The Break-Up

As you can tell from the title of this post, it's about a break-up.... its about my break-up. This is probably going to be one of the most personal post I have ever written. While not actually going into the details of the demise of this relationship, pointing fingers and trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. Who was wrong or who was right or whom broke up with whom. Just know there was miscommunication, hurt feelings, and misplaced anger. What I want to touch on is actually how I've be dealing with this break-up. Long story short..... not well. I've been so emotional I'm giving Whitney Houston and Carl Thomas a run for their money. There's been sleepless nights, which is how I know this shit is bad because nothing effects my damn sleep pattern. I go to bed around 11 or 12  and wake up at 6am, I never have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. But here I am like Corrine Bailey Rae and I'm having trouble sleeping. I actually up writing this a 3:35 am..... this isn't me.

I haven't been me in like a week, I feel like I have taken on the life of someone else. Someone who has been listen to Mary J Blige's My Life CD on repeat for days on end. This past weekend I barely left my house. I spent hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sade, Carole King, and Melanie Fiona just looking at the ceiling and crying at times. Btw there's a lot of depressing ass music out there. Especially Solange's True EP, I think I have been come a fan of hers because track Somethings seem to never fucking work stayed on repeat..... who knew. I somehow seemed to find everyone of these songs. Especially Solange's True EP and add them to a playlist on Spotify  and titled it another sad love song. My diet consisted of potato chips, cake, and several bottles of red wine. Yes, I decided to become the definition of 808's and Heartbreaks and become a part-time resident of Heartbreak hotel. I do believe that this past weekend was one of the most depressing ones of my life. On Sunday night I tried my best to get my Brain McKnight on and give this thing One Last Cry. That was a fail because on Monday morning I still felt the same way. Did I have this or am I still having this mental collapse on purpose? I really have know fucking clue. 

What I do know is that, part of the reason I'm on Adele/Drake level of being into my feelings. Is that I have really shared this break-up or feelings of lost with anyone not my friends here in Chicago or back home. I'm basically doing what Mariah Carey said in Breakdown. 

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry.

Yup that's exactly what I'm doing..... I'm suffering in silence because we all know real G's move in silence. Well I guess I won't be when people read this but why am I choosing to go through this alone?... idk. Maybe because I'm stubborn, prideful, or I just don't want folks to know how far gone I got of over a boy. How caught up in the rapture I got with him or just explaining what did or didn't happen between us. This is basically being prideful. Think I said this before on this blog but I don't get serious with guys a lot. I'll date a guy and before it gets too serious I'll let shit fall apart. I never allow myself to really get to into a guy. Yeah I may like a guy but I'll like him like I like pizza. Meaning that I like pizza but I don't need pizza in my life everyday, it's not a necessity like red wine. It's my defense mechanism, its my way of keeping men from getting to close and from me getting hurt. 

Welp I kind liked this guy like red wine and not pizza this time around and now I'm feeling like Carrie did when Big left her at the alter in Sex and The City. You remember how crazy she looked after that.... yeah that's been me for the past few days. 

So now I feel like an idiot and I'm just not ready to show anyone that side of me right now.... not even my Mama. I just want to sit around and watch Law and Order marathons and drink myself into 2013. Not that I think anyone of my friends would judge me or not be supportive..... I'm just going through the motions and right I don't want to drag anyone else into. I know that break-ups are apart of life, they happen to everyone at some point and feeling the way I have been for the past couple days is okay. It happens to even the best of us but I'm not okay feeling this way. So dear friends if I'm even more sporadic on this blog, this is why I'm way too deep into my feelings right now. I know I'll be okay eventually but it just won't be today.

Who Raised You?

As I was trolling the internet last week, I came across a blog post that I'm too lazy to find and link but I believe it was at  http://www.abelleinbrooklyn.com/. The post was about Jada Pinkett and her snap back session she gave on facebook about the criticism she and Will Smith have been receiving about their daughter Willow's Hair and image. If you aren't familiar about this situation, the gist is basically the Blacks as I call them have going in and letting have on Jada and Will about Willow and her behavior. This criticism went to level 10 when Willow shaved her head last year or earlier this year, I can't remember when she did it. People were going in on them because Willow shaved her head and her parents allowed this to happen. Jada's defense was basically that its just hair and her daughter's beauty isn't determined by the length of her hair and that people have to stop holding onto this European idea of what is beauty. The post basically cosigned what Jada said and I do to about what people's image of beauty is or isn't.

I mean when Willow shaved her head, the blacks went on attack. The outrage was pretty damn bad, the comments ranged from why, to she looked like an alien, to she was on her way to getting a starring role on The L-word ten years from now, Will and Jada were horrible parents and everything else in between. Now really didn't see what the big deal was when she shaved her head and how her doing that made Will and Jada worst parents than Casey Anthony and Joe Jackson. I shaved my head when I was her age, not by choice. I fought tooth and nail about shaving my hair but I was in boarding school in Nigeria and we had to shave our hair. In fact that's a common thing for young girls over there, why? It's easier to maintain and it is/was. I would put some Pink Oil Moisturizer (this was before I found out that shit was like putting WD-40 in your head) and brush it and go about my day. I learned at an early age hair is just hair, when I was crying in that chair as my hair fell to the floor; my dad told me it was just hair and it would grow back and I was still beautiful with or without it. But at the time I wasn't trying to hear that shit, all I could think about was the hair falling to the ground from my head. I get it now..... it's just hair and it did grow back. So I totally understand where Jada is coming from, she's practicing what India Arie was preaching in I am not my hair, as she should and we all should.

However, I think some of the critics of Will and Jada's parenting skills isn't coming from what this post or I just said about hair determining what's beautiful. Now I'm playing devil's advocate here, I think some of the criticism Will and Jada get is coming from Willow at times just being the most or what some deem not age appropriate. We are talking about a 12 year old girl here and some are saying the things she's doing aren't what 6th graders should be doing. I'm inclined to agree with this to a certain point. Now I'm nobody's parent but if my 12 y/o child told me she wanted to shaved her head, I would let her. Where I would give her that bitch please face is if she wanted to dye her hair every color under the rainbow, why? Because she's 12 not 18. I while back Willow took a picture with what I believe was a fake tongue ring. Real or fake if I did that at 12 I won't have tongue  to put a ring in because my mama would've promptly snatched my tongue with the ring in out of my mouth. I would probably do the same thing if my 12 y/o did some shit like that. When I was that age my mom didn't let me do certain things, like get piercings, wear a face full of makeup, clothing that a 12y/o shouldn't wear eg. booty shorts. Now I wanted to some of those things because that's what others were doing  and I thought my mama was being a hater. I see now she's wasn't a hater, she was a parent. A 12 y/o can't do the same shit a 18 y/o can do and this is what I think some people have a beef with Will and Jada is about.

I'm not in their household and how they choose to raise their kids is nobody's business but their own. People shouldn't model how they choose to raise their kids based on others. Nevertheless, I don't think people's gripe with Will, Jada, and Willow is about whipping hair back and forth hair, tongue rings, being a free spirit or Willow giving us her best  Annie Hall impression . It's not so cut and dry. I see no problem with let your child express themselves in a way they feel comfortable but at the same time they're kids and they just can't do whatever they want because that's what they want to do. In looking back on my childhood my parents didn't let me do certain things because they weren't age appropriate. The way some people raise their kids are different from other. My parents logic in not letting me do the shit I wanted to do was that wearing makeup and certain clothing  made look too old for my age at that time. Those types of things bring along with it a certain type of attention...... Being 12 and dressing like you're 18-19 brings the attention a 18-19 girl gets and at 12 that type of attention isn't needed. At 12 I didn't need to concern myself with those types of things. So I guess my mom was trying to prevent me from ending up on 16 and pregnant. I see some of these kids today, and I'm not talking about just Willow or any celeb kids now. Some of these kids are just out of fucking control, they are some of the some disrespectful, mannish, and ill-mannered creatures on this Earth and I can't deal. If I ever had a child and she/he behaved like some of these kids I see in street.... well get a jail cell ready for me because I'm going to beat the living shit out of that kid. It just makes you think you the fucked raised you?? There's a fine line between being a parent and being your kid's friend, a lot of today's parents have friends they can claim on their taxes.

Vacation Takeaways

I'm back from my first real vacation in like two years, that's not to say that I haven't been anywhere other than Chicago for the past two years because I have. But I don't real look at visiting friends and family a real vacation, that's just going to visit someone. Anyway I had a great time and enjoyed my time away from cold ass Chicago. While I was gone I learned a few things about myself and just life in general and would like to share things with you.

1) Cruises- Until last week I had never been on a cruise, why? I don't like boats/ships or big open spaces of water. It just freaks me out..... so when we set sail and all I could see was water and no land around me, a strange feeling came over me. Its not that I don't know how to swim, I do but being a sea and there's no land in sight is just weird. Also as I found out motion sickness is real in the battle field. Although I did take some medicine Dramamine I still got sick one night. I would suggest taking it even if you think motion sickness won't be a problem for you. I have never felt that way before in my life.... I wish to never feel it again either. It was almost as bad as when I got food poisoning from the food court at the mall in college. The motion in the ocean was on ten that particular night. Oh yeah being hungover on a cruise is ten times worst than on dry land.

2) Packing- As Erykah Badu once said "Pack light". I have the tendency to over pack, I am exactly the person was talking about, I'm a bag lady. So for my week vacation, I had four bags. A big suitcase, a mid-size one, a carry on bag, and my purse which probably doubles as a overnight satchel. I had to get porters and all types of assistance carrying all those bags around. I have a serious problem but I believe I genuinely needed everything I packed because you never know what you may need. My motto is a rather be over than under because its always easier take something away to make it less than it is to add on and make something more. For example if you're over-dressed for an event. You can take of articles of clothing or accessories off to make your outfit less fancy but if you're under dressed, well you're just assed out. You don't have the tools to make your outfit more extravagant. However I do know now that I don't always have to take everything that's in my closet either.

3) Your crew- It's not always about where you go its about who you go with. Yes, I had an amazing time on my trip to the Bahamas. The place was beautiful but what make my time so great was I was with my awesome friend. We the best time on vacation and at the places we visited but more importantly we had an amazing time with each other. There were no Basketball wives fights or Real Housewives cuss outs. It was just fun hang out with my friends and that's what really matters the most.

Shade And A Vacay

Well good people as you may be able to tell from the title of this post, I'm going on vacation this week. Thank God!!!!! This has been a long time coming, I need this like Ciara and Omarion need a hit on the radio. Between work, life, trying to getting my life, and figuring out how I'm going get out of suburbs for good, this vacation a long time coming. Plus it's getting cold in Chicago, Fall has left the building and Winter is upon us. Quite frankly I ain't ready for it. I'm not ready to remember to warm my car up 5 minutes before I leave in the morning. I'm not ready for it to be 12:01am darkness at 5:01pm. I'm not ready to be wearing all these damn layers of clothes, trying to winterize my skin because walking around looking like a dry up piece of turkey 2 weeks after Thanksgiving is just immoral, and last but not least I'm not ready for the SNOW. That shit is cute and pretty until the next morning you're outside shoveling that shit like a grave digger.

So I'm going on a cruise with my friend for the week of Thanksgiving, at first I didn't want to go because it's a family holiday and whatnot. But then that thought quickly vanished from my head, shit..... I ain't got no kids or husband and I'm not going home to Atlanta for Thanksgiving so what am I really going miss? Cooking, watching the Thanksgiving parade with my Grandma and her asking who and what everything/ everyone is? My uncle getting drunk before dinner (although that is pretty hilarious tho), my aunt's dry ass stuffing (yes, stuffing not dressing. There's a difference), the ever so quite shade my aunts throw at each other...... yeah I'm good. I can do all that next year, so therefore I'm going to get my life or someone else's for a week in the Caribbean. So be safe good people, I'm sure I'll have some ratchet stories to tell or they'll be too ratchet and I'll need to keep it in the closet like Mike. So Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!!!!

                                    Yes!!! Ma'am the amount given will be zero... just like her!!

Stunts And Shows At The Ballot Box

Well by now you know that Barack Obama is still The President of the United States.... if you didn't know that, I am assuming that you have just woken up from a coma a few seconds ago or you live in Montana or somewhere with out internet access. This post isn't about who was the better candidate for the job.... (but the person I voted for is still in office) , nor it is about the election itself. But I damn sure glad its over, that shit was stressing me out. This post is about what the hell happened to me when I exercised my right to vote. Long story short they tried to pull it at my voting site.

Some of you reading this may not know that I moved to the Chicago area (btw I hate that Chicagoland bs) a little over a year ago from Georgia. Well as you should have learnt in Civics class you must vote in the state in which you live or do an absentee ballot. You can only vote absentee for certain reasons, none of which I qualified for. So I was going to have to re-register to vote in Illinois. Okay cool, I went to some voter registration drive and register to vote in IL, after weeks of waiting for my voter registration card in the mail, I check that shit and I was still registered to vote in GA... womp. Sidenote: when you go to voter registration drives make sure you check that shit before the deadline because clearly sometimes the ball is dropped in the process. So upon finding that out, I looked up where I needed to go to register to vote at, which was at the local library. I go there and bring all the documents I need, since I still have my GA driver's license I had to prove that I actually live in IL now. Okay that's understandable, so I brought my social security card, and two bills with my name and IL address on them. Boom, the guy swore me in as a resident of IL and I had to repeat some pledge of allegiance/oath ( I have no idea with I repeated back to that man) with my right hand up. He gave me a green piece of paper that severed as my voter registration card until the real one came in the mail. I asked him "so when I go vote all I need is my voter registration card and my driver's license, even though its still a GA id"? He's response was "yes, that's all you need."Okay, boom I leave and go about my business.

Well last week when I decided to vote early because I was going out of town for my homecoming last weekend and I didn't want no shit on election day. I go to the polling place and I wait in line for 30 minutes, which was fine... people were complaining like hell about waiting. Shit in 08 I waited in line for 3 hours in Atlanta, I really wanted to telling to their impatient asses to shut the hell up. I mean they were still gonna get home in time to watch Dancing with the Stars or whatever else. So I get to the front of the line and give them my Id and voter registration card and that's when shit went all the way I-95 South. The guy looks at me and the things I gave him and was like, "you can't vote out-state ID how do we know, if you really live in IL or not." At that point I got heated... I'm thinking bitch you're really out here trying to pull stunts and shows for the kids, okay this is how its gonna go. I came back down to about a level 2 and explained to him that when I registered to vote, I was told  by the official there that all I needed was my ID out-state or in-state, just an id with my name and picture on it and my voter registration card. Well that little troll wasn't having it, and keep out talking about how do we know you live at this address. I'm thinking my dude, how the fuck else would I get a voter registration card if I didn't live there!!??! Like did this troll really think I voted in GA and flew to IL try to vote here too. So I ask him what else do I need to prove I live at this address since that's the problem. He says I need my car registration or a bill, I look at the clock its 4:30pm. The place closed at 4:30.... I told him "ok I have something in my car, are you going to let back in? Because its after 4:30". He says, "yes". I go out to my car and look for my car registration and I realize that the State of Illinois never sent it to me... womp. Luckily I found my credit card bill in my bag and went back inside. He checked my papers all the awhile side-eyeing me and asking me if this was my statement or something. I give him my best Southern Belle smile because its was about to get real zone 6 in there and there's nothing polite and sweet about that shit. I told him, "actually its my new credit card", as the damn card was still attached to the paper. Well after filling out shit on his end, he gives me my ballot and I vote. Well after I voted these son of a bitches didn't even give me a sticker, voting receipt, sucker, dental floss, left over Halloween candy, none but a have a day nice. Being that I was the last person to vote I'm not sure if they were giving it out period or if it was just me. Listen at that point I needed to just to get out of there before I was on the News for turning it up at the voting site.

Let me give you some background info. I live in a prominently Anglo-Saxon area, so when I walked into the polling precinct I was the only person in there with a piece of color to their skin. Now maybe the the guy was doing his job but I'm inclined to believe that if I looked more like Mary Camden from 7th Heaven than Moesha Mitchell well from Moesha; that shit wouldn't have happened. Idk.... I'm just saying. However I do know this there are times to keep your cool and that was definetly one of them, voting is beyond important, and I must move away from this place I live ASAP and in that order!!!

Homecoming

So this past weekend I went back to my alma mater for homecoming and had one of the best weekend of the year. It was full of randomness, foolishness, ratchetness, and drunkenness, all the things that make weekends like this eventful and one that won’t be forgotten.  I hung out with people I had seen in years and did things I haven’t done in years either. Well while this fun was being had, something occurred to me. Some people are just plain delusional like Jackie Christie delusional.  Maybe delusional isn’t the right word, they have an inflated sense of self.

I think that in any type of reunion situation, you’re going to always come across that person that thinks that they’re the shit no matter what and maybe they were 5-10 years ago but in present day they’re more like shit on a stick. Most of the time they are quite opposite of the person they use to be, as 50 cent once said “Damn homie, in high school, you was the man homie, what the fuck happened to you?” They’re the ones kinda acting stuck up, they’re sociable but not too sociable, and they’re an ass but not a complete asshole.  They are the ones walking around the party like its 2002 and they’re still captain of the football team and people need to recognize that, and speak to them first. Oh no honey its 2012 and you haven’t thrown a football since 2002 and by the looks of it you haven’t done a sit-up since then either. Despite what Mitt Romey wants you to think gas ain’t $1.86/gal and will never be that again, meaning times have clearly change but your ass is stuck in past. Trying to get into the DeLorean to go Back to the Future, sir/madame it was a movie and there’s no such thing. It’s like these fools live in a world where Nelly songs are on the top 100 Billboard charts, Girlfriends is still on the air, and Girbaud jeans reign supreme.  

Well this is most definitely not the case, so please stop acting like it is. Just because you were hot shit back in the day, that may not be the fact of the matter today.  Even if you’re the shit now….. Guess what?  Most people aren’t going to be impressed. Unless you’re doing real pimp shit, like hosting fundraisers at your house for President Barack Obama; other than that people don’t give a damn. Why??? Because this ain’t Bayside High or the college years, this is real life and nobody has time for those types of shenanigans. People give zero fucks about you poppin bottles in vip…. You do know that same bottle of Grey Goose that you paid $300+ for cost $40 and the liquor store, right? Nobody cares that you’re driving a Range Rover…. Is that shit paid for?? Then maybe you can impress somebody. People aren’t concerned about you rocking the latest shit and bangin top notch bitches/dudes. People are concern about 401Ks, mortgage interest rates, day care, going to the gym, and getting to Trader Joe’s before the lines get too long. Because that’s real shit and not that Mariah Carey Fantasy bullshit you’re worried about.  So if you’re going come to these class reunions, homecomings, or whatever else acting like you’re Zack Morris and you run Bayside High, please have an everlasting seat. Don’t come to these functions acting like you’re Grace Kelly sequel, because you’re probably going to get read from the table of contents to the index, I saw it happen this past weekend and it wasn’t pretty. It was however hilarious though. Don’t have people looking at you and thinking this…… 

Roll Bounce

I’m pretty sure we’ve all had this happen to us. You’re out with your friends having a good time or hell maybe you’re not having a good time, but the point is that y’all are out there in dem streets. All of a sudden one person in the group and decides to break away from the sisterhood of the travelling pants goes to see about a boy.  Yup she ditched the group. This happened pretty recently to me and I’ve done it a couple of times myself . While I gave 0.09 fucks about my friend ditching the group to go be about a dick. The other parties involved were hotter than fish grease. I mean they were pissed and they couldn’t understand why I wasn’t mad too.   Well back in the day when I was younger (let me stop quoting Toni Braxton songs, Secrets album track#9) I might have felt some type of way. I was taught to be on that that “we come together, we leave together” policy. These days tho you can go home with or go home to the Candyman for all I care if that’s what you wanna do. Why? Because you’re grown and so am I. How do I look life telling my 28 year old friend… “Girl I don’t think should be going home with him just because he brought you two Cosmos” or “Girl why are you leaving? We are all suppose to be hanging out together and now you’re going him to Brad, that’s wack?” How crazy would I sound?? This ain't the Babysitter Club; we aren’t waiting for Dawn’s mama to pick all of us up after the movies. This isn’t 7th grade anymore ladies and gentlemen, so stop acting like it. I probably wouldn’t have even been that mad back in the day, I would have been more like concerned about her safety. I mean if she just meet old boy and has been twerking it to Bands a Make Her dance all night with him. I would’ve asked her are you sure about this? Just to make sure she was good money. Just because I wouldn’t want her life to turn into an episode of Law and Order: SVU….. Shit that goes for any of my friends present day as well.

But I’m not going to be salty because you decide to leave the festivities and do the do with some guy. Be it a guy you just met, boyfriend, homeboy, or husband. But what I witness a few weeks ago was ridiculous, I mean folks were livid and I just didn't understand why. Listen the only reasons I think a person should be mad if their friend ditches them is 1) that friend is your ride and has left you without informing you or giving you no other option of transportation to leave that place. 2) They just fucking disappear and doesn’t inform anyone in the group and y’all spend ½ of the night looking for them 3) they are too drunk to be going home with random dudes and refuse to let you not allow them to possibly become a real life SVU victim. Now notice  that in number three I said random dude not boyfriend/husband or dude she’s on and off again with.  I get it some nights you just want do hoodrat shit with your hoodrat friends, so when one of them disrupts the plan.. It’s a little annoying.  But is it really worth ruining your night? If this doesn’t happen every time y’all go out, then there’s no need to remove her/him from your gchat list or ask for your friendship bracelet back.  So what your friend decides to call it a night at 12:45 because Tony called wants to come by for some adult twister action?? Does that mean you get mad and stay mad for the rest of the night?? Chile if it bothers you that much, go call or find your own Tony. I bet you won’t be so steamed pressed about what your friend is doing anymore. There’s just no need to get all bent out of shape about it but friends that are doing the ditching please take into consideration of the people you’re with. I know sometimes there’s a dick emergency that’s way more important drinking watered down Jack and cokes and having to dealing with musty ass men in the club with your friends (we’ve all been there). But just know that these people are your friends and be mindful of their feelings as well, so that your chicks and dicks can coexist.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm.....

You know when I go out; I see some egregious things that bother me to my core. Things that make me think what is this person’s life about??? The answer I usually come up with is nonsense, rubbish, and absolute trash. Today I would like to share a few of those things

1) Bed attire in public- Have you ever been out at the grocery, on the train or just in public in general and have seen a woman with her Sponge Bob Square Pants pajama bottoms on, her hair is wrapped in a scarf or hair bonnet??? Even worst her hair is in rollers, she has on Chinese slippers, and Freaknik 1995 t-shirt (or what type of shirt). Like WTF!!!! What is your life about that you are going around looking like dreams deferred and wasted accomplishments? Listen this shit has got to stop. I have seen people like this at bus stops, in libraries, the DMV, etc…. I’m going to need these people to realize that this is real life and not a college campus. 

2) Dirty hair- Whether it’s the hair growing from your scalp or the hair you brought that has tracks attached, dirty hair is dirty ass hair!! There’s no excuse for either. I’m not talking about that I’ve gone a couple of days passed when I should've initially washed my hair. I’m talking about weeks and months people. For those without weaves, braids, clip-ins, or whatever extra type of hair you may have please just exit stage left and leave the building because there is no excuse for your hair to have bathroom grime in it. For the girls with the extra hair attached to their head, y’all ain’t off the hook. I’m like Sunshine Anderson…. I heard it all before as to why some girls don’t wash their weaves. I don’t want to loosen the tracks/braids; it’s too heavy when it’s wet, blah blah. Listen girls that shit isn’t going to fly anymore. I’ve had weaves and braids before and I washed my hair; I wasn’t going to go around with my hair smelling like dirt and King Tut's tomb. If you are afraid of loosening the extension don’t pull at it so hard, be gentle. Then make sure you dry your hair… because especially if you have a sew-in the tracks will be wet and start smelling like mildew. Also if you just don’t want to put water on your hair (idk why???) use dry shampoo!! Boom it will at else get the dirt and oil off your scalp…. No more excuses.   

3) Leggings-  Do I despise leggings? No, do I own and wear leggings? Hell yes but what I don’t do is wear leggings as pants. They are leggings not pants!!! So if you’re wearing leggings and your shirt, sweater or dress/shirt (sometimes people wear shirts and call them dresses but they're really suppose to be shirts but we don’t judge them tho) doesn’t over your ass….. stop right there re-think your whole situation. If your shirt is at your waist and your ass is all the way out in your leggings, you do know people can see your panties? Like I’m sorry I don’t need to know you’re wearing one of your $ 5 for $25 Pink by Victoria Secret panties today.  Get out of here with that shit. I believe people who this kind of stuff are lowkey attention whores and just want folks to look at their asses. If that’s the case more power to you but could you please to the public a favor. Save that shit for the house when you’re at home making Jodie or whom ever tacos. 

4) Makeup- I talked about hair now its time to talk about makeup. I’m going to make this as general as possible because I could write a whole blog about this, I really should tho because this shit is getting ridiculous. Ladies blending is the word of the day, month, and year. Blend your shit… foundation, concealer, bronzer, eye shadow. Blend it there’s no need for harsh lines on your face, blend it and make everything cohesive. Please buy the foundation for your skin tone… don’t go around looking like Mitt Romney when he was speaking at that interview for Univision (a Spanish speaking TV network) damn near looking like a orange traffic cone. On the flipside you don’t want your makeup to be too light either and go around looking like a corpse….. that casket sharp look ain’t the move either. Look at Tempestt Bledsoe out here destroying Vanessa Huxtable's legacy... smh. Now speaking of eye shadow please learn the proper way to attempt the smokey eye, and raccoon eyes ain’t what’s hot in these streets. Now this is a public service announcement for real. Please don’t shave your eyebrows off like Whoopi Goldberg and draw them shits back on!!!!! What in the hell is wrong with people??? Do you know how crazy you look?? Why not get them arched, waxed, or threaded. There’s no need to fucking shave off your eyebrows, just to draw them back on…. I don’t get it. The moral of the story is that stop going around looking like your five year niece did your makeup. There are too many books, magazines, and youtube tutorials for you to be out here looking like a drag queen on crystal meth. 

5) Underwear- Undergarments are exactly what the name says…. They are meant to be worn under your clothes. Camisoles are not tank tops, bras aren’t crop tops, and spanxx aren’t dresses. Yes I’ve seen women wearing these things as if they were meant to be worn that way. Guess what girl?? They aren’t!!! Now the real kicker is when I see these tricks wearing bras and panties, like a damn bikini. It’s just the ultimate most ratchet ass shit ever. How are you at the pool/beach swimming in your drawers????  That’s some real Honey Boo Boo, ratchet, hillbilly shit!!! But it never fails someone is at the pool in the water in their Victoria Secret best….. smh. On top is it being ratchet, it’s pretty fucking unsanitary. Go to Target and get a real swimming suit and stop wearing teddy’s and shit to the club.   

500 Hundred Days Of Summer

This is one of my favorite romantic comedies….. if you haven’t seen this movie oh well this is a spoiler alert. Long story short the movie is about a boy (Tom) that falls head over heels in love with a girl  (Summer) that doesn’t really believe in love, well at least not true love and soul mates. So as you can imagine the boy’s heart gets A-Town stomped by said girl and he goes around looking like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh for a little bit and then he gets mad and tries to rage against the machine because the woman he believes is his soul-mate doesn’t exactly feel the same way about him. There’s this one line in the movie that when I first heard it I swear it was like a lighting bulb went off in my head. 

“Just because she likes the same bizzaro crap as you do doesn’t mean she’s your soul mate.”   

Let’s forget about the fact that is line was said by the Tom’s sister who was probably in the 5^th grade or something. Sometimes kids tell nothing but the truth and damnit, that’s exactly what she did. That was nothing short of the gospel here. Sometimes when we meet a person that clicks with us on so many levels, we believe its fate, divine intervention, destiny or whatever else. That person must be your one and only. I mean how many people own every season of every show that was on ABC’s TGIF? Who else subscribes to the tumblr page sweet desserts, thinks Jodeci was the best male r&b group of all time, cuts out clips from magazines on home décor, or whatever weird thing you do/think that no else gets. Guess what a lot more people than you think, you're not that different or unique from most people. So if somebody is into all the same extreme shit you’re into….. doesn’t exactly make them your soul mate or you guys are meant to be together. It could just mean that y'all are very much alike and should probably start a club or meetup group to do the strange hobbies y'all enjoy together. 

Same taste in things doesn’t equal soul mate, and that’s not to say I don’t believe in soul mates or anything. I’m actually undecided about that at the moment.  All I’m saying is that just because a person likes the Winter’s Night wallflowers from Bath & Body Works just like you doesn’t mean that they should be your partner for life. It just means y’all like the same shit. There’s no need to go building this relationship into something grander than what it is, and maybe y’all are really meant to be together but let that develop naturally. Don’t go building this molehill of a relationship into a mountain. All I’m saying is that relationships aren’t like tights from Forever 21 one size doesn’t fit for all. Just because your friend and her boyfriend have so much in common doesn't mean you and your next bf should be just like them. Don’t go start singing Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown duets, talking about y’all have something in common, just because y’all both like French foreign films. You could just be passing your real soul mate up all because they’re not into Game of Thrones like that other person you like. 

No Ordinary Love

So one of the news stories of last week was that Chris Brown and Kaleidoscopenighmare (whatever that girl name is) broke up. Wow well who didn’t see this coming? Well apparently she didn’t. For those that are wondering what happened…. Well long story short that Rihanna reign just won’t let up.  Chris brown released this following statement about the breakup.

"I have decided to be single to focus on my career.  I love Karrueche very much, but I don't want to see her hurt over my friendship with Rihanna. I'd rather be single, allowing us to both be happy in our lives." 

I mean she/ Kreampuff should’ve seen the writings on the wall when Birthday Cake the remix was released that should have been clue number one and if that wasn’t enough proof in the pudding. That interview Rihanna did with Oprah should’ve done it. I know right then and there that she and Chris would be back together before the end of the year. Low and behold it’s October and their asses were going around NYC cuddled up like everything after February 9^th 2009 (the incident) never happened. I mean giving zero fucks about thoughts or feels of anyone but themselves.  This post isn’t about whether or not them should or shouldn’t be together because I mean it’s their lives. What I took away from that interview with Oprah was that the two of them are always going to have some type of dealing with one another and that whatever happened in the that car in February of 2009 isn’t going to change that these two people have a love/connection to one other that many people are never going to understand but it’s really only for them to get. They’re like new slightly ratchet version of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. They have what Prince and Shelia E. would say is a Love Bizarre. I’m not here to judge them like so many other will….. as much as I hate this expression they’re really about that YOLO life.

As that was clearly indicated my Chris Brown who pulled the stunt of the year by making this HBO Taxi-Cab confessional video, of him tipsy as hell and drunk on love. Talking about the situation he’s in. I saw this video and thought this nigga was sitting around drinking Hennessy and listening to Usher’s confessions and thought… he was Big Meech, Larry Hoover. This fool said fuck put this in a love song bs.  I’m gonna get my Michael Bay on and turn my 808’s and Heartbreaks into a movie.  All I could think about was, why he felt like this bogus ass trailer for what look like The Notebook: The Real and Ratchet Story was necessary? ???  If he thought it was needed well he’s clearly mistaken. Between him and Rihanna’s Bonnie and Clyde tweets, and Kalifornia Love’s best Mary J. Blige My Life tweets….. I here to say the people just want all of y’all to stop it and keep it cute. Brad Pitt wasn’t going around making crazy ass youtube videos of his thought process when he left Jen for Angie, so neither should you. If Chris and Rihanna want to want to recreate their own version The Wood meets Shakespeare In Love…. Well cute for them. But getting on twitter and Instagram throwing shade to the haters is so over the damn top.  By doing all that they’re just turning this love triangle into a square.

For all those feeling sorry for Kalamari…. Stop that girl will be fine. I mean she maybe having the worst week ever right now but that girl should’ve seen this coming months ago. Everyone else did. Sure nobody wants to be dumped and especially for the other girl and in public, but this is just my opinion but there was always three people in that relationship from Jump Street. Her, Chris, and Rihanna’s ghost, it’s now the ghost has risen from the dead and is taking no prisoners. If I was her the breakup isn’t what would piss me off, it would be that damn shady ass video. That video was all kinds of disrespectful to her…. That’s the kind of shit that gets people slapped. Anyway Karacpie my advice would be take a minute, figure out what the hell you’re going to cover up that matching tattoo you and Chris have, and be easy. If you really want to come back like Revenge of the Nerds….. date Drake. Now that would be the ultimate stunt show move of the year. Take care.  

I'm Bossy

"Sometimes you have to talk bossy to them". This quote was said to me by my best friend at the time in 3rd grade and it still rings true to this day. What she was referring to was this boy in our class, his name I forget and it's really not that important now. All I remember was that we wanted this boy to sharpen our pencils for us while in Art class because well we were lazy and didn't want to walk to the front of the class and do it ourselves. I initially asked him all politely and shit. Guess what he was like yeah no do it yourself. My friend demands he sharpens the pencils, she says something  like " Oh you're going to sharpens these pencils if it's the last thing you do boy". Well we got our pencils sharpen and that's when she turned to me and said the above statement. At the time I thought she was crazy as hell, you can't go around talking to boys all kinds of crazy, they'll be mean to you and steal your fruit roll ups from you. She proceeded to tell me to keep that Pollyanna shit in check and talk to these boys all kinds of reckless because they don't response to nice. That there was a fine line between the two and that you had to know which one to use when the time was right. Yes..... I swear on my dearly departed dog Smokey. That this was the conversation I was having with my friend in our 3rd 4th period art class.

I honestly wish I would've thought about this particular convo a lot more often than have and currently do because my natural Pollyanna approach to certain things hasn't been the most effective approach. Sometimes you actually have to go ham or talk bossy to people for them to actually pay attention and take heed to what your trying to say. Honestly the only person I talk "bossy" to on a regular basis is my brother. Why?? Maybe because I'm older I feel like I have some superiority over him but he's use to my bossy talk now, so its like whatever the fuck to him. However over all that easy breeze cover girl shit only gets you so far. I have definitely noticed that when I straight up cuss someone the fuck out whether its a friend, foe or boyfriend this gets there attention. Its not like I'm sitting around taking people's shit like toilets put I'm generally a non-confrontational person. Like I'll just stop talking to you but I tell what my problem with you and why I'm not talking to you anymore. That's just too much damn energy and I rather pay you dust, than deal with you anymore.

Well this method is ideal for me, there are some people you just gonna have to confront no matter how much you try to.  I just like things to be cool and clam, I don't want any problems. So I'll make excuses, overlook, brush shit off, swallow pride, and bite my tongue a lot of the time to keep the peace. I guess that's why at times I come off as a Pollyanna and like a true southern belle. Just a nice and peachy girl but if ask my brother or folks that really know me they'll tell you I'm not that innocence and sweet. I just don't want leave my little world of Care-A-Lot (to you youngins that's the place the Carebears lived), I just don't no problems. So when someone makes me put dem paws on em... shit it's not pretty. I do have a smart ass mouth but I just don't cuss people out like for real, for real. So when it happens its effective.

I remember one college when I moved off campus me and my roommates/friends became friends with  the guys that lived next to us. They came over to our place like everyday, we never went to there house well.. because it was disgusting. Like I went over there like once and I swear I thought I caught SARS or something. Why do boys live like that?? Okay back to the story... it was the end of the year and my other friend was subletting my room because I was going back to Atlanta for the summer. So I asked your neighbors if they would help us move her in, they were like yeah. Okay cool. Long story short me and her (just me and her) move all her shit into the apartment in my jeep. I mean were riding down the street with her mattress on the roof of my car, with no damn rope securing it to my car. All we had was Ethernet cords, so we're riding down the street with her mattress and box spring loosely attached to my car with Ethernet cords, going like 20 mph, and both of us holding on to this shit with our bare hands. We get to my apartment and these fools are sitting on their and some of them were on my porch drinking steel reserves and smoking. I lost it!!! I mean I went the fuck off... saw red!! I have no idea what I said but all I know is that stuff in my jeep got moved into the house without me touching it and they were scared to talk to me for like a week. To this day one of them still says he's never been cussed out like that before nor since that night. Sometimes you have to talk bossy to them.

Sweet Talk

I've never been good at schmoozing or kissing people's ass .... It's just not in me. I finding it exhausting and quite frankly annoying. I have always been the type to tell people, well let me rephrase that not people in general. It's more like the people I know... how I really feel about things. Back home it's called real talk no flex. I'm not that great at sugar coating things to people over the age of 12. I realized that the same loose lip way I talk with my friends is the same way I talk with people that aren't my friends... well at least to a certain degree. At work I'm definitely not in my real talk no flex mode... I am professional. What I'm trying to get at is I can't talk to certain people in the same manner I talk to my friends. What certain people am I talking about? Well boys, dudes I'm dating. This fact became very apparent over this past weekend.

See the way me and my friends talk amongst ourselves is like the uncut version of Sex & the City or something. It's very raw, real and unfiltered (real talk no flex). Actually I don't talk like this with all my friends, just a certain number of them. Because the other ones... well they just ain't about that life and that's cool.  Everything ain't for everybody. Anyway back to the ones that we talk to each other like we don't like each other... it's just the nature of our relationship. We curse like sailors and drink like fish. We objectify men, it's wild and reckless talk. That's cute for us but I have learnt its not so cute for others especially some the men in our my life. Let me be clear that I'm not going around talking crazy to the guys I'm dating.... I'm not going around telling them they ain't shit but a piece of dick or anything like that. No absolutely not. None of that is  going on. What I'm talking about is not exactly giving them that sweet talk... not putting a filter on my thoughts. Saying things I probably shouldn't be saying to them or I should say but in a nicer way. 

This occurred to me when the guy I'm somewhat dating said I was mean. After I gave him this face 😱 he cleaned up what he said by saying I just say things at times with no thought on how the other person may feel. I just talk with zero fucks given. I never thought about it that way... I'm not saying he was exactly right but he had a point. I can't talk to certain people the same way I talk to my friends... some people can't handle that type of shit. After talking to one of my friends she pointed out with people/men you have stroke their ego and give them that sweet talk. There has to be a balance, you can't always be all brass and sassy. That when I say certain things they (my friends) know I mean no harm and I'm talking shit but others don't always see it that way. Well I certainly see that now after a comment I made got blown way out of proportion by the guy I'm kinda dating. I meant no harm but boy did he take it as a fowl. So know I'm trying to embrace some of that sweet talk and leaving the real talk no flex for my friends.

The Gray Area

So there I was sitting in this bar sipping my vodka tonic next to the guy I've been somewhat dating for the past couple of months. Someone comes up and starts talking to him and he introduces me to them and says "Hey...this is my girl Brittany". Lord I wish someone had taken a picture of my face when he said that. I'm sure I had the WTF face going on, it was a face of shock and utter confusion and not one of excitement (and not because I don't like him). Notice how I said me and this guy have been somewhat dating. Not we're officially dating like we're headed to the chapel and we're going to get married.  Yes we're dating but there's no titles to this situation we have going here, and that's really no shade it's the truth. I still date other people (although not as frequently) and I assume he does as well. Although I never ask him if that's the case. So when he said that I literally almost fell off the bar stool because I didn't know we were as I would've said in the 5th grade, we went together. 

After the person stepped away, he turned to me and said he said I was his girl because it was easier say than telling the truth. Which as I explained earlier we're dating with no definition. Although I did point out to him that he could've said I was his friend. His reply was that he sees more than a friend... ladies and gentlemen this is what I like to call the gray area.  This is a particular point in dating that is oh so very ambiguous, confusing, and a little tiresome. What I mean by that is; you and this person are seeing each other and at some point its on a more frequent and regular basis but you can't flat out say this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. Y'all are just kickin' it and seeing where things go, like a damn plastic bag floating in the air.... there's no clear direction. The confusing and frustrating part comes into play because well like in my particular case and like many other people's, there no real conversation has taken place about what the fuck is going on. Nobody wants to rock the boat or work the middle, and start that whole "where are things going?" convo. This is where the gray area comes into play. You can't get mad if that person flirts or whatever the fuck else with other people because that's not your bf/gf. You can't cuss him/her out to the highest degree because they do something you perceive as shady or whatever. I mean you can but that person can throw that we ain't together card in your face and they would not be in the wrong to do so. While you can point out how certain things may or may not upset you; you can't get all the way into your feelings about certain things. Well you can but I suggest you do that shit at home and check certain feelings at the door. That poker face has to be stronger than Lady Gaga's but maybe that's just me and I'm stubborn person. 

The gray area isn't a place I like to be in for long extended periods of time... I'm a black and white kind of girl. Although I realize the gray area exist for a reason, it definitely has its benefits as well. The time spent in the gray area can be used to see how you really feel about the person you're dealing with. If this person is really worth your time and effort, if they're just a little crush,  something to do to pass the time until cuffin' season is over or if this is the real deal. This is the time where you decide if this is a black or white situation, if you should let it go like Keyshia Cole or hold on to your love like En Vogue. I think the frustration with the gray area comes with the initiation of that dreaded conversation " where is this going"? Its such a loaded question. A question that can't be asked too soon because well you may come off as thirsty, needy, or clingy and who the hell wants to be that person? If the question is asked too late, there's the chance the other party has just mentally moved on from the situation and has just over it and you. The gray area..... a place where people's true colors don't always come shining through, what's a girl to do?          

I Do It For The Ratchets

Last weekend I got the chance to attend a concert basically for free. The artist I went to go see was Tyga. I can't say I'm a fan of his music and that's not to say I don't enjoy some of his songs because for like a month Rack City was the song that would come on in the club that got me all the way turned up. Anyway while at this concert I noticed a few things.

1) These kids today are definitely doing it differently than when I was a teenager.  The concert's population was largely comprised of teenagers, now I don't know if that was because this was a Tyga concert and his fan base is made up of mostly pop tarts or because the Chicago teacher strike was still going on and these kids didn't have class on Monday. Either way that place reeked of teen spirit.... good God!!! I mean there were dozens of kids just roaming around and there wasn't a parent in sight. I mean I went to concerts with my friends as a teen. I recall my first concert being a Immature ( I was in love with them and then they change their name to IMX and I was over it), Monica, and Usher concert. My mama dropped us off in front of the stadium and was standing right in front of the Fox Theater when it was over. There wasn't even enough time for us to attempt to go backstage and find Immature's dressing room and be fast ass little girls.  These kids chile.... I think half of them come to the concert high on bath salts or pixie sticks. I mean not all of them were being absolutely ratchet but for the most part they were all the way turnt up for no damn reason. Lord I just don't think these were the kids Whitney Houston had in mind when she said "she believe the children are our future".

2) Groupie shit will never ever die its just going to multiple. Now for the most the concert was full of teenagers but there were a few grown ass women out there being groupies at a damn Tyga concert. When I say grown ass women, I am talking about 30+. Tyga himself is only 22..... there was no reason for women to have been at this concert in their tightest BeBe dresses and highest Bakers shoes. Why are you at the concert looking like Draya from BasketBall Wives doing the reunion taping? Girl where are you going?? Its fucking Tyga and you're 31. It was just him...... not the whole Young Money crew. Everyone else had on jeans and Jordan's, why were these hoes acting like it was 1996 and 2Pac just got released from jail??  Yes I came to the conclusion that they were hoes. If you have on the uniform, you must play for the team right? I guess the rent ain't gonna pay itself. 


3) I'm not as ratchet as I think I am. By no means did I think was that ratchet ass girl; that goes to the grocery store with my hair in a scarf, pajama pants, and Chinese slippers. All the while talking so loudly on my cell phone that other people can hear my conversation in aisle 2 and I am all the way in  aisle 8. But I do have my ratchet and trashy moments. I listen to my 2 Chainz Pandora station while at work, Bands a Make Her Dance was/is my favorite song this summer, I do drink Kool-aid out of mason jars at times (although that maybe more country than ratchet). Anyway attending that concert showed me that I'm pretty low on the ratchet meter. I saw some fashion styles that I haven't seen since BET's Uncut was still on air. Behavior that should only reserved for Saturday nights at your local city's most ratchet ass club.... I mean girls so fucked up that they were laid out in the bathroom floor looking like.... where are my keys?  I lost my phone. Also I'm sure one of them had pissed on themselves. Yeah I'm not about that life. I'll leave that shit to folks like Tyga because he does do it for the ratchets.

I Am Not My Hair: Part 5

Well it's been awhile since I did a post about my hair... but I'm back with a quick update. For those that don't know I shaved my head back in January (I Am Not My Hair) because well there's no eloquent way to say why I did it. No I didn't have a Britney Spears moment, I just got a really bad perm. So bad to the point that my hair fell out from the root.... Honestly I think it was one of the best things that's happened for to hair. I mean that my hair getting that damaged from a relaxer, that it just fell out of my head like it had just given up on life, that the only real choice I was to shave it off and start over. Made me really think about what the creamy crack was doing to my hair. After I shaved my head.... I decided or maybe it was Divine Intervention that stepped in and decided for me, that chemically altering my hair isn't the way to go anymore. Anyway its been different from what I'm use to, and that's putting it mildly.

Different to the point that I wasn't sure what to do with my hair as it started to grow. When it got to a certain point/long enough, I got box braids for about two months. I took them out this week because I had a lot of time on my hands ( that's another story) and my hair grew a lot. I was actually really surprised by that. It grew to the point where I really didn't know what to do with it once again. It's in that twa (teeny weeny afro) phase and that's cute for some put for me not so much. So after two days I got my hair re-braided.... I just couldn't deal, plus I am trying to grow my hair out. In my experience I realized that the less access I have to my hair, the more my hair grows. I know I just need more time with my hair and learn what works on my hair and what doesn't. I just have that hair that's like a sponge it just soaks up any piece of moisture that touches it. So my hair is always dry.... no matter how hard I try. Nobody said this natural hair journey was going to be easy.

Music Spotlight: Miguel

I usually don't really blog about music but since this is my blog... I'll talk about whatever I feel like and today its music. More specifically its about one particular artist Miguel..... I love his music!! Although he maybe the  fairest pixie fairy this side of the Mississippi. In my mind me and him are very good girlfriends we do things like go shopping, drink skinny girl margaritas, and watch old episodes of the Golden Girls together. But all jokes aside his music is banging!!!!! When I first heard of Miguel I believe I was watching vh1 soul or something and this video came on.

I thought the song was cute.... well no I did actually really like the song and added it to by ipod but I really didn't give Miguel or his music much thought after that. Well a few months went by and I was in one of my friend's car and she was listen to Miguel's debut album and it was good. I mean it was really good.... you can listen to that CD from the beginning to end and not skip a song. That's pretty damn rare these days.. shit most folks albums consist of a couple hot singles and the rest of the album is hot garbage. Yes I'm talking to you Usher that album he put out earlier this summer.. well let's just say it left much to be desired. So the next day after hearing Miguel's CD in my friends car I actually physically went out and purchased that CD, and that's something I rarely do. I've been listening to it ever since. Well I'm not going to sit up here and pretend that the boy isn't strange fruit because my God is he is. Between getting into twitter beefs with people like Lloyd about haircuts and no-lye relaxers. If he wants to be mad at someone about jacking hairstyles, he needs to direct his attention to Bruno Mars. They are both winning the award for the best Johnny Bravo duplicate haircut. 

Then he got all the way into his feelings about not being nominated for a Grammy, but to be honest they did shade the fuck out of him for that. Oh let''s not forget him trying to convince anyone with Internet access he likes vagina.... boy O_o...... ok good sir and taking instagram pics with his girlfriend/beard. Boy guess.... I convinced he's trying to be the millennium version of Prince, but here's the thing with all of Prince's purpleness I have never thought he was gay... Did I think he was eccentric? Yes. Freaky? Yes. Gay? Naw. Miguel well.... that isn't for me to say but this isn't about whether or not he likes a strong cock or not. It's about his music and that shit is banging .... I can honestly say there isn't a song I've heard from him that I don't like. The first time I heard this song below I listened to it on repeat for the rest of the day and was actually pissed it was only like 2 minutes. So when the full song dropped this summer... I got my life to it. His sophomore album is dropping next month and I strongly suggest you get into it. He has a couple of mixtapes out Art Dealer Chic Vol. 1-3, there are 3 songs a piece on each volume and I love them. He always has two previews out for his new album as well Kaleidoscope Dreams. After listening to both the mixtapes and previews, I convinced that this boy is slaying everyone else in the R&B game... yes you Trey Songz, Usher, Ne-yo and anyone else you can think of. Therefore I don't care if he wants to wear his hair like Wayman from Low Down Dirty Shame and dress like the real life version of Jafar from Aladdin. His music goes..... now if we can only get Justin Timberlake's ass together all would be well in the land of music.