Death To The Wallflower

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Well at least according to Jennifer Hudson, I will tell you this though I’m tired of her weight watchers commercials. Especially her new one, with her (skinny Jen) singing along side with her old fat self….. it’s kind of creepy. But I’m not knocking her hustle or anything but these commercials have to go. So it’s a new year and I’m sure everyone as big plans, big dreams, and big goals. I won’t exactly go into what all I want to do and accomplish this year but I’ll tell you guys about one.

I’ve always been the type of girl that never approaches a guy, even if I think he’s cute or whatever I never say anything first. I never call a guy first; in short I’m never the one to initiate anything between me and the opposite sex. The only time I speak to guys first is if I’m two sheets to the wind drunk. I know that’s kind of pathetic a grown ass woman afraid to talk to boys . SMH at my damn self but I at least I know I have a problem. According to most 12-step programs admitting you have a problem is the first step so there you have it, I'm trying to work on my problem. So one of my goals/ resolutions or whatever the f*ck is to change or at least slightly modify this behavior. What got me to thinking about this in the first place was someone’s mini twitter rant about girls and our narrow-minded thinking when it comes to the initial stages of dating. What he basically said was men get tired of doing all the work, they like to be hollered at too (but not in an aggressive way, I’ll touch upon this subject one day), they like compliments but they rarely ever get them. Smiling and saying hello to a guy doesn’t make you desperate, calling a guy first just to say hello doesn’t make you a bug-a-boo. There’s a line between knowing what you want and being a stalker. A lot of women (myself included)  think that by making the first move the guy is going to think your pathetic or that you’re sweating he’s nutsack, so it’s just easier and low risk to be a wallflower. Well ladies if this set back and let’s see what happens method has/is working for you, than good for you and this message ain’t for you.

Now to the other 99% of us after reading this man’s twitter rant I realized not only did he have a point as mentioned above but by waiting for men to approach you all the time. You put a lot of power in his hands, and one man should not have all that power. He approached you, he called you, and he set up the date. What the hell have you done other than show up looking cute in your finest garments with your MAC lip glass on? If you two were to get it a relationship, he’s going to be already use to this power and if you try to pull a switcheroo, he may trip. Why? Because he’s been in control like Janet with this power all this time and now here you come trying to takeover….. this may become a serious problem in the relationship . Secondly, maybe the guys that do approach you aren’t the guys you actually want to be dating. Well if the guys you actually want to be dating don’t approach you, maybe you should approach them because obviously the wallflower approach isn’t working. So maybe smiling at a guy and saying hi will, who knows maybe you may end up dating a guy that’s actually your type. Instead of trying to turn the guy that approached you into your type. Just like the adage  says “Closed mouths don’t get feed”. This all about taking control of your life and that includes the guys you date. I know this is easier said than done, but I figure if the wallflower steez hasn’t worked for the last 10 years or so what the hell do I have to lose by trying it this way. Yeah my pride may or may not be lost but people also say love is stronger than pride, right?