My Funny Valentine

It’s the beginning of February and it’s that time of year again…. The time where people have already given up on their New Year’s Resolution to lose weight, the good treadmill at the gym is free and clear again. It’s also that dreaded time of year as well VALENTINE’S DAY!!! For some it’s a national reminder that you’re alone Bitch..... (notice I said alone and not lonely, the two are very different). If you’re in a relationship it could be dreaded as well too but I wouldn’t know much about that. So for us single folks, what’s the real issue about Valentine’s Day??

I thought about it and I realized that 90% of single people aren’t really single…. Meaning that we aren’t totally and completely without some type of romantic companionship. There’s somebody lurking in the background, the problem is we can’t claim them to be totally and completely ours (that could be our choice or their's) or we just don’t know what the hell is going on between us, The Gray Area is in full force. That’s the problem, there’s somebody but we don’t know if they’re really our somebody. That's what gets some peoples panties in a bunch about Valentine's Day. That can be because we fucking/dating somebody else’s man/woman, it’s just a friends with benefit situation, you just started dating this person on January 1^st, this person is your ex and they keep coming back for more, you’re in a Grey Area with someone, you’re playing  LL Cool J in Hey Lover and that person  is more than a crush, this person is alright but you know they ain’t the one, or you’re in a secret relationship with someone that looks like Flavor Flav.  Whatever the case is there’s someone in your life but you can’t exactly change your relationship status on Facebook from single to in a relationship because of the above mentioned things going on between yall. I think this is where all this hatred and fuck Valentine’s Day comes from. It’s like baking a cake you  to have all the ingredients to bake the cake and then you realize you don’t have any icing, sure you can still bake the cake. It will still have the basics for you to call it a cake but without the icing what’s the fucking point?? It’s just sweet bread and who the hell wants that?

That’s what Valentine’s Day is to some single people, and reminder that they have a damn cake without any icing, sweet fucking bread. It’s like bring your basic ass cake to a bake sell, all the cakes with icing are going to get gone real quick. While you’re dry ass cake is going to be sitting there until Easter Sunday. Valentine’s Day is the day like the Price is Right showcase for cakes, so if you’re cake is without icing you’re going to feel like Miss Congeniality and the Miss America Pageant. Hell for some people it’s the day they learn that what they thought was a cake with butter cream icing, is basic ass sweet bread. 

There’s no greeting cards for whatever situation you’re going through, Brandy said it best Almost Doesn’t Count. Your taken boo thing isn’t going to take you on a helicopter ride over New York City because you’re Girlfriend number two, ask Olivia Pope about that. Your fuck buddy isn’t going to sending you flowers at work; he’s sending you his dick in a box. The guy that isn’t quite ready for a relationship isn’t buying you jewelry from Kay Jewelers because if he can’t commit to dinner and movie on Friday night, he damn sure isn’t committing to $399 on a bracelet. But believe it or not every kiss doesn't begin with Kay. Yeah it sucks that while all the other girls are going to the grand ball your ass is at home scrubbing floors like Cinderella.   

We’ve all been there, I’ve been there. Hell some of us (me included) are there now but what I’m not going to do is let Valentine’s Day get me Angela Basset in Waiting to Exhale crazy. I’m not going to side-eye the fuck out of my coworkers that get flowers that day because my desk is as empty as a former Real Housewives of Atlanta bank account, ( Sheree I’m looking at you and that Forest Preserve you call your house). I’m not going to go home and drink a box of wine and eat a gallon of ice cream. Nope I’m not going to do it because it’s not going to solve my problem. Hating on others joy is just….. well exhausting and I ain’t got time for that. Some of yall need to get that hate out of your system.

See, I forgot and a lot of people forget this one simple thing along the way of dating. “I’m good with it just me”. I’m okay with being by myself, so that when I get caught up in these gray area relationships I find myself in at times. I know that I’m happy with myself and this other person is just along for the ride and if they’re making this royal cruise ship feel like the Titanic, well their ass has go before  that iceberg gets hit.  People you have to remember that what’s for you will be for you, you can’t plot and plan your love life according to others. Valentine’s Day is just that a day, and who says your Valentine’s Day has to be February 14^th??? Maybe yours is May 1^st or November 26^th, so don’t drive yourself crazy because the 14^th of this month isn’t going to be candlelight and sex in the champagne room. There’s still 364 days until the next Valentine’s Day for all that.

The Gray Area

So there I was sitting in this bar sipping my vodka tonic next to the guy I've been somewhat dating for the past couple of months. Someone comes up and starts talking to him and he introduces me to them and says "Hey...this is my girl Brittany". Lord I wish someone had taken a picture of my face when he said that. I'm sure I had the WTF face going on, it was a face of shock and utter confusion and not one of excitement (and not because I don't like him). Notice how I said me and this guy have been somewhat dating. Not we're officially dating like we're headed to the chapel and we're going to get married.  Yes we're dating but there's no titles to this situation we have going here, and that's really no shade it's the truth. I still date other people (although not as frequently) and I assume he does as well. Although I never ask him if that's the case. So when he said that I literally almost fell off the bar stool because I didn't know we were as I would've said in the 5th grade, we went together. 

After the person stepped away, he turned to me and said he said I was his girl because it was easier say than telling the truth. Which as I explained earlier we're dating with no definition. Although I did point out to him that he could've said I was his friend. His reply was that he sees more than a friend... ladies and gentlemen this is what I like to call the gray area.  This is a particular point in dating that is oh so very ambiguous, confusing, and a little tiresome. What I mean by that is; you and this person are seeing each other and at some point its on a more frequent and regular basis but you can't flat out say this person is your boyfriend/girlfriend. Y'all are just kickin' it and seeing where things go, like a damn plastic bag floating in the air.... there's no clear direction. The confusing and frustrating part comes into play because well like in my particular case and like many other people's, there no real conversation has taken place about what the fuck is going on. Nobody wants to rock the boat or work the middle, and start that whole "where are things going?" convo. This is where the gray area comes into play. You can't get mad if that person flirts or whatever the fuck else with other people because that's not your bf/gf. You can't cuss him/her out to the highest degree because they do something you perceive as shady or whatever. I mean you can but that person can throw that we ain't together card in your face and they would not be in the wrong to do so. While you can point out how certain things may or may not upset you; you can't get all the way into your feelings about certain things. Well you can but I suggest you do that shit at home and check certain feelings at the door. That poker face has to be stronger than Lady Gaga's but maybe that's just me and I'm stubborn person. 

The gray area isn't a place I like to be in for long extended periods of time... I'm a black and white kind of girl. Although I realize the gray area exist for a reason, it definitely has its benefits as well. The time spent in the gray area can be used to see how you really feel about the person you're dealing with. If this person is really worth your time and effort, if they're just a little crush,  something to do to pass the time until cuffin' season is over or if this is the real deal. This is the time where you decide if this is a black or white situation, if you should let it go like Keyshia Cole or hold on to your love like En Vogue. I think the frustration with the gray area comes with the initiation of that dreaded conversation " where is this going"? Its such a loaded question. A question that can't be asked too soon because well you may come off as thirsty, needy, or clingy and who the hell wants to be that person? If the question is asked too late, there's the chance the other party has just mentally moved on from the situation and has just over it and you. The gray area..... a place where people's true colors don't always come shining through, what's a girl to do?