Solange

Now I usually don’t do this, but I would like to take a moment to talk about Solange Knowles. I’m loving her!!! I don’t know when or exactly how this came about but damnit Beyoncé’s younger sister is giving me life. I love her hair and its fabulous whether she’s wearing her actual hair, wigs, or box braids. I also love the fact that she told some magazine… Essence maybe that she was not the poster child for natural hair, that she was her own person. Here's the link Solange talks about natural hair, although she got some backlash from the natural girls around the world. She still gave no fucks and said she meant what she said but she could have chosen a better why of saying it. Her fashion sense is a little off to some but I love it. It's got to be hard to be the biggest pop star of our generations sister and find your own way. Solange has manage to do just that, she may not have been apart of Destiny's Child but she's found a way to step into her own Destiny.

 

Now I may not have always been here for or a fan her music when she first came out and was playing around in Lil' Bow Bow's videos. I was like girl..... we already have 3LW and now you want to be the solo version.  Please try again Miss because I''m not feeling it.

 

Well she did exactly that and dropped this little gem. I absolutely loved this album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams. I felt like she had finally come into her own or she stopped trying to be what others thought she should, Beyonce the lite verison. Maybe after going through a divorce and having a kid she had something to talk about, whatever the case she found her groove. Recently she put out an EP True, and its amazing I love it!!! I knew I would when I heard the first single off of it Losing You. 

How can you not love this??? But even more recently she covered one of my favorite songs Make it Hot by Nicole Wray.... they need to do an episode of Finding our Missing on her, because honey has been ghost since 2001 at least. Anyway Solange covers the song and I love it. Solange covers Make it Hot . Is Solange ever going to be as big of a star as her big sister? No but do I think Solange cares about that? Absolutely not. She marches to the beat of her own drum and if you don't like the rhythm, I'm sure she would tell those people.... sit your ass down and don't dance then.

Back to School

So as a part of me Getting Focused….. I decided to go back to school!! In fact my class starts today. Well let me expound on this because it’s not like going away to Stanford or anything. I applied to this online program to get my Master’s in Food Science and I got wait listed (I don’t even want to get into drama behind that), therefore I’m taking a classes that will count towards my Master’s as I try to get off the wait list. I will say applying and the process of signing up for the class has been more annoying than watching an episode of the Wendy Williams Show. First the application process was just so extra for me, I forgot what it was like applying to college and forgot how much of a nuisance it was. Then when I got waitlisted…. I got super emotional and was about to say fuck it to the whole process but then I calmed my ass down and decided to take this graduate course anyway.

Then came the joy of figuring out how to pay for the class and I just want to say tuition and fees are no fucking joke!! Let's not even talk about the scam of college textbook.... its like a damn ponzi scheme. Since I’m paying for this class out of pocket…. The shit is real depressing. When I realized how much it was going to cost and I almost said fuck this shit once again because paying for school is going to cut into my moving out fund. Then I really sat and thought about it and realized that this class is going to help me in the long run and if I want different results I was going to have to do things differently. Basically you have to sometimes sacrifice things to accomplish your goals, and this paying out of pocket was my sacrifice. I also had to answer questions to my Father about going back to school…. If you knew my father you would know this wasn’t an easy task. My Father somehow thinks to my life resembles that of Nicole Richie circa 2003, with a twist of Hannah from Girls. He basically thinks I’m wasting my life away, doing whatever the hell I'm doing. In his opinion I need to apply to a more prestigious program i.e. Harvard, Yale, Duke and go to school full time and get my PhD. He doesn’t think this program through the school (which is a public University in the state I live) is good enough, he doesn’t understand the concept of online classes, he thinks I’m going to Everest College or something, no shade to whom ever goes to Everest College. I told him the problem with his plan was the schools he’s talking about don’t even have the program I’m getting my Master's in. Who the hell is going to pay for me to go to Yale, Harvard, or Duke, assuming they even let my ass in? I’m not 23 I can’t stop working and be a full time student I have bills.Finally, that's he's plan for me not mine.... If a wanted to go to medical school or law school okay yeah, you kinda have to be a full time student but that ain’t what I want to do. So therefore I had to get off the phone with him before I told him to get the hell on with that BS on Christmas morning.

My point is that sometimes you just have to push forward with the things you want out of life even when things seem bleak and people are as supportive as a training bra on Pamela Anderson. I wanted to just say fuck this school shit like 3 times before I was like okay I’ll try this and like Usher I'm going to do this My Way and not my dad's way. Actually other than my Dad everyone else in my life was been very supportive about this decision and honestly my Dad’s opinion hasn’t been that important since Jennifer Aniston was still playing Rachel Green on Friends. I’m nervous about going back to school… because well I’ve out of school for awhile and I’m not as discipline as I was when I was in college but hopefully it will be like riding a bike. So friends if you’re trying to accomplish a goal this year or whenever just push forward with it, and don’t let things, other people or most importantly yourself get in the way. Most of the time we are our own biggest enemies, we have to stop being our own roadblocks and even if do come across ones on our journeys. There’s always a detour it may be harder to find and take you way out of the damn way but it still gets you to your destination.  

Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

So Live Your Life

A while ago someone asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I said Mitt Romey becoming President of the United States of America. Which it actually was at the the time but the typically answers people give never came to my mind. Such as death, heights, stretch marks, wired hangers, waking up and the Walking Dead is real life…. Etc. My actually biggest fear is living an unfulfilled life. What I mean by this; is me looking back at my life when I’m damn near about to retire and see I haven’t done shit with my life expect go to work for the past 25 years. That’s what the hell I’m talking about. I know people like this and I'm sure you do too, and the shit is borderline depressing. I just want to ask these people WTF did you do with your life in the 80’s-90’s other than work and go home and watch Cheers and Oprah every day and eat Cheez-Its?

There are no stories to tell… no trips, no kids to be proud of or to ashamed of, no crazy stories of what they did in their 20’s, 30's or 40's, no spouses to cherish or to be ready to get rid of like yesterday’s trash. It’s like their lives were; I went to college got a degree, got a job (the same one since 1988), got a home and I’m waiting on The Good Wife to come on to give me some type of entertainment. Some of these people don't even have hobbies. No gardening, collecting stamps, crossword puzzles, stalking a person's Facebook page. Its zip nada zilch going on with them. It's sleep, work, eat, and TV. It’s like what happened to you that you choose to or want to live this shell of a life. I’m not saying to your life needs to mimic that of a Diddy video from 1996. If you’re not about that party like its 1999 and its 2013 life, than don’t be about it. However I don’t see how some people choose to live their lives that of Mister Rogers walking around in that boring ass neighborhood.

There are a small percentage of these people that are actually content in the lives they have leaded and are leading… and to those I say do you boo. On the flip side a vast majority of these folks didn’t want to go down the paths their lives have taken them and are frontin’ like this is the life they want.  To the people I say GOOD DAY!! You aren’t happy with the way you choose to live your lives, you wanted something more but maybe you were too chicken shit to go after it. Maybe you wanted to have an Eat.Pray.Love moment but couldn’t because you had bills, or the person you loved once upon a time rejected you and you swore off love, or you just lived your life for your parents and didn’t want to take chances for fear of disappointing them. Whatever the case was, at the end of the day those are your choices and no one else’s. The thing that kills me about people like this is that when they see someone living life or attempting to live life to their fullest potential, these Bitter Betties and Bobs paws come out. The hate from these down and out folks goes to level red terror alert; these folks are wild, fast in the ass, hoes, amoral…..etc. Why because they rather go to the game than watch that shit on TV or because they rather go to the bar than sit at home and knit with you?  Just because a person is out in the streets doesn’t make them a street rat and just because they’re in the club doesn’t mean they’re poppin’ a Molly and sweatin. It just means they don’t want a boring ass life like yours; maybe they just want something more.

This can't be life as we know it.

Happy New Year!!! And Some Things That Can Stay In The Old One

Well Happy New Year good people!!!! I am so glad that its 2013 (even though a few things have already gone left for me.... but things have also gone right for some people I know). I for one was ready for 2012 to just exit stage left immediately, the last few months of 2012 have been straight trash for me, so therefore I was ready for it to get the hell this past Monday at 11:59pm. I am looking forward to new beginnings and to doing things differently to get different results.  However there are a few things and people I wish would stay their ass in 2012.

1) Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Karrueche- I mean them as a group, not individually. As individuals I like them but them together in this three-way from something out of Eyes Wide Shut, that shit has got to go. Between Chris Brown's taxi cab confessions of him being in love with both of them. Karrueche and Rihanna throwing shade at one another on twitter and Instagram..... at first it was funny, but this shit has gotten out of hand and its annoying now. One is on Instagram taking pics with Chris's shirt on and then 4 hours later he's at the Lakers game with the other, its just trashy. Making duets like they're Rick James and Teena Marie talking about its Nobody's Business but mine and my baby. That's true technically but how about you keep it cute and off Twitter and Instagram with this Bermuda love triangle from hell.

2) Nicki Minaj- I have never really been a fan of hers... she's just not my type of artist and I'll leave it at that. I do like a few her songs however and she's out here collecting big checks and I can't hate her for that. I think by problem with her is that she can actually rap but she does all this extra shit. I'm just not here for her Lady Gaga dreams and Katy Perry aspirations and this bubble gum rap. But hey if dressing up like a Lisa Frank folder is going to help her sell rosy toilet water she calls perfume and keep the checks rolling in... do you boo. However, why she has to officially get the hell on is because of the whole American Idol feud between her and Mariah Carey, here's the link Nicki Minaj gets ratchet with Mariah. Y'all probably don't know this but I love Mariah, I have been a fan since Vision of Love. So for this real life ratchet ass Gem Doll to cuss Mariah out about the same thing most people thought when it was announced that she was going to be a judge on American Idol. Which was girl how are you going to be judge on a singing contest and your ass can't sing??.... it's just *deep sigh*. I don't give a damn if Mariah Carey doesn't sell another damn record in her life.... checked her resume heffa? She doesn't have to because she's a legend. Girl just fall into the abyss and take Lil' Wayne and half of Young Money with you, expect for Drake I still like him. 

Tell me they don't give you the same visuals.

   

3) Personal rants on social media- Listen I go on rants on twitter but its about shit like why is the line so long at Starbucks, or why is girl dressed like Carmen Miranda at Ikea? I'm not on facebook quoting lyrics to How Could An Angel Break My Heart. Some of y'all just go too far I saw a picture on Instagram of a dude who took a picture of his dad on a stretcher on his way to the hospital, the caption said "pray for my dad he just had a heart attack". WTF??? How damn crazy can you be?? Shit like that has to stop....get out of your feelings and get off social media. Get a damn journal or start a blog. Also for 3a) stop taking pics of struggle plates of food. Nobody wants to see your instant mashed potatoes, easy mac, and dried up chicken all over the Internet.

4) Kanye West and Kim Kardashian- I'm sure y'all know she's pregnant by now, I had a whole little section written for them but after hearing this news I no longer have the energy. So here's a few thoughts about this baby news. I'm sure Kris Jenner hit her damn dougie when she heard Kim was pregnant, it just means she can use her spells and potions and turn this pregnancy into another cash cow for her. I think this woman is a wizard or at the very least a villain from a Disney movie. Listen E!.... I don't want to see any specials about baby showers or see Kim's birth canal on your network. I hope this baby looks more like her than Kanye. He's been looking more and more like Chip or Dale (pick one) from The Rescue Rangers these days. So with that Mama may have, Papa may have but God bless this child so that it will have its own.

The Break-Up

As you can tell from the title of this post, it's about a break-up.... its about my break-up. This is probably going to be one of the most personal post I have ever written. While not actually going into the details of the demise of this relationship, pointing fingers and trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. Who was wrong or who was right or whom broke up with whom. Just know there was miscommunication, hurt feelings, and misplaced anger. What I want to touch on is actually how I've be dealing with this break-up. Long story short..... not well. I've been so emotional I'm giving Whitney Houston and Carl Thomas a run for their money. There's been sleepless nights, which is how I know this shit is bad because nothing effects my damn sleep pattern. I go to bed around 11 or 12  and wake up at 6am, I never have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. But here I am like Corrine Bailey Rae and I'm having trouble sleeping. I actually up writing this a 3:35 am..... this isn't me.

I haven't been me in like a week, I feel like I have taken on the life of someone else. Someone who has been listen to Mary J Blige's My Life CD on repeat for days on end. This past weekend I barely left my house. I spent hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sade, Carole King, and Melanie Fiona just looking at the ceiling and crying at times. Btw there's a lot of depressing ass music out there. Especially Solange's True EP, I think I have been come a fan of hers because track Somethings seem to never fucking work stayed on repeat..... who knew. I somehow seemed to find everyone of these songs. Especially Solange's True EP and add them to a playlist on Spotify  and titled it another sad love song. My diet consisted of potato chips, cake, and several bottles of red wine. Yes, I decided to become the definition of 808's and Heartbreaks and become a part-time resident of Heartbreak hotel. I do believe that this past weekend was one of the most depressing ones of my life. On Sunday night I tried my best to get my Brain McKnight on and give this thing One Last Cry. That was a fail because on Monday morning I still felt the same way. Did I have this or am I still having this mental collapse on purpose? I really have know fucking clue. 

What I do know is that, part of the reason I'm on Adele/Drake level of being into my feelings. Is that I have really shared this break-up or feelings of lost with anyone not my friends here in Chicago or back home. I'm basically doing what Mariah Carey said in Breakdown. 

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry.

Yup that's exactly what I'm doing..... I'm suffering in silence because we all know real G's move in silence. Well I guess I won't be when people read this but why am I choosing to go through this alone?... idk. Maybe because I'm stubborn, prideful, or I just don't want folks to know how far gone I got of over a boy. How caught up in the rapture I got with him or just explaining what did or didn't happen between us. This is basically being prideful. Think I said this before on this blog but I don't get serious with guys a lot. I'll date a guy and before it gets too serious I'll let shit fall apart. I never allow myself to really get to into a guy. Yeah I may like a guy but I'll like him like I like pizza. Meaning that I like pizza but I don't need pizza in my life everyday, it's not a necessity like red wine. It's my defense mechanism, its my way of keeping men from getting to close and from me getting hurt. 

Welp I kind liked this guy like red wine and not pizza this time around and now I'm feeling like Carrie did when Big left her at the alter in Sex and The City. You remember how crazy she looked after that.... yeah that's been me for the past few days. 

So now I feel like an idiot and I'm just not ready to show anyone that side of me right now.... not even my Mama. I just want to sit around and watch Law and Order marathons and drink myself into 2013. Not that I think anyone of my friends would judge me or not be supportive..... I'm just going through the motions and right I don't want to drag anyone else into. I know that break-ups are apart of life, they happen to everyone at some point and feeling the way I have been for the past couple days is okay. It happens to even the best of us but I'm not okay feeling this way. So dear friends if I'm even more sporadic on this blog, this is why I'm way too deep into my feelings right now. I know I'll be okay eventually but it just won't be today.

Who Raised You?

As I was trolling the internet last week, I came across a blog post that I'm too lazy to find and link but I believe it was at  http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/. The post was about Jada Pinkett and her snap back session she gave on facebook about the criticism she and Will Smith have been receiving about their daughter Willow's Hair and image. If you aren't familiar about this situation, the gist is basically the Blacks as I call them have going in and letting have on Jada and Will about Willow and her behavior. This criticism went to level 10 when Willow shaved her head last year or earlier this year, I can't remember when she did it. People were going in on them because Willow shaved her head and her parents allowed this to happen. Jada's defense was basically that its just hair and her daughter's beauty isn't determined by the length of her hair and that people have to stop holding onto this European idea of what is beauty. The post basically cosigned what Jada said and I do to about what people's image of beauty is or isn't.

I mean when Willow shaved her head, the blacks went on attack. The outrage was pretty damn bad, the comments ranged from why, to she looked like an alien, to she was on her way to getting a starring role on The L-word ten years from now, Will and Jada were horrible parents and everything else in between. Now really didn't see what the big deal was when she shaved her head and how her doing that made Will and Jada worst parents than Casey Anthony and Joe Jackson. I shaved my head when I was her age, not by choice. I fought tooth and nail about shaving my hair but I was in boarding school in Nigeria and we had to shave our hair. In fact that's a common thing for young girls over there, why? It's easier to maintain and it is/was. I would put some Pink Oil Moisturizer (this was before I found out that shit was like putting WD-40 in your head) and brush it and go about my day. I learned at an early age hair is just hair, when I was crying in that chair as my hair fell to the floor; my dad told me it was just hair and it would grow back and I was still beautiful with or without it. But at the time I wasn't trying to hear that shit, all I could think about was the hair falling to the ground from my head. I get it now..... it's just hair and it did grow back. So I totally understand where Jada is coming from, she's practicing what India Arie was preaching in I am not my hair, as she should and we all should.

However, I think some of the critics of Will and Jada's parenting skills isn't coming from what this post or I just said about hair determining what's beautiful. Now I'm playing devil's advocate here, I think some of the criticism Will and Jada get is coming from Willow at times just being the most or what some deem not age appropriate. We are talking about a 12 year old girl here and some are saying the things she's doing aren't what 6th graders should be doing. I'm inclined to agree with this to a certain point. Now I'm nobody's parent but if my 12 y/o child told me she wanted to shaved her head, I would let her. Where I would give her that bitch please face is if she wanted to dye her hair every color under the rainbow, why? Because she's 12 not 18. I while back Willow took a picture with what I believe was a fake tongue ring. Real or fake if I did that at 12 I won't have tongue  to put a ring in because my mama would've promptly snatched my tongue with the ring in out of my mouth. I would probably do the same thing if my 12 y/o did some shit like that. When I was that age my mom didn't let me do certain things, like get piercings, wear a face full of makeup, clothing that a 12y/o shouldn't wear eg. booty shorts. Now I wanted to some of those things because that's what others were doing  and I thought my mama was being a hater. I see now she's wasn't a hater, she was a parent. A 12 y/o can't do the same shit a 18 y/o can do and this is what I think some people have a beef with Will and Jada is about.

I'm not in their household and how they choose to raise their kids is nobody's business but their own. People shouldn't model how they choose to raise their kids based on others. Nevertheless, I don't think people's gripe with Will, Jada, and Willow is about whipping hair back and forth hair, tongue rings, being a free spirit or Willow giving us her best  Annie Hall impression . It's not so cut and dry. I see no problem with let your child express themselves in a way they feel comfortable but at the same time they're kids and they just can't do whatever they want because that's what they want to do. In looking back on my childhood my parents didn't let me do certain things because they weren't age appropriate. The way some people raise their kids are different from other. My parents logic in not letting me do the shit I wanted to do was that wearing makeup and certain clothing  made look too old for my age at that time. Those types of things bring along with it a certain type of attention...... Being 12 and dressing like you're 18-19 brings the attention a 18-19 girl gets and at 12 that type of attention isn't needed. At 12 I didn't need to concern myself with those types of things. So I guess my mom was trying to prevent me from ending up on 16 and pregnant. I see some of these kids today, and I'm not talking about just Willow or any celeb kids now. Some of these kids are just out of fucking control, they are some of the some disrespectful, mannish, and ill-mannered creatures on this Earth and I can't deal. If I ever had a child and she/he behaved like some of these kids I see in street.... well get a jail cell ready for me because I'm going to beat the living shit out of that kid. It just makes you think you the fucked raised you?? There's a fine line between being a parent and being your kid's friend, a lot of today's parents have friends they can claim on their taxes.