Got 2B Real

I'm not sure if you guys have heard of this web series on YouTube called Got 2B Real. If you haven't prepare yourself to be amused. I don't remember exactly how I came across this web series, I think someone retweeted the creator's(  @PattiLaHelle) tweets on my timeline. I do know this though, I'm grateful as hell I found it because my dear it's funnier than anything I've seen on TV is a long time.

The show is a like a Diva Parody show with Patti Labelle, Aretha Franklin, Mariah Carey, Beyonce, Donnie Warwick, Rhianna, Mary J. Blige, and whole bunch of other folks. The show is completely fictitious but completely hilarious. I when I tell you I laughed so hard that I was crying I'm NOT exaggerating. This is the second season of the show and it's already three episodes deep. So I'm postiong the episodes from this season, but I suggest looking at the season one first. But yes please get your life to this!!!!!

I Am Not My Hair: Part 3

Well about my hair….. welp there isn’t really a lot to report this month. I seems be growing, I’m hoping it will be long enough by June for me to get a sew-in or braids. Not cornrows this isn’t 2001 and hell I wasn’t too much of a fan of them back then either. I thinking box braids or something, but definitely not those Patra/Janet Jackson Poetic Justice that Solange keeps trying to bring back. Girl let that go ever. Anyway I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.

As far as my hair routine it’s still pretty simple.  I spray my hair with my water bottle that has leave-in conditioner and water. Then I use my other water bottle with my concoction of olive, castor, almond, and coconut oils. Rub it all in and add more leave-in conditioner. I do this in the morning and at night. The one thing I have started to do is tie my hair up at night. I wasn’t doing that until about two weeks ago, when I spoke to my cousin (she’s natural too) and she told me to tie my hair up. That I wasn’t a Barbie doll and I just can’t be going to sleep without a silk scarf on my head. Hey… I thought I didn’t need it; ummm yeah no I need it probably even more so now. I need it according to my cousin to keep the moisture locked into my hair while I sleep. It’s all about moisture people, it is the key!! So as usually if anyone has any tips or advice please leave comments. As you can see I’m somewhat walking in the dark with this natural thing.

A Sticky Situation

Disclaimer: I don’t have a problem with homosexuality but I do have a problem with homosexuals  that have a problem with my heterosexuality.  

What exactly in hell am I talking about well let me tell you a story. Upon my arrival in The City of Wind I have met several interesting and some not that interesting people. Well I meet this one girl through a mutual friend. She was cool so we started to hang out as friends do, somewhere along the way this girl (let’s call her Rita) revels that she’s gay. She goes on to say that she doesn’t like to broadcast her sexuality because she feels like it’s her business. I told yeah you’re right it’s your business, who you choose to sleep with is your business. I personally don’t care who you choose to bump uglies with, as long as it’s not my man.  I told her I’m not one those people that couldn’t be friends with a lesbian, as long as she didn’t have a problem with my heterosexuality I didn’t have a problem with her homosexuality. So we kept it moving as friends. As friends I would tell her about the guys I was dating and she would tell me about the girls she would date, why? Because friends love to talk about dating in general, things were running along smoothly until this.

New year’s eve….. Well I was out on the town having a good time with my friends aka we were drunk. Then my phone vibrates and it’s Rita. The conversation was real general at first. Like hey, where you at?, who you with?, are y’all having fun?  Blah, blah, blah. See I asked Rita if she wanted to come out for NYE and she chose to stay at home. Whatever, I answered she questions accordingly until this text came through on my phone.

Rita: “Did u drive? Idk why but I wanna see your face. Is that bad? I can’t figure out what that’s about…..”

Rita: “ Eh, I need to evaluate that. I’m a little drunk.”

Me: “No we took a taxi.”

Now ladies and gentlemen at the time this exchange took place it was 15 minutes until New Years I was drunk like it was 1999 and I didn’t really pay any attention to what she said to me.  Until the next day and I re-read the text and I sit there a thought about it. Did this girl just try me? Did she really think this was some L-Word situation? Now I do have the tendency to over react to I called my sister to see if tried me or if I was overreacting. My sister said she tried it and so did the other 4 people I told this story to. The reasons they came to this conclusion is the 2^nd text Rita sent, the evaluate part. Even as I write this the more I’m convinced she tried it.  Why did she do this, knowing that I’m straighter than an arrow? Who the fuck knows and I don’t think it had anything with the alcohol she was drinking.

Honestly I think that she thought that maybe I was (like some people in the world today) a little bi-curious and so she tried, in hopes that I was.  When she realized I wasn’t, she aborted mission and blamed it on the alcohol (I hate when people do that shit, I wasn’t the Ciroc in your cup..... it was you nigga!!  Now for the life of me I’ll never understand why she tried it, maybe she thought I was playing when I said I was straight or maybe she thought she could persuade not to me to try it out. Whatever the case maybe I just find her behavior in this situation to be disrespectful, on numerous occasions this girl would go on and on about people (in general) not respecting Gay rights and how folks always disrespect Gay people. But then she turns around and disrespects my heterosexual rights.... girl please have some stadium seats. She engaged in the same behavior in which detest, I call bullshit!!! Our friendship is now at a crossroads. I've only spoken to her twice since all this went down and it was for some real general purposes. At this point I don't think she's ever gonna to bring up this incident and I won't either because I'm over it and her too. I just makes me think was she being friends with me because she really wanted to be my FRIEND or was she just pretending to me friends with me so she could catch me slipping one day. I guess its one of those things I'll never know the answer to.

Congratulations

I never understood people that want pats on their backs because they're doing the things they are "suppose" to do.  What I mean is have you ever come across people that say shit like this? "Well at least I take care of my kids" or " I'm not out here doing crack". Bitch, boo bye!!! Do you want a damn Thin Mint cookie because you're doing the things you're suppose to do, like taking care of the child you brought into the world or you not being on some kind of mind altering narcotic. Well sir or madame you won't get any cereal box prizes here.

That's the problem with a lot of people today. We are so use to a below level standard things that mediocrity is celebrated like its a holiday. Things like not going jail ever is what's up, but guess what? You shouldn't be doing shit to get you in jail in the first place. Shit like not being 16 and pregnant gets you a gold star stickers but call me crazy being 16 and pregnant should be frowned upon. You shouldn't be on a reality show getting famous because you're a statistic. Hell I couldn't image being 28 and pregnant let alone being 16, that's another post for another day. Honestly I've had people look at me like I'm bat-shit crazy because I don't have any children at my age. Then they ask me why, I tell them because I don't have a husband. Yeah that part always trips them up and makes them roll their eye at me. The song goes first comes marriage and then comes Brittany in a baby carriage. People have that shit twisted these days.... smh.  

Well good people I don't think the confetti should be thrown because you're not 16 and pregnant, on drugs, or not in jail. Chile that's things you suppose to be or not be doing. Its that simple. Doing the bare minimum isn't cause for a parade. We're are a nation of borderline achievers. I read an article about a school that doesn't assign grades to students because they don't want the underachievers to feel bad. This to me is complete bullshit, I say let the underachievers know what they're doing. So that they can try to be overachievers. There's no honor roll students everyone gets an award whether they did good or bad in school. This is absolute bullshit..... what the fuck do you mean grades aren't assign?  All this coddling is good for who? How does a school exist that all the kids gets passing grades??? Even if they didn't pass, you still get the same grade as the student that over-passed. Get the fuck out of here what kind of life lessons are you teaching these kids. Even if I'm not at smart as the kid next to me we still get the same grade O_o. Then the poor kid that is getting A's is getting the same grades as the D student. What kind of world are we living in that this is okay? This type of thinking isn't helping anyone and if this kind of stuff keeps happening.Well I'm afraid Whitney Houston was incorrect the children aren't our future. All I'm saying is stop celebrating mediocrity and start celebrating excellent. 

Horrible Co-Workers

What do you do when you can’t stand your co-worker? I’m sure everyone reading this at one point in time could not stand one of their co-workers! Maybe you’ve going through this now or maybe you’ve been through it in the past. I think it’s just one of those things that everyone goes through, like having a cold. Everyone at some point gets one no matter how much you try to avoid it. No matter how much vitamin C you take at some point in your life that cold is gonna happen, and that’s  what that co-worker is to you a nasty ass cold.

When I say you  can’t stand a co-worker I mean it’s to the point that you want to take boxing classes, so if the occasion ever arises you can Floyd Mayweather their ass in the parking lot. The thing is there are different kinds of annoying co-workers.

1)      The nosey ass co-worker- Cue Adele’s Rumor has it. This is the one co-worker that can’t keep their mouth shut. They’re also in some office drama, telling everyone’s business and trying to get in everyone’s business. When you choice not to tell this person any of your personal business, you’re stuck-up or a snob. Chile please this is work not a sleepover where we’re playing truth or dare. My theory is that these people have no lives outside of work. Work is their lives. Well I’m here to say I have a life outside of the workplace and that doesn’t include work people. I’m here to work and collect a check, not to make friends this is not the playground. I have friends outside of work and if I happen to make some a work cool if not that’s fine too; I’m not here for that.

2)      The micro-manger- This person looks over your shoulder every chance they get to see if you’re doing the job right. To this person please go kill yourself. The funny thing is most of the time this person isn’t even your boss but they are so steam pressed to see what the hell you’re up to that they seem like your boss. Always looking to see what you’re doing on your computer, always asking why you’re always on your phone, seeing what time you go and come back from lunch. It’s just ridiculous!!! This ain’t school and you’re not the principle and this ain’t jail (although it may feel like it) and you ain’t the warrant. Look if an employee has never given you or anyone else a problem and always does his/her work, then why the need to constantly check up on them??  It’s childish and just creates a stressful work environment.

3)      The Bitch- This person is never pleasant, something is always wrong, and just always in a shitty ass mood. They may yell at people in the office or they may walk around like they have an Icebox where their hearts use to be. They are as cold as the other side of the pillow. Nobody ever wants to work with them or even be around them for long periods of time. But you also have to watch out of the other kind of bitch. The Undercover bitch, they’re almost like a backstabber. You know smile in your face, then turn around and try to take your place. They’re never a blatant and out-right bitch. They just do little slick shit like ignore you emails about work stuff, say good morning to everyone in the building expect you, just little shit. These are the bitch I can’t stand the most. I rather know your angle then you try to conceal it. They are like snakes in tall grass. So if you work with people like this keep your lawn mowed because they will try it. Also I think these people need to get laid like on a regular dicking schedule or something. Look at Mary Poppins and Chi-Chi bang, bang because no one should be that miserable.

The best way I’ve learned to deal with horrible co-workers with horrible people in general is to ignore them. I mean I only talk to my shitty co-worker if its work related and that’s it. Although at first I was knocking back the $3 wine from Trader’s Joes like it was water, well I still do that but that’s not the point. Ignore their ass that’s the best advice I have. Don’t try to figure out why they’re that way or what their problem is. Don’t try to be their friend, its work not The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants.  It’s not your problem to solve you just work with them. You’re not their spouse, child, or clergy man. So ignore them give them that fake smile you give the guy when he’s making your sandwich at Subway and keep that shit moving.

It's Just Hair

So Wendy Williams made a comment earlier this week about Viola Davis wearing her natural hair to the Oscars, here's the link Wendy Williams hating again. What I’m about to say has really nothing to do with the fact that I myself am natural, hell I’ve only been natural for 6 weeks. I would still feel this way even if I wasn’t natural.

Wendy Williams and people who think like her need to have IMAX theater seats. Ms. William Wendy Williams gets on television five days week looking like a linebacker for The Bears with a horrible, blonde, yaki lace front wig and this heffa has the gall to talk about someone else’s hair. No ma’am you cannot, the woman has man hands for Goodness sakes  *In my Jerry Seinfeld voice*. 

I’m so tried of people trying to make their own personal opinions about certain as the general public feels as a whole. I guess Paul Mooney was right they ain't happy if you're nappy. Chile, look everybody isn't suppose to look like the "European standard of beauty" and y'all know what I'm talking about. Long hair don't care and light bright. Please are we still doing this in 2012?? Wendy who looks like The Marshmallow man off Ghostbusters, thinks that the hair that is growing out of your head isn't suitable. First of all who isn't natural hair suitable for exactly? Inquiring minds would like to know. Obviously she likes and she said her husband loved it, so who the fuck are you to say its not suitable? I'm just soooo tried of woman especially black woman, knocking other women for not conforming to the general public's  view of what is beautiful. This woman decided that on one of the biggest nights of her life she wasn't going to wear her wig/weave and step out of her house with her hair just the way God made. But Big Bertha and other people like her have a problem? Well some may have a problem with Wendy going around looking like a somewhat feminine Tonka Trunk. With her fake boobs, eyelashes, and tried ass lace front wig. But for real how does this woman step out on a regular basis with these horrific wigs, shit I have better wigs than she does and I make a fraction of the money she does. 

Honestly when people like Wendall she things like this it just comes off as bitter and just plain old ass hating. Maybe she's jealous because if the wig was removed and the kilos of makeup was wiped off, she would look like something off Tales From The Crypt. I mean she spends thousands of dollars on her apperance and yet she still comes up short and looking like Herman Munster. I mean look at her and then look at Viola. Yeah okay..... you be the judge of that.

It's just sad that people can't wear their hair the way they choose to, without out someone talking shit and implying that beauty is only achieved by one particular way. It's such an antiquated way of thinking. In fact its down right shameful but what do you expect from someone who's made their career by bashing people. It's things like this that holds people back from being true to themselves because they're too afraid of what people may or may not say about them. Shame on Wendall Wendy for perpetuating this behavior or what is viewed as beautiful and what isn't. I guess we see how you're doing. Okay, I'm off my soapbox for now.