Thursday, March 31, 2011

You're Doing The Most

So the other week I met a guy and within 30 minutes of talking to him I knew absolutely nothing would or could transpire between us more than the conversation that we were currently having. Why? You may ask? Well, there were a few reasons. Let me start with, within 5 minutes of me giving him my number and walking to the other side of the room, this guy was already texting me. In my mind, I'm thinking wow he's level of thirst is on a thousand trillion right now. I'm sorry but you blowing my phone up within minutes of getting my number, is just unacceptable, Lord can a b!tch breath? I just gave you my number, why are you texting me? There's a difference between showing interest and being extremely thirsty, creepy, and/or desperate. See from this guy's action I could clearly see that he was thirsty, and  was looking for a thirst quencher and I was looking like some gatorade at that point in time. There is probably nothing I find more unattractive in a man than him thirsty and just too damn eager. He's like that dude that's just been released from prison and is ready to pounce on anything with a skirt on, yuck!

As if this disgusting level of thirst wasn't bad enough he continued with this repulsive display, by asking me weird and inappropriate questions. Such as, what attributes do you think makes a good mother? As I read his text all I could say was you've gotta be f^cking kidding me, really? As I read and re-read this text, I started to think about what part of the game is this? How do you even type ish like this and push send to a person you barely even know? But I replied back anyway like a dummy and told him I have no idea because I have no kids. His response was ok, then what do you think makes a good marriage? This is where I rolled my eyes, cursed myself for giving this fool my number , and pushed the ignore button. The whole convo  annoyed the bejesus out of me, and left me searching for answers but before I could even begin to process my thoughts. He hits me again asking, why I didn't call him when I said I would( I forgot to mention I said I would call him when I got a chance and apparently that meant 2 hours within giving him my number).  Excuse me sir, are you salty because I didn't call you in a timely fashion? I wish cell phones had a block button like on twitter, so people can jus blockt certain people from their memories and lives.

I just can't handle men like this and I'm confused by behavior like this. Its as if you don't know your role, are you the male or the female in this situation? I'm not taking shots, I just need an explanation. All I can say is that dudes going around acing in this manner are just idiots. This type of behavior is not what's hot in the streets, you just come across as pressed and too eager, its almost as if a girl hasn't given you any attention since the 12th grade. See no women wants a man no other doesn't want. Its just not cute and I guarantee you that women will not be throwing their panties at your feet. I don't know who told these men that being more desperate than a housewife on ABC at 9:00 on a Sunday was cool, but this is totally unacceptable. By doing all this you're showing a lack of confidence and that's the world's biggest turn off. So fellas go get some water, gatorade or whatever other liquid you like, have a seat and chill out.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Guys You Shouldn't Date: The Mama's Boy

On today's installment of men you shouldn't date, I'll like to present to you the mama's boy. You may wanna stay clear from this guy because somewhere between arguing with him over him taking his mama's side again and you telling him that you ain't his mama, and you won't be cleaning up after him. You'll find yourself trying to figure out how to kill him without ending up on an episode of Snapped. Look I know of what I speak, my brother is the biggest mama's boy I know (lord, I hope he never reads this).

See my mom raised me but she coddled my brother, just the other day my mom was saying how never remembers helping me or telling me to do my homework (this is not to say she wasn't willing to help me with it). She went on to say that it was always done before she could even ask me if it was. My brother on the other hand, she would stay up to odd hours in the night helping and sometimes doing his homework. Now she may also say the reason she didn't help with my homework,  was because I'm stubborn and don't like asking for help and that's true. But the real reason was because she taught me to be self-sufficent and to do things on my own, now my brother not so much. I'm not the best cook but I know enough to put basic meals together. My brother out of his 23 years on this Earth I've only seen him make ramen noodles and he burnt that. He washes his own clothes now but that wasn't always the case, my mom showed me how to use a washer machine and dyer at the age of 9. Why? Because she was tried of washing everybody's clothes and she felt I was old enough to wash my own clothes.
Now I'm not mad at my mom for all this and all the other lessons I got in order for me to be self-sufficent, but I can't help to wonder if she short-changed my brother because although we grew up in the same house we were raised very differently.

There are a couple of dynamics to a mama's boy, one of these being that the mama's boys moms are always in their business. It doesn't matter if his 5 or 35 she's always poking her nose around and offering not so sound advice. Its past the point of being a good mom, she's intrusive and overbearing. Prime example of this in the mom from Everybody Loves Raymond. When its to the point she's not even treating her son like a son, but more like a make shift boyfriend or her little puppet, there's a problem. He's always up under her, running errands for her even when he doesn't want to because he doesn't know how to say no to her. Even if he does grew some balls and says no, she guilt trips into doing what she wants. Its to the point that he's more in tune with her feelings than his own. This relationship is complex and slightly emotionally abusive and I personally rather not deal with it. He'll never be dating you because he's too busy dating his mom and he doesn't even know it.

Now on the other side of the coin you have the guy who doesn't know how to anything for himself because his mama does or did everything for him. He can't cook, wash dishes, pay bills, or pick up after himself, hell he can barely wipe his own a$$ without his mom's assistance. He just doesn't know how to take care of himself at all, why? Because his mama did everything for him. She loved that boy to the point that she never taught him how to be a man, she stifled his growth and now he's 6'3, 200 lb little boy. This my friends is a sad case of events because since he doesn't know how to take care of himself, he's always going to be looking for someone to take over that job. Where it's a girlfriend, wife, sister or Ann Louise at the dry cleaner, it's going to be somebody. This is a no bueno situation, with either one of these men. You'll be losing all day like the Knicks since they got Carmelo.  So proceed with caution.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

You're So Vain

Anyone who knows me in real life knows that I'm very girly and pretty much a cosmetic junkie, and to an extent I'm kind of vain, I'm very much into my outward appearance. Now my vanity isn't to the point were I'm always in the mirror, saying mirror on the wall who's the prettiest of them all or I'm trying to take glamour shot pictures all the time. I just take pride in my appearance. I like to look good and put together, I don't like leaving my house looking like yesterday's trash, I'm sorry sue me if you think that's wrong.

So when I see people out and about looking like Ke$ha (that girl looks like she hasn't bathed since 2005), and waking up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy and brushing their teeth with a bottle of Jack. My soul weeps a little, I'm throughly confused and baffled by this behavior. I'm not suggesting that everybody goes around looking like they just stepped out the pages of Vogue and GQ (although this is what I'm going for, but hey that's just me). But I'm gonna need you to do the basics and stop going around looking like a shiny turd and like you just completely gave up on life.

As if this air of glibness about  these folks appearances isn't bad enough, some people attitudes about their absolute lack of fashion and overall outward presentation, is plain irritating. Case in point Royce from Basketball Wives. Now idk if you watched this show but basically for the whole season Royce decided not only to dress like Susie Carmichael from the Rugrats, she also chose to wear everything from the bottom bin at the Dress Barn. Just dreadful, I say. First of all this chick is like 30, so why she chooses to go around looking like all her clothes came from The Limited Too, is beyond my comprehension.

 Ladies (and gentlemen too) after a certain point even if you can fit the clothes in your 13 year old sister's closet, doesn't mean you should wear them. Wearing Justin Bieber t-shirts and Wet Seal booty shorts isn't the business, let that ish go. You can't go out to the club/bar or wherever with your new Jay's, ripped jeans, and a wife beater on and possibly think you're dressed up. Girl...... please get it together, quick fast and in a hurry.

Now on top of Royce going around dressed like a 10th grader, she also felt the need to point out that she didn't need to be decked out in Gucci and gold to catch a man. As she so eloquently pointed out on the reunion show, when she was arguing with Evelyn (if you didn't watch the reunion please do, because this argument had to the funniest thing I've seen on TV in a while). I also learned from Royce this little titbit  "if you can't make your leg touch your ear, you ain't sh!t in the bedroom", I almost died when she said this right here I'm literally laughing as I type this.  Lawd this chick, well I guess me and a lot of other women ain't sh!t in the sheets.

Okay back to matter at hand, this child felt the need to go around on national TV looking like a rag doll and when she wore that wet and wavy crap with her hair, it looked like a wet poodle was on her head. Her clothes looked like she picked them up on the off ramp of a highway, along with some oranges, Gucci Mane's latest cd, and season 3 of Martin on bootleg. She was mess a hot ragged a$$ mess it was as if she forgot the cameras were going to be there.

Her justification for her ratchet ways, according to her was she didn't need to get glammed up like the rest of them heffas to pull dudes. Hey, I'm not knocking this girls hustle if she wants to go around looking like Lisa Turtle circa 1988, that's fine but don't be going around acting holier than thou because other girls don't want to look like they're stuck in the 80's. Saying that other girls are superficial, vain, and conceited because they give a damn about the way they look, is just wrong. There's an old saying, " If you can't fly, then don't go shooting someone out of the sky".  What Royce was doing was taking shots. Look if you feel like you don't need makeup, fancy clothes, a perm/weave or whatever to get men or to feel beautiful, then good for you but don't come off as your better than me or the woman like me, that's into makeup, fashion, and hair because you feel like that's what we got to do to get a man. Cause all we have to offer him is our outward appearance, that's far from the case this is the ish I like and I'm doing this for me. I'm not knocking you because you want to rock rough and tough with your afro puffs, so don't knock me because I like diamond and pearls and all the things in between.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I've Changed For You

So you met a guy and things are going well between the two of you, things are just peachy keen expect for the fact that he plays video games too much or he's a workaholic. Whatever the case maybe, you perceive his behavior as a problem and since it's a problem in your mind you believe that you can fix or change his ways to your liking. Let me save you sometime and energy, trying to change someone to what you want them to be is an epic fail. People are going around trying to get their Dr. Phil on and using the excuse of I'm trying to change someone for the better, are losing at life.

What really boggles my mind is that folks really think that the person they've decided to enter into a relationship with is going to be willing to change, just because they're now in a relationship with you. First of all you knew before y'all got together that you didn't like the fact he hung out too much in the streets or his mama was nosy, would be in you guy's business all the time and he would listen everything she said like it was the new gospel. You knew all these things from jump street, you pretended like all this didn't bother you but now that y'all are together all of a sudden things/he has to change. Well, I'm saying flag on the play the problem isn't him, its you!  You can't change the rules of the game in the middle of the game. If you started off playing basketball you can't start playing football in the middle of the game, and then get mad at everyone else  because they're confused by you and still want to play basketball.

You can't go around trying to change folks just so they can fit into this mold of the person you want them to be or the one that's in your head. Things don't work that way and it's a complete waste of time trying to do so. Unless that person has some kind of serious problem that is detrimental to their life and to the lives of the people around them. For example they have a drug problem and its to the point that they could be on an episode of AE's Intervention, then by all means help that person and try to change them for the better. Now as I was saying, trying to change your mate's behavior because you don't like it, is a waste of time and maybe you should just find someone else you don't have to change. For one thing did you ever think that this person doesn't want to change or doesn't see the need to do so. As we all know trying to change someone that doesn't want to change never works, ask Whitney Houston's mom she spent half of the 90's doing that and look at what it got her. Also with you doing all this to change someone, the person you're trying to change isn't being the real them. They going to try to be the person you want them to be, but that person isn't the real them. Hence, your relationship is a facade its full of trickery and optical illusions because the other person is trying to be who you want them to be and not who they really are. All I'm trying to say is loving someone compasses loving all of them and taking that person for who they are at face value. It's about taking that person for who they are and not what you want them to be or should be.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

This is a little PSA for people you know that love taking trips down memory lane, if you know someone like this please pass this message along.

Have you ever met someone who is always talking about the good old days? They're always talking about how great things use to be or how great they were once upon a time, they live their current lives totally in the past.  I don't understand people like this, they are like aliens to me. The constant need to remind people about what you accomplished 5 years ago or whenever it was that you thought you were great, is just annoying as hell. Especially if the people who you're telling this to wasn't around to witness you at you're greatest.

Not only is it annoying, its kind of pathetic that you get you jollies from talking about what you use to do and who you use to be. Look some people do peak earlier than others and okay that's cool, but what are you doing with your life right now? I'm going to tell you a little something, yesterday's hits won't win today's game. Living in the past won't help you present and it damn sure won't jump start your future. They're those that say you have to look to your past to figure out your present and not to make the same mistakes you did back then in your future. I do believe that to be to true but what I'm talking about are those people  who constantly talk about when they won the state championship. Or they still have their senior picture as their profile pic on facebook and they graduated 10 years. What is your life about?? I don't want to hear about where you've been, I want to know where you're going. So don't let yesterday use up too much of today.   

Monday, March 14, 2011

Waiting On Superman

"I just want a boyfriend," this was a statement made by one of my friends. She went on to ramble on about, how she just wanted a boy to take her out and to have something to do on Friday nights, other than go bar hopping with us. She was tried of being single and that the single life sucked *and here's where I insert teardrops and a violin playing in the background*. As I listened to her, I understood where she was coming  from to an extent.

Yeah, maybe having a boyfriend wouldn't be a bad idea, you maybe I wouldn't have to kill my own spiders and having someone pay for my meals every once in a while would be nice. Hell having regular d!ck on deck would be nice too. Then I thought about it some more and a couple of other thoughts entered my head. Like first of all you could have all the things I just said and the things my friend wants, while being single. You've just gotta play your cards right but more importantly getting a boyfriend doesn't equal happiness. Now follow me on this, some people women are sitting around like Rapunzel in a tower, waiting on prince charming to ride up on his white horse to safe them from a life of unpleasantness, misery, and boredom. So that they can go riding off into the sunset with this man and live happily ever after. Now I've already touched on how life isn't like the movies before, so I won't go too deep into it this time around. However, I do want to say this what's left out of the story is the part that although you maybe living in this big castle with your prince. He is off with his boys playing with his toys, while your at home washing his drawers and wishing for the days when you were in your old tower.

Look it's okay to want a boyfriend at some point we all do and myself included. There's nothing wrong with wanting a boyfriend and all the things that come along with being in a relationship. Where I don't think it's okay, is when you want someone there to fill a void or to complete you. You better find that by yourself and within yourself. Nobody is going to love you better than you can love yourself. Some man isn't going to come along and rescue you from this life of misery you call the single life because often times or not you have to learn how to rescue yourself. Cause at the end of the day he just may say, he can't be your superman.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Makes You Feel So Damn Unpretty

I'm sure by now some of you have heard about Rush Limbaugh's comments about Michelle Obama's physical appearance, here's the link to those who haven't http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/02/21/rush-limbaugh-michelle-obama-food_n_826092.html. What he basically said was that the first lady is unfit to be the spokesperson for our youth because she doesn't not so good eating habits and she's not the slimmest slim jim in the box. WTF!!! Statements like this makes me want to throw my laptop against the wall. First of all Rush Limbaugh looks like he hasn't missed a meal sine 1987 and he has the nerve to call somebody unfit, chile please.  There are no words in the english language to describe how much I despise this man and that these recent comments has just exacerbates my dislike for him, I just wish he would go somewhere and stfu (shut the f@ck up).

See the first thing someone would say to defend him would be, oh but he didn't call her fat and yes those words didn't actually come out of his mouth but that's what the hell he meant. When he says this :  “I’m trying to say that our First Lady does not project the image of women that you might see on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, or of a woman Alex Rodriguez might date every six months or what have you.This literally makes my want to slap the sh#t out of him, this man is nobody's Brad Pitt not even in his best days. What really makes me mad about this statement, is not the fact the man who said looks like porky the pig himself, its that this outrageous claim affects the way  some women view themselves. In my opinion Michelle Obama is not fat at all, she's a normal size just like most women in this country. You want to know what's not a normal size? The girls on the SI cover (and this isn't a diss to them) so when a man says some bs like what said Rush Limbaugh, what is the normal size woman suppose to think about this?


This way of thinking that Rush Limbaugh is demonstrating, is exactly why women have low self body images of themselves and why some are bent over toilet right now throwing up last night's dinner. This is why women are going to back alley plastic surgeons to get butt and boob implants or they're running on the treadmill damn near to the point where they're about to pass out. They're doing all these things and so much more to chase this impossible image of beauty/perfection that society or people like Rush Limbaugh are putting out there. Well, I'm here to say enough is enough. Women are literally killing themselves to look like these women on magazine covers, like the girl who died earlier this year while getting butt implants. Now I didn't know this young lady, but I'm pretty sure she wanted butt implants because that's what's hot in the streets, a phat azz. Her regular booty wasn't bring all the boys to the yard, so decided to super size that thing to get the attention from men that she wanted. This whole way of thinking right here my friends is a damn shame. What the magazines and the people pushing these images don't tell you is, half of these women don't look like that in real life and the other half that do they've gone through hell and high water to do so. They have a team of people to create this image, there's a trainer, a nutritionist, a cook, and a whole host of other folks. They're in the gym 4 hours a day. What normal woman, working a normal job with normal responsibility has the time or the means to create the same images on these magazines? I'm thinking not too many, the models on other hand can because that's their job. Their 9-5 is just that, to be thin and beautiful. 


I really wish people like Rush Limbaugh would stop going around spewing damn near unrealistic body images to women, when they are very much less than perfect themselves. This is a major problem in our community, how women view their own self body image compared to the ones they see on TV and magazines, and the links they go through to reproduce these images. So when people directly or indirectly call normal size woman fat, I just want to kick my chair and throw it out of the window. Just because someone isn't a size 2 doesn't mean they are fat  (now if you're a size 22, that's a different discussion) and when more people realize this the better off we'll all be.    


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Is This How It Goes Down In The A-Town?

So this past weekend I went out to an event in this city and I had an epiphany while I was here, there' re a lot of groupie a$$ /b@tch made n%ggas in Atlanta. Let me explain to you a little of what went on at the event. So me and my friend get to the spot at around midnight and of course there was a line to get into the venue, mind you the thing started at 10pm. So why was there still a long a$$ line?? Well, because they only had one security guard, he was checking id's, purses, and patting people down all in one scoup. There was probably 500 people at this thing, so why was there only one security guard, bets the sh#t out of me. That right there should've been an indication that the night was going to be a bust much like Lil' Kim's Black Friday mixtape. Btw, has anybody received their copy in the mail yet?

I digress, while waiting in this absurd line I saw some of the most egregious acts that a man could ever commit at this event. So there was a group of about 10-15 girls waiting at the front the line and here comes two dudes pushing their way to the front of the line. Like literally pushing girls out of the way, like move b#tch get out the way pushing. Throwing bows and everything, it was crazy I mean it was bananas (in my Ashanti voice). So when one of the girls said something to one of the dudes about them trying to bust through the line and pushing folks. His response was "I said excuse me",oh it gets much worst . She says something like "that doesn't make it okay". This son of b#tch says "Oh shut up you ugly a$$ b#tch and you're  just mad cause you don't get no d*ck" * throws keyboard on the floor and exits stage left*. At this point of the evening I just wanted Calgon to just take me away. Really, this how we're doing it in 2011? Well, I don't exactly remember what the girl said in response I think she called him a piece of sh!t, which he most certainly was. After that altercation I continued to see some more random acts of f*ckery, like the guy who was about to t.k.o this girl because she stepped on his shoes. I myself had very own encounter with a random dude, in our exchange I  ended up calling him a b!tch a$$ n*gga for trying to push his way in front of me. I'm really trying to block this out of my memory, because dude was trying to argue with me like we were dating. I just became very disgusted with the whole situation  in general, and just wanted to cry.

Is this the caliber of men we have in this city? Men who will trample over women just so they can get into a party and when you get in what are you doing, who are you dancing with? Each other, I can't . This kind of behavior just makes me think that men who act like this are gay, and not gay in the sense that they  love Lady Gaga and booty shorts gay. Instead in a sense that if you're that angry towards women, you can't possibly like them or anything about them and hence that makes you gay. I've never been so put off by a group of men in my life, I'm still rolling my eyes and shaking my head as I write this. The point of it all is that, when did men start having such little regard for women? When did this tick for tack relationship develop between the sexes? Like what part of the game is this, can somebody fill me in. I don't have the answers to these question, but maybe some of y'all do because I would really like to know.