Thursday, June 14, 2012

Chuck E. Cheese's And An Epiphany

Recently there's been an addition to my family.... I have a new nephew. Well my only nephew or niece to be exact but this post isn't about how adorable my nephew is, which he is. I was just thinking about how when people become parents, they at times become inconsiderate and down right rude to people that don't have kids. People with kids always make it seem like those without kids are just down right selfish and don't have their priorities straight....well I'm here to tell you,  a lot of the time its the other way around.
The above clip is an example of what the hell I'm talking about. In this episode of Friends, it's Ross's and Rachel/'s daughter's Emma's birthday. She's turning one and all of Ross's and Rachel's friends are at the party, expect that they all have something else to do and can't stay for the whole party but Rachel insists that everyone stays for the whole party, even though Emma is asleep for 85% of the party. WTF?? Now I've been in situations similar to this one from Friends. I was invited to a one year old's birthday party at 12:00pm on a Saturday and the parents insisted that everyone be there on time. First why are kids birthday parties always so damn early? Like this party couldn't have been at 3:00pm??? I'm just saying tho.  I know children can't be up all late and have sleep schedules and whatnot but Noon on a Saturday, really??? Y'all know what people are doing at noon on a Saturday.....sleeping, recovering from a hangover, at the gym, cleaning, studying, having sex but not going to kid's birthday party. Now this party was at none other than hell on Earth Chuck E. Cheese's... if you don't have kids and you sometimes forgot about using some type of protection while having sex. Take your ass to Check E. Cheese's on a Saturday afternoon..... you'll NEVER forget that shit again. So here I am at this kid's Birthday party, hung over and with 600 20 kids geeked up on pizza and cookies. I could have died right then and there. I get to this party and of course the kid is asleep *eyeroll*, me and one other person are the only people with no kids and we're sitting there like wtf. After all the introductions had been made, what do the parents of this kid do? Put me and the other childless person to work.... I mean wrangling kids out of moon bounces, cutting cake, take kids to the bathroom....... I started to think what the hell did this heffa just bamboozle us into being the nanny for like two hours? Like for real those parents just disappeared when we showed up..... I think they were going outside to the back and having white wine breaks or something. Honestly that day at Chuck E. Cheese's was one of the most annoying days of my life, and it just really got me to thinking.

First if a person without kids doesn't want to come to your kid's party (and this kid isn't related to them or they aren't the Godparent) and just send a gift , what's the problem with that? These parents are out here making it mandatory to come to their kid's parties. Me or any other childless person no coming to these Dora The Explore parties, doesn't make us bad people or selfish.... it means that the kid is not our son and we have better things to do. Especially if the kid is under the age of five, that boy or girl isn't gonna be fazed that your college roommate, co-worker, shampoo girl or whatever didn't show up to their 2nd Birthday party.  People that don't have kids shouldn't obliged to go to children parties just because their friends have kids. People with kids always have a way of making their childless friends feel shitty about not spending time with them or their kids. They say shit like "We never hangout anymore, is it because I have kids now?" or "______ really wants to see they're auntie/uncle". But my all time favorite one is "you would understand if you had kids". Blankstare I would understand what? Your constant need to remind me you have kids and "real responsibilities now". Well I have responsibilities too; Mr. Rent, Miss Car note ,and Madame Student loans. Having a kid doesn't make your properties anymore important than mine, they're just different now.

People with kids at times are the kings and queens guilt tripping folks about they're life choices. Damn near shaming you for not wanting to spend time with their kid and spending time doing the shit you like to do, to the point that they miss the key words THEIR KID not YOUR KID. If I don't want to come over to your house everyday to shoot the shit with you in the kitchen drinking Arbor Mist, while your kid watches Blue's Clues in the other room. Don't come at me with that you're selfish shit because the same thing can be said about you boo.Why don't you get a babysitter so you can go out and do things with your childless friends. You know that deep down inside you're not feeling Blue's Clues either but you have no choice in the matter, I on the other hand do and I choose no Blue's Clues. The moral of the story is people with kids don't make the people in your lives without kids feel like shit because they don't want to spend every waking minute with your kid. That's your child not your bff's, mom's, dad's, sister's, or gas station attendant's kid. Oh and stop demanding   inviting  us to your kid's party that last 5-8 hours without any adult beverages being severed, that's not hot on the streets.

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