Tuesday, June 25, 2013

The One That Got Away

This past weekend a strange thing happened… a blast from the past came back with a vengeance. A guy I use to dated called me and maybe I shouldn’t have answered the phone but being that I deleted him from my life and my contact list I had no idea it was him. What he asked me after the awkward exchanging of pleasantries… was what I had been dreading for him to ask from the moment I said hello. After I decided I know longer wanted to date him, I just ended all communication between us. Why I decided I didn’t want to date him anymore and I just vanished like Danny Green did in the last two games of the NBA finals? This was the question he wanted an answer to.  I knew the real answer it was very simple, it became perfectly clear to me that he wasn’t the person I needed him to be for me, and rather than sit around waiting for him to make the decision to be that person, I made to choice and to quote Fantansia…. Yeah I know but I “freed myself”. But how do you tell a person “hey I saw what you had to offer and although there were flashes of greatness overall you really ain’t shit, so I kept it moving”. The convo was definitely killing my vibe on a Friday night, so I copped out. I gave him some bs about me having a lot of things going on at the time and some things fell through the cracks and he was one of those things. It was a lie….. but it was just so much easier to tell him that than the truth. The truth was overall he’s a good person but he wasn’t the right person for me. I hate this phase but there’s no other way to say it….. he wasn’t “the one”, hell he wasn’t even two or three.
Sometimes honesty is the hardest thing to do and being honest with yourself, well it the hardest job of all. So in the spirit of being honest he may not have been "the one"  for me, I wasn’t "the one” for him either and that is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. To be honest enough with yourself to realize that the person you’re dating and really like doesn’t view you as the game changer/ the one. This particular guy he may not even know that I’m not his “one”, well he doesn’t know.  Due to the fact he told me he knows I’m the one that got away. That statement pretty much proves my point I’m not “the one”, if I was “the one” I would have never gotten away in the first place. If I was  "the one"  he wouldn’t have got more sentimental than Deborah Cox and decided to call me on a Friday night and try to attempt putting me back in the emotional rollercoaster that was our relationship, by saying all the right things 6 months too late. All those things would’ve been said and  been manifested in his actions and maybe who knows we would still be together, instead of him calling on a random night saying all the things that needed to have been said months ago. Just fighting a battle he already lost.
It’s funny because he was saying all of things I wanted him to say so badly months ago, but hearing them now they the words felt uninspired and uninvited, although I do believe he was sincere. His sincerity was just expressed a little too late, his Expiration Date had passed.  I’ll never know what prompted his recent actions because I’m not asking, I honestly don’t care maybe he needed closure and just wanted to get it off his chest. Then again me knowing him he was hoping that whatever spark we had was still aflame and he was ready to throw all the lighter fluid in ten Super Wal-Marts on it. However, him knowing me he should’ve known that whatever spark we had was gone like a candle in the wind.  After that phone call I sat in my car for a little bit and thought about what was said in our conversation…. I wasn’t angry, sad, or annoyed but I did feel drained emotional… all that from a 15 minute phone call. I just kept coming back to him saying “I don’t want you to be the one that got away” and all I could do was wish I would’ve told him I was never the one because I would have never gotten away if I was.    

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Chasing The Sun

A drunk person (you know how people have one too many beers and turn in the Oracle) once said to me "As you get older you will realize that some of the people that are currently in your life won’t fit into your current lifestyle". Basically that some people are only suppose to be in your life for a season and in life things change and circumstances don’t remain the same, and with that some people may be lost along the way and guess what??? That’s okay because in this journey of life I’ve learnt that just as you lose some people, you’ll gain some more along the way as well. This isn’t to say people or relationships are disposable and that people are like a revolving door, as one gets tossed out another one gets thrown in. Naw that’s not the case because honestly people can’t be replaced…. Everyone in your life brings something a little different to the table. Like potato salad, no person’s potato salad is exactly same even if the ingredients are the same. Somehow and someway it will taste different, idk what it is about potato salad but nobody makes it the same way. People are the same way no one in your life is exactly like someone else.
However replaceable or irreplaceable a person may be to you, how do you know when that season for them being in your life has changed? When season’s changes there are signs it gets warmer, leaves change colors, flowers bloom. You know that one season has come to an end and a new is upon you. These clear cut signs aren’t always around when a season has come to an end in relation to the people in your life. Things are usually a whole lot more muffled when it comes to people and. Sometimes one incident happens to show you that person has to exit stage left of your life. Its the end of everything you ever had with them. Things like they stole money from you, or you caught them in bed with your boyfriend. Egregious acts like this will probably show that the temperature has definitely dropped on yall's relationship. Shit like this is easy to pin point it’s obvious why the relationship went from a summer of standing on the sun to the coldest winter ever.  

What’s harder to figure out are times that go from it being hotter than July to a crisp Fall air with a mix of a Indian Summer. What drives this change is more subtle, it isn’t a blatant act of disrespect.  At times its several acts of disrespectful shit that just adds up to a whole bunch of shit you’re too longer willing to deal with. It could be one too many times of their bullshit and bogus behavior that leads to reevaluate the whole relationship, and I do believe that at this point you’ll start to see the season to begin to change.  A lot of people’s relationships/friendships or demise of their relationships/friendships end up this way….. Everything was seemingly cool until it got cold. They just did one too many bogus ass things and you just got tired of their shit in general, so you start thinking about your relationship with this person and more than likely that last bogus ass act wasn’t their only trifling offense. There are several acts of foolishness, fuckery, and rubbish on their record, maybe you chose to ignore them along the way, all that other shit didn't really bother you until it just did or you just weren’t really pay attention to all of them. Whatever the case you let a lot of things slide due to the fact that there’s been some good times along the way as well, but in totality you come the realization that they maybe just a bogus ass person and that’s when you…. Fall back and sometimes you fall back to the point where you fall off. This is where the subtler changing of seasons come to play, things began to change and all of the sudden there's snow on the ground where wasn't before. What you have to keep in mind is that if the season has changed for a certain relationship…. Its okay, its life seasons change for a reason. Yeah maybe Summer is your favorite season (isn’t it everybody's) and Fall came a little too early this time around.You didn't see it coming that you would have to remove this person completely from your life or adjust the role this person has been playing in your life.  Just know that Summer will come back around it always does and maybe without that Winter dead weight next Summer maybe the one of legends. So don't go chasing the sun or seasons because they always come back around.    

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Springing Forward

Well the weather has broken in most cities across the country, except for apparently Chicago as it lightly snowed this past weekend. With the beginning of a new season comes the end of another and no I’m not talking about this God-awful winter that refuses to exit the premises. I’m talking about cuffing season…. It's gone and won’t return again until the leaves start to fall and the air becomes crisp again. So as new boos becomes old news, or stay around for seasons to come. The way people handle the changing of seasons, cuffing season is very interesting, for some they’re holding on to their love. For others, well it’s out with the old and in with the new and hopefully improved. Now those that are in it to win… well this post ain’t really for you. For those of us that crapped out during cuffing season, for whatever reason… this one is for me and you, your mama and your cousin and me too.
As you may have been able to detect my cuffing season did end up somewhere over the rainbow, however I do think that maybe these April Showers will bring May Flowers. For some the season ended abruptly and without warning. For others you were just hanging on until St. Patrick’s Day or the first warm day of the year so you could get a glimpse of what other fish were in the sea. To see if you want to keep what you had or throw it back to the sea and try to catch something different. Whatever the case may have been you are now single and ready to mingle. It doesn't matter if things ended like a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare, there’s probably no better time to be single than right now springtime. It’s a time for new beginnings, new loves, and new adventures. Now I’m not saying you need to push up on the first half way decent man that has a fresh haircut or completely forget about wintertime boo and the lesson/s you learnt from that situation. Nope, all I'm saying is embrace the warm weather and make it do what it do, because that's what I plan to do. As my mother told me over the phone the other day" get your life, or else at least find someone else's to get". Yes, my mother the school teacher and now grandmother (by her other child... let's make that very clear. No baby for me.) told me that last week.... she's really gotta stop watching the Braxton Family Values, thanks Tamar for incorporating this into my mother's vernacular. So with that said don't let the wintertime blues make for a cruel summer. 

Friday, April 12, 2013

Unsung In The Future

I love the TV show Unsung, that comes on TV One…. Its riveting television. For those that aren’t familiar with the show, if chronicles the rise and fall of various not quite there musical acts. What I mean by not quite there musical acts, are artist that you know their music they were once very popular but they never quite made it to the next level. That icon/legend status of that of the likes of Michael and Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, Madonna, The Beatles etc…. Like they’re not going to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they’re more likely to be doing the honoring at the BET Awards than being the ones getting honored, no shade. Some of the people the show has covered are Freddie Jackson, Issac Hayes, Sheila E., Teena Maire, Johnny Gill, The Whispers, Alexander O’Neal, the list goes on. The thing is that most of the artist the show has featured their time of greatest has been in the 70’s-80’s, so I was thinking about how I can wait for 5-10 years from now when they’re covering people that were popular in the 90s and/or early 2000s. So I have complied a list of a few people the show should feature in the future.

1) Jodeci- Lord I loved this group… what am I talking about loved, I’m still in love with Jodeci. This group came on the scene in the early 90s and were dubbed the bad boys of R&B. While other groups were talking about making love to you, they wanted to freak you. While others were more like tea and crumpets, they were definitely more like grits and biscuits. The group comprised of two sets of brothers K-ci and Jojo the voices of the group and Devante and Mr. Dalvin. Devante wrote and produced a lot of their music and Mr. Dalvin…. I’m not sure what the hell his function was, other than I wanted him to father my children. Anyway they were amazing… until they self-destructed. Between the drugs and alcohol, K-Ci and Mary J. Blige’s abusive ass relationship the group was bound to break up. I’m really not sure what happened as to why they really broke up, but I’m sure it a had something to do with Devante not showing up to their last music video together, Get on up. I remember seeing this video and thinking…. Oh so we’re not going to address he fact the finest member in the group didn’t show up to the video shoot, oh okay. The group has attempted to get back to together once or twice, but K-ci and Jojo’s voices are shot to all hell and back, cocaine is a hell of a drug boys and girls. Mr. Dalvin looks horrid…. Like he was using dirty needles to shoot up in the 90s and caught a strong case of Hepatitis A, B, C, D and all the way to Z.  Devante seems to not care, my suspicion is that since he wrote a lot of their songs he doesn’t need the money that a reunion would bring, unlike the rest of them he’s good. So yeah they would be a perfect group to be featured, their story is full of all types of fuckery, hell they may need a 2 hour special with all the foolishness that went on and still continues to going on with them.  Maybe they could talk about Mr. Dalvin and T-Boz dating, yeah that happened.

2) Soul For Real- Candy Rain and that’s all I need to say. That song was huge, that song was played at every school dance in 1994-1995. They had a few more hits after that…. I can only remember Everything little thing you do. Well I’m not really sure what happened to them or why they stop making music. Last I heard was that basically all of them were in jail for writing bad checks all around I-285. So Unsung should feature them because nobody has anything idea why they only had two hits.

3) Xscape- Where do I begin? Well before Kandi was on the Real Housewives of Atlanta walking around with kegel balls in her cooch all day and making gospel songs at the same damn time, and Tiny was on T.I.’s Family Hustle looking like the wrong side of plastic surgery and butchering the English language. They were apart of fantastic singing group with a set of sisters and I can't remember their names right now but they could sing. They had three albums that still gets spins by me on a very regular basis. Like I'm pretty sure I listened to My Little Secret, yesterday. Their song Understanding was sang by girls all across this country at talent shows when it came out who thought they had any type of vocal ability, okay maybe that was just my school. What I loved about Xscape was that they didn’t look like any other singing groups out at the time. They weren’t classy and sexy like En Vogue or edgy and cool like TLC, or cute and sophisticated like SWV…. Nope they were regular as hell! I mean they looked like my friends older sisters that were in high school/college at the time but they could sing they’re asses off though. That was their gimmick regular ass girls that could sing circles around you.  So the group broke up in the late 90s and nobody really knew why until kinda recently. Kandi said on the RHOA or something that basically one of those Scott sisters thought she was trying to go solo because at the time she was fucking Jeremaine Dupri(their producer). Lord I have no idea why, because he looks tree bark to me, but hey to each is own. I think she said something like she just wanted to try it out because they were always around each other… ok girl. Well one of those sisters didn’t take delight in this and was spreading rumors about Kandi, so the group broke up. It doesn’t seem like the group will be doing a reunion anytime soon, as Kandi has said hell no to that. Plus she’s too busy trying to connect Beat headphones to dildos. Tiny probably can’t even sing for Jesus if T.I. doesn’t say she can and she’s busy buying Kool-Aid for daugther’s group to dye their hair with, so I guess there’s that.  Look at this video..... tell me they didn't look like any of the girls working at your local Burger King at the time.   

4) Ginuwine-  Before Chris Brown was pop, lock, and dropping it for the kids and Omarion was doing praise dancing, the cat daddy, hitting his Dougie, Roger Rabbiting, Bankhead bouncing and pretty much any dance that came out in the last 20 years. Lord he was giving us the best he had in 30 seconds flat at the BET Awards last year.

 There was Ginuwine giving us glimmers of Michael Jackson greatness, remember that breakdown So Anxious. I remember seeing that Pony video for the 1st time and thinking, who is this man with baby hair that was laid better than Chilli’s from TLC, and why doesn't a person that looks like him go to my school??? Ginuwine was the shit!! His first three albums were awesome. He has come out with more music than that but to me its just not on the level of his first three albums. This probably has to do with the fact that Timbaland pretty much produced the first three albums and not the rest of them. I’m not sure what happened with their working relationship after those albums, my guess is Timbaland started to produce more for Pop acts and started chasing that European money. I pretty much stop paying attention to Ginuwine after he married that big fore headed Sole that I can only remember rapping in that JT Money video; they apparently have 15 kids or something close to that number between the two of them. He still makes pretty decent music, and him Tank, and Tyrese have decided to make their own 5.0 version of LSG to resurrect all of their dying careers. I guess with their powers combined, they’re the Captain Planet of  R& B groups…. I mean they all can sing and I can’t take that away from them. However, ever since Tyrese hopped his ass on Twitter and started bombarding us with misspelled Confucius quotes and whatnot, I’m not here for anything he does with his life. Unless he’s on a city bus singing about having a Coke and a smile, he can keep it. But the best of luck to them.

5) Total- Another female R&B group of the 90s….. some called them the Female version of Jodeci. I’m not sure why?? Maybe because they too liked singing in all leather outfits with shades on…. Idk. What I do know is that they were the shit, and Kissing you, is one of the best songs ever made. They only have two albums and nobody to this day knows why they stop making music. Like after Sittin’ Home came out, they vanished from the musically world. The rumor around my school was that Pam and Keshia broke up and the former lovers could longer work together. We all knew Pam was into boxes and not sticks… without her saying a word about her sexual orientation. I’m pretty sure that the rumor going around my lowkey ratchet high school wasn’t true…. But hey we had no other story to work with so we made up our own shit. My theory is that they were on the Deathrow of the East coast, Bad Boys Records and Puffy just ruins musically careers. He’ll put you on and you’ll get 1-2 hot albums but that’s about it. Don’t believe me ask Craig Mack, Ma$e, Loon, Danity Kane, Day 26, G-Dep, Shyne, Black Rob, Carl Thomas all about it. Hell all these people can be on Unsung themselves because all of their careers all went from glitter to dust, fucking around with Puffy. All I know is the lightskin girl  with the short is now married to Omar Epps and the girl with the long hair may be Vita the rapper.... or maybe Vita is her sister, idk but Unsung should get the bottom of it.

Some honorable mentions of others that can be featured on Unsung are Tevin Campbell, a highlight of this episode should be him on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and him with that Maxine Shaw from Living Single box braid bob because that was kinda confusing for me as to why he thought that hairstyle was a good idea. 702, Next, Hi-Five, Chante Moore, Jade, CeCe Peniston, Dru Hill, Joe, Brownstone, Zhane, Changing Faces, Shai, Silk (actually Shai and Silk can have 30 minute segments... there doesn't seem to be enough to their stories for an hour show) and a host of others. If these things should come to pass Unsung needs to cut me a check. 

Monday, April 8, 2013

School Blues

If I only knew what I know now back then…. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. Everyone has regrets of some kind and they all vary in degree. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent your rent money buying tickets to the BeyoncĂ© Mrs. Carter tour, doing that tequila shot with all the Jack Daniels you drank was the wrong move, being 16 and pregnant…. These are just some of the regrets a person can have. We all have them, mine lately has been “bitch you should’ve gone to Grad School immediately after Undergrad”. These past few months have been nothing but a damn struggle…  I mean Like D’jango’s wife trying to find the Underground Railroad and getting her Freedom Papers struggle, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but my struggle is real. A struggle that I can only think that would’ve been less of a struggle if I attempted to go to Grad school at 22 rather than in my late 20’s. I still would've been laser focused on school but after being out of school for so long I’m about as focused as DMX is about trying to stay out of jail.

The crazy thing is that I’m not even taking a full course load but with this class I’m taking and a full time job. I feel crazy, not sexy or cool… just plain crazy.  School was so much easier when I was in undergrad, it was my main focus. That and getting to the bar before midnight and the $1 tequila sunrises went back to regular price.  Now it’s not just school anymore, its meetings, deadlines, paying bills, and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s having a damn job… pulling all nighters and getting up to go to work at 6am is not what’s up.  When I pulled all nighters in undergrad I just had to get up and go to class, and if I had breaks in between I would go back the dorms and take a nap or sleep in the library. That’s a non-option at work, sleep where?? In the bathroom… yeah okay.  I’m not going to lie its been a little rough going back to school and having a full time job. I got off to a kinda rough start, which wasn’t exactly my fault. That’s another story for another day, however what happened really doesn’t matter because at the end of the day its my name on those grades and nobody else’s…. so there’s that.  I’ve gotten a little better with getting the hang of things lately, but I still feel overwhelmed with school at times. It’s definitely put a damper on my somewhat interesting social life but hey I know it’s for my own good but still I really hate school at times.

I have no idea how people with families (spouses and children) go back to school and work full-time. I’m more stressed out than Roseanne after they announced there wasn’t going to me any more Twinkies produced.  I just have a constant list of things that I need to do and sometimes shit gets done other times it doesn’t. So how a person balances all of this with kids, I'm not sure but I'm sure some type of narcotic is involved. God Bless them and can they pass out some Cliffnotes on how this happens.  

I will say this though the course I’m taking has definitely given me a better understanding of the field I’m in. This aint no fluff course, I feel more knowledgeable about problems that arise at work, so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m not working my ass off and pulling out my hair at times for some useless bs that I’m never going to use in my career. So here’s to looking forward for school being out for summer.

Monday, March 18, 2013

No Apologies

You know some people can never say they’re sorry… it doesn’t matter if the transgression they did was small or bigger than the state of Texas. It’s like they are physically incapable of say “I’m Sorry” or any form of those words. Hell some people won’t even admit that they were wrong about something let alone apologize about it, this behavior is truly baffling and disgusting. I know a few people like that in my life and I truly think that they need to be studied… like a psychological case study, someone needs to come in observe these people, write a research thesis about them, and get it published in a medical journal or something. My gosh some of these fool I know are ridiculous.
Or maybe they just need to go listen to this song whatever the case may be, an intervention is needed. I’m not sure how y’all deal with people like this but I found that the best way is just not to engage. I don’t argue with them like at all….. and if they try to argue with me I don’t argue back I just say “you got it”. Why?? Well after years of arguing, disagreeing, slap-boxing, and whatever else with them and getting nowhere with them. I realized that they’re NEVER going to open their minds or eyes and try to see things differently, so what’s really the point of trying. They’re so concerned with being right, they never realize when they are wrong. So after years of butting heads with said people I learnt the best way to deal with them is to pay them dust, I give them nothing to argue with me about.  This quote is so accurate when it comes to dealing with the No Apologies crew "Never argue with a fool, people might not be able to tell the difference." Bam!! I’m not arguing with you because there’s no point, with the No Apologies crew they are always right, even when proven wrong like with scientific data… an apology is never going to happen. They stand strong in their convictions, they stick by that wrongness with all the colors of the wind. I personally don’t have time for that fuckery…. So I let them be.
Arguing is already exhausting in the first place but auguring with a person from the No Apologies Crew will put your ass in a coma. I’ve tried it and have never succeeded. The closest I ever got was a change of subject. What is this phenomenon? Well it’s when you’re arguing with a person and you’ve made your point correctly, you’re basically winning the argument and the No Apologies member knows this and instead of succeeding or apologizing they don't because they’re just can never admit when they’re wrong. They instead starting talking/arguing about other shit unrelated to the initial argument. They try to flip the script….. They’ll start talking about past things you’ve done wrong. Shit that happened weeks, months, and even years ago that’s unrelated to the topic at hand. Example:
Me: “But you said you were going to take the trash out and here it sits still in the can and now the garbage truck is gone.”
Member of the No Apologies crew: “Ummmm, okay but you over cooked the salmon last week, so what?”
Me: “Excuse me asshole we ain’t talking about over or under cooked salmon, we’re talking about this trash still sitting in the can.”
Member of NAC: “Well in never rains in Southern California.”
Me: “I ain’t got time for this.”

This is the blueprint of an argument with someone in the NAC, no acceptance of responsibility, no signs of contriteness, and definitely no apology.  Just stubbornness, denial, misplacement of blame, and general bitchassness. Can these type of people change? Well I would like to think so but I’m not betting on it. So if you’re dealing with this type of person by choice or by force just know there really isn’t any changing them and arguing with them is fruitless. Just pay them dust and give them about as much energy as a new Tierra Marie single would generate which is no energy at all.   

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Expiration Dates Part II

When I posted the last post Expiration Dates.... something didn't seem right about, I felt like something was missing from it. Well I thought and thought about and I realized what that something was. It was not just about the fact that some relationships have expiration dates and figuring out if your relationship has one or if it doesn't. What was missing was the point about dealing with relationships or people in general after their expiration date has pasted. Dealing with people, relationships, or things after their expiration date is never a good idea because it usually ends up all bad. Real bad.... Michael Jackson Bad.

Like when you see a carton of milk in your refrigerator, the expiration date has past but for some reason you open up that carton and take a whiff of the milk.... smh. The smell damn near knocks you off your feet and not in a good way, we've all done it. We looked at the date and saw that the milk expired a week ago but for some reason we open that damn carton like we don't know that shit is almost cottage cheese at this point and we purposely smell that shit. Why do we double check to see if the milk is really bad? Like Mayfield and the other milk companies are putting expiration dates on shit because its cute, and makes the packaging look cool. No its a safety regulation.... there are laws in place stating that this information must be on products to warn people of the risk involved of consuming that product after a certain amount of time. But there we are in kitchen takes whiffs and saying YOLO to laws that are in place to protect us. Its just like telling a child that the stove is hot and they don't believe you and touch the stove anyway and then burn the shit out of their hands. Then you're looking at them, like I told you so. Well the USDA told you that milk when bad a week ago but there you are acting like you don't know this information that is clearly stated on the package. Hell some people are out here pouring bowls of Cheerios and using that same expired ass milk in their cereal.. to those people God Bless. Because you're a glutton for punishment and obviously have a stomach made of steel.

I have dealt with someone after the expiration date, I knew that the milk had gone bad weeks ago but there my ass was in the kitchen taking whiffs of cottage cheese milk. It got me no fucking where, no I take that back it got me taking Imodium A-D and listening to Adele's 19.... not even 21. That Chasing Pavements heart complications.... it wasn't a heartbreak because it was already broken before I went back and whiffed the milk after the expiration date. So everything after I realized that expiration date had pasted was just a complication, I was just rubbing salt in the wound and picking the scab. The wound was already there and I wasn't letting it heal and was just making shit worst. If you see the expiration date has pasted, I know its human nature at times but don't open that milk! All that awaits you is cottage cheese milk and stomach ache. Sure it won't kill you but if you want cottage cheese take your ass to the store and buy some, don't try to make it yourself.... you're not making it the correct way and it won't turn out the right way.