Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Old Men

As the title of this post shows I just can't do old men..... like at all. Notice I said old men, not older men. I could date a man 5-7 years older than me, that's no problem. But when the age difference starts getting to be 10 -15 years, ummmm that's just a problem and will continue to be a problem. What exactly is the problem? Well, let me expand upon it.

If someone is 10 or more years older than you, there's going to be somethings the two of you just won't understand about each other, there's gonna be some type of generational gap. I remember being at the club one time, and these two guys come up to me and my friend. Things were cool until the song "poison" came on and one of the dudes said to the other guy and us, "remember dancing to this song at prom, when this song first came out." I'm thinking WTF, I guess this reflected on my face and one of the guys asked what was with the look on my face? I told him that I believed that I was in first grade when that song came out. He says, "oh age ain't nothing but a number, so can I get your number."  I politely replied, " yes, you're right age is just a number but unfortunately your age is the wrong number for me." Look older men just kinda unnerve me. The ones I've come across either 1) want to play the daddy role. I'm sorry but I have a real dad and a step dad, I don't need no more father figures. No lectures when I do something you don't like, no questions about where I've been, just no all around handcuffing. A lot of older men love to take on that, "daddy role" when they get with younger women, because nine times out of ten he has children your age and that's how he deals with them. Well, that ish isn't going work over here because I'm not your child.

Another thing you may have to worry about is the dude in the middle or on the onset of a mid-life crisis. I just rather not be apart of that journey. Its hard enough sometimes dealing with a dude under the best circumstances but dealing with a dude that's about to get his Steve Martin on is just more than I'm willing to handle. You remember in Father of The Bride II, when Steve Martin dyed his hair brown, brought a corvette (or whatever car that was), and then sold the family house without telling his wife. See this kind of behavior I just can't deal or maybe I'm not ready to deal with it. I met a guy kind of recently going through a similar situation. He was like 40 something and was telling me how he just recently called off his engagement and was selling his house, then he was going to move to a condo downtown. Now these things may seem harmless, and that he just needed a change. Okay, but let me elaborate this condo he was moving to was about a step-up from the dorms, full of recent grads and whatnot. Plus this man has two kids, he told me he was done raising his kids. His children were 15 and 17 I believe, WTF!!! How are you going to move into a one bedroom condo, when you have two teenage children? Maybe he thought his actions were cute but to the contrary I found them to be outrageous and irresponsible, and I can't deal with an irresponsible man.

Men of a certain age most of the time have gone through a lot things that women 10-20 years their juniors haven't experienced. Things like marriage, children, and divorce. Some of these things, some of us have never experienced and that kind of puts us at a disadvantage. Sometimes its better to travel a road without really knowing your way, than with a guide that's already travelled it. You may need to get lost and loose your way a little, so that you find it and never go down that path again. As they say experience is the best teacher.

Monday, May 23, 2011

The Love You Never Had

Disclaimer: I'm sorry I've been MIA last week was my birthday and I was doing birthday things, so on to the lecture at hand.


I have you ever known or been a person that always looks fondly upon someone and the encounter you guys had. Like the magically summer you spent with the boy down the street or those two great months you spent dating a guy until you realized he had a girlfriend or whatever caused you guys to stop talking. You run this continuous loop of what you guys did and what you guys had. It gets to the point that you start to idealize the situation between the two of you and start to compare everything else you have after it, to what the two of you had. You think that what you had with him has just magical, electric, and some once in a lifetime type of ish. It was just everything!

Well, I'm here to tell you it probably wasn't that great, I'm not trying to diminish what transpired between the two of you. But if it was the best thing since sliced bread, than why didn't it last? Before you stay something like well I moved or he was shipped off to war. The thing is sometimes we have a tendency to make something grander than what it really was because it basically ended before it really even started. It ended before you really got to know that person and vice versa. Things were awesome between the two of you and maybe there was some type of connection between the two of you. Everything was peachy keen because maybe things ended before your sugar turned to sh!t. Therefore basing every other relationship after this "perfect love", is kinda silly because maybe it was never love in the first place.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Poppin' Up Like Poptarts

Have you ever gotten a text like this, "Hey, what's up "? This is from a number that's not in your phone, it's just some random a$$ number that you have no idea who this person could be. So you being the curious person you are, you hit them back with "Nothing much, but who is this?" Their response, "Lol, its (and you may insert whatever random name that doesn't ring a bell). Your mind is literally drawing a blank, you have no clue who he is but before you can inquire more info. They've already beat you to the punch and is trying to refresh your memory. They're telling you where they met you at, what you had on, how high the moon was that night, blah, blah, blah. Then suddenly you do remember but what you remember most is that you gave this dude your number in January. It's clearly May!

There are so many questions. Why are you texting me 3-4 months after the fact? Of course I don't remember you, hell I can barely remember what I ate for lunch today. You're not on my radar, do you think I've been sitting around wondering why I haven't heard from you in all this time? Please take a seat and get over yourself, sir. Now what really kills me (no Melanie Fiona) is that dudes really get mad, that you don't recall an arbitrary meeting, with a random guy on some random night. Le sigh.

So after all this you decided it's not worth your time to text him back and continue this pointless conversation. Then he hits you with this "send me a pic." This right here just makes me want to go all the way off. Send you a picture? So this is how we're doing it in 2011? First of all why do you even still have my number, scratch that I don't want to know or care. But what makes you really think I'm going to send basically a complete strange a pic of myself? In school we were taught this little saying, "stranger, danger". So hell no I'm not sending you a pic, you don't need to know what I look like because as Jezzy would say, "N!gga I don't know you". You need to get all the way out of here with that mess. It's just ultra weird and slightly creepy and this sh!t needs to stop immediately. Here's a rule of thumb, if  you haven't used someone's number two weeks after getting it, just don't contact them. It's usually not a good look. Just let the whole situation burn like Dennis Rodman's pee, sorry but he just looks like he has/had a STD.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Who Do You Think You Are?

"She's alright..... but I'm looking for a five star b!tch". This statement was made by a man that if I had to describe him looked like if a lizard and T-Pain had a baby, he would be the product of this union. But he's over here talking about he wants a dime, and on top of the fact that you look like the bottom of my shoe, you are assistant manager at pet smart (not that there's anything wrong with that). Child..... I swear dudes slay my a$$ everyday with this nonsense. I don't get how a man that resembles Chewbacca, lives over his sister's garage, and has half a piece of a job. Still thinks he's getting top knot women, where dey do dat at? Men who think like this/act like this really need to kill themselves. Your a$$ is hovering at mediocre at best, but you expect above average, wft?

These men want a woman that's fine, educated, kind, independent, submissive, good with kids, double jointed and a whole host of other stuff.  Which is cool I guess, I suppose if you're aiming high you mind as well shoot for the stars, right? My question is, what the hell are you bring to the table? Now most of the time these same men that has all this sh!t as a prerequisite for women they want to date, they don't have half of the same things they want these women to have. I repeat, where dey do dat at? You can't expect Christian Louboutin shoes (wait excuse me red bottoms as the ratchets would say) in Payless and please believe these dudes are walking around thinking, "expect more, pay less".

Well, I'm sorry to burst anyone's bubble but it doesn't work like that. If you want top grade anything, you have to step your game up because you approaching someone you consider a "dime" but you're a half shilling piece, is really a$$ backwards if you think about it. Also just because you're educated, decent looking, no kids, never been to jail, and you have a job. All this does not make you special, it makes you average. Now I'm not saying that you should settle for anything or anyone, just because you think you can't do better. All I'm saying is "don't miss the forest for all the trees".  Especially if you're a troll roaming through it.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Walk On By

Well, what you've been dreading has finally come to pass, you're out and about. Then suddenly you spot them out the corner of your eye, that person who you'll never be prepared to see, the one who stops you dead in your tracks. Makes your heartbeat a little faster and your palms sweat. So now that they're approaching you, what do you do? Do you speak or do you act as if you've never meet or knew this person? The choice is yours, so what do you do?

But let's back up a minute and figure out why this person invokes such a strong and unnerving reaction. Maybe they broke your heart or maybe you broke theirs. Then again maybe you broke each others hearts. Now there's also the possibility of, there's unfinished business between the two of you. Meaning that there was no official end to the two of you. Its almost as if there was a movie being played and before the movie ended, its as if someone just pushed paused so you never got to the end of the movie. You just got cut off and that's one of the worst feelings because you'll never know the ending. You are left wondering what was and what could've been, and that sucks.

So back to the question at hand what do you do, when you see that person out in the streets? I can tell you what I did, I just kept it moving. He saw me and I saw him and I walked pasted him like he was a ghost. Why? For one I was just taken off guard that he was at the same place I was and walking pass him seemed easier than acknowledging him. Secondly there was no words left to say. They were already said in a clear and somewhat unclear matter and sometimes things are really better left unsaid for what ever reason. So the only thing left to do was to just walk on by.