School Blues

If I only knew what I know now back then…. Maybe I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in now. Everyone has regrets of some kind and they all vary in degree. Maybe you shouldn’t have spent your rent money buying tickets to the Beyoncé Mrs. Carter tour, doing that tequila shot with all the Jack Daniels you drank was the wrong move, being 16 and pregnant…. These are just some of the regrets a person can have. We all have them, mine lately has been “bitch you should’ve gone to Grad School immediately after Undergrad”. These past few months have been nothing but a damn struggle…  I mean Like D’jango’s wife trying to find the Underground Railroad and getting her Freedom Papers struggle, okay that’s a bit of an exaggeration but my struggle is real. A struggle that I can only think that would’ve been less of a struggle if I attempted to go to Grad school at 22 rather than in my late 20’s. I still would've been laser focused on school but after being out of school for so long I’m about as focused as DMX is about trying to stay out of jail.

The crazy thing is that I’m not even taking a full course load but with this class I’m taking and a full time job. I feel crazy, not sexy or cool… just plain crazy.  School was so much easier when I was in undergrad, it was my main focus. That and getting to the bar before midnight and the $1 tequila sunrises went back to regular price.  Now it’s not just school anymore, its meetings, deadlines, paying bills, and a whole bunch of other shit. It’s having a damn job… pulling all nighters and getting up to go to work at 6am is not what’s up.  When I pulled all nighters in undergrad I just had to get up and go to class, and if I had breaks in between I would go back the dorms and take a nap or sleep in the library. That’s a non-option at work, sleep where?? In the bathroom… yeah okay.  I’m not going to lie its been a little rough going back to school and having a full time job. I got off to a kinda rough start, which wasn’t exactly my fault. That’s another story for another day, however what happened really doesn’t matter because at the end of the day its my name on those grades and nobody else’s…. so there’s that.  I’ve gotten a little better with getting the hang of things lately, but I still feel overwhelmed with school at times. It’s definitely put a damper on my somewhat interesting social life but hey I know it’s for my own good but still I really hate school at times.

I have no idea how people with families (spouses and children) go back to school and work full-time. I’m more stressed out than Roseanne after they announced there wasn’t going to me any more Twinkies produced.  I just have a constant list of things that I need to do and sometimes shit gets done other times it doesn’t. So how a person balances all of this with kids, I'm not sure but I'm sure some type of narcotic is involved. God Bless them and can they pass out some Cliffnotes on how this happens.  

I will say this though the course I’m taking has definitely given me a better understanding of the field I’m in. This aint no fluff course, I feel more knowledgeable about problems that arise at work, so I guess that’s a good thing. I’m not working my ass off and pulling out my hair at times for some useless bs that I’m never going to use in my career. So here’s to looking forward for school being out for summer.

Back to School

So as a part of me Getting Focused….. I decided to go back to school!! In fact my class starts today. Well let me expound on this because it’s not like going away to Stanford or anything. I applied to this online program to get my Master’s in Food Science and I got wait listed (I don’t even want to get into drama behind that), therefore I’m taking a classes that will count towards my Master’s as I try to get off the wait list. I will say applying and the process of signing up for the class has been more annoying than watching an episode of the Wendy Williams Show. First the application process was just so extra for me, I forgot what it was like applying to college and forgot how much of a nuisance it was. Then when I got waitlisted…. I got super emotional and was about to say fuck it to the whole process but then I calmed my ass down and decided to take this graduate course anyway.

Then came the joy of figuring out how to pay for the class and I just want to say tuition and fees are no fucking joke!! Let's not even talk about the scam of college textbook.... its like a damn ponzi scheme. Since I’m paying for this class out of pocket…. The shit is real depressing. When I realized how much it was going to cost and I almost said fuck this shit once again because paying for school is going to cut into my moving out fund. Then I really sat and thought about it and realized that this class is going to help me in the long run and if I want different results I was going to have to do things differently. Basically you have to sometimes sacrifice things to accomplish your goals, and this paying out of pocket was my sacrifice. I also had to answer questions to my Father about going back to school…. If you knew my father you would know this wasn’t an easy task. My Father somehow thinks to my life resembles that of Nicole Richie circa 2003, with a twist of Hannah from Girls. He basically thinks I’m wasting my life away, doing whatever the hell I'm doing. In his opinion I need to apply to a more prestigious program i.e. Harvard, Yale, Duke and go to school full time and get my PhD. He doesn’t think this program through the school (which is a public University in the state I live) is good enough, he doesn’t understand the concept of online classes, he thinks I’m going to Everest College or something, no shade to whom ever goes to Everest College. I told him the problem with his plan was the schools he’s talking about don’t even have the program I’m getting my Master's in. Who the hell is going to pay for me to go to Yale, Harvard, or Duke, assuming they even let my ass in? I’m not 23 I can’t stop working and be a full time student I have bills.Finally, that's he's plan for me not mine.... If a wanted to go to medical school or law school okay yeah, you kinda have to be a full time student but that ain’t what I want to do. So therefore I had to get off the phone with him before I told him to get the hell on with that BS on Christmas morning.

My point is that sometimes you just have to push forward with the things you want out of life even when things seem bleak and people are as supportive as a training bra on Pamela Anderson. I wanted to just say fuck this school shit like 3 times before I was like okay I’ll try this and like Usher I'm going to do this My Way and not my dad's way. Actually other than my Dad everyone else in my life was been very supportive about this decision and honestly my Dad’s opinion hasn’t been that important since Jennifer Aniston was still playing Rachel Green on Friends. I’m nervous about going back to school… because well I’ve out of school for awhile and I’m not as discipline as I was when I was in college but hopefully it will be like riding a bike. So friends if you’re trying to accomplish a goal this year or whenever just push forward with it, and don’t let things, other people or most importantly yourself get in the way. Most of the time we are our own biggest enemies, we have to stop being our own roadblocks and even if do come across ones on our journeys. There’s always a detour it may be harder to find and take you way out of the damn way but it still gets you to your destination.  

Get Happy and Get Focused

New Year’s resolutions….. where to start I’ve made them and not kept them. I actually found mine from last year in a notebook at the bottom of a pile of Elle magazines; yeah that’s how important they became around March of last year. I read them to myself, this list of fifteen things I wrote out in my best cursive hand-writing (Ms. Green my 3^rd teacher would’ve been proud) and I literally shook my head. I thought to myself, bitch you were really on one around this time last year. I won’t bore you with every single one but here are a few ones I would like to highlight. 1) Workout out/lose weight- well I did workout but I didn’t lose a single solitary pound because my ass likes wine and pie too much but hey I didn’t gain any weight either. 2) Save money- Ummm let’s just say that didn’t happen like at all because I can’t stay out of the mall. 3) Be more organized- Hell I’m not even sure what the hell I meant when I wrote this and I’m still trying to figure it out, so I guess it didn’t happen. 4) Get serious about my career- Well this one I can say I somewhat have done. I got a new job!! It’s better than my last one but I’m starting to see it’s not exactly going to help me advance my career. So I kinda need to take on more responsibilities or back to Careerbuilder I go.  5) Get an apartment- well that goes back to number 2, I didn’t save any money because I was too busy in the mall and in the streets.

So this year I didn’t write a list of resolutions or goals and no vision boards for 2013. This year I wrote on a post-it in the elevator at my place of employment. This statement “Get Happy and Get Focused.”  What the hell does this mean? I have no idea and that’s kinda the beauty of it. It means whatever the hell I want it to mean. I want to even resemble Beyoncé on the cover of GQ, well my ass better get focused and drop the sugar cookies. I want to save money and get my own place, well I better stop dropping money at bars all around Chicago like tomorrow is never going to come and bills don’t have a due dates and get focused.

The getting happy part that’s a little different, it requires a slightly different plan of action. That means figuring out what really makes me happy and sometimes that easier said than done. It means pursuing certain things, and sometimes that means doing some things out of your comfort zone to achieve that. It also means at times not giving a single 3 Musketeer (The forgotten candy bar, think about it when was the last time you saw a 3 Musketeer commercial, I’ll wait.) Fuck about what others will say or think. This is where shit gets tricky and lines get blurry, at least for me because I’m always concerned about others opinions about me and what I’m doing and this could be people I know or people I don’t know. I overthink and analyze everything, big or small. This can be a good and bad thing. The thing is when I looked back at the year 2012, I wasn’t really happy. Sure I had happy moments and good things happened and some shitty things happened last year. That’s just life. However, overall that line from T.I.’s Why you wanna do that? Keep coming to mind, “is you happy”? The answer I came up with was no not really and I’m exactly sure why. Happiness has to keep from within, it’s not as simple as this and that did or didn’t happen. It’s much more than that, it’s about are content with yourself and the choices you’re making for yourself. It’s about you…. Not your mama, daddy, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend or cat/dog. So at the end of this year and I ask myself, “is you happy”? I want to be able to yes without even thinking about it. I’ve learned in life if you want different results you at times have to go about things differently. Therefore, I better get busy getting happy, however that’s going to come about. :)

The Break-Up

As you can tell from the title of this post, it's about a break-up.... its about my break-up. This is probably going to be one of the most personal post I have ever written. While not actually going into the details of the demise of this relationship, pointing fingers and trying to figure out what went wrong along the way. Who was wrong or who was right or whom broke up with whom. Just know there was miscommunication, hurt feelings, and misplaced anger. What I want to touch on is actually how I've be dealing with this break-up. Long story short..... not well. I've been so emotional I'm giving Whitney Houston and Carl Thomas a run for their money. There's been sleepless nights, which is how I know this shit is bad because nothing effects my damn sleep pattern. I go to bed around 11 or 12  and wake up at 6am, I never have a problem going to sleep or staying asleep. But here I am like Corrine Bailey Rae and I'm having trouble sleeping. I actually up writing this a 3:35 am..... this isn't me.

I haven't been me in like a week, I feel like I have taken on the life of someone else. Someone who has been listen to Mary J Blige's My Life CD on repeat for days on end. This past weekend I barely left my house. I spent hours laying on my bedroom floor listening to Sade, Carole King, and Melanie Fiona just looking at the ceiling and crying at times. Btw there's a lot of depressing ass music out there. Especially Solange's True EP, I think I have been come a fan of hers because track Somethings seem to never fucking work stayed on repeat..... who knew. I somehow seemed to find everyone of these songs. Especially Solange's True EP and add them to a playlist on Spotify  and titled it another sad love song. My diet consisted of potato chips, cake, and several bottles of red wine. Yes, I decided to become the definition of 808's and Heartbreaks and become a part-time resident of Heartbreak hotel. I do believe that this past weekend was one of the most depressing ones of my life. On Sunday night I tried my best to get my Brain McKnight on and give this thing One Last Cry. That was a fail because on Monday morning I still felt the same way. Did I have this or am I still having this mental collapse on purpose? I really have know fucking clue. 

What I do know is that, part of the reason I'm on Adele/Drake level of being into my feelings. Is that I have really shared this break-up or feelings of lost with anyone not my friends here in Chicago or back home. I'm basically doing what Mariah Carey said in Breakdown. 

Friends ask me how I feel

And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry.

Yup that's exactly what I'm doing..... I'm suffering in silence because we all know real G's move in silence. Well I guess I won't be when people read this but why am I choosing to go through this alone?... idk. Maybe because I'm stubborn, prideful, or I just don't want folks to know how far gone I got of over a boy. How caught up in the rapture I got with him or just explaining what did or didn't happen between us. This is basically being prideful. Think I said this before on this blog but I don't get serious with guys a lot. I'll date a guy and before it gets too serious I'll let shit fall apart. I never allow myself to really get to into a guy. Yeah I may like a guy but I'll like him like I like pizza. Meaning that I like pizza but I don't need pizza in my life everyday, it's not a necessity like red wine. It's my defense mechanism, its my way of keeping men from getting to close and from me getting hurt. 

Welp I kind liked this guy like red wine and not pizza this time around and now I'm feeling like Carrie did when Big left her at the alter in Sex and The City. You remember how crazy she looked after that.... yeah that's been me for the past few days. 

So now I feel like an idiot and I'm just not ready to show anyone that side of me right now.... not even my Mama. I just want to sit around and watch Law and Order marathons and drink myself into 2013. Not that I think anyone of my friends would judge me or not be supportive..... I'm just going through the motions and right I don't want to drag anyone else into. I know that break-ups are apart of life, they happen to everyone at some point and feeling the way I have been for the past couple days is okay. It happens to even the best of us but I'm not okay feeling this way. So dear friends if I'm even more sporadic on this blog, this is why I'm way too deep into my feelings right now. I know I'll be okay eventually but it just won't be today.

Vacation Takeaways

I'm back from my first real vacation in like two years, that's not to say that I haven't been anywhere other than Chicago for the past two years because I have. But I don't real look at visiting friends and family a real vacation, that's just going to visit someone. Anyway I had a great time and enjoyed my time away from cold ass Chicago. While I was gone I learned a few things about myself and just life in general and would like to share things with you.

1) Cruises- Until last week I had never been on a cruise, why? I don't like boats/ships or big open spaces of water. It just freaks me out..... so when we set sail and all I could see was water and no land around me, a strange feeling came over me. Its not that I don't know how to swim, I do but being a sea and there's no land in sight is just weird. Also as I found out motion sickness is real in the battle field. Although I did take some medicine Dramamine I still got sick one night. I would suggest taking it even if you think motion sickness won't be a problem for you. I have never felt that way before in my life.... I wish to never feel it again either. It was almost as bad as when I got food poisoning from the food court at the mall in college. The motion in the ocean was on ten that particular night. Oh yeah being hungover on a cruise is ten times worst than on dry land.

2) Packing- As Erykah Badu once said "Pack light". I have the tendency to over pack, I am exactly the person was talking about, I'm a bag lady. So for my week vacation, I had four bags. A big suitcase, a mid-size one, a carry on bag, and my purse which probably doubles as a overnight satchel. I had to get porters and all types of assistance carrying all those bags around. I have a serious problem but I believe I genuinely needed everything I packed because you never know what you may need. My motto is a rather be over than under because its always easier take something away to make it less than it is to add on and make something more. For example if you're over-dressed for an event. You can take of articles of clothing or accessories off to make your outfit less fancy but if you're under dressed, well you're just assed out. You don't have the tools to make your outfit more extravagant. However I do know now that I don't always have to take everything that's in my closet either.

3) Your crew- It's not always about where you go its about who you go with. Yes, I had an amazing time on my trip to the Bahamas. The place was beautiful but what make my time so great was I was with my awesome friend. We the best time on vacation and at the places we visited but more importantly we had an amazing time with each other. There were no Basketball wives fights or Real Housewives cuss outs. It was just fun hang out with my friends and that's what really matters the most.

Shade And A Vacay

Well good people as you may be able to tell from the title of this post, I'm going on vacation this week. Thank God!!!!! This has been a long time coming, I need this like Ciara and Omarion need a hit on the radio. Between work, life, trying to getting my life, and figuring out how I'm going get out of suburbs for good, this vacation a long time coming. Plus it's getting cold in Chicago, Fall has left the building and Winter is upon us. Quite frankly I ain't ready for it. I'm not ready to remember to warm my car up 5 minutes before I leave in the morning. I'm not ready for it to be 12:01am darkness at 5:01pm. I'm not ready to be wearing all these damn layers of clothes, trying to winterize my skin because walking around looking like a dry up piece of turkey 2 weeks after Thanksgiving is just immoral, and last but not least I'm not ready for the SNOW. That shit is cute and pretty until the next morning you're outside shoveling that shit like a grave digger.

So I'm going on a cruise with my friend for the week of Thanksgiving, at first I didn't want to go because it's a family holiday and whatnot. But then that thought quickly vanished from my head, shit..... I ain't got no kids or husband and I'm not going home to Atlanta for Thanksgiving so what am I really going miss? Cooking, watching the Thanksgiving parade with my Grandma and her asking who and what everything/ everyone is? My uncle getting drunk before dinner (although that is pretty hilarious tho), my aunt's dry ass stuffing (yes, stuffing not dressing. There's a difference), the ever so quite shade my aunts throw at each other...... yeah I'm good. I can do all that next year, so therefore I'm going to get my life or someone else's for a week in the Caribbean. So be safe good people, I'm sure I'll have some ratchet stories to tell or they'll be too ratchet and I'll need to keep it in the closet like Mike. So Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!!!!

                                    Yes!!! Ma'am the amount given will be zero... just like her!!

Stunts And Shows At The Ballot Box

Well by now you know that Barack Obama is still The President of the United States.... if you didn't know that, I am assuming that you have just woken up from a coma a few seconds ago or you live in Montana or somewhere with out internet access. This post isn't about who was the better candidate for the job.... (but the person I voted for is still in office) , nor it is about the election itself. But I damn sure glad its over, that shit was stressing me out. This post is about what the hell happened to me when I exercised my right to vote. Long story short they tried to pull it at my voting site.

Some of you reading this may not know that I moved to the Chicago area (btw I hate that Chicagoland bs) a little over a year ago from Georgia. Well as you should have learnt in Civics class you must vote in the state in which you live or do an absentee ballot. You can only vote absentee for certain reasons, none of which I qualified for. So I was going to have to re-register to vote in Illinois. Okay cool, I went to some voter registration drive and register to vote in IL, after weeks of waiting for my voter registration card in the mail, I check that shit and I was still registered to vote in GA... womp. Sidenote: when you go to voter registration drives make sure you check that shit before the deadline because clearly sometimes the ball is dropped in the process. So upon finding that out, I looked up where I needed to go to register to vote at, which was at the local library. I go there and bring all the documents I need, since I still have my GA driver's license I had to prove that I actually live in IL now. Okay that's understandable, so I brought my social security card, and two bills with my name and IL address on them. Boom, the guy swore me in as a resident of IL and I had to repeat some pledge of allegiance/oath ( I have no idea with I repeated back to that man) with my right hand up. He gave me a green piece of paper that severed as my voter registration card until the real one came in the mail. I asked him "so when I go vote all I need is my voter registration card and my driver's license, even though its still a GA id"? He's response was "yes, that's all you need."Okay, boom I leave and go about my business.

Well last week when I decided to vote early because I was going out of town for my homecoming last weekend and I didn't want no shit on election day. I go to the polling place and I wait in line for 30 minutes, which was fine... people were complaining like hell about waiting. Shit in 08 I waited in line for 3 hours in Atlanta, I really wanted to telling to their impatient asses to shut the hell up. I mean they were still gonna get home in time to watch Dancing with the Stars or whatever else. So I get to the front of the line and give them my Id and voter registration card and that's when shit went all the way I-95 South. The guy looks at me and the things I gave him and was like, "you can't vote out-state ID how do we know, if you really live in IL or not." At that point I got heated... I'm thinking bitch you're really out here trying to pull stunts and shows for the kids, okay this is how its gonna go. I came back down to about a level 2 and explained to him that when I registered to vote, I was told  by the official there that all I needed was my ID out-state or in-state, just an id with my name and picture on it and my voter registration card. Well that little troll wasn't having it, and keep out talking about how do we know you live at this address. I'm thinking my dude, how the fuck else would I get a voter registration card if I didn't live there!!??! Like did this troll really think I voted in GA and flew to IL try to vote here too. So I ask him what else do I need to prove I live at this address since that's the problem. He says I need my car registration or a bill, I look at the clock its 4:30pm. The place closed at 4:30.... I told him "ok I have something in my car, are you going to let back in? Because its after 4:30". He says, "yes". I go out to my car and look for my car registration and I realize that the State of Illinois never sent it to me... womp. Luckily I found my credit card bill in my bag and went back inside. He checked my papers all the awhile side-eyeing me and asking me if this was my statement or something. I give him my best Southern Belle smile because its was about to get real zone 6 in there and there's nothing polite and sweet about that shit. I told him, "actually its my new credit card", as the damn card was still attached to the paper. Well after filling out shit on his end, he gives me my ballot and I vote. Well after I voted these son of a bitches didn't even give me a sticker, voting receipt, sucker, dental floss, left over Halloween candy, none but a have a day nice. Being that I was the last person to vote I'm not sure if they were giving it out period or if it was just me. Listen at that point I needed to just to get out of there before I was on the News for turning it up at the voting site.

Let me give you some background info. I live in a prominently Anglo-Saxon area, so when I walked into the polling precinct I was the only person in there with a piece of color to their skin. Now maybe the the guy was doing his job but I'm inclined to believe that if I looked more like Mary Camden from 7th Heaven than Moesha Mitchell well from Moesha; that shit wouldn't have happened. Idk.... I'm just saying. However I do know this there are times to keep your cool and that was definetly one of them, voting is beyond important, and I must move away from this place I live ASAP and in that order!!!

Homecoming

So this past weekend I went back to my alma mater for homecoming and had one of the best weekend of the year. It was full of randomness, foolishness, ratchetness, and drunkenness, all the things that make weekends like this eventful and one that won’t be forgotten.  I hung out with people I had seen in years and did things I haven’t done in years either. Well while this fun was being had, something occurred to me. Some people are just plain delusional like Jackie Christie delusional.  Maybe delusional isn’t the right word, they have an inflated sense of self.

I think that in any type of reunion situation, you’re going to always come across that person that thinks that they’re the shit no matter what and maybe they were 5-10 years ago but in present day they’re more like shit on a stick. Most of the time they are quite opposite of the person they use to be, as 50 cent once said “Damn homie, in high school, you was the man homie, what the fuck happened to you?” They’re the ones kinda acting stuck up, they’re sociable but not too sociable, and they’re an ass but not a complete asshole.  They are the ones walking around the party like its 2002 and they’re still captain of the football team and people need to recognize that, and speak to them first. Oh no honey its 2012 and you haven’t thrown a football since 2002 and by the looks of it you haven’t done a sit-up since then either. Despite what Mitt Romey wants you to think gas ain’t $1.86/gal and will never be that again, meaning times have clearly change but your ass is stuck in past. Trying to get into the DeLorean to go Back to the Future, sir/madame it was a movie and there’s no such thing. It’s like these fools live in a world where Nelly songs are on the top 100 Billboard charts, Girlfriends is still on the air, and Girbaud jeans reign supreme.  

Well this is most definitely not the case, so please stop acting like it is. Just because you were hot shit back in the day, that may not be the fact of the matter today.  Even if you’re the shit now….. Guess what?  Most people aren’t going to be impressed. Unless you’re doing real pimp shit, like hosting fundraisers at your house for President Barack Obama; other than that people don’t give a damn. Why??? Because this ain’t Bayside High or the college years, this is real life and nobody has time for those types of shenanigans. People give zero fucks about you poppin bottles in vip…. You do know that same bottle of Grey Goose that you paid $300+ for cost $40 and the liquor store, right? Nobody cares that you’re driving a Range Rover…. Is that shit paid for?? Then maybe you can impress somebody. People aren’t concerned about you rocking the latest shit and bangin top notch bitches/dudes. People are concern about 401Ks, mortgage interest rates, day care, going to the gym, and getting to Trader Joe’s before the lines get too long. Because that’s real shit and not that Mariah Carey Fantasy bullshit you’re worried about.  So if you’re going come to these class reunions, homecomings, or whatever else acting like you’re Zack Morris and you run Bayside High, please have an everlasting seat. Don’t come to these functions acting like you’re Grace Kelly sequel, because you’re probably going to get read from the table of contents to the index, I saw it happen this past weekend and it wasn’t pretty. It was however hilarious though. Don’t have people looking at you and thinking this…… 

I Am Not My Hair

So good people I shaved my head over this past weekend, well a better way to put it is that I had to shave my head.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen you read that first sentence correctly...... I shaved my head. I currently look like a black Sinead O'connor. So why did I shave my head? Well long story short I got a really bad perm from my hairstylist and my hair began to fall out at a horrifying rate. Like honestly is was at the point to where I would touch my hair and like 10-15 strands of hair would fall out. I mean is was real bad, Michael Jackson Bad.  When it was breaking off it was breaking to the roots of my hair. So after looking at my hair and I had all these bald spots in my head. I decided to carry myself to Target and buy some clippers and shave my head.

I just needed to start over and the hair that was left on my head was already severely damaged, therefore I didn't see the need to keeping it. By shaving my head the hair that would now be growing would be healthy and not damaged. So I took the clippers and began to shave away. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might have been, I just kept telling myself that its hair and it will grow back. Although I never contacted my hairstylist about the bad perm, some people said I should've told her. Maybe I should've said something but I didn't see much of a point the damaged was already done, all she would have told me to fix the problem was what did.... shave my head to the point to the breakage. Also no I'm not mad, pissed off, nor do I want to slash her tires for the damaged she did to my hair. It just the risk you take when you chemically relax your hair, there's always a chance of breakage. Actually I'm kind of glad this happened, just for the simple fact that I'm now going to grow my hair naturally (without any chemicals in my hair). It was never in my plans to be natural, I just never had the desire to be natural. Even though I know its better for my hair, well now here's my chance to grow my hair naturally the way God intended me to be.  I still plan on wearing wigs or weaves when my hair gets long enough but obviously my hair is trying to tell me something, its was saying "bitch we don't want and we don't do perms anymore". So I guess I better listen.