My Funny Valentine

It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??

I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1^st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing  LL Cool J in Hey Lover and that person  is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav.  Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you  to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?

That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread. 

There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.   

We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.

See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before  that iceberg gets hit.  People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14^th??? Maybe yours is May 1^st or November 26^th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14^th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.