Expiration Dates

Sell by dates, expiration dates, best used by dates.... all these things are applied to food products to tell the consumer that the product they purchased is safe and of quality up to this particular date. So is this post about how these dates are determined, no this post is about how these dates can be applied to our every day regular lives.

The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.

The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.

Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.

My Funny Valentine

It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??

I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1^st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing  LL Cool J in Hey Lover and that person  is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav.  Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you  to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?

That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread. 

There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.   

We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.

See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before  that iceberg gets hit.  People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14^th??? Maybe yours is May 1^st or November 26^th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14^th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.

Hi Hater

"I'm just going to make these haters my motivators".
"These haters won't hold me back".

We've all heard some type of shit like this, people talking about the hate they receive on a daily basis. Someone is just always hating on them. My questions is who are these haters you speak of??? Because I don't see them. To quote The Temptations movie , "ain't nobody coming to see you Otis". When I say people I'm talking about grown ass folks 25+, how are you 33 and have people hating on you? What is your life about that you think people are plotting against like you're Malcolm X and the US Government and the Nation of Islam are against you? I can understand someone in high school talking about haters and whatnot, because well its high school and high school can be a real life version on Mean Girls for some. High school is where haters breeds for the most part. So if a person has haters in high school...that's believable. College??? that's a stretch but I guess its possible because college is just a big ass high school. So if you have haters in college okay maybe you do if you say so.

As far as the 25+ crowd... we don't believe you, you need more people. If you're in the entrainment or some high intensity industry (think Marty Khan House of Lies) shit is different and you may probably do have haters, so never mind what I'm saying. But others all this talk about people hating on you, girl and boy I need receipts. You're a loan application manager at Chase, who is hating on you at this level of hate?  I'm having a hard time understanding this concept of your grown ass having other grown ass people hating on you and blocking your shine. With all the things most rational adults have to do on a daily basis, such taking care of kids, bills, going to work, cooking dinner, going shopping, going to school, watching Scandal, drinking wine, and trying to stay above water..... who really has time to hate on you? Now I'm not talking about people giving you side-eyes and making little shady ass remarks about you. No, I'm talking about the people who think that or claim that folks are out here plotting your downfall like a character off of Dallas or something. The people that claim that others just constantly won't let them be great.

I would just like to know, who these hating ass people and how they have time for all this hate they have?  Who are these people that are plotting to take you out like you're JFK or somebody because hating on someone takes time and energy.  Personally I have no time to sit around on hate on someone. Especially to the point where some of these folks are claiming that others are Jolly Green Giant green with envy of them and that all they do is just hate. There's too much to do and so much more going on for me and I believe most grown folks, to hate on that level. Like the amount of shit going on with the average person or me... work, paying bills, facebook, remember to buy milk, mopping the floors, having sex or not having sex. I just won't even have the time to hate on that extreme level and I'm willing to bet most folks don't either, but hey I could be wrong. Maybe you have more hate come at you than Keri Hilson every time she opens her mouth to sing.

Solange

Now I usually don’t do this, but I would like to take a moment to talk about Solange Knowles. I’m loving her!!! I don’t know when or exactly how this came about but damnit Beyoncé’s younger sister is giving me life. I love her hair and its fabulous whether she’s wearing her actual hair, wigs, or box braids. I also love the fact that she told some magazine… Essence maybe that she was not the poster child for natural hair, that she was her own person. Here's the link Solange talks about natural hair, although she got some backlash from the natural girls around the world. She still gave no fucks and said she meant what she said but she could have chosen a better why of saying it. Her fashion sense is a little off to some but I love it. It's got to be hard to be the biggest pop star of our generations sister and find your own way. Solange has manage to do just that, she may not have been apart of Destiny's Child but she's found a way to step into her own Destiny.

 

Now I may not have always been here for or a fan her music when she first came out and was playing around in Lil' Bow Bow's videos. I was like girl..... we already have 3LW and now you want to be the solo version.  Please try again Miss because I''m not feeling it.

 

Well she did exactly that and dropped this little gem. I absolutely loved this album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams. I felt like she had finally come into her own or she stopped trying to be what others thought she should, Beyonce the lite verison. Maybe after going through a divorce and having a kid she had something to talk about, whatever the case she found her groove. Recently she put out an EP True, and its amazing I love it!!! I knew I would when I heard the first single off of it Losing You. 

How can you not love this??? But even more recently she covered one of my favorite songs Make it Hot by Nicole Wray.... they need to do an episode of Finding our Missing on her, because honey has been ghost since 2001 at least. Anyway Solange covers the song and I love it. Solange covers Make it Hot . Is Solange ever going to be as big of a star as her big sister? No but do I think Solange cares about that? Absolutely not. She marches to the beat of her own drum and if you don't like the rhythm, I'm sure she would tell those people.... sit your ass down and don't dance then.

Back to School

So as a part of me Getting Focused….. I decided to go back to school!! In fact my class starts today. Well let me expound on this because it’s not like going away to Stanford or anything. I applied to this online program to get my Master’s in Food Science and I got wait listed (I don’t even want to get into drama behind that), therefore I’m taking a classes that will count towards my Master’s as I try to get off the wait list. I will say applying and the process of signing up for the class has been more annoying than watching an episode of the Wendy Williams Show. First the application process was just so extra for me, I forgot what it was like applying to college and forgot how much of a nuisance it was. Then when I got waitlisted…. I got super emotional and was about to say fuck it to the whole process but then I calmed my ass down and decided to take this graduate course anyway.

Then came the joy of figuring out how to pay for the class and I just want to say tuition and fees are no fucking joke!! Let's not even talk about the scam of college textbook.... its like a damn ponzi scheme. Since I’m paying for this class out of pocket…. The shit is real depressing. When I realized how much it was going to cost and I almost said fuck this shit once again because paying for school is going to cut into my moving out fund. Then I really sat and thought about it and realized that this class is going to help me in the long run and if I want different results I was going to have to do things differently. Basically you have to sometimes sacrifice things to accomplish your goals, and this paying out of pocket was my sacrifice. I also had to answer questions to my Father about going back to school…. If you knew my father you would know this wasn’t an easy task. My Father somehow thinks to my life resembles that of Nicole Richie circa 2003, with a twist of Hannah from Girls. He basically thinks I’m wasting my life away, doing whatever the hell I'm doing. In his opinion I need to apply to a more prestigious program i.e. Harvard, Yale, Duke and go to school full time and get my PhD. He doesn’t think this program through the school (which is a public University in the state I live) is good enough, he doesn’t understand the concept of online classes, he thinks I’m going to Everest College or something, no shade to whom ever goes to Everest College. I told him the problem with his plan was the schools he’s talking about don’t even have the program I’m getting my Master's in. Who the hell is going to pay for me to go to Yale, Harvard, or Duke, assuming they even let my ass in? I’m not 23 I can’t stop working and be a full time student I have bills.Finally, that's he's plan for me not mine.... If a wanted to go to medical school or law school okay yeah, you kinda have to be a full time student but that ain’t what I want to do. So therefore I had to get off the phone with him before I told him to get the hell on with that BS on Christmas morning.

My point is that sometimes you just have to push forward with the things you want out of life even when things seem bleak and people are as supportive as a training bra on Pamela Anderson. I wanted to just say fuck this school shit like 3 times before I was like okay I’ll try this and like Usher I'm going to do this My Way and not my dad's way. Actually other than my Dad everyone else in my life was been very supportive about this decision and honestly my Dad’s opinion hasn’t been that important since Jennifer Aniston was still playing Rachel Green on Friends. I’m nervous about going back to school… because well I’ve out of school for awhile and I’m not as discipline as I was when I was in college but hopefully it will be like riding a bike. So friends if you’re trying to accomplish a goal this year or whenever just push forward with it, and don’t let things, other people or most importantly yourself get in the way. Most of the time we are our own biggest enemies, we have to stop being our own roadblocks and even if do come across ones on our journeys. There’s always a detour it may be harder to find and take you way out of the damn way but it still gets you to your destination.  

Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

So Live Your Life

A while ago someone asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I said Mitt Romey becoming President of the United States of America. Which it actually was at the the time but the typically answers people give never came to my mind. Such as death, heights, stretch marks, wired hangers, waking up and the Walking Dead is real life…. Etc. My actually biggest fear is living an unfulfilled life. What I mean by this; is me looking back at my life when I’m damn near about to retire and see I haven’t done shit with my life expect go to work for the past 25 years. That’s what the hell I’m talking about. I know people like this and I'm sure you do too, and the shit is borderline depressing. I just want to ask these people WTF did you do with your life in the 80’s-90’s other than work and go home and watch Cheers and Oprah every day and eat Cheez-Its?

There are no stories to tell… no trips, no kids to be proud of or to ashamed of, no crazy stories of what they did in their 20’s, 30's or 40's, no spouses to cherish or to be ready to get rid of like yesterday’s trash. It’s like their lives were; I went to college got a degree, got a job (the same one since 1988), got a home and I’m waiting on The Good Wife to come on to give me some type of entertainment. Some of these people don't even have hobbies. No gardening, collecting stamps, crossword puzzles, stalking a person's Facebook page. Its zip nada zilch going on with them. It's sleep, work, eat, and TV. It’s like what happened to you that you choose to or want to live this shell of a life. I’m not saying to your life needs to mimic that of a Diddy video from 1996. If you’re not about that party like its 1999 and its 2013 life, than don’t be about it. However I don’t see how some people choose to live their lives that of Mister Rogers walking around in that boring ass neighborhood.

There are a small percentage of these people that are actually content in the lives they have leaded and are leading… and to those I say do you boo. On the flip side a vast majority of these folks didn’t want to go down the paths their lives have taken them and are frontin’ like this is the life they want.  To the people I say GOOD DAY!! You aren’t happy with the way you choose to live your lives, you wanted something more but maybe you were too chicken shit to go after it. Maybe you wanted to have an Eat.Pray.Love moment but couldn’t because you had bills, or the person you loved once upon a time rejected you and you swore off love, or you just lived your life for your parents and didn’t want to take chances for fear of disappointing them. Whatever the case was, at the end of the day those are your choices and no one else’s. The thing that kills me about people like this is that when they see someone living life or attempting to live life to their fullest potential, these Bitter Betties and Bobs paws come out. The hate from these down and out folks goes to level red terror alert; these folks are wild, fast in the ass, hoes, amoral…..etc. Why because they rather go to the game than watch that shit on TV or because they rather go to the bar than sit at home and knit with you?  Just because a person is out in the streets doesn’t make them a street rat and just because they’re in the club doesn’t mean they’re poppin’ a Molly and sweatin. It just means they don’t want a boring ass life like yours; maybe they just want something more.

This can't be life as we know it.