike and should probably start a club or meetup group to do the strange hobbies y'all enjoy together. 

Same taste in things doesn’t equal soul mate, and that’s not to say I don’t believe in soul mates or anything. I’m actually undecided about that at the moment.  All I’m saying is that just because a person likes the Winter’s Night wallflowers from Bath & Body Works just like you doesn’t mean that they should be your partner for life. It just means y’all like the same shit. There’s no need to go building this relationship into something grander than what it is, and maybe y’all are really meant to be together but let that develop naturally. Don’t go building this molehill of a relationship into a mountain. All I’m saying is that relationships aren’t like tights from Forever 21 one size doesn’t fit for all. Just because your friend and her boyfriend have so much in common doesn't mean you and your next bf should be just like them. Don’t go start singing Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown duets, talking about y’all have something in common, just because y’all both like French foreign films. You could just be passing your real soul mate up all because they’re not into Game of Thrones like that other person you like. 

What Means The World To You

You know for some people certain things take top priority while in a relationship but I ain't here to talk about that today. I want to talk about those things that aren't a priority to me while in a relationship. The shit some may flip the fuck out about if their boo did or didn't these things. While for me these things are just the icing on the cake.... what some people fell to realize is that the cake itself is the most important thing. So with out further adieu, here's a list of things that I don't give two hot damns about while in a relationship

1) Strip Clubs- I have a friend that was damn near in tears when she found out her man went the strip club and I just couldn't give her the sympathy she seeked from me at that moment in time. I was just sitting thinking what the hell is the big deal? He went to look at some girls shake their ass and titties... big whoop. If she would've told me he went to some type of Magic Mike strip club...well Houston, Dallas, and San Antonio we have a problem. Honestly you can't even inappropriately touch those girls without some Debo looking ass dude coming to damn near break your arm if you get too close. Also they don't even get butt ass naked in a lot of the strip clubs north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Maybe it’s the Atlanta in me but strip clubs don't bother me, I have been in enough to see what goes on there and I don't care. Now if these fools are going to the strip club on their lunch breaks and spending rent money on some fake ass Buffy the Body... well then that's another story.


2) Porn- Well it kinda falls into the same category as the strip club. I really don't give a damn about him whacking off some Lacey Duvalle flick.... now if its Mr. Marcus and some other man. Then that's a damn problem. I don't expect him to stop looking at porn and pleasuring himself, just because he's with me now. Hell he's been doing that since he was 12, he's just suppose to stop because he's has a more available box now? Yeah he's not going to stop. Some women think that they should be enough and he should have or want to do it anymore. Well do you need to need to eat, sleep, and piss... well then he needs to masturbate. His need to whack off more than likely has nothing to do with you, even if y'all have a healthy sex life....he's still going to need to let some steam off by himself. It just is what it is and I'm find with that, as long as he doesn't use my good towels.

3) Calling/texting- I maybe a different type of girl but I don't need my bf calling/texting me all the damn time. I'm not the busiest woman in the world by no means... but I do have a life. I don't feel the need to call/text my man or have him do the same thing all the time. This isn't the real life version of Save by the Bell, I don't have to know what you ate for damn lunch, or that the new intern spilt coffee on you tie. Just like he doesn't need to know me and my coworker spent 30 minutes talking about who should play Christian Grey from 50 Shades of Grey. All that extra shit isn't need, as long as I know you're okay, safe, and your day is going decently, I'm good. I don't need to be all up in my phone like I'm Kelly Kapowski and your Zack Morris…. dude I have a job and you do to (or we wouldn't be dating). If I'm always talking to my bf on the phone or texting him, what the hell are we going to talk about when we see each other? The phases of the moon... I already talk to 5-6 people on the phone regularly everyday.... and at this time I can't add someone else to the rotation. I don't need as Trey Songz would say, a LOL smilely face dude at this moment in time.

4) Going out-Look I've never been a homebody, it’s out of circumstance that I'm force to be in my house a lot more than I like to be right now. With that being said I'm not exactly a Lindsay Lohan circa 2009 party girl, smoking meth and getting kicked out of bars but I am most definitely a girl that enjoys the nightlife or day life at that. So what kind of hypocrite would I be if every time my man goes out I give him this face? I'm not going to trip if he wants to hang out with his friends because I'm more than likely out with mine somewhere. I'm really not going to be concern if he likes hanging out in bars in Boston or anywhere else for that matter, where everyone knows his name. If I trust him there's no need to be steam pressed about him going out, if I don't trust well then maybe I shouldn't be dating him in the first place. 


5) What his friends/family thinks about me- Now it would be ideal if they liked me and we all got along like a cute little episode of Full House but it’s not necessary. I’m dating him not his crew. I had to learn that, hey not everybody is going to like. For whatever the hell reason and that's cool. This isn't high school and I'm not here to get your vote for prom queen. Its okay not to like people but it’s not okay to disrespect people. His people don't have to like me and vice a versa but we do have to respect each other. Now if the respect isn't there; well that's when shit gets tricky and something has got to give. Because I'll be damn if I go to his family cookout and they're serving me BBQ wings from Winn- Dixie and drinks with Everclear Vodka in it. But mean well back at the ranch they're eating BBQ chicken from Whole Foods and drinking Ciroc.... absolutely not!! 

Why I Don't Go Through Phones

If there's one thing I refuse to do anymore in a relationship it is going through my boyfriend's phone, facebook, twitter, linkedin, AOL, blackplanet, or whatever the hell else. I implore you good people don't do it either, there's no happiness for you there. If you don't want drama then leave his/her phone alone. Here's why..... I once upon a time while involved with a guy looked through his phone without his knowledge. Although it didn't lead to 808's and Heartbreaks immediately, it was the beginning of the end for us. What I exactly found in his phone wasn't grounds for immediate dismal, like he was wasn't sending dic pics to the local tramp or anything but he was in contact with other girls and there was some slight flirting involved. Needless to say I wasn't a happy camper after finding the info. I had to put he's phone back on the coffee table when he came back from outside and had to sit there watching House. Like I didn't just read on his phone him text some trick "How things going at work, sweetie?".

What really pissed me off about the whole situation was that, I couldn't give him the Prince side-eye and bust his shit wide open about texting bitches and calling them sweetie. Why? Because I was wrong for going through his phone, so therefore saying anything to him about it would've been an admission of guilt and I wasn't going to add insult to inquiry. So there I was stuck.... I had to play it cool. When all I wanted to do was slap him in the back of his head and throw his phone out the window, I was mad as hell!!! There he was on the sofa cooler than a polar bear's toenail and me madder than a son of a bitch. After about an hour or so, I realized the only person I should have been mad at was my dumbass. I was the one sitting on the sofa mad as fuck and he's over there with not one fuck given. I couldn't react because if I did what whatever piece of a relationship we had at that point would've just vanished.

If I said anything he would've gotten mad, we would've had an argument and then I would forever and always in his mind would've been that sneaky, untrustworthy, paranoid, and 1-3 steps away from being  Glen Close ass in Fatal Attraction. So that night I decided to never to that shit again to myself. Like I was having a shit fit in my mind but on the outside I had to act like Mary Poppins or something. Telling myself just a spoonful of sugar will make the lies down. 

For the next few days every time that boy said he was going out, there I was sitting around smoking cigarettes at night (I honestly think I played that song on repeat for a week after going through his phone... smh at myself). I was driving myself crazy, thinking was he really at his boy's house or is he with that bitch? Did he ask her how her day was today? All kinds of questions ran through my head. Questions that never would've been there if I had never looked through that dude's phone, a week before that I was walking around singing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood". A week later I'm on some Kelis "I hate you so much, right now" shit but I did it to myself. If you go looking for trouble, don't get mad when you find it. So after that I decide to keep my sanity, and not take up a part-time job of being Nancy Drew. I just couldn't do that to myself if it gets to this point.....

      

Ummmm then yeah it maybe time to give it up and turn it loose. I mean you know when shit isn't kosher in your relationship, going through the trouble of becoming the newest member of the Hardy Boys isn't going to ease your mind, when you find whatever it is your looking for. If anything the info you're looking for is going to send you over the Edge of Glory, so unless you're ready to let the relationship go to the landfill or have the "talk" about what's really Eating Gilbert's Grape in your relationship. Leave his/her phone alone. 

How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore?

Omg… I haven’t talked/seen you in forever!!

Why haven’t I heard from you in soooo long?

I sure everyone has heard these two lines or variations of these lines before in their lives. Nothing in the world irks me more than these two lines!! It’s almost like hearing someone scratch a chalkboard to my ears. Like how do you even really response to this question? The way most people go about it is to give the usual bs reply, “I’ve been busy”. That shit means any and everything but also means absolutely nothing at the SAME DAMN TIME. Shot out to Future for making that phase oh so catchy and irritating at the same damn time. Since my birthday in May I’m starting to realize I’m not the girl I use to be in high school/college. I mean there are some characteristics that still remain but others have definitely changed.

 I came to this conclusion recently when some asked the above question by someone. The old me would’ve replied saying “Oh… I’ve just been busy with work blah, blah, no hard feelings”. The semi-new Me +is not here for that bullshit. First I think about why I haven’t talked to this person in sooo long in the first place. Is it because I’ve really been busy but still consider this person a friend or is it because I just don’t see it anymore for this person to have a substantial place in my life?  Now what I mean by the latter statement is that have I not spoken to this person because we have an argument and we’re beefin now (because that’s a different story). Maybe we never had a fight but there’s something about this person that I just can’t get down with, well at not anymore. They bring nothing to the friendship/relationship table but their damn selves. Maybe dealing with them takes Jet fuel engine energy levels and my ass is somewhere on 5 miles to empty. It could be because I’m just plain old over them but more importantly it could be I’m only checking for people that are checking for me. That’s exactly what I’m going to tell you if you call me saying why we haven’t talked. I’m not going to give the semi polite “I’ve been busy” answer. I’m, going to tell you the phone works both ways and if you’re checking for me I’m checking for you.  If you call me every so often, with that “How come I ain’t heard from you bs”. The conversation is already going start off on the wrong foot because now I’m defensive.

Calling someone in that accusatory manner does nothing for your case, as to way that person hasn’t reached and touched your hand. It just reminds them why they haven’t talked to your ass. Like I’ve said before there are some people you can go days, weeks, months, and even years without talking to them and you guys won’t miss a beat, the friendship is still intact. Then you have people you could talk to everyday and that shit sounds Martin in House Party mixing and that dude kept bumping the turntable, beats missing all over the place. To those folks I say Good Day….. I don’t care how long I’ve known you. The relationship/friendship is going to have to change. If that means I have to drop you from my top-five or talk you on a less frequent basis, well so be it!  Listen…. I’m at a place in my life where I can’t do all this Save By the Bell/ Sweet Valley High drama all the time. I mean everyone has their moment but my God some people that’s all they have going on. Some Zack Morris, Kelly Kapowski, A.C. Slater love triangle bs that’s it nothing more, nothing less. Listen this ain’t high school anymore I can’t listen to you in study hall or after school at The Max talk about how you’re going to DIE if whoever the fuck doesn’t ask you to the winter dance. I know that’s not what they’re literally saying that’s what the hell I hear when they’re talking. I’ve always been a little boy-crazy myself, I’m dramatic too but I’m not out here living my life like I’m Brenda Walsh from 90210 either. So if this is you, I’m so sorry but I’m not here for the dramatics anymore. I have a job and bills and that’s all the drama I need.  

Might Don't Make It

Have you ever been dating someone and it’s kind of in the early stages of dating, you like this person and like spending time with this person but then something happens. They do something knowingly or unknowingly and it completely makes you look at them different. Most of the time what they have done is a total and complete turn off. It’s like a light switch turns on in your brain and its shows you what’s really in front of you and there’s no way of turning it off as much as you may want to. That thing they have done has completely altered things in the relationships. The thing is that, what they’ve done can be simple as they snorted while laughing at an episode of Modern Family or it could be huge like not remembering your birthday. Whatever it is it’s enough to make you question if you want to continue seeing this person. See at this point who either make the decision to overlook this behavior and continue dating them or you pump the brakes on the whole thing and call it off. I’m a part of the second group for the most part. I just can’t overlook sh!t and just keep it moving like it never happened. Either I’m going to address the issue or not address it. By not addressing it I mean I’m not going to date that person anymore.

With the simple and little things (which maybe huge in your mind) it’s just a matter of personal taste usually lead to huge things such as. Something like him thinking Thai food is gross maybe simple. Okay he doesn’t like Thai food different strokes for different a folk, that’s fine. However you love Thai food in fact you crave that stuff almost everyday. Eventually this maybe a problem in the relationship. 

Picture it: you guys are out and about and y’all are getting hungry you want to go to the new Thai restaurant down the street. He on the other hand wants to go to Jimmy John’s (yeah I know…) so you ask him why about the Thai place he refuses, you ask what exactly about Thai food he doesn’t like. He gives you some bs about it being spicy, you say well you can get something that isn’t spicy. You ask him when was the last time he ate Thai food, he says some like eight years ago O_o. He still refuses to eat there and y’all end up eating sloppy ass roast beef sandwiches at Jimmy John’s. You’re sitting there mad as hell and he’s smashing the hell out of his sandwich and enjoying every moment of it. It’s at this point you realize how selfish he is and you want slap the sh!t out of him. This is the beginning of the end of the relationship, my dear. 

This is you guys might don’t make it point. I recently had a might don’t make it point myself. It was something very simple. Me and this person had basically been playing phone tag all day, so when I finally had a chance to call him back I did. This guy answers the phone with this fake ass British accent…. I almost hung up the phone right then in there. One, I thought it was someone else and two if it really was him why would he answer the phone like that? It complete turned me off. I really bothered me that he would do that and think it was funny. I’m thinking how lame can this boy be? Did he think this type of behavior was funny? I got off the phone with him so damn fast, why? Because I’ve officially thrown him into that lame ass category and I didn't want to talk to him anymore, just like that and just that fast. I could have been a little rash with my actions but I just don’t have time for those kinds of games. Everything else he said to me just began to annoy me and he said something else lame on the phone too. Look I know myself if I’m out with someone or on the phone with them and I’m think about man…… I’m missing the Braxton Family Values for this lame ass dude. Chile…. this is a might don’t make it indication for me. If I’m sitting here thinking about all the other sh!t I could be doing in the world but I here with your lame ass, dude we ain’t going to make, so why fake it?  So what are you guys NOT GOING TO MAKE IT SIGNS?

I Need A Ride Or Die Chick: Part II

I was thinking more about T.I. and Tiny's relationship and I remembered this one episodes of the Tiny and Toya show of the five I actually watched. In this episode Tiny's friend presented her with an opportunity to sing somewhere. The first thing out of Tiny's mouth " let me see what Tip says about it". What the f*ck... is what I was thinking. Tiny this grown ass 30+ year old woman has to get permission from her baby daddy (they weren't married at this point) to do something she's been doing since she was probably a little girl. Get all the way up out of here with that ish... this woman was in a multi-platinum selling group before she even laid eyes on this n@gga but now she's asking him she can sing at this Shady Pines retirement center (actually I have no idea where this gig was). Do you know she didn't do the gig, I want to say she came up with some bogus excuse but we all know it was because T.I. didn't want her to. All I could do is smh at this situation, I felt sad and bad for her.

I felt this way for her because she really wanted sing at whatever this thing was. Singing was her career its not something she did for fun, liking knitting. She was paid for it and paid well for her talents. Now her talent isn't being used in a way she would like because the man in her life doesn't seem to be supportive of it. See it would be different if she stop singing because she wanted to but I really don't think that's the case, then that would be her choice and nobody else's. Now does Tiny want to get back to the level her career was at when she was in Xscape? I don't know... but it seems like T.I. doesn't want her singing at the Grammys or at local state fairs. He just wants her at home singing in the shower and that's about it. Why? Who the hell knows? Maybe there can only be one Top Flight Security in the Harris household and doesn't want her to spread her wings and prepare to fly because he has to be the superstar in the relationship. He just want her bare foot and pregnant as my grandma would say. Whatever the case maybe Tiny should be able to pursue any career she would like and have the support of the man in her life but that's too much to ask of him. Who really knows the real answer but for some reason their relationship seems really lopsided to me. What I mean is that I think they both love each other but I think Tiny loves him a little more than he loves her and that's never good.

She loves him to the point where she'll do absolutely dumb shit for him, taking drug charges for him, being a drug mule, participating in threesomes (allegedly and hey she maybe into that), accepting cheating and his herpes. Yes, ladies he has herpes, that's not a rumor. But finally I really think she gave up her career for him and that's a lot to give up and deal with for someone you love. Think about whens the last time you heard Tiny sing? Well I'm thinking is was around 1998, in that My Little Secret video. I don't care how many nail shop, wing stops, and check cashing spot she opens. That woman wants to be singing, like in a mama I want sing kind of way  but truly believe she gave it all up for the King of The South. Which is fine if that's what she wanted to do and he didn't make it seem like it was either him or her career. Who knows... but I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot would he do the same. Like I said before ride or die my ass.

The Love You Never Had

Disclaimer: I'm sorry I've been MIA last week was my birthday and I was doing birthday things, so on to the lecture at hand.


I have you ever known or been a person that always looks fondly upon someone and the encounter you guys had. Like the magically summer you spent with the boy down the street or those two great months you spent dating a guy until you realized he had a girlfriend or whatever caused you guys to stop talking. You run this continuous loop of what you guys did and what you guys had. It gets to the point that you start to idealize the situation between the two of you and start to compare everything else you have after it, to what the two of you had. You think that what you had with him has just magical, electric, and some once in a lifetime type of ish. It was just everything!

Well, I'm here to tell you it probably wasn't that great, I'm not trying to diminish what transpired between the two of you. But if it was the best thing since sliced bread, than why didn't it last? Before you stay something like well I moved or he was shipped off to war. The thing is sometimes we have a tendency to make something grander than what it really was because it basically ended before it really even started. It ended before you really got to know that person and vice versa. Things were awesome between the two of you and maybe there was some type of connection between the two of you. Everything was peachy keen because maybe things ended before your sugar turned to sh!t. Therefore basing every other relationship after this "perfect love", is kinda silly because maybe it was never love in the first place.

I've Changed For You

So you met a guy and things are going well between the two of you, things are just peachy keen expect for the fact that he plays video games too much or he's a workaholic. Whatever the case maybe, you perceive his behavior as a problem and since it's a problem in your mind you believe that you can fix or change his ways to your liking. Let me save you sometime and energy, trying to change someone to what you want them to be is an epic fail. People are going around trying to get their Dr. Phil on and using the excuse of I'm trying to change someone for the better, are losing at life.

What really boggles my mind is that folks really think that the person they've decided to enter into a relationship with is going to be willing to change, just because they're now in a relationship with you. First of all you knew before y'all got together that you didn't like the fact he hung out too much in the streets or his mama was nosy, would be in you guy's business all the time and he would listen everything she said like it was the new gospel. You knew all these things from jump street, you pretended like all this didn't bother you but now that y'all are together all of a sudden things/he has to change. Well, I'm saying flag on the play the problem isn't him, its you!  You can't change the rules of the game in the middle of the game. If you started off playing basketball you can't start playing football in the middle of the game, and then get mad at everyone else  because they're confused by you and still want to play basketball.

You can't go around trying to change folks just so they can fit into this mold of the person you want them to be or the one that's in your head. Things don't work that way and it's a complete waste of time trying to do so. Unless that person has some kind of serious problem that is detrimental to their life and to the lives of the people around them. For example they have a drug problem and its to the point that they could be on an episode of AE's Intervention, then by all means help that person and try to change them for the better. Now as I was saying, trying to change your mate's behavior because you don't like it, is a waste of time and maybe you should just find someone else you don't have to change. For one thing did you ever think that this person doesn't want to change or doesn't see the need to do so. As we all know trying to change someone that doesn't want to change never works, ask Whitney Houston's mom she spent half of the 90's doing that and look at what it got her. Also with you doing all this to change someone, the person you're trying to change isn't being the real them. They going to try to be the person you want them to be, but that person isn't the real them. Hence, your relationship is a facade its full of trickery and optical illusions because the other person is trying to be who you want them to be and not who they really are. All I'm trying to say is loving someone compasses loving all of them and taking that person for who they are at face value. It's about taking that person for who they are and not what you want them to be or should be.

I just Don't Like You, I Really Like You

When was the last time you really liked a person? If you're drawing a blank, like I did when I was asked that very question. Than I think we might have a slight problem. Think back to when you were in the 4th grade and you had a crush on that person in your class. That feeling was priceless trickery, games, fairy dust  or copious amounts of alcohol weren't needed to obtain that feeling. All that was required was acknowledgement of your existence from said person, or them buying you one of those 15 cent dinosaurs erasers from the school store, it was as simple as that. You like them, and anytime you spent with them or anything they gave you was enough.

When we get older you're so focused on finding love, falling in love and falling out of love with someone. That we forget about actual liking this person, which in my opinion is just or if not more important than loving than person. You can love someone and not like them at the same time. For instance I love Jennifer Hudson, I think her voice is amazing and I think she looks great. For some reason I just don't really like her. This could be because her music material sucks, I hardly like any of her songs or it could be because I was always feel like she's in Effie White mode. Like in that Weight Watchers commercial, is it just me or is she yelling? It just always seems like she's yelling. I feel like she's being loud and sassy for no reason, just like Effie White. She needs to take it down a knot or two, Dreamgirls was 4 years ago, you can step out character now.

My point is loving someone and liking them isn't one and the same. You could love someone from a distance and once you two are in the same locality, it's a problem. Y'all are at each others throats and falling out of love, faster than Tiger Wood's fall from grace.  This is where a lot of people miss the mark, they simply forgot about actually liking the person they're with. They forget about the simple things, like just wanting to be around that person while they're doing mundane things such as folding clothes, just actually enjoying spending time with them. I really believe that's what keeps people together over the years, liking someone little more than you love them. Love is a tricky puzzle that some never solve, you can love someone today and hate them tomorrow. People fall in and out of love everyday but what keeps them falling back in love with a person is that, they really like that person because that's what never really fades away.

We Could've Had It All

Have you ever run into someone and all you can do is just think about the things that could've been between the two of you? I mean you two could've really been great, like Jay and Bey or Ozzie and Ruby Dee. But at last things just didn't work out. I think everyone has a person like this in their life, I know I do. The reasons behind why you guys never worked out vary from person to person. For me it was timing, in this world timing is everything. If you're ten minutes late for a bus, you could miss out on the love of your life because he was on the bus you just missed.

Although I don't think life is a dramatic as what I just described, I really do believe timing is everything. With my situation we just meet in each at the wrong time, I think this happens with a lot of people. You meet someone and you hit it off, there's chemistry and whatnot. However something is wrong, you may not be able to put your finger on it but something is off. One of you is holding back (hell maybe its both of y'all), and the next level just can't be reached. All this could be happening because one of you just isn't ready to be in a relationship, maybe you had a really bad breakup before meeting this person. Or somebody just isn't ready to be in a relationship and all that is entails. Its all about timing, even if you meet the right person if its the wrong time things will be a beautiful disaster. So when you run into this person after the demise of your relationship, the feeling is always bittersweet because all you can think of is what could've been.  You know the future was so bright for the two of you, its just to bad we live in the present.

Its About Forgiveness

I used to be one not big on forgiveness, I was of those people that held on to grudges like Lebron is trying to hold on to his hairline. You know, if I got into it with a person and it got to the point where I didn't want to even talk to the person, said person was dead to me. No matter how much the other party was willing to make amends, I just wouldn't have any part in that. I would just stay mad at them and even when my anger towards them subsided, I still put up a front towards them because in mind my reconciling with them would mean they won. I just couldn't give them that satisfaction, what can I say I'm a Taurus and I'm stubborn like that.

Then one day I kind of had an epiphany, with the help of my mom. See me and my real dad don't have the best relationship. So without really going into the semantics of our relationship, let's just say there's some huge cultural differences (my dad's Nigerian). Me and him didn't speak to one another for about four years, I remember one time he called my house and wanted to talk to my mom, I answered the phone and took the message he wanted to pass along to my mom. And during this 1 minute exchange neither one of us acknowledged one another, he might as well had been talking to an answering machine. There was no how are our you doing on both of our parts, in fact I don't even think I said bye I just hung up and I never do that. Even after I guess my dad got over his anger and decided to call me on my 21st birthday, I was still angry and I just pretended not to be when we would speak. I just wasn't ready to let go of my anger. I guess he realized that and we spoke less and less, until we weren't speaking at all again. One day my mom told me I had to forgive him and let go of my anger, and that doing that would set me free. It may not make my relationship with him better but it would make me better, because carrying all the anger wasn't healthy and it just took entirely too much energy. So I let go of it and I'm not saying me and my dad's relationship is great, but at least I don't want to hang up the phone when he calls. That's progress people.

When you forgive somebody, there's always the chance they may or may not forgive you back. So don't do it to get back into that person's good graces. Do it for yourself. When you stay mad or carry around grudges against someone, you allow that person to have power over you, even if that person or you doesn't realize they have this power or not, its there. When you roll your eyes whenever someone mentions their name or how you give them the silent treatment when you're in their presence, that's the power they have over you and that's energy you're wasting on someone that may or may not be worth it. So my suggestion is to just build a bridge and get over it, forgive that person and let it go. No matter how big or small their transgression may be. You don't even have to tell that person you forgave them, nor do you have to be friends with them after you forgive them. Just get past the anger and the hurt and keep it moving. Folks say life is a journey, so travel light it'll make life easier.