Monday, January 31, 2011

Divorce and the Grown Children

Divorce is hard for everyone involved in them, they just all around blow a$$ chunks. But they can be especially hard on the children. I know of what I speak, since my mom and by step-dad are tossing they're marriage of 23 year down the toilet. You know it is what is it, and honestly its kind of been a long time coming. But I'm not trying to make this a tragic tale about my parent divorce, this is just something that has been on my mind for awhile. I was talking to one of my co-workers and his parents are going through a divorce too, and he made this comment, "this would've been a whole lot easier if they would've just done this when I was 7 and not now that I'm 28." I have to concur with his statement.

A lot of the time people don't get divorces when their children are young, instead they wait until their kids are grown up. Their reasoning for this is that it would be too hard on the kids at such a young age, so they stay together and try to work things out. In a way that's real noble of them putting their children best interest first, but I also think that staying in a marriage just for your children is also an epic fail. Because if you two have serious problems, those problems just start to manifest in other ways and you just wind up making your children miserable and just as unhappy as you maybe.


When the kids are young and a divorce happens, parents tend to handle the situation with finesse; the kiddy gloves are on. They try to make the experience as smooth and painless as possible, they at least try to be civil in front of their kids. I'm amusing that they're attempting to protect their kids because they're too young to understand what's really going on or they just want the kids to have the same love for each parent as they always did. Well I wish this same courtesy would be given even when the children are adults. See when the kids are grown, all caution is thrown to the wind, the gloves are coming off and there will be bloodshed. Parents at this point start telling you how they really feel about one another, I guess they figure you're grown and can take the truth. Well damnit I can't handle the truth, so lie to my a$$. I don't want to hear about how mom was Marvin Gaye's groupie when you met her, or that dad has been using Vigara for the last 4 years (I'm not saying my folks have been saying such things). Is this information needed?  This is just a classic case of when keeping it real goes wrong , I can't handle such realness. The same coworker was telling me that he recently went over to his dad's new place, which calls "the ultimate bachelor pad." He said it was equipped with a bearskin rugs, red light bulbs, and martini bar (because that's what all the ladies want).  Then his dad want the two of them to hit the club and "get up on some b*tches" to quote his dad, he said just can't handle this new version of his dad and that night at the club (yeah they went) it was one of the saddest things he's ever witness in his life.

Look parents we know your getting a divorce and that we maybe grown. Although we understand what's going on, we still don't need to know everything. The courtesy you would've given us at 7 can still be applied at 27 because we are still your children. We don't want to take sides, no matter who's fault it is that the marriage is ending. The gruesome details of the marriage are not needed, save that drama for your friends. So with that being said divorce is difficult on the kids regardless of what age it occurs, so sometimes the kiddy gloves are still needed.  

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