Are you dating boys or are you dating men?
This question right here makes all the difference in the world, and some people don’t know the difference between the two. I don’t really want to get into the difference between a boy and a man but I will say age really doesn’t have much to with the difference. I could find a 37 year old man that still acts like a 17 year boy, and then you may find a 17 year old boy that has more sense than a 37 year old man. The thing is that boys are running around rampage claiming to be men but are very rarely are. Men these days aren’t over-flowing like in the land of milk and honey.
See the thing with men is that they kind of scare me. Why? Well maybe because I’ve always dealt with and dated boys. Boys I know, boys I know how to handle, boys I’m use too. Men on the other hand not soooo much, I don’t really know them, or how to handle them, men I’m not use too. What scares most people is the unknown and men well they are somewhat unknown to me. I of course I know how men operate for the most part I do have a Dad and a Step-Dad but my interactions with them is different from interactions with men in the romantic sense. Men seem to usually have their shit together. They have houses/condos not apartments or living in their mama’s basement. They have careers not jobs, they have 401Ks they’re not stuffing money under their mattresses. They go of vacation not weekend trips to Miami. In general they do grown men shit and well that’s a little overwhelming to me. I think it’s overwhelming because I don’t have or do all of those things. I’m working on them but I don’t have all them. Even though I know I don’t need to have my shit completely together to date someone that does, I just like to be on the same playing field with people. I don’t wanna be dating a guy that is on level 10 while I’m chillin’ on level 6….. That ain’t cute (well at least not to me). Then again maybe dating someone that has their shit together will help me get my shit together because dating boys just won’t do anymore. In the words of Danny Glover "I’m too old for that shit".
I think you can have men who have a very "man" mentality, although they may not have all -- or even any -- of the stuff that you mentioned just yet. Of course it depends on their age, as far as what all they have or don't have, but like you said...a dude can be 17 years old with every bit of the sense someone in their 40s should have, BUT..hasn't yet taken on the world to the extent of attaining great success in his career, finances, future, etc.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I always wanted for myself -- not the boy but also not the full-blown "MAN". I wanted someone I could grow with -- not someone behind me or a whole lot ahead of me. And not really because of it looking bad to be with someone who's really ahead of you in life (although I do think it looks a lot worse for the female to be a whole lot further along than the other way around), but because of just the experience of life together -- of "coming up" together.. I mean, ya'll don't have to both start off broke as a joke and dumb as a rock, with the aspirations of wealth and ultimate intelligence, but just to be somewhere around the same page so that you're experiencing a lot of life for the first time together and around the same time.
On the other hand, I do agree that someone who's a lot further ahead of you in life could likely teach you some things, help you to hopefully make fewer mistakes and definitely motivate you to be better and do more, BuT...ideally, just for me, I'd prefer we're both growing and building together along the way.
That's why I've never been a big fan of dating someone younger or too much older than me.
Of course I know I'll feel differently about a lot of this once I'm, like, 45 or 50. At that point, I'd surely want both me and my guy (whether the one I'm with or whoever else I haven't met yet) to have our stuff pretty much all together by then.
But anywho, interesting post!
I have never been a fan of dating someone way younger than me.... It just ain't my style. I kind like to go by this rule if we couldn't have been in high school of college at the same time, than no thanks.
ReplyDeleteBut much like I don't like dating younger men, I'm not a fan of much older either. Four years is the max I can do. I'm not saying all but a lot of older men seem to be a bit controlling. They sometimes act like your Dad and I have two of those so no thanks. But you're right I perfer someone that lays in the middle of the two, someone that's growing with you. Instead of someone younger you may have to teach certain things to or someone older that knows all the answers.