When I posted the last post Expiration Dates.... something didn't seem right about, I felt like something was missing from it. Well I thought and thought about and I realized what that something was. It was not just about the fact that some relationships have expiration dates and figuring out if your relationship has one or if it doesn't. What was missing was the point about dealing with relationships or people in general after their expiration date has pasted. Dealing with people, relationships, or things after their expiration date is never a good idea because it usually ends up all bad. Real bad.... Michael Jackson Bad.
Like when you see a carton of milk in your refrigerator, the expiration date has past but for some reason you open up that carton and take a whiff of the milk.... smh. The smell damn near knocks you off your feet and not in a good way, we've all done it. We looked at the date and saw that the milk expired a week ago but for some reason we open that damn carton like we don't know that shit is almost cottage cheese at this point and we purposely smell that shit. Why do we double check to see if the milk is really bad? Like Mayfield and the other milk companies are putting expiration dates on shit because its cute, and makes the packaging look cool. No its a safety regulation.... there are laws in place stating that this information must be on products to warn people of the risk involved of consuming that product after a certain amount of time. But there we are in kitchen takes whiffs and saying YOLO to laws that are in place to protect us. Its just like telling a child that the stove is hot and they don't believe you and touch the stove anyway and then burn the shit out of their hands. Then you're looking at them, like I told you so. Well the USDA told you that milk when bad a week ago but there you are acting like you don't know this information that is clearly stated on the package. Hell some people are out here pouring bowls of Cheerios and using that same expired ass milk in their cereal.. to those people God Bless. Because you're a glutton for punishment and obviously have a stomach made of steel.
I have dealt with someone after the expiration date, I knew that the milk had gone bad weeks ago but there my ass was in the kitchen taking whiffs of cottage cheese milk. It got me no fucking where, no I take that back it got me taking Imodium A-D and listening to Adele's 19.... not even 21. That Chasing Pavements heart complications.... it wasn't a heartbreak because it was already broken before I went back and whiffed the milk after the expiration date. So everything after I realized that expiration date had pasted was just a complication, I was just rubbing salt in the wound and picking the scab. The wound was already there and I wasn't letting it heal and was just making shit worst. If you see the expiration date has pasted, I know its human nature at times but don't open that milk! All that awaits you is cottage cheese milk and stomach ache. Sure it won't kill you but if you want cottage cheese take your ass to the store and buy some, don't try to make it yourself.... you're not making it the correct way and it won't turn out the right way.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Expiration Dates
Sell by dates, expiration dates, best used by dates.... all these things are applied to food products to tell the consumer that the product they purchased is safe and of quality up to this particular date. So is this post about how these dates are determined, no this post is about how these dates can be applied to our every day regular lives.
The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.
The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.
Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.
The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.
The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.
Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
My Funny Valentine
It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??
I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing LL Cool J in Hey Lover and that person is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav. Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?
That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread.
There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.
There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.
We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.
See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before that iceberg gets hit. People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14th??? Maybe yours is May 1st or November 26th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.
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