I'm Just So Unmoved

I think I have a problem when it comes to dating, this problem I speak of I'm  kind of just starting to realize its a problem or I've just admitted to myself that maybe a problem.  I realized this when I saw Rhianna's latest video, in the video she was totally into this guy. The highs (although some of the highs seemed to be chemically induced) and the incredible lows of love were all on display, they were in the moment and felt all of those moments.  She's ALL THE  WAY INVESTED in the relationship.

 Well that ain't me and has been me in a long time, my experience is more like this video. Daria....., sigh this is my dating life. Going through life and various experiences and just being generally unmoved by the whole thing. Look this b!tch is reading the newspaper at a basketball game, she refuses to get involved at all and that's how I feel 98% of the time when it comes to dating. I just don't emotionally invest in dating and dealing with dudes, I'm romantically tapped out. Do I get emotional (no Carl Thomas)? Yes, I get upset and pissed off all the damn time. I'm invested in the things I care about like my family, friends and my career. But when it comes to dating I'm chilling like Daria. I'm more likely to get upset that Glee didn't come on because of the World Series or they effed up my coffee order at Starbucks, than if some guy didn't call back like he said he would. Look at Rhianna in the video she's in the middle of nowhere in a mud-pit with her boyfriend. I rather not, well at least not with any man I've dated or I'm currently dating. I'm there if that's where my friends are, otherwise you're going to have to count me out. Anyhoo, even when I'm talking to a guy or on a date with one, I'm thinking about other things. Like I'm wondering if the new issue of Harper Bazaar came in the mail or why Jennifer Lopez thinks we believe she's driving around in the Bronx in a Fiat... girl bye. Okay, I'm digressing again. I shouldn't be thinking about those things, should be trying to get to know this person, right? But at last that doesn't happen. Lately I can't muster up the energy to actively participate in dating and it most definitely takes two people to date, I'm just out there half assing it. I'm doing things like meeting guys, grabbing their attention (which I actually enjoy) and then once they want my number or to go out I turn into Daria. Once they want more from me than what's number and my sign, I'm like no thanks. I'm out here catching and releasing dudes.  I feel like dating just takes too much energy and I'm so about the 20% energy iPhone life right now. I just can't seem to put forth that much effort right now. I rather have a smooth seat somewhere, watch Head of the Class and go drinking with my friends. Than to sit in some restaurant and listen to some man talking about why The Blueprint was Jay-z's best album or whatever the f*ck. I don't feel like telling some man about why I didn't go to a HBCU or the story of my life, in short I guess I don't feel like dating. Well, I at least don't feel like doing the initial stages of dating and you have to go through that part to get to the relationship part.


 I'm not exactly sure what my problem is or if this is even a problem (it probably is). I'm not sure when this happened or how to change this behavior. Maybe I've met one too many bamas and they've left me disenchanted and jaded. Then again maybe I've allowed myself to feel this way. I keep thinking that a Michael Ealy look-alike is going to show up and shake me to my core. I know that's pretty much never gonna happen because that's not real life, but a girl can dream, right? Maybe this is a phase or maybe it isn't. All I know is that I just can't participate in all the fuckery that goes on in dating right now. I'm a firm believer in showing up and showing out and putting your best foot forth, but nowadays I'm showing up unprepared and just not giving a f*ck. Oh, so and so didn't call back or his trippin'. It's cool I'm going to eat wings and drink bud lights with my friends and have fun. That's where my head is at and that just isn't my style when I'm in regular mode. The last couple of guys I've dealt with said they couldn't get a good read on me, that I was very nonchalant and unbothered about our situation. They were exactly right, I couldn't put it better than that. That's how I felt about them and about dating in general. So I think I'm just cool out on the sidelines and drink a Hi-C juice box and let y'all have at this game of dating for awhile because I'm being very much like Lebron in the 4th quarter....  just non-existent.

Nosey People

I am somewhat of a nosey person by nature. I read trashy tabloids, I'm on necolebicthie daily, and I watch the E network regularly, and know all the celebrity gossip. I like to be in the loop of things and know what's going on. See I view my nosiness as harmless and non-annoying to the people in my life. What I mean by that is me wanting to know who Lil Wayne's next baby mama is going to be or that Rhianna dropped $1500 for sex toys in Paris, is for my own in entertainment. Other folks on the other hand take their nosiness to a whole new level.

This nosey person who as much as you love/like them you almost dread talking to them because its not a conversation you have with this person it feels more like an interrogation. Its like who, what, when, how, and why. On my f*cking God, why must you be this way? Why can't you let the details of a story flow out naturally? Let me tell you what happened before you ask me 20,000 questions about what happened, damn. The other kind of nosiness I can't stand is the person who's damn near a human tracking device. You know who I'm talking about, the one person in your life that you almost can't even fart without them knowing about it. The person who the second after you put something on twitter, they text you about it. Damn can a b!tch breathe? Apparently not when it comes to these types of nosey people.

Finally the last type of nosey person I can't stand... the ones that try to pretend they're concern for you and your well meaning but they're really being nosiness. SMH!! These folks right here kill me softly. I know a couple of people like this. They've especially shown all their colors of the wind since I moved to Chicago. See when someone sincerely and genuinely cares about you it shows. There's no pretense. They're not calling you to judge you or to get their sh^t and giggles from you. These folks call to make themselves feel better because you maybe not be at your highest point. They're calling because they're nosiness and they just want information about your life so they can spread it and judge you in the process. They're not calling just to see what's up, they call to fish for info. Oh.... they just make me want to pull my hair out. I try my best to keep these kind of people at arms length. Because sometimes these people are more detrimental to your life than you realize, just because they're attentions aren't pure. I rather flat out know you're being a hater or two-face, than you pretending to care about me and my life. See that's a post for a whole other occasion. So good people how do you feel about nosiness people?

I Need A Ride Or Die Chick: Part II

I was thinking more about T.I. and Tiny's relationship and I remembered this one episodes of the Tiny and Toya show of the five I actually watched. In this episode Tiny's friend presented her with an opportunity to sing somewhere. The first thing out of Tiny's mouth " let me see what Tip says about it". What the f*ck... is what I was thinking. Tiny this grown ass 30+ year old woman has to get permission from her baby daddy (they weren't married at this point) to do something she's been doing since she was probably a little girl. Get all the way up out of here with that ish... this woman was in a multi-platinum selling group before she even laid eyes on this n@gga but now she's asking him she can sing at this Shady Pines retirement center (actually I have no idea where this gig was). Do you know she didn't do the gig, I want to say she came up with some bogus excuse but we all know it was because T.I. didn't want her to. All I could do is smh at this situation, I felt sad and bad for her.

I felt this way for her because she really wanted sing at whatever this thing was. Singing was her career its not something she did for fun, liking knitting. She was paid for it and paid well for her talents. Now her talent isn't being used in a way she would like because the man in her life doesn't seem to be supportive of it. See it would be different if she stop singing because she wanted to but I really don't think that's the case, then that would be her choice and nobody else's. Now does Tiny want to get back to the level her career was at when she was in Xscape? I don't know... but it seems like T.I. doesn't want her singing at the Grammys or at local state fairs. He just wants her at home singing in the shower and that's about it. Why? Who the hell knows? Maybe there can only be one Top Flight Security in the Harris household and doesn't want her to spread her wings and prepare to fly because he has to be the superstar in the relationship. He just want her bare foot and pregnant as my grandma would say. Whatever the case maybe Tiny should be able to pursue any career she would like and have the support of the man in her life but that's too much to ask of him. Who really knows the real answer but for some reason their relationship seems really lopsided to me. What I mean is that I think they both love each other but I think Tiny loves him a little more than he loves her and that's never good.

She loves him to the point where she'll do absolutely dumb shit for him, taking drug charges for him, being a drug mule, participating in threesomes (allegedly and hey she maybe into that), accepting cheating and his herpes. Yes, ladies he has herpes, that's not a rumor. But finally I really think she gave up her career for him and that's a lot to give up and deal with for someone you love. Think about whens the last time you heard Tiny sing? Well I'm thinking is was around 1998, in that My Little Secret video. I don't care how many nail shop, wing stops, and check cashing spot she opens. That woman wants to be singing, like in a mama I want sing kind of way  but truly believe she gave it all up for the King of The South. Which is fine if that's what she wanted to do and he didn't make it seem like it was either him or her career. Who knows... but I wonder if the shoe was on the other foot would he do the same. Like I said before ride or die my ass.

I Need A Ride or Die Chick

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State of Affairs

I got a call the other day, from a guy that just didn't quite make the team. You know that guy you know likes you and you may or may not like him back, for whatever reason. But you keep him around because he's a cool dude. Well this guy (let's call him Ted) calls me randomly one night. So after pleasantries are exchanged, he asks me out of the blue to go with him to his company's party he has to attend. It the party was at this fancy venue, with fancy people, and fancy food and drinks. Well after thinking about for a minute, I accepted his invite because its going to be fancy and I like fancy ish and it was free drinks. I said to myself, what the hell do I have to lose by going to this party? So as Ted giving me more details about the event, I started thinking. Why in the hell did Ted just randomly call me to go with him to this ultra fancy for his job? I hadn't seen this boy since our mutual friend's birthday party, which was last Christmas Eve and I can't remember the last time I talked to him other than at said party. Which brings me back to why out of all the people/girls he knows did he ask me?

So me being me I asked him, why did you just ask me to this party? He's reply "because you know I've always liked you the timing and other stuff was never right... blah, blah..." Classic bs answer, the timing, wind velocity, and the twinkie to moon pie ratio was never right. Boy bye... total bs but I didn't call him on his bs, I let it ride for the time being. I never discuss the little theory I discovered while talking to him.

The theory being that all the girls talking to and/or f*cking were just as ratchet as can be or there were no girls period . So now faced with with going to a professional outing he couldn't bring those ratchet ass girls around his fancy ass colleagues. That would be uncouth, tacky, and a all around bad look on his part, because contrary to what some may think, who you sleeping/dating is a reflection of you. So what does he do he calls me he's "safety chick" and no I wasn't flattered that he asked me to this party. Honestly it was kind of like a back-handed compliment. This whole situation made me think about his state of affairs and his judgement as a whole or lack of judgement. Being that I've known this dude for about four years and seen his interactions with the opposite sex, a deep sigh is needed when speaking about this ordeal.

What made me perplexed about the whole situation, wasn't that this grown ass man (a lawyer at that) was still messing around with ratchets and bust it babies because I obviously know what place they sever in his life. It was that he couldn't even get up a decent enough girl to take to this party. He had to reach and I mean reach............ out and touch my hand to ask me to this party. This my friends is a sad state of affairs, everyone knows you should have at least one quality person on your team, while your dating. So you won't have to make these awkward phone calls to people. Ted clearly doesn't have this or he wouldn't have asked me to this party. Then again maybe Ted is in the process of rebuilding his team, like the Knicks and was trying to see where his players fell in line. Idk, but all I know is I never want to be in Ted's position because it isn't a position of power and I'm all about the power. So everyone what's your state of affairs looking like? 

Things On My Mind

So apparently men think that women spend all their free time thinking about them and all our thoughts are consumed by them like Ali Larter in Obsessed. Well, sir that maybe true for some women but definitely not all. There are plenty of other stuff women/I think about other than why you didn't call back, what this riddle of a text message you just sent means, and if you really like us. So here are some of those things.

1) Beyonce's pregnancy: Why won't people let Beyonce's fetus be great damnit??? Jesus of Nazareth, ever since she opened that sequined Dolce & Gabbana Jacket at the VMAs and rubbed her belly. People (Wendy Williams and Sandra Rose) have been saying she's rocking a fake baby bump. The f*ck, yes I'm not even gonna put what in this sentence. Look everybody needs to chillax about what's growing in Bey's uterus and let her and her unborn be great.

2) Finding a job: This shit right here is stressing me the f*ck out, to the point that I just don't even want to talk about (I'm just praying really hard about it). So....

3) Chicago's upcoming winter: I just read that this winter is going to be one of the worst ones in years, this news literally made my heart sink. I'm from Georgia, I can't handle snow up to my ass. I'm not about that digging my car out the snow life. What the f*ck did I get myself into? I'm accepting donations for a heavy winter coat.

4) TV sitcoms: Is it just me or has tv sitcoms just be sucking lately? I'm talking to you Glee, The Office, and Grey's Anatomy. I've been watching these shows and been thinking what's going on? Why does something seem to be missing? I'm damn near bored to tears but I tune in week after week hoping something will get better. When I'm watching these shows I'm usually thinking man... I should just go watch my Boy Meets World or Sex In The City dvds. Maybe its the writing or maybe its me. Either way it needs to get fixed real quick.

5) Drake: Look I love Drake I think he's cute (look don't judge me) and I would date him, plus I like his music. But lately this boy has been on some other shit, have you seen the album cover for his new cd Take Care? What is this boy going through?? He looks like he's sad that his date stood up him up at Medieval Times and somebody decided to take a picture. Look at this photo people! He looks like he needs a hug and some warm milk. Chile... I can't take this, Rhianna really did a number on this n!gga. Plus these Heathcliff Huxtable sweaters he's been wearing lately. Really, so this is what we're doing Aubrey Drake Graham? Whatever Rhianna is slanging in the bedroom, she needs to bottle it up and sell that shit, because she's leaving dudes out here bleeding love. I really think Drake maybe on his period or something. Look at this f*cking picture. There's no excuse for this, take care my ass... but I still love him. 

So Ladies and Gentlemen what's on your mind?

How Pressed Can You Be?

I've never understood people who go out with someone and sleep with said person within a week or two of meeting this person and now y'all go together. I'm sorry but there's a disconnect here. Girls (and boys too) will go out with some man they met at the club, go on one date and sleep with him and now y'all are in a relationship. You're all up on his twitter page, changing your facebook relationship status, and telling you mama all about him. Really???? How is this possible? You're telling your friends about how much you're feeling him and going around being very much like Amerie in 2002, talking about why don't we fall in love? Chile.. please go kill yourself. Do you even know how crazy you sound? Can you please tell me how you go from  the 1st date eating dinner with this man at The Cheesecake Factory to picking out the color of your bridesmaids dresses?

What is being demonstrated here is an extreme case of being pressed. Yes, people who think like this is  are more pressed than Steve Harvey's suit on the day he's hosting the Celebration of Gospel for the 20th time. I just don't understand it. How do you go from meeting someone to telling people this is my new boo, all in a week. Nobody can be that sprung, can they? The sad thing about being this press and that the other party never feels the same way. Never I say. They're not at home doodling the other person's name in a notebook or dreaming about getting Brian McKnight to sing at the wedding. Nope, none of this stuff is going through their brain, they're chillin'. Which is exactly what your monkey ass should do to. Yeah they like you.... but it ain't love and y'all definitely don't go together, at least not yet. This isn't 7th grade miss/sir just because someone expressed some sort of feelings for you, doesn't mean its a relationship. So keep all thoughts like that stored in your trapper keeper and locked in your locker, with your Jr high thinking ass. Chill out, take a step back, and just date this person. Stop thinking David Tutera is coming to plan your wedding to this person and just keep things real cute.

Let me say this if the person you're so gaga over, had any idea how pressed you are, I'm pretty sure they would PAUSE on the whole situation between the two of you. There's nothing worst than a pressed person because honestly it comes off as desperate and who wants to be with a desperate person? No damn body, that's who. How are you already thinking about being in a relationship and all they're thinking about what movie to go see with you on Friday? It makes no sense. So just clam your happy ass down and relax and just let it happen.

Unsolicited Advice

So I have this thing about myself, I hate when people give me advice and I know they have absolutely no idea what they're talking about. For example, if let's say.... Ray J gave you any advice about having a successful singing career, would you listen to him? F*ck no, why? Because he doesn't have a successful singing career, he may think he does but we the people clearly know he doesn't. What I've come to realize is that people in general love to give advice about any topic. You want to know where to go fly fishing? Dave will tell but what Dave won't tell you is that he's never gonna fly fishing a day in his life but he knows all the great spots. I think people just like to hear themselves talk and make themselves feel smart. Actually what I really think is that these people's lives suck so much, and the fact that you have a dilemma (or a perceived dilemma) makes them sing happy,happy, joy, joy in their demented minds. 

However, what brothers me more than folks giving advice and they have no idea what they're talking about and you know this for a fact. Is the unsolicited advice by these same people, see it would be my own fault for being annoyed by this advice and this person if I had asked for said advice. As I've said before these motherf*ckers just like to hear themselves talk and you could be talking to them about the new season of The Office and then all of a sudden they're telling you need to be putting more money in you 401K. Really b@tch??? You don't even have a 401K  but you want to tell me what to do with mine? Get all the way up out of here with that sh!t. 

Last week I was talking to someone and of course they inquired about my dating life... which I have no problem talking about, why? Because ain't sh!t to talk about, I'm chilling and I'm fine with that (I have a lot of other sh!t going on, like finding a job). But this person thought I wasn't fine with it and thought they would give me some unsolicited advice, by telling be where I need to go to pick up men and what to do when I pick up these men. Now while they're talking I'm side-eyeing the f*ck out of this person, she's going on and on like they're Dr. Drew or somebody. All I can think about is that this person is dating a married man and has been dating this married man for 3 years!!! My dear please have a window seat on that fantasy ride you're on. This b!tch is about as delusional as Ciara thinking she's got a hit album left in her career. For three years this woman has been with this married man, but she thinks she's better than all of the other Jezebels because she respects this man's wife. How does she do this? Well she makes sure he always answers his wife's calls while they are fornicating, she doesn't allow him to bad mouth his wife in front of her, and she tries to have minimal contact with him when he's with his wife. She does all this while they both are committing adultery. So just because she's set up this parameters with her married boyfriend, she thinks she's better than the other side-chicks that's spreading their legs to married. Chile... just because you think you're "respecting" his wife with these rules, you're still disrespecting her by sleeping with her husband. So okay bye to you're advice about my dating life or anyone else's. O_o

Look I'm not here to judge this woman about her dealings with married men, so if she wants to continue to live this Fantasia Barrino life is not a fairy tale life she's living.... that's fine. I'm not even here to tell her to close her legs to married men (although I think she should because that's how people get shot). Do you boo. What I have a problem with is this woman and people like her who are in way more f*cked situation than me, want to give me unsolicited advice about what I'm doing and what I need to do. Don't give me advice about dating just because your dating a married man. That does not make you an authority on the subject, if anything it makes you less than one.  Think about it you couldn't go out and find a man that could give you all of his free time i.e. he's single, instead you're settling for a man that's giving you borrowed time.... smh.  So please keep your advice to yourself until someone asks you for it.

They Don't Date No More

So there seems to be this new phenomenon that's been going on for the past couple of years in game of dating. What is this thing I speak of? Well people actually aren't going on dates anymore. Think about it when was the last time you actually went on a proper date with a guy you just met? I'm not sure about everyone else but it's been a hot little minute for me. When I say a proper date, watching him play Madden at his homeboy's house doesn't count. I'm talking about one of those DJ Tanner from Full House dates. I mean he picks you up at your house or you meet him somewhere (because dudes are crazy nowadays and you can't just let anybody up in your house, stalking is real on these streets. Seen Law and Order: SVU lately?) Y'all go to a public place, i.e. a restaurant, a movie, or doing some kind of activity and there are other people around.

These dudes nowadays want to come over to your house, order a pizza, and watch Boardwalk Empire on your couch (because you have premium channels and he doesn't). Boy stop it, I say!! What the f*ck part of the game is this? So you really want to come over to my place, watch TV, and eat pizza? Is this suppose to be a date and a first date at that sometimes? What makes a man think this is acceptable, can somebody explain this to me? Actually a better question is, what basic ass heffas have been letting these men think this swindle okay?  Under the pretense of "oh baby I just want to spend some time together, why does it matter where we go"? Because n#gga it matters! I want to round these girls up and bitch slap them back to reality because they are f*cking it up for everybody else.

Now to the men that thinks this sh!t is acceptable, I am here to tell you right here and now that sh!t isn't gonna fly anymore. Nor, is asking a girl to come over to your house either. All this coming over to somebodies house and watching a movie and cooking dinner has got to stop. Unless you have a Tyler Perry size movie theater in you house and you are having a private screening of a movie with at least 10 other people there or Bob Flay is throwing down in your kitchen. Coming to your house isn't a date, so stop calling it that and call it what it really is hanging out. What really kills me, is when a woman declines this wack ass excuse of a date, dudes really get mad  and confused by why a girl wouldn't want to spend time with him at his house or her house. First of all its a comfort and safety issue, most women aren't gonna feel comfortable or safe in private quarters with a man she just met at the gas station 10 days ago. Sh!t, that's how people get raped and thrown into the river. Safety first, so when that same girl comes to your house on a first date and pepper sprays your ass for being a little too touchy-feely don't be surprised.

So men stop asking women to come over to your place or if you can come to her place in the initial stages of dating. You're not Teddy Pendergrass and nobody is going to come and go with you over to your place, that mess isn't cute. Stop doing this sh!t, so that awkward conversations don't need to happen or you don't get cussed out. If you perceive a young lady you like not to be a $2 hoe, than don't come at her with some $2 hoe bullsh!t. Don't have her reject your offer of a "date" like Mutombo and get your feelings hurt. Nobody is saying spend half your check taking out a woman on a first date, we all know its a recession. But damnit ain't nobody trying to sit up in your funky ass apartment and watch First 48 either. There's gotta be a middle ground, so find it and stay there please.