The One That Got Away

This past weekend a strange thing happened… a blast from the past came back with a vengeance. A guy I use to dated called me and maybe I shouldn’t have answered the phone but being that I deleted him from my life and my contact list I had no idea it was him. What he asked me after the awkward exchanging of pleasantries… was what I had been dreading for him to ask from the moment I said hello. After I decided I know longer wanted to date him, I just ended all communication between us. Why I decided I didn’t want to date him anymore and I just vanished like Danny Green did in the last two games of the NBA finals? This was the question he wanted an answer to.  I knew the real answer it was very simple, it became perfectly clear to me that he wasn’t the person I needed him to be for me, and rather than sit around waiting for him to make the decision to be that person, I made to choice and to quote Fantansia…. Yeah I know but I “freed myself”. But how do you tell a person “hey I saw what you had to offer and although there were flashes of greatness overall you really ain’t shit, so I kept it moving”. The convo was definitely killing my vibe on a Friday night, so I copped out. I gave him some bs about me having a lot of things going on at the time and some things fell through the cracks and he was one of those things. It was a lie….. but it was just so much easier to tell him that than the truth. The truth was overall he’s a good person but he wasn’t the right person for me. I hate this phase but there’s no other way to say it….. he wasn’t “the one”, hell he wasn’t even two or three.

Sometimes honesty is the hardest thing to do and being honest with yourself, well it the hardest job of all. So in the spirit of being honest he may not have been "the one"  for me, I wasn’t "the one” for him either and that is sometimes a hard pill to swallow. To be honest enough with yourself to realize that the person you’re dating and really like doesn’t view you as the game changer/ the one. This particular guy he may not even know that I’m not his “one”, well he doesn’t know.  Due to the fact he told me he knows I’m the one that got away. That statement pretty much proves my point I’m not “the one”, if I was “the one” I would have never gotten away in the first place. If I was  "the one"  he wouldn’t have got more sentimental than Deborah Cox and decided to call me on a Friday night and try to attempt putting me back in the emotional rollercoaster that was our relationship, by saying all the right things 6 months too late. All those things would’ve been said and  been manifested in his actions and maybe who knows we would still be together, instead of him calling on a random night saying all the things that needed to have been said months ago. Just fighting a battle he already lost.

It’s funny because he was saying all of things I wanted him to say so badly months ago, but hearing them now they the words felt uninspired and uninvited, although I do believe he was sincere. His sincerity was just expressed a little too late, his Expiration Date had passed.  I’ll never know what prompted his recent actions because I’m not asking, I honestly don’t care maybe he needed closure and just wanted to get it off his chest. Then again me knowing him he was hoping that whatever spark we had was still aflame and he was ready to throw all the lighter fluid in ten Super Wal-Marts on it. However, him knowing me he should’ve known that whatever spark we had was gone like a candle in the wind.  After that phone call I sat in my car for a little bit and thought about what was said in our conversation…. I wasn’t angry, sad, or annoyed but I did feel drained emotional… all that from a 15 minute phone call. I just kept coming back to him saying “I don’t want you to be the one that got away” and all I could do was wish I would’ve told him I was never the one because I would have never gotten away if I was.    

Chasing The Sun

A drunk person (you know how people have one too many beers and turn in the Oracle) once said to me "As you get older you will realize that some of the people that are currently in your life won’t fit into your current lifestyle". Basically that some people are only suppose to be in your life for a season and in life things change and circumstances don’t remain the same, and with that some people may be lost along the way and guess what??? That’s okay because in this journey of life I’ve learnt that just as you lose some people, you’ll gain some more along the way as well. This isn’t to say people or relationships are disposable and that people are like a revolving door, as one gets tossed out another one gets thrown in. Naw that’s not the case because honestly people can’t be replaced…. Everyone in your life brings something a little different to the table. Like potato salad, no person’s potato salad is exactly same even if the ingredients are the same. Somehow and someway it will taste different, idk what it is about potato salad but nobody makes it the same way. People are the same way no one in your life is exactly like someone else.

However replaceable or irreplaceable a person may be to you, how do you know when that season for them being in your life has changed? When season’s changes there are signs it gets warmer, leaves change colors, flowers bloom. You know that one season has come to an end and a new is upon you. These clear cut signs aren’t always around when a season has come to an end in relation to the people in your life. Things are usually a whole lot more muffled when it comes to people and. Sometimes one incident happens to show you that person has to exit stage left of your life. Its the end of everything you ever had with them. Things like they stole money from you, or you caught them in bed with your boyfriend. Egregious acts like this will probably show that the temperature has definitely dropped on yall's relationship. Shit like this is easy to pin point it’s obvious why the relationship went from a summer of standing on the sun to the coldest winter ever.  

What’s harder to figure out are times that go from it being hotter than July to a crisp Fall air with a mix of a Indian Summer. What drives this change is more subtle, it isn’t a blatant act of disrespect.  At times its several acts of disrespectful shit that just adds up to a whole bunch of shit you’re too longer willing to deal with. It could be one too many times of their bullshit and bogus behavior that leads to reevaluate the whole relationship, and I do believe that at this point you’ll start to see the season to begin to change.  A lot of people’s relationships/friendships or demise of their relationships/friendships end up this way….. Everything was seemingly cool until it got cold. They just did one too many bogus ass things and you just got tired of their shit in general, so you start thinking about your relationship with this person and more than likely that last bogus ass act wasn’t their only trifling offense. There are several acts of foolishness, fuckery, and rubbish on their record, maybe you chose to ignore them along the way, all that other shit didn't really bother you until it just did or you just weren’t really pay attention to all of them. Whatever the case you let a lot of things slide due to the fact that there’s been some good times along the way as well, but in totality you come the realization that they maybe just a bogus ass person and that’s when you…. Fall back and sometimes you fall back to the point where you fall off. This is where the subtler changing of seasons come to play, things began to change and all of the sudden there's snow on the ground where wasn't before. What you have to keep in mind is that if the season has changed for a certain relationship…. Its okay, its life seasons change for a reason. Yeah maybe Summer is your favorite season (isn’t it everybody's) and Fall came a little too early this time around.You didn't see it coming that you would have to remove this person completely from your life or adjust the role this person has been playing in your life.  Just know that Summer will come back around it always does and maybe without that Winter dead weight next Summer maybe the one of legends. So don't go chasing the sun or seasons because they always come back around.    

Springing Forward

Well the weather has broken in most cities across the country, except for apparently Chicago as it lightly snowed this past weekend. With the beginning of a new season comes the end of another and no I’m not talking about this God-awful winter that refuses to exit the premises. I’m talking about cuffing season…. It's gone and won’t return again until the leaves start to fall and the air becomes crisp again. So as new boos becomes old news, or stay around for seasons to come. The way people handle the changing of seasons, cuffing season is very interesting, for some they’re holding on to their love. For others, well it’s out with the old and in with the new and hopefully improved. Now those that are in it to win… well this post ain’t really for you. For those of us that crapped out during cuffing season, for whatever reason… this one is for me and you, your mama and your cousin and me too.

As you may have been able to detect my cuffing season did end up somewhere over the rainbow, however I do think that maybe these April Showers will bring May Flowers. For some the season ended abruptly and without warning. For others you were just hanging on until St. Patrick’s Day or the first warm day of the year so you could get a glimpse of what other fish were in the sea. To see if you want to keep what you had or throw it back to the sea and try to catch something different. Whatever the case may have been you are now single and ready to mingle. It doesn't matter if things ended like a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare, there’s probably no better time to be single than right now springtime. It’s a time for new beginnings, new loves, and new adventures. Now I’m not saying you need to push up on the first half way decent man that has a fresh haircut or completely forget about wintertime boo and the lesson/s you learnt from that situation. Nope, all I'm saying is embrace the warm weather and make it do what it do, because that's what I plan to do. As my mother told me over the phone the other day" get your life, or else at least find someone else's to get". Yes, my mother the school teacher and now grandmother (by her other child... let's make that very clear. No baby for me.) told me that last week.... she's really gotta stop watching the Braxton Family Values, thanks Tamar for incorporating this into my mother's vernacular. So with that said don't let the wintertime blues make for a cruel summer. 

Unsung In The Future

I love the TV show Unsung, that comes on TV One…. Its riveting television. For those that aren’t familiar with the show, if chronicles the rise and fall of various not quite there musical acts. What I mean by not quite there musical acts, are artist that you know their music they were once very popular but they never quite made it to the next level. That icon/legend status of that of the likes of Michael and Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston, Prince, Madonna, The Beatles etc…. Like they’re not going to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and they’re more likely to be doing the honoring at the BET Awards than being the ones getting honored, no shade. Some of the people the show has covered are Freddie Jackson, Issac Hayes, Sheila E., Teena Maire, Johnny Gill, The Whispers, Alexander O’Neal, the list goes on. The thing is that most of the artist the show has featured their time of greatest has been in the 70’s-80’s, so I was thinking about how I can wait for 5-10 years from now when they’re covering people that were popular in the 90s and/or early 2000s. So I have complied a list of a few people the show should feature in the future.

1) Jodeci- Lord I loved this group… what am I talking about loved, I’m still in love with Jodeci. This group came on the scene in the early 90s and were dubbed the bad boys of R&B. While other groups were talking about making love to you, they wanted to freak you. While others were more like tea and crumpets, they were definitely more like grits and biscuits. The group comprised of two sets of brothers K-ci and Jojo the voices of the group and Devante and Mr. Dalvin. Devante wrote and produced a lot of their music and Mr. Dalvin…. I’m not sure what the hell his function was, other than I wanted him to father my children. Anyway they were amazing… until they self-destructed. Between the drugs and alcohol, K-Ci and Mary J. Blige’s abusive ass relationship the group was bound to break up. I’m really not sure what happened as to why they really broke up, but I’m sure it a had something to do with Devante not showing up to their last music video together, Get on up. I remember seeing this video and thinking…. Oh so we’re not going to address he fact the finest member in the group didn’t show up to the video shoot, oh okay. The group has attempted to get back to together once or twice, but K-ci and Jojo’s voices are shot to all hell and back, cocaine is a hell of a drug boys and girls. Mr. Dalvin looks horrid…. Like he was using dirty needles to shoot up in the 90s and caught a strong case of Hepatitis A, B, C, D and all the way to Z.  Devante seems to not care, my suspicion is that since he wrote a lot of their songs he doesn’t need the money that a reunion would bring, unlike the rest of them he’s good. So yeah they would be a perfect group to be featured, their story is full of all types of fuckery, hell they may need a 2 hour special with all the foolishness that went on and still continues to going on with them.  Maybe they could talk about Mr. Dalvin and T-Boz dating, yeah that happened.

2) Soul For Real- Candy Rain and that’s all I need to say. That song was huge, that song was played at every school dance in 1994-1995. They had a few more hits after that…. I can only remember Everything little thing you do. Well I’m not really sure what happened to them or why they stop making music. Last I heard was that basically all of them were in jail for writing bad checks all around I-285. So Unsung should feature them because nobody has anything idea why they only had two hits.

         

3) Xscape- Where do I begin? Well before Kandi was on the Real Housewives of Atlanta walking around with kegel balls in her cooch all day and making gospel songs at the same damn time, and Tiny was on T.I.’s Family Hustle looking like the wrong side of plastic surgery and butchering the English language. They were apart of fantastic singing group with a set of sisters and I can't remember their names right now but they could sing. They had three albums that still gets spins by me on a very regular basis. Like I'm pretty sure I listened to My Little Secret, yesterday. Their song Understanding was sang by girls all across this country at talent shows when it came out who thought they had any type of vocal ability, okay maybe that was just my school. What I loved about Xscape was that they didn’t look like any other singing groups out at the time. They weren’t classy and sexy like En Vogue or edgy and cool like TLC, or cute and sophisticated like SWV…. Nope they were regular as hell! I mean they looked like my friends older sisters that were in high school/college at the time but they could sing they’re asses off though. That was their gimmick regular ass girls that could sing circles around you.  So the group broke up in the late 90s and nobody really knew why until kinda recently. Kandi said on the RHOA or something that basically one of those Scott sisters thought she was trying to go solo because at the time she was fucking Jeremaine Dupri(their producer). Lord I have no idea why, because he looks tree bark to me, but hey to each is own. I think she said something like she just wanted to try it out because they were always around each other… ok girl. Well one of those sisters didn’t take delight in this and was spreading rumors about Kandi, so the group broke up. It doesn’t seem like the group will be doing a reunion anytime soon, as Kandi has said hell no to that. Plus she’s too busy trying to connect Beat headphones to dildos. Tiny probably can’t even sing for Jesus if T.I. doesn’t say she can and she’s busy buying Kool-Aid for daugther’s group to dye their hair with, so I guess there’s that.  Look at this video..... tell me they didn't look like any of the girls working at your local Burger King at the time.   

4) Ginuwine-  Before Chris Brown was pop, lock, and dropping it for the kids and Omarion was doing praise dancing, the cat daddy, hitting his Dougie, Roger Rabbiting, Bankhead bouncing and pretty much any dance that came out in the last 20 years. Lord he was giving us the best he had in 30 seconds flat at the BET Awards last year.

 There was Ginuwine giving us glimmers of Michael Jackson greatness, remember that breakdown So Anxious. I remember seeing that Pony video for the 1^st time and thinking, who is this man with baby hair that was laid better than Chilli’s from TLC, and why doesn't a person that looks like him go to my school??? Ginuwine was the shit!! His first three albums were awesome. He has come out with more music than that but to me its just not on the level of his first three albums. This probably has to do with the fact that Timbaland pretty much produced the first three albums and not the rest of them. I’m not sure what happened with their working relationship after those albums, my guess is Timbaland started to produce more for Pop acts and started chasing that European money. I pretty much stop paying attention to Ginuwine after he married that big fore headed Sole that I can only remember rapping in that JT Money video; they apparently have 15 kids or something close to that number between the two of them. He still makes pretty decent music, and him Tank, and Tyrese have decided to make their own 5.0 version of LSG to resurrect all of their dying careers. I guess with their powers combined, they’re the Captain Planet of  R& B groups…. I mean they all can sing and I can’t take that away from them. However, ever since Tyrese hopped his ass on Twitter and started bombarding us with misspelled Confucius quotes and whatnot, I’m not here for anything he does with his life. Unless he’s on a city bus singing about having a Coke and a smile, he can keep it. But the best of luck to them.

5) Total- Another female R&B group of the 90s….. some called them the Female version of Jodeci. I’m not sure why?? Maybe because they too liked singing in all leather outfits with shades on…. Idk. What I do know is that they were the shit, and Kissing you, is one of the best songs ever made. They only have two albums and nobody to this day knows why they stop making music. Like after Sittin’ Home came out, they vanished from the musically world. The rumor around my school was that Pam and Keshia broke up and the former lovers could longer work together. We all knew Pam was into boxes and not sticks… without her saying a word about her sexual orientation. I’m pretty sure that the rumor going around my lowkey ratchet high school wasn’t true…. But hey we had no other story to work with so we made up our own shit. My theory is that they were on the Deathrow of the East coast, Bad Boys Records and Puffy just ruins musically careers. He’ll put you on and you’ll get 1-2 hot albums but that’s about it. Don’t believe me ask Craig Mack, Ma$e, Loon, Danity Kane, Day 26, G-Dep, Shyne, Black Rob, Carl Thomas all about it. Hell all these people can be on Unsung themselves because all of their careers all went from glitter to dust, fucking around with Puffy. All I know is the lightskin girl  with the short is now married to Omar Epps and the girl with the long hair may be Vita the rapper.... or maybe Vita is her sister, idk but Unsung should get the bottom of it.

Some honorable mentions of others that can be featured on Unsung are Tevin Campbell, a highlight of this episode should be him on the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and him with that Maxine Shaw from Living Single box braid bob because that was kinda confusing for me as to why he thought that hairstyle was a good idea. 702, Next, Hi-Five, Chante Moore, Jade, CeCe Peniston, Dru Hill, Joe, Brownstone, Zhane, Changing Faces, Shai, Silk (actually Shai and Silk can have 30 minute segments... there doesn't seem to be enough to their stories for an hour show) and a host of others. If these things should come to pass Unsung needs to cut me a check. 

School Blues

If I only knew what I know now back then…. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. Everyone has regrets of some kind and they all vary in degree. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent your rent money buying tickets to the Beyoncé Mrs. Carter tour, doing that tequila shot with all the Jack Daniels you drank was the wrong move, being 16 and pregnant…. These are just some of the regrets a person can have. We all have them, mine lately has been “bitch you should’ve gone to Grad School immediately after Undergrad”. These past few months have been nothing but a damn struggle…  I mean Like D’jango’s wife trying to find the Underground Railroad and getting her Freedom Papers struggle, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but my struggle is real. A struggle that I can only think that would’ve been less of a struggle if I attempted to go to Grad school at 22 rather than in my late 20’s. I still would've been laser focused on school but after being out of school for so long I’m about as focused as DMX is about trying to stay out of jail.

The crazy thing is that I’m not even taking a full course load but with this class I’m taking and a full time job. I feel crazy, not sexy or cool… just plain crazy.  School was so much easier when I was in undergrad, it was my main focus. That and getting to the bar before midnight and the $1 tequila sunrises went back to regular price.  Now it’s not just school anymore, its meetings, deadlines, paying bills, and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s having a damn job… pulling all nighters and getting up to go to work at 6am is not what’s up.  When I pulled all nighters in undergrad I just had to get up and go to class, and if I had breaks in between I would go back the dorms and take a nap or sleep in the library. That’s a non-option at work, sleep where?? In the bathroom… yeah okay.  I’m not going to lie its been a little rough going back to school and having a full time job. I got off to a kinda rough start, which wasn’t exactly my fault. That’s another story for another day, however what happened really doesn’t matter because at the end of the day its my name on those grades and nobody else’s…. so there’s that.  I’ve gotten a little better with getting the hang of things lately, but I still feel overwhelmed with school at times. It’s definitely put a damper on my somewhat interesting social life but hey I know it’s for my own good but still I really hate school at times.

I have no idea how people with families (spouses and children) go back to school and work full-time. I’m more stressed out than Roseanne after they announced there wasn’t going to me any more Twinkies produced.  I just have a constant list of things that I need to do and sometimes shit gets done other times it doesn’t. So how a person balances all of this with kids, I'm not sure but I'm sure some type of narcotic is involved. God Bless them and can they pass out some Cliffnotes on how this happens.  

I will say this though the course I’m taking has definitely given me a better understanding of the field I’m in. This aint no fluff course, I feel more knowledgeable about problems that arise at work, so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m not working my ass off and pulling out my hair at times for some useless bs that I’m never going to use in my career. So here’s to looking forward for school being out for summer.

No Apologies

You know some people can never say they’re sorry… it doesn’t matter if the transgression they did was small or bigger than the state of Texas. It’s like they are physically incapable of say “I’m Sorry” or any form of those words. Hell some people won’t even admit that they were wrong about something let alone apologize about it, this behavior is truly baffling and disgusting. I know a few people like that in my life and I truly think that they need to be studied… like a psychological case study, someone needs to come in observe these people, write a research thesis about them, and get it published in a medical journal or something. My gosh some of these fool I know are ridiculous.

Or maybe they just need to go listen to this song whatever the case may be, an intervention is needed. I’m not sure how y’all deal with people like this but I found that the best way is just not to engage. I don’t argue with them like at all….. and if they try to argue with me I don’t argue back I just say “you got it”. Why?? Well after years of arguing, disagreeing, slap-boxing, and whatever else with them and getting nowhere with them. I realized that they’re NEVER going to open their minds or eyes and try to see things differently, so what’s really the point of trying. They’re so concerned with being right, they never realize when they are wrong. So after years of butting heads with said people I learnt the best way to deal with them is to pay them dust, I give them nothing to argue with me about.  This quote is so accurate when it comes to dealing with the No Apologies crew "Never argue with a fool, people might not be able to tell the difference." Bam!! I’m not arguing with you because there’s no point, with the No Apologies crew they are always right, even when proven wrong like with scientific data… an apology is never going to happen. They stand strong in their convictions, they stick by that wrongness with all the colors of the wind. I personally don’t have time for that fuckery…. So I let them be.

Arguing is already exhausting in the first place but auguring with a person from the No Apologies Crew will put your ass in a coma. I’ve tried it and have never succeeded. The closest I ever got was a change of subject. What is this phenomenon? Well it’s when you’re arguing with a person and you’ve made your point correctly, you’re basically winning the argument and the No Apologies member knows this and instead of succeeding or apologizing they don't because they’re just can never admit when they’re wrong. They instead starting talking/arguing about other shit unrelated to the initial argument. They try to flip the script….. They’ll start talking about past things you’ve done wrong. Shit that happened weeks, months, and even years ago that’s unrelated to the topic at hand. Example:

Me: “But you said you were going to take the trash out and here it sits still in the can and now the garbage truck is gone.”

Member of the No Apologies crew: “Ummmm, okay but you over cooked the salmon last week, so what?”

Me: “Excuse me asshole we ain’t talking about over or under cooked salmon, we’re talking about this trash still sitting in the can.”

Member of NAC: “Well in never rains in Southern California.”

Me: “I ain’t got time for this.”

This is the blueprint of an argument with someone in the NAC, no acceptance of responsibility, no signs of contriteness, and definitely no apology.  Just stubbornness, denial, misplacement of blame, and general bitchassness. Can these type of people change? Well I would like to think so but I’m not betting on it. So if you’re dealing with this type of person by choice or by force just know there really isn’t any changing them and arguing with them is fruitless. Just pay them dust and give them about as much energy as a new Tierra Marie single would generate which is no energy at all.   

Expiration Dates Part II

When I posted the last post Expiration Dates.... something didn't seem right about, I felt like something was missing from it. Well I thought and thought about and I realized what that something was. It was not just about the fact that some relationships have expiration dates and figuring out if your relationship has one or if it doesn't. What was missing was the point about dealing with relationships or people in general after their expiration date has pasted. Dealing with people, relationships, or things after their expiration date is never a good idea because it usually ends up all bad. Real bad.... Michael Jackson Bad.

Like when you see a carton of milk in your refrigerator, the expiration date has past but for some reason you open up that carton and take a whiff of the milk.... smh. The smell damn near knocks you off your feet and not in a good way, we've all done it. We looked at the date and saw that the milk expired a week ago but for some reason we open that damn carton like we don't know that shit is almost cottage cheese at this point and we purposely smell that shit. Why do we double check to see if the milk is really bad? Like Mayfield and the other milk companies are putting expiration dates on shit because its cute, and makes the packaging look cool. No its a safety regulation.... there are laws in place stating that this information must be on products to warn people of the risk involved of consuming that product after a certain amount of time. But there we are in kitchen takes whiffs and saying YOLO to laws that are in place to protect us. Its just like telling a child that the stove is hot and they don't believe you and touch the stove anyway and then burn the shit out of their hands. Then you're looking at them, like I told you so. Well the USDA told you that milk when bad a week ago but there you are acting like you don't know this information that is clearly stated on the package. Hell some people are out here pouring bowls of Cheerios and using that same expired ass milk in their cereal.. to those people God Bless. Because you're a glutton for punishment and obviously have a stomach made of steel.

I have dealt with someone after the expiration date, I knew that the milk had gone bad weeks ago but there my ass was in the kitchen taking whiffs of cottage cheese milk. It got me no fucking where, no I take that back it got me taking Imodium A-D and listening to Adele's 19.... not even 21. That Chasing Pavements heart complications.... it wasn't a heartbreak because it was already broken before I went back and whiffed the milk after the expiration date. So everything after I realized that expiration date had pasted was just a complication, I was just rubbing salt in the wound and picking the scab. The wound was already there and I wasn't letting it heal and was just making shit worst. If you see the expiration date has pasted, I know its human nature at times but don't open that milk! All that awaits you is cottage cheese milk and stomach ache. Sure it won't kill you but if you want cottage cheese take your ass to the store and buy some, don't try to make it yourself.... you're not making it the correct way and it won't turn out the right way.

Expiration Dates

Sell by dates, expiration dates, best used by dates.... all these things are applied to food products to tell the consumer that the product they purchased is safe and of quality up to this particular date. So is this post about how these dates are determined, no this post is about how these dates can be applied to our every day regular lives.

The concept of a expiration date is to tell people after a certain amount of time the quality of the product they purchased can be guaranteed and while technically the product maybe safe to consume the overall quality has been diminished. So therefore you shouldn't be fucking with it anymore. This concept should be applied to relationships..... like people should come with expiration dates. Dating would be so much easier if this was the case, if by some magically way a text just came through on your phone after that first date that says best used by 05/31/2013. That would be phenomenal that would safe people so much time and energy. If you know ahead of time that after this particular date this person you're messing with is no longer of quality after this date. That would be great and so would money if it grew on trees.

The thing is sometimes you know or have an idea about a persons expiration date, you know with some people after a certain amount of time sugar will definitely be turning to shit. Their behavior and character gives you an idea of when this is going to happen. They are giving all the signs that they have to shelf-life of that of milk.... meaning that they're aren't stable. Milk has a short shelf life in general 1-2 weeks tops and if its not kept in the right conditions in a cool/cold places its shelf-life is cut even shorter. Leave some milk on the counter for a day and see if you want to drink that shit later. This same concept can be applied to relationship, sometimes when you get involved with someone you know that its going to have a short shelf-life... its going to shine bright like a diamond and crash and burn like Jeremy Lin's career. Its a flash in a pan . It ends just as quickly as it start. Then you have more shelf-stable foods like jelly... it can last for months. Then one day you open that jar and that shit has mold in it, you're left wondering when did this happen? Well this relationships are a little trickier to pin point when your expiration date is. Things seem fine until all of the sudden they aren't fine. Its a slow and quite death to these relationships, there's no real catalyst to the demise of these types of relationships. You just open the jar one day and there's mold and the relationship is over.

Then you some things like rice, one of the most shelf-stable food products. Rice can be stored for years and no spoilage comes along. Relationships like this are the ones that go until the end of time.... there really isn't an expiration date. With these relationships they just endure.... some people say that you know when you found the person with no expiration date on it and other say that you don't know it just happens. One day you look and you realize that what you have is like rice. You can't make milk or jelly, rice. Things are what they are.... you're not going to wake up and this short life relationship isn't going to be the story you're going to telling your kids like in How I Met Your Mother. Those are the stories you tell your kids about before I met your mother and that's okay everybody you date isn't going to rice.

My Funny Valentine

It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??

I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1^st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing  LL Cool J in Hey Lover and that person  is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav.  Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you  to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?

That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread. 

There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.   

We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.

See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before  that iceberg gets hit.  People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14^th??? Maybe yours is May 1^st or November 26^th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14^th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.

Hi Hater

"I'm just going to make these haters my motivators".
"These haters won't hold me back".

We've all heard some type of shit like this, people talking about the hate they receive on a daily basis. Someone is just always hating on them. My questions is who are these haters you speak of??? Because I don't see them. To quote The Temptations movie , "ain't nobody coming to see you Otis". When I say people I'm talking about grown ass folks 25+, how are you 33 and have people hating on you? What is your life about that you think people are plotting against like you're Malcolm X and the US Government and the Nation of Islam are against you? I can understand someone in high school talking about haters and whatnot, because well its high school and high school can be a real life version on Mean Girls for some. High school is where haters breeds for the most part. So if a person has haters in high school...that's believable. College??? that's a stretch but I guess its possible because college is just a big ass high school. So if you have haters in college okay maybe you do if you say so.

As far as the 25+ crowd... we don't believe you, you need more people. If you're in the entrainment or some high intensity industry (think Marty Khan House of Lies) shit is different and you may probably do have haters, so never mind what I'm saying. But others all this talk about people hating on you, girl and boy I need receipts. You're a loan application manager at Chase, who is hating on you at this level of hate?  I'm having a hard time understanding this concept of your grown ass having other grown ass people hating on you and blocking your shine. With all the things most rational adults have to do on a daily basis, such taking care of kids, bills, going to work, cooking dinner, going shopping, going to school, watching Scandal, drinking wine, and trying to stay above water..... who really has time to hate on you? Now I'm not talking about people giving you side-eyes and making little shady ass remarks about you. No, I'm talking about the people who think that or claim that folks are out here plotting your downfall like a character off of Dallas or something. The people that claim that others just constantly won't let them be great.

I would just like to know, who these hating ass people and how they have time for all this hate they have?  Who are these people that are plotting to take you out like you're JFK or somebody because hating on someone takes time and energy.  Personally I have no time to sit around on hate on someone. Especially to the point where some of these folks are claiming that others are Jolly Green Giant green with envy of them and that all they do is just hate. There's too much to do and so much more going on for me and I believe most grown folks, to hate on that level. Like the amount of shit going on with the average person or me... work, paying bills, facebook, remember to buy milk, mopping the floors, having sex or not having sex. I just won't even have the time to hate on that extreme level and I'm willing to bet most folks don't either, but hey I could be wrong. Maybe you have more hate come at you than Keri Hilson every time she opens her mouth to sing.

Solange

Now I usually don’t do this, but I would like to take a moment to talk about Solange Knowles. I’m loving her!!! I don’t know when or exactly how this came about but damnit Beyoncé’s younger sister is giving me life. I love her hair and its fabulous whether she’s wearing her actual hair, wigs, or box braids. I also love the fact that she told some magazine… Essence maybe that she was not the poster child for natural hair, that she was her own person. Here's the link Solange talks about natural hair, although she got some backlash from the natural girls around the world. She still gave no fucks and said she meant what she said but she could have chosen a better why of saying it. Her fashion sense is a little off to some but I love it. It's got to be hard to be the biggest pop star of our generations sister and find your own way. Solange has manage to do just that, she may not have been apart of Destiny's Child but she's found a way to step into her own Destiny.

 

Now I may not have always been here for or a fan her music when she first came out and was playing around in Lil' Bow Bow's videos. I was like girl..... we already have 3LW and now you want to be the solo version.  Please try again Miss because I''m not feeling it.

 

Well she did exactly that and dropped this little gem. I absolutely loved this album Sol-Angel and the Hadley St. Dreams. I felt like she had finally come into her own or she stopped trying to be what others thought she should, Beyonce the lite verison. Maybe after going through a divorce and having a kid she had something to talk about, whatever the case she found her groove. Recently she put out an EP True, and its amazing I love it!!! I knew I would when I heard the first single off of it Losing You. 

How can you not love this??? But even more recently she covered one of my favorite songs Make it Hot by Nicole Wray.... they need to do an episode of Finding our Missing on her, because honey has been ghost since 2001 at least. Anyway Solange covers the song and I love it. Solange covers Make it Hot . Is Solange ever going to be as big of a star as her big sister? No but do I think Solange cares about that? Absolutely not. She marches to the beat of her own drum and if you don't like the rhythm, I'm sure she would tell those people.... sit your ass down and don't dance then.

Back to School

So as a part of me Getting Focused….. I decided to go back to school!! In fact my class starts today. Well let me expound on this because it’s not like going away to Stanford or anything. I applied to this online program to get my Master’s in Food Science and I got wait listed (I don’t even want to get into drama behind that), therefore I’m taking a classes that will count towards my Master’s as I try to get off the wait list. I will say applying and the process of signing up for the class has been more annoying than watching an episode of the Wendy Williams Show. First the application process was just so extra for me, I forgot what it was like applying to college and forgot how much of a nuisance it was. Then when I got waitlisted…. I got super emotional and was about to say fuck it to the whole process but then I calmed my ass down and decided to take this graduate course anyway.

Then came the joy of figuring out how to pay for the class and I just want to say tuition and fees are no fucking joke!! Let's not even talk about the scam of college textbook.... its like a damn ponzi scheme. Since I’m paying for this class out of pocket…. The shit is real depressing. When I realized how much it was going to cost and I almost said fuck this shit once again because paying for school is going to cut into my moving out fund. Then I really sat and thought about it and realized that this class is going to help me in the long run and if I want different results I was going to have to do things differently. Basically you have to sometimes sacrifice things to accomplish your goals, and this paying out of pocket was my sacrifice. I also had to answer questions to my Father about going back to school…. If you knew my father you would know this wasn’t an easy task. My Father somehow thinks to my life resembles that of Nicole Richie circa 2003, with a twist of Hannah from Girls. He basically thinks I’m wasting my life away, doing whatever the hell I'm doing. In his opinion I need to apply to a more prestigious program i.e. Harvard, Yale, Duke and go to school full time and get my PhD. He doesn’t think this program through the school (which is a public University in the state I live) is good enough, he doesn’t understand the concept of online classes, he thinks I’m going to Everest College or something, no shade to whom ever goes to Everest College. I told him the problem with his plan was the schools he’s talking about don’t even have the program I’m getting my Master's in. Who the hell is going to pay for me to go to Yale, Harvard, or Duke, assuming they even let my ass in? I’m not 23 I can’t stop working and be a full time student I have bills.Finally, that's he's plan for me not mine.... If a wanted to go to medical school or law school okay yeah, you kinda have to be a full time student but that ain’t what I want to do. So therefore I had to get off the phone with him before I told him to get the hell on with that BS on Christmas morning.

My point is that sometimes you just have to push forward with the things you want out of life even when things seem bleak and people are as supportive as a training bra on Pamela Anderson. I wanted to just say fuck this school shit like 3 times before I was like okay I’ll try this and like Usher I'm going to do this My Way and not my dad's way. Actually other than my Dad everyone else in my life was been very supportive about this decision and honestly my Dad’s opinion hasn’t been that important since Jennifer Aniston was still playing Rachel Green on Friends. I’m nervous about going back to school… because well I’ve out of school for awhile and I’m not as discipline as I was when I was in college but hopefully it will be like riding a bike. So friends if you’re trying to accomplish a goal this year or whenever just push forward with it, and don’t let things, other people or most importantly yourself get in the way. Most of the time we are our own biggest enemies, we have to stop being our own roadblocks and even if do come across ones on our journeys. There’s always a detour it may be harder to find and take you way out of the damn way but it still gets you to your destination.  

Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

So Live Your Life

A while ago someone asked me what my biggest fear was, at the time I said Mitt Romey becoming President of the United States of America. Which it actually was at the the time but the typically answers people give never came to my mind. Such as death, heights, stretch marks, wired hangers, waking up and the Walking Dead is real life…. Etc. My actually biggest fear is living an unfulfilled life. What I mean by this; is me looking back at my life when I’m damn near about to retire and see I haven’t done shit with my life expect go to work for the past 25 years. That’s what the hell I’m talking about. I know people like this and I'm sure you do too, and the shit is borderline depressing. I just want to ask these people WTF did you do with your life in the 80’s-90’s other than work and go home and watch Cheers and Oprah every day and eat Cheez-Its?

There are no stories to tell… no trips, no kids to be proud of or to ashamed of, no crazy stories of what they did in their 20’s, 30's or 40's, no spouses to cherish or to be ready to get rid of like yesterday’s trash. It’s like their lives were; I went to college got a degree, got a job (the same one since 1988), got a home and I’m waiting on The Good Wife to come on to give me some type of entertainment. Some of these people don't even have hobbies. No gardening, collecting stamps, crossword puzzles, stalking a person's Facebook page. Its zip nada zilch going on with them. It's sleep, work, eat, and TV. It’s like what happened to you that you choose to or want to live this shell of a life. I’m not saying to your life needs to mimic that of a Diddy video from 1996. If you’re not about that party like its 1999 and its 2013 life, than don’t be about it. However I don’t see how some people choose to live their lives that of Mister Rogers walking around in that boring ass neighborhood.

There are a small percentage of these people that are actually content in the lives they have leaded and are leading… and to those I say do you boo. On the flip side a vast majority of these folks didn’t want to go down the paths their lives have taken them and are frontin’ like this is the life they want.  To the people I say GOOD DAY!! You aren’t happy with the way you choose to live your lives, you wanted something more but maybe you were too chicken shit to go after it. Maybe you wanted to have an Eat.Pray.Love moment but couldn’t because you had bills, or the person you loved once upon a time rejected you and you swore off love, or you just lived your life for your parents and didn’t want to take chances for fear of disappointing them. Whatever the case was, at the end of the day those are your choices and no one else’s. The thing that kills me about people like this is that when they see someone living life or attempting to live life to their fullest potential, these Bitter Betties and Bobs paws come out. The hate from these down and out folks goes to level red terror alert; these folks are wild, fast in the ass, hoes, amoral…..etc. Why because they rather go to the game than watch that shit on TV or because they rather go to the bar than sit at home and knit with you?  Just because a person is out in the streets doesn’t make them a street rat and just because they’re in the club doesn’t mean they’re poppin’ a Molly and sweatin. It just means they don’t want a boring ass life like yours; maybe they just want something more.

This can't be life as we know it.

Happy New Year!!! And Some Things That Can Stay In The Old One

Well Happy New Year good people!!!! I am so glad that its 2013 (even though a few things have already gone left for me.... but things have also gone right for some people I know). I for one was ready for 2012 to just exit stage left immediately, the last few months of 2012 have been straight trash for me, so therefore I was ready for it to get the hell this past Monday at 11:59pm. I am looking forward to new beginnings and to doing things differently to get different results.  However there are a few things and people I wish would stay their ass in 2012.

1) Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Karrueche- I mean them as a group, not individually. As individuals I like them but them together in this three-way from something out of Eyes Wide Shut, that shit has got to go. Between Chris Brown's taxi cab confessions of him being in love with both of them. Karrueche and Rihanna throwing shade at one another on twitter and Instagram..... at first it was funny, but this shit has gotten out of hand and its annoying now. One is on Instagram taking pics with Chris's shirt on and then 4 hours later he's at the Lakers game with the other, its just trashy. Making duets like they're Rick James and Teena Marie talking about its Nobody's Business but mine and my baby. That's true technically but how about you keep it cute and off Twitter and Instagram with this Bermuda love triangle from hell.

2) Nicki Minaj- I have never really been a fan of hers... she's just not my type of artist and I'll leave it at that. I do like a few her songs however and she's out here collecting big checks and I can't hate her for that. I think by problem with her is that she can actually rap but she does all this extra shit. I'm just not here for her Lady Gaga dreams and Katy Perry aspirations and this bubble gum rap. But hey if dressing up like a Lisa Frank folder is going to help her sell rosy toilet water she calls perfume and keep the checks rolling in... do you boo. However, why she has to officially get the hell on is because of the whole American Idol feud between her and Mariah Carey, here's the link Nicki Minaj gets ratchet with Mariah. Y'all probably don't know this but I love Mariah, I have been a fan since Vision of Love. So for this real life ratchet ass Gem Doll to cuss Mariah out about the same thing most people thought when it was announced that she was going to be a judge on American Idol. Which was girl how are you going to be judge on a singing contest and your ass can't sing??.... it's just *deep sigh*. I don't give a damn if Mariah Carey doesn't sell another damn record in her life.... checked her resume heffa? She doesn't have to because she's a legend. Girl just fall into the abyss and take Lil' Wayne and half of Young Money with you, expect for Drake I still like him. 

Tell me they don't give you the same visuals.

   

3) Personal rants on social media- Listen I go on rants on twitter but its about shit like why is the line so long at Starbucks, or why is girl dressed like Carmen Miranda at Ikea? I'm not on facebook quoting lyrics to How Could An Angel Break My Heart. Some of y'all just go too far I saw a picture on Instagram of a dude who took a picture of his dad on a stretcher on his way to the hospital, the caption said "pray for my dad he just had a heart attack". WTF??? How damn crazy can you be?? Shit like that has to stop....get out of your feelings and get off social media. Get a damn journal or start a blog. Also for 3a) stop taking pics of struggle plates of food. Nobody wants to see your instant mashed potatoes, easy mac, and dried up chicken all over the Internet.

4) Kanye West and Kim Kardashian- I'm sure y'all know she's pregnant by now, I had a whole little section written for them but after hearing this news I no longer have the energy. So here's a few thoughts about this baby news. I'm sure Kris Jenner hit her damn dougie when she heard Kim was pregnant, it just means she can use her spells and potions and turn this pregnancy into another cash cow for her. I think this woman is a wizard or at the very least a villain from a Disney movie. Listen E!.... I don't want to see any specials about baby showers or see Kim's birth canal on your network. I hope this baby looks more like her than Kanye. He's been looking more and more like Chip or Dale (pick one) from The Rescue Rangers these days. So with that Mama may have, Papa may have but God bless this child so that it will have its own.